Friday, February 21, 2014

Balls to the Wall

I'm a straightforward person. I do not lie. I am not sneaky and if I ever feel the need to attack someone, I do it full frontal (with ample nudity).

However, I live in a world where a lot of people are afraid of confrontation or even being upfront. I live in a world of cowards.

I was one, until I was 17 and discovered my world was not as I thought it was. That underneath a facade of normalcy, things slithered and slimed their way into the empty heads of people.

I will always tell the truth. I tell you my intentions at the start of everything. With conviction. I tell you what I will do and then I do it. This is one of the reasons I am the Best in the World.

Other, lesser, inferior people, think they're being smart by jumping precariously from one risky thing to the other, avoiding confrontation and being straightforward because they all have no balls.

Meanwhile, I live by the sword and die by the sword. Cause you know why? The fuck I have to lose?

I have nothing. I am not rich. I don't have money, I'm not paying for any property or car. I don't have a wife or kids. If I die prematurely, I die alone. And that's how I fucking roll.

What the fuck do I have to lose? My reputation? As a what? I am the Best in the World not by reputation, but by fact. By hard work and by having and using the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century.

People won't like me? Sure, man. I'm sure everyone loves being lied to. And the adoration, the approval of people?

I became the Best in the World not because of you. I AM the Best IN SPITE of you. Despite ALL the bullshit all of you fuckers threw my way, I'm STILL standing here yelling fuck the free world.

I have done and accomplished more things in my 11 years of working than any and all of you have ever done or will ever do in ALL your lifetimes COMBINED. I am a multi-discipline prodigy, a renaissance man of the 21st Century. The greatest, the brightest motherfucker who ever fucked your mother.

Suck my dick while I'm pissing!

Bagaimana Menjadi Kaya

Tahun Baru Cina lepas, aku balik kampung. Aku tengok bapak aku, yang sepatutnya pakai kerusi roda, masih cuba gagahkan diri berjalan perlahan-lahan. Aku geleng kepala, tapi nak cakap apa?

Walaupun dah kena stroke 4-5 kali, bapak aku masih boleh berjalan dan masih menyumpah Anwar Ibrahim bila dengar nama dia kat TV. Bapak aku penyokong kuat UMNO dan Barisan Nasional. Right wing gila-gila punya. Mati hidup balik pun dia tak akan undi pembangkang.

Ini menyebabkan aku selalu bertekak dengan dia, masa dia sihat dulu. Pasal aku neutral, dan kepada seorang penyokong parti politik, seorang yang neutral juga bermakna aku menentang. Sama la macam penyokong pembangkang yang sesuka hati fikir aku macai UMNO pasal aku Melayu dan aku tak buta tuli nak sokong pembangkang. Aku tengok isu, dan aku tahu bila pukimak politician ni semua menipu.

Aku jugak perhatikan yang pemimpin masyarakat yang sebenar - mereka yang benar-benanr membina komuniti mereka tanpa meminta ganjaran dan sogokan wang ringgit lama-lama akan jadi macam bapak aku. Takde langsung macam orang kaya-kaya dekat KL dengan rumah banglo kat Damansara Heights atau apartment RM50 juta kat KLCC.

Bapak aku telus, dan dia tak pernah bertukar sokongan. Tak macam skim penipuan pelacuran di KL ni. Ramai mereka yang menyokong pembangkang akan mula menjadi penyokong kerajaan yang gila babi sebaik disogok wang ringgit. Ramai ahli pembangkang sekarang bertukar parti semata-mata sebab sudah tiada peluang untuk merompak wang titik peluh rakyat biasa macam bapak aku kalau masih dalam Barisan Nasional.

AKu perhatikan dua-dua belah pihak kerajaan dan pembangkang sebagai benda paling hina dalam dunia.

Semasa aku datang ke KL pada tahun 1998, aku sedar dengan kekayaan si celaka-si celaka di sekeliling aku. Perompak-perompak wang rakyat yang datang daripada kedua belah percaturan politik - Kerajaan DAN Pembangkang. Semuanya anjing pukimak mak bapak dia dan babi sondol menyudu longkang, penghisap jubur profesional dengan bermulut busuk.

Pada beberapa kali dalam hidup aku, aku berfikir dengan serius - mahukah aku hidup dengan memiliki apartment The Binjai berharga RM50 juta? Mahukah aku ada drebar dengan kereta Bugatti Veyron?

Mahukah aku dihisap konek oleh gadis-gadis terdesak yang hauskan peluang untuk menjadi kaya raya, lantas berenang di kolam renang di dalam rumah di OneKL?

Jawapannya, ya.

Soalan kedua ialah, mahukah aku menghulurkan lubang jubur taikku untuk dijilat dan dijolok sama ada secara figuratif atau literal, nyata atau proverbial oleh watak-watak seperti Anwar Ibrahim atau yang lebih teruk lagi?

Sebab ini ialah jalan terpantas untuk menjadi kaya - menghulur jubur sambil lidahku ligat menjilat lubang jubur taik para ahli politik yang KESEMUANYA jauh lebih bodoh daripada aku?

Aku berfikir lama. Ada dalam lima-enam tahun.

Selepas itu aku memutuskan, aku punyai batasan dan akan cuba menjadi kaya dengan hanya menggunakan kehebatan otak aku. Aku akan cari makan dengan cara yang halal. Sekiranya aku masih miskin pada akhir percubaan atau hujung nyawa aku, maka aku terpaksa redha dan mengiktiraf bahawa mereka yang menjilat dan menghisap lubang jubur taik para ahli politik sambil lidah mereka dimasukkan jauh melepasi rectum sambil mencecah ketulan-ketulan taik di dalam usus besar sebenarnya lebih pandai daripada aku.

Sebab makan taik akan memberikan kau segala kemewahan dalam dunia ini. Mana mungkin aku akan dapat kontrak-kontrak dengan bayaran setimpal untuk kerja aku yang selalunya berlipat kali ganda nilainya daripada nilai yang tertera? Mana mungkin dunia ini adil dan menghargai seorang genius seperti aku? Terutamanya dunia Melayu yang dipenuhi berukera penjilat jubur taik yang Maha Berkuasa?

Tun Sri Lanang memasukkan kisah Hang Nadim ke dalam Sejarah Melayu sebab aku rasa dia fikir keadaan ini adalah masalah orang Melayu - takutkan orang yang bijak seperti aku. Ini juga amaran untuk orang seperti aku dan bapak aku - tiada niat yang baik yang tidak dihukum.

Bapak aku tak pernah kaya, tak pernah faham apakah maknanya menjadi seorang yang benar-benar kaya. Bagi bapak aku, RM20,000 ialah sejumlah wang yang amat besar.

Bapak aku membuka kampung tempat kami semua duduk sekarang. Bapak aku tak pernah menipu orang. Bapak aku menolong orang dan habuannya ialah kebencian dan sifat dengki mereka yang ditolong. Apabila menolong binatang, binatang akan rasa kecil sebab ditolong, sebab ada orang difikirkannya lebih mulia daripadanya, maka hasilnya ialah perasaan marah dan benci akibat ego yang mengecil.

Aku rasa, pengakhiran aku akan jadi seperti bapak aku. Aku tak heran pun. Aku dah melepaskan impian rumah banglo besar di tengah KL, atau apartment duplex mewah dengan kolam renang di dalam rumah.

Aku cuma ingin pulang ke kampung dan menjaga mak bapak aku, sekiranya mereka masih hidup. Jika tidak, aku hanya mahu balik kampung dan menunggu mati.


Saturday, February 8, 2014

Flu Fighter: Notes on the Run

I'm slipping in and out of consciousness due to the meds I am taking for this flu. So before I go to bed, I find a need to talk to you about Miley Cyrus, the new marketing bullshit and Alvivi.

Last year, I remember having lunch paid for by a guy who owes me money. The guy is old school business and we got to talking about Miley Cyrus. He believed the poor girl's career is over due to some bad decisions. I told him I believed she was just taking Paris Hilton's marketing strategy to the next level.

Hilton, I told him, was a nothing. Who the fuck gave a shit about her until she probably leaked her own porn?

After that, she had a few reality shows, a chain of clubs, was courted by some shady people with money - including one Malaysian dude - an album, starred in some of the worst movies ever made by mankind (yes, even worse than Tanda Putera) and got paid to support her lavish lifestyle. Just from one sex video. And who can forget Kim Kardashian? She built an entire entertainment empire off her own sex video.

The guy had some problems processing this, so I let him off the hook. I have not left him off the hook for owing me money, but there's no reason to explain complex modern economics to a traditionalist. Miley Cyrus had no problems and is now worth 150 million. USD. over 300,000 tweets per minute during her crazy VMA performance, amounting to 4.5 million tweets total for the show. Her album went to number 5. You know how difficult that is?

Miley is NOT on the top 10 list of richest female celebs last year simply because she didn't tour. If she did, I dunno, maybe. The market is fickle and anyone who claims to know for sure is either Simon Cowell or an idiot impostor.

This is perhaps why Alvin and Vivian - the duo known as Alvivi - released their own sex tape. Why did Kardashian and Hilton make hundreds of millions off their sex tape and Alvivi only had people judging them and telling them they suck, have bad teeth and they suck? Did I mention they suck?

The problem, I believe, is timing. The mechanics today, in Malaysia, in order to capture money from attention is not as advanced as it is in the West. It's soon catching up, but it won't be until a few years from now when people like James Lee and others can pave the way here.

Number two - Alvivi do not create anything except buzz. Where's your product, bitch? Where's your webshow? Where's your t-shirt? Where's your money-raking Youtube channel? Where's your downloadable ringtone?

This is where Gen Y fails. This is where America failed earlier this century. If your only product is buzz, if marketing is your entire production, and your system is not advanced enough to get money just from your 15 minutes, you are fucked.

Alvivi had the right idea, but they missed one crucial step - what the fuck are you selling? What? You think you're gonna get movie roles and write books and people will buy that shit?

Do you even know how much they pay actors? Which publisher is going to take you? You wanna self-publish? Good luck not getting banned in Malaysia. Kindle? What?

Goddamned delusional wanking bullshit artists.

You remember the movie Pain and Gain? Arguably Michael Bay's best movie, but not my favourite (it's Armageddon), the thing shows what kind of crazy self-help business-class guru can tell you that being crazy and stupid and half-assed is the way to become a millionaire.

Recently, I see some self-help books in Malay talking the EXACT SAME SHIT the popular '90s business books were telling. And Malaysian businessmen doing what the businessmen and women of the '90s corporate America did - pretend you have success and success will come to you. Even if you can't afford it, buy that sports car, that lavish bungalow and business will come your way.

I have to say, in this sense, I am a traditionalist. I'm in new media, but I remember the dotcom bubble of the '90s, when all these frauds got caught and American venture caps lost billions thinking they're backing the next Google or Apple. Fuck you.

See, I study why things fail, because I see myself as Karnak from the Inhumans. The dotcom bubble burst simply because there were so many bullshit companies selling bullshit. Really, man. Just read up the Times and Forbes magazines of that era. People were getting paid millions a year just to be a 'team player' while not doing any work. Companies were not making anything, had no business models and were not selling anything but the image of modern business. Fuck that shit.

I come from a swamp, motherfucker! I do not identify with any image, but with the core substance of anything - a person, a company, a whole fucking industry, a generation.

You are getting money from something, or you are not. There is a transaction of buying and selling. Goods and services change hands for funds. Basic. There is no magic.

You wanna do business? What you selling, Willis? Vitamin pills? A blowjob? Does the price cover your cost plus margins? Go read wikipedia - there's more business self-help there than you could read in a year. Keynesian economics? Norwegian economics? Go fucking read, bitches.

And this brings us to, as always, multi-level marketing.  MLMs. I HATE MLMs with the intensity of a thousand suns. Why? Because they have created a system where you - the seller - become the biggest captive consumer target market. And you fucking fell for it! You fucking idiots! I should just kill you out of principle.

MLMs play with people's beliefs, their hopes and dreams, and instead of killing them, these MLMs just leave them as financial husks who then rob other people's homes in the true spirit of '90s commercialism.

This is why, even in business, I have never lied. My business is the truth, because I am the light and the way.