Oh, my stars and garters.
I was walking down a long and lonesome road when three hundred hooligans jumped on me. They started beating me up, clapping all the way.
So I did what I always do. I started clapping back and beat them back.
After going through 150 of them, one major badass dragged his sister, whom I've never seen before, into the fray.
Our eyes met, and suddenly I have this urge to plant a tree. It started raining, which is a fertility symbol and it means that we're fucking, and we started singing with seven thousand backup dancers and a whole wardrobe change - to signify the passage of time.
Then the brother interrupted our reverie and started shooting at me. Along with 100,000 extras that just appeared out of nowhere.
I whipped out my gun and started shooting them one by one.
Then, I ran out of bullets. So I caught a bullet fired at me in the chambers of my revolver and fired it back. I did that a few times.
Suddenly, I find myself facing three people, but with only one bullet left.
So I fired and threw my knife at them. The knife hit the middle guy square on the forehead. And the bullet split on the blade and killed the other two flanking him.
I got two other guns and started chasing after the brother.
He went into a tractor and shrugged - causing him and the tractor to clear a wall.
So I thre one of the guns over the wall and shot the trigger with my other gun. The shot from the gun that was in the air hit him square in the back.
"Ane!" He shouted.
So his brother came.
I shouted, "Ane!" too. And soon, Ultraman Zopi, Ultraman Joe, Ultraman Taro, Ultraman Ace and Ultraman Tiga appeared. Along with Jackie Schroff who was confined to a rocking chair throughout this story. He's not the only guy who has anes.
They battled the ane monster. And they killed it.
So I wanted to get it on with the girl, but then her father showed up and declared her a shakti.
Enraged, I travelled through time and beat up Kublai Khan. Then I met Vijay Khan, who taught me Kalari Varma.
Using that and Eckhart Tolle's New Age philosophies, I became a Zen-Master.