Friday, December 31, 2010

So Long, Suckers!

In another hour, 2010 will be over, and 2011 will begin. I intend to sleep through the whole shebang.

The passing of time means nothing to me. And oh, yes, I understand it may mean a lot to you, and in no way am I saying you are stupid with my previous statement about my own personal beliefs. I never do that. Whenever I explain my beliefs, it has nothing to do with you.

I do not believe in magic. I do not mean that anyone who does is stupid. I do not believe in marriage, but that does not mean I believe all who do are stupid. Same with everything else.

I am not calling you stupid just because I express my own beliefs.


See, I don't need to infer anything. You do. Why? Cause YOU ARE STUPID.

And thus ends 2010 (MY 2010, not yours) with a nap! I end my turn.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Merry Christmas Again!

DAP Smear!

I don't know whether to laugh at the Ultramen dancing to the tune, the corny lyrics or the derivative melody of this DAP song.

To those not in the know, DAP is an opposition party in Malaysia. They're from the left, but their leanings are hardly leftist. If that makes any sense. In Malaysia, nothing hardly does.

Diebus Fatalibus

I lay me down to sleep...

I pray my soul, is mine to keep.

And never step outside this bed...

Into all the evil, now back from the dead.

He's here!

Gramoxone! (Another Year-End Roundup)

There's a thing about doing early year-end round-ups that leave a whole lot still left unsaid.

I have whined about how bad this year was to me and my family. Really, it was a culmination of a few bad years, really, as well as bad decisions, betrayals and whatnot.

And 2010 is still not done yet. I am not scared of 2010. It is not the year that is bad, but simply shit happens.

I did not, however, take into account the good things that happened this year.

The second movie I wrote for KRU, Magika, opened to a better-than-expected reception. I would often have very low expectations for my work. In fact, it won Best Film at FFM 23 - a gong that is more valuable to me than if I was nominated for Best Screenplay and had won it.

Meanwhile, MySpy won Best Comedy, beating even Magika in that category. I am actually happy with how that one turned out. I set out to do a Chow Sing Chi homage and the team didn't do a half-bad job, if I do say so myself.

Next year, on March 10, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa will be out. This completes my KRU trilogy of produced movies. There are others, including Ribbit which is a 3D animation feature.

This year, is also the year I discovered certain things, and how some matters were made clear to me. Keeping an open mind at times helped identify new things and new people. I keep mine closed most of the time, for all the bullshit people try to pull on me.

Some old acquaintances are dusted off and given a new coat of varnish. I am working out some projects with these people, and we shall see where all this is heading.

I took three days leave this week, simply to catch a breather. I have been working non-stop for months, that I neglected my sleep and health. I do not want to be hospitalised again as that would take me away from my work.

In the next few days, I will be arranging and rearranging stuff for next year. There is no way I can churn out good work while doing a lot of things at the same time. I have learned again my limits.

The first time I did this, was simply to learn how much work I could do. This was in 2006. I was juggling my previous job at The Malay Mail, writing a book, poems to be read on TV, did the prototypes for three magazines and reacquainted myself with the production world I left in 2003 after a very brief stint.

I discovered that yes, I can do a lot of work.

This time, it is about quality. I will maximise my time, in order to write better stuff. Stuff that could support my family and myself for 2011, perhaps beyond. I offer no more freebies.

Some people have approached me to write a few books, and I am considering that. I have yet to write a book-sized non-fiction effort, and there is my unfinished sexual thriller which concerns a journalist/private-eye investigating the death of a kept woman, falling in love with the dead girl in the process.

There are several shows on the cards. A few movie offers, but I am only going to do things I want to do. I will pick and choose my projects, preferrably ones where I can have more creative control.

I am happy to report that I have no intentions of acting. Or performing in anything. I'm not a singer or an actor. My craft is the invisible craft and I would like it to remain so. I of course would like to be credited fairly for my own work, but I have no desire to expand my horizons into performing. I have enough drama with my family to fairly detest it in any other form.

So, in terms of writing, I was leaning more towards fiction this year. My job at the newspaper having fulfilled any need to write factual stuff. I don't know how this will be next year.

To be honest, I do not know, nor do I wish to know what will happen in 2011. An election, perhaps? Which may spell doom for some enterprises. A tsunami, because the gays have risen?

I do know this - as Lord of Destruction, I am privvy to some bits of information - that whatever it is, things will continue to change. Everything changes. People come and go. Friends and enemies come and go. The only constant in my life, is myself.

2010 has been a year when I worked mostly on myself. I discarded some childish notions and unleashed a dark side of myself which I should not have kept hidden or suppressed.

Perhaps the greatest revelation in 2010, amidst all the trials and tribulations, is the fact that no one in the universe can make me feel, do or be anything other than myself. And knowing that self, was liberating.

I am not gay or anything. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'm just not. I just realised the kind of power I wield, just as myself.

With this, comes freedom.

May everyone pay the devil his due.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Baru Lepas Pancut

Aku baru nak menulis pasal hipokrisi dan agama, bila aku sedar yang aku ni dah kenyang, dan baru lepas pancut.

Aku dah tak peduli.

Pergi mampus sama mereka. Muahahaha.

Aku dah tua. AKu bukan budak muda yang terkial-kial cuba membuat semua orang mengiktiraf yang aku betul dan mereka salah. Ego aku dah tak sekuat dulu.

Maaf, persoalan siapa betul dan siapa salah bukan lagi benda paling penting dalam hidup aku. Jubur aku penting. Konek aku penting. Perut aku penting. Aku dah kenyang, aku dah pancut. Apa lagi aku nak?

Agama orang? Kepercayaan orang? Semua bodoh belaka.

Agama A cakap Agama B bodoh. Agama B cakap Agama C bodoh. Tak habis-habis. Sebenarnya, Agama tak cakap agama lain bodoh. Penganut yang lebih Tuhan daripada Tuhan yang cakap agama lain salah.

Bagi aku, semua salah. Termasuk ateis. Ateis Jati dah lama mampus. Ateis Kuntum pulak tak lama lagi nak mampus dengan Penjejak Badai.

Biar je si penganut yang lebih Tuhan daripada Tuhan ni terjerit-jerit.

Tapi, kau perlu ingat, siapa yang jadikan dia Tuhan.

Orang macam kau jugak, yang menyembah apa yang mereka kata. Semua Tuhan dalam semua agama dan kepercayaan sudah kalah kepada Tuhan baru yang Maha Berkuasa - Orang Lain.

Maka sembahlah orang lain. Pujalah mereka, dan kata-kata mereka.

Semoga semua mendapat balasan yang setimpal dengan amalan masing-masing.

Aku? AKu baru lepas pancut, lepas tu makan nasi kandar. Aku dah kenyang, dan aku dah puas.

Sekarang, aku nak tido. Malam ni banyak kerja.

Sins of the Father

There are lots of 'Papas' in my life right now.

Papa Rich, which has become my cafe of solitude. I ate there almost everyday the past few months, that I decided to stay away from that kopitiam for a few weeks, and I did. The last time I was there, was to attend a meeting for another one of my hare-brained schemes.

There's Papa John's, which has become my favourite pizza place. Not for the service, but for the pizza. And here's to hoping that Papa John's servers don't read this and spit on my food next time I'm there.

Thank the Lawd no one is calling me Papa. I'd fucking kill anyone who calls me that.

And as soon as I can afford it, I'm snipping my ductus sperma or whatever to ensure I will never be a father.

It's fucked up, man.

Breeding, which arguably has its uses, has been turned into a status symbol of sorts by people who fail at everything - fail in their exams, fail in their lives, fail at an IQ test, everything - to finally be able to succeed in showing to the world, here lies a virile ego, ripe for the taking.

What stupid fucking nonsense is this bullshit? And I'm saying this from experience, bra.

I meet up with old acuqaintances and they immediately get threatened by me. I am moderately successful in my field, but that was not it. They get threatened because I am not in awe of their successful breeding.

Friend: Behold! My son! My progeny! I am a success!

Me: How so?

Friend: Well, I have a child. Do you have a child? No you do not have a child.

Me: Not that I know of. And?

Friend: Therefore I am better than you! My ego is superior than your ego!

Me: Right.

Friend: You!

Me: Yes? Is this taking any longer? Cause I need to chase you out so I could masturbate.

Friend: You do not cower before my successful mating! But why?

Me: I'm... just not impressed with all this.

I mean, sure, the guy wasted tens of thousands of ringgit, landing himself in debt to feed people he didn't even like and buy bullshit so that his mate can gloat to the other girls. I'm talking about the wedding.

And sure, he went through a lot of pain rearranging his life and has now taken a new vocation - Shit-Wiper.

In fact, all parents should be re-designated as Shit-Wiper and Urine-Toucher.

Yes, I understand.

But I'm sorry. I'm just not impressed. It's not something I appreciate. It's like me going to a bunch of rempits and cracking some jokes about obscure anime like the Ping Pong Club or Ouran High School Host Club. Or even Yu Gi Oh! Which has sold over 20 BILLION cards worldwide. They just won't get it.

It was like the other day when I was explaining how I cracked the code on how to make websites profitable. It wasn't me, I just regurgitated some shit some experts did, which actually makes a lot of sense, but my Lawd! That was painful.

Or when I tried explaining hydrogen fuel cells and alternative energy to a complete idiot who was going on and on about bamboo crafts.

Just wrong audience, bra.

Look, when I get older, I will not have kids to leech off from. That is not how I want to spend my life - manipulating other people with guilt so that they would give me money and inflate my ego. I have seen this happen with some old people, it's not pretty and it will never end well.

I will most probably end up dead somewhere, with no one around me, which is cool. Or the Malaysian authorities will wisen up and realise that the seeds of destruction which I sowed many years ago are one of the reasons why the society is going for a very violent time soon. They will come and kill me. Which is cool.

See, my concerns are very different. I am not 14. I no longer have the need for people to look up to me and approve of my choices. I do not need to belong or find my place in society.

My place is here, with me.

I do not covet your life or what you have. Or what others have. I only wish to enjoy my time, before I have to go. And I want to go, eventually. Immortality through having children is stupid and selfish.

I do not look back at my parents and my ancestors and feel, or rather fool myself into thinking I am part of something bigger. I am already part of something bigger, and that part is called the universe.

I don't need a stupid chart with lines and names on it, so that I could know my place. My place is what I make it to be. I assert reality around me. My existence deforms the universe.

Long story short, people have stopped parading their children in front of me. One reason is I smoke around kids. I don't care. Not my kids. And I have little patience for them anyway.

But the main thing is that I remain unamazed and untrembling before the fact that these people - despite failing everything else in life - managed to bring another life into this world. I believe that that is the best pre-requisite for parenting.

Ah, fuck it. My genes end here. I am the last of my kind. There shall be no more. And even though the world will host no more Omega-level geniuses like me, I am soothed by the fact that I will not have any child that has to pay for what I have done during my time.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Yu Gi Oh!

Man, I have been watching a lot of Yu Gi Oh, and playing the game. I don't have enough money to play the actual card game, so I play the computer version.

The anime is also making me want to challenge people to card duels all day long. Not a healthy obsession.

Anyway, fuck off to all-a-you motherfuckers. I'm hitting the sack.

The Heart of the Cards: Last Warrior from Another Planet

Years ago, I made a wish. I wished that I would be a writer, and that I would be paid for my writing.

Me: I summon La-Jinn - The Spirit of the Lamp!

And I wrote, hard. I have written anything and everything I could conceive. Books, magazines, newspapers, animations, poetry, advertisements, movies, TV series, proposals and Press releases. Even software, search engines and artificial intelligence.

Me: Dark Magician Knight! Attack Berserk Dragon with Sword of Dark Magic Attack!

There is nothing that I have not written. Every single writing discipline has different requirements, and I have tried my hand at them all.

Sure, I made a wish, and doors were opened to me. But there was also hard work. I was hospitalised four times in my career. I coughed up blood and black phlegm from all the smoking. Every eight months, I had to go to the hospital for nebuliser treatments. This was before I learned the benefits of meditation. It has been 16 months, and I have yet to make a single trip to the hospital for nebuliser treatments.

My weight yo-yoed. I slept three hours a day almost every day for six-month long stretches. So much so, that when I finally slept for eight hours, I couldn't walk when I woke up.

Me: I activate Cyber-Stein's effect! By sacrificing 5000 life points, I can summon any fusion monster on to the field. I choose Last Warrior from Another Planet!

I will most probably die before I reach 40. But then again, only the good die young. I am not good. I am the best at what I do.

And what I do, is to write what I want to write at the moment. Nothing and no one can force me to write or do anything.

In these trying times, I can only rely on one person - myself. And I can only bank on two things - my wit and my will.

Let the others worry about magic and hocus-pocus. Let the rest be consumed with petty politics and dishonesty. Their jealousy and their pettiness.

When the dust finally settles, all I have with me are what I have worked and sacrificed for.

Me: I'll resurrect a monster's SOOOOUUULLLL from the graveyard! Monster Reborn!

Tonight, I was again offered to write whatever I want to write. The field is open as far as the eye can see. I appreciate the fact that while others dream it, just like me, I live it.

Thank you, whatever you are.

I end my turn.

Monday, December 27, 2010

If Life Was Like a Yu-Gi-Oh Cartoon: Lunch of Doom

I went to the mamak restaurant just now.

Mamak: I summon Kari Kambing in attack mode! 1600 attack points! And I set three cards in face down position.

Me: My turn. I play my magic card Pot of Greed and draw two more cards. I play Graceful Charity and draw three cards, discarding two. I play a monster in face down defence position. I set three cards face down and end my turn.

Mamak: I summon Nasi Lebih in attack position! When Nasi Lebih and Kari Kambing are on the field, I activate their effect and summon Ayam Goreng! I equip the card Fried Egg of Despair on Kari Kambing, raising its attack to 2600 points!

Me: Huh? Can't be...

Mamak: Now! Kari Kambing! Attack his face down monster!

Me: I activate the trap card Negate Attack, ending your battle phase!

Mamak: Uhhh... that was a good attack. I end my turn.

Me: Now, I FLIP SUMMON! My monster Cyber Jar destroys all monsters on the field and we each draw five cards, summoning all four-star monsters or below to the field immediately.

Amir summons three Slate Warriors and one Gemini Elf with an attack of 1900 each to the field. Mamak has none.

Me: Now, I sacrifice Gemini Elf to bring Jinzo onto the field. I equip Jinzo with United We Stand, increasing his attack points by 3200 points! Plus, Mage Power for an additional 2500 attack points! He is at 8100 attack points! Now, I equip him with Fairy Meteor Crush!

Mamak: Oh no!

Me: Jinzo! Attack his life points directly!

Mamak: I activate Scapegoat! Now I have four sheep tokens on the field!

Me: Huhuhu. You forget. The Fairy Meteor Crush card allows me to subtract the defence points of your monsters from Jinzo's attack points and attack your life points directly. Since your Sheep Tokens have 0 attack and 0 defence, I inflict 8100 damage! You lose!

Mamak: How can this be?

Me: Huhuhuhu.

Mamak: I activate... Intestinal Crush trap card!

Me: What's this? You're activating a Trap?

mamak: I may lose now, but you will be infected.

Me: Oh now! All that fiber I absorbed is makiing me wanht to take a dump! Owhhh! I'm in pain!

Mamak: Feel the wrath of Mamak!

It took a superhuman effort, but I managed to get home and have one of the greatest shits in history.


2010: Bullshit Year

I'll be the first to tell you that I'm scared.

Knees shaking and shit.

Things didn't turn out too well in 2010.

My father's situation is on a steady decline. He started mouthing off random shit since early last year and it has progressed somewhat.

The doctors keep trying some small switches in medication. Every time they do that, I research what each drug does. Some are to improve his balance by targeting his inner ear. Some lowers cholesterol. Others affect the viscosity of his blood. And then he's got one each for all his conditions. He's on a cocktail of 11 different pills. That's a lot.

I was hoping that 2010 would see some sort of improvement, but I don't think it's happening.

Some of my other family members are facing some of the toughest times of our lives. Not saying we're screaming or yelling in anguish, but each of us made arrangements in our own manner.

Land was purchased, and construction may be started. There shall be a re-arranging of living arrangements and accomodations.

There are court cases, which apparently has been brewing since three years ago or thereabouts.

There are three very young members of the family to think about.

As a family, we are not as free as we were say, five years ago. Each has done what he or she needed to do, regardless of what bullshit other people threw our way. Regardless of what crisis or problems that has drained our energy, finances and emotional well-being.

Ever thought why I went for New Age philosophy? Cause if it wasn't for self-discovery, I would be in the loony bin right now. No mere mortal can cope with these things without either going for full-on denial or developing a strong enough mental, emotional and spiritual sense to weather each and every storm.

Now, I'm not saying we are facing the most difficult time amongst all families. This is not a competition to see who is in more pain. If it is, then I'd gladly lose. I'm just sharing what kind of shit I'm going through.

And we have NEVER used any of our connections to make miracle money. I'm starting to wonder, why not?

But that is not even an option for me.

I play by my own rules, and stand by my own beliefs. I'll live by my words, and die by them. It's all I have, in the end.

In the following months, I will be facing even more complicated quuestions and decisions. Like my Yu-Gi-Oh deck on my PC, I have seven different card effects/mini combos with five large ones.

Any of these five combos work, and I can breathe easier next year. Despite all the things that has happened, I am still a creature of Dream. As such, I define reality.

I call for Judgment. If there are higher powers out there, in here, wherever, be it God, Science, Eywa, Atheismo or whatever the fuck you call yourself, I call in whatever good karma I have done and hope that I can settle all this bullshit and move on with my life.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Boxing Night

I spent the past 24 hours doing mostly nothing. I did some work, but with my usual load, it's actually just a fraction.

I decided to take a break. I know my limits, and while some might push too hard, I know from experience that if I do, I would end up in the hospital and take away more of my time. And no one would visit anyway, save for some very close people.

Usually, I push for other people. I thought that being selfish was being evil, so I suppressed that part for a long time.

And it opened doors for people to try and manipulate or use me. They always end up in really bad predicaments, because I am not a simple weapon or tool they can simply wield. Anyone and everyone who has ever tried usually find themselves in really bad situations.

Not from my doing. Oh no, man. I generally just felt guilty that I did not manage to help as many people, including these idiots.

However, with the discovery that guilt is for Christians, I decided some time ago to do stuff for my own and lose the superhero dementia.

The thing is, it is possible to do anything and everything without emotion. No fear, anger, hatred, greed or any of that shit. Emotion, is like radioactive material. You can get nuclear energy out of them, and they can also mutate you - not into tight-wearing superheroes, but into slime monsters.

My journey to freedom is approaching its endgame. There are a few last moves to pull. Some stuff to complete. Some stuff to send.

And then, The Prestige.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

If Life Was Like a Yu-Gi-Oh Cartoon

I went to KFC just now.

Me: Hey! I want to order.

Server: I play this monster in defence position. And I place two cards in face down position. I end my turn!

Me: What? I play Harpie Feather Duster!

Server: I activate my trap - Magic Jammer! Now I discard one card from my hand and disable your Harpie Feather Duster!

Me: Ugh. I play Kinetic Soldier in attack mode! And I place two cards in face down position. I end my turn!

Server: Huh. I flip summon! My card is Slate Fiend which, when flipped, adds 500 more to its attack points!

Me: ... Can't be!

Server: Now, my Slate Fiend is at 2400 attack points, well above your Kinetic Soldier! Slate Fiend! Attack Kinetic Soldier now!

Me: I activate my TRAP!

Server: Huh? What?

Me: DNA Surgery allows me to turn all monsters on the field into Warrior-type. And that's not all. Kinetci Soldier's special ability allows it to increase its Attack and Defence by 2000 whenever it fights Warrior-type monsters, giving it 3350 attack points! Your Slate Fiend is destroyed!

Server loses 950 life points.

Server: Huhhhhh...

Me: What do you have to say for yourself now?

Server: I... activate Slate Fiend's effect! Your monster loses 500 attack points!

Me: Hah. I believe it is my turn...

Server: How... did you become so strong?

Me: Hmph! A deck is usually 40-52 cards. My deck is 44 cards with seven different set-ups and effects. I can win using a total of five different combos. You do have a chance of beating me, but I have played this duel in my mind a million times before. There is nothing you can surprise me with. The only variable is how many turns it takes for me to take you out.

Server: Wha-?!

Me: Huhuhuhu!

To Be Continued

Merry Christmas!

We at The Malay Male wishes all the nasrani, Samawi and Majusi a Merry Christmas!

People usually kill themselves or break up during this time period, so keep yourself safe and sane.

You infidels can just mix whisky and green tea. I heard that it's a really delicious drink.

Why Straight Men Should Encourage Homosexuality

Yeah, yeah, there are other, more popular issues out there, but I just got to run my mouth about this gay shit thing.

I am a straight man who promotes homosexuality. You know why? Purely from a business angle. It takes out the competition.

The more men fucking each other means MOAR PUSSEH FOR MEH! And I loooove pussy. I'd munch on pussies all day long and all night long, if I could.

Yeah, I'm a munchin' motherfucker!

Imagine this. You're at a club. Everyone's getting drunk. All the chicks are surrounding your gay friend, not knowing he's gay and attracted to the fact that he coordinates his wardrobe and uses a three-step facial regiment religiously every night for the past 15 years.

The night moves on. Later, your gay friend is seen munching on a hideous man's face, cause his deal is he likes to fuck ugly men to feel like he's the pretty one.

All the girls now are scared and confused. See, women have this need, this desire, to feel as if their vaginas are worth something. That their vaginas can never fail.

Being stood up and ignored by a good-looking man for an ugly turd with a beer belly will send shockwaves to the roots of their ego.

This, my friends, is THE window of opportunity.

Having demonstrated, without being over-compensating, your virile heterosexual status all night long, the women with self-respect issues have nowhere to turn to other than your dick.


I believe that working together, gay men and straight men can be quite effective.

And for gay women? They are a gift from God. Do you know how hard it is to convince a straight woman to do a threesome? Do you?

I obviously don't, cause I'm a fucking virgin.

Anyway, gay women means threesomes all day, everyday!

So in conclusion, we must promote homosexuality in order to get MOAR PUSSEH!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Eve of Destruction

It will be Christmas Eve soon. Last night, I worked and then had some fun after earlier incapacitated in bed due to food poisoning. Met an old friend, with some interesting stuff.

Then, I spent the rest of the night trying to convince this girl that I'm depressed. It was no easy feat, and I ultimately failed.

"I'm depressed, really," I told her.

"You don't look depressed," she said.

"Really? What do I look like?"

"You look like someone who's having a laugh at the world."

"Maybe I am, but that kind of stuff never makes anyone happy."

"Then why are you smiling? And laughing? And why are your nipples all hard and stuff?"

"Not as hard as yours."


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Biru Burit Hitammu

Mana burit konek sakit
Kau julurkan bodohooo
Mana kelentit, keputihan
kanser buuurittt

Mana kesan air mani
Kau telankan bodohooo
Mana puting, ingin juga ku saksikan

Aku damba kebasahan
Biar pahit biar pedih
Biar biru burit hitammu

Mana pedang, kayu ria
Ku hunuskan bodohooo
Mana hilang oh kemana wahai teman

Aku rela menemanmu
Alat sulit dalam peti
Andai engkau tak takut mati

Aku rela menjuburmu
Dalam burit dalam bontot
Andai engkau tak jadi bapukkkk

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Card. Sleeve. Sleight of Hand

Now watch.

Look. Look. Look. Look. Look.


You Never Can Tell

A few months ago, I was in a deep jam. I was in trouble. Let's not go there.

Anyway, I was in trouble. Then suddenly, some people I had the most fleeting of encounters online, many, many years ago, just jumped out of the shadows and became Rescue Rangers.

I was amazed. Shocked, perhaps. I had the mental equivalent of sitting down with my mouth gaping as certain things are made good while others are made great.

And I was like, "How did this happen?" Because I make it point to ask the question when good things occur as well as when bad things do.

I remember, vaguely, as a very young man. I was 19 or thereabouts. The Malaysian Internet community was in its infancy. I was hoping to contribute to the general camaraderie and goodwill that I know will sooner or later fade from the Malaysian cyberspace. The spirit that propped up Wikipedia as a monument to humanity's kindness and ability to work together.

So, I was helpful, I guess. I fought the fights at IRC and some forums, questioning the same things I question nowadays. Thank Science I have yet to be THAT jaded.

And when I tire of the fighting and shit-chucking, I would go to some places on the web and try to be as helpful as possible. It was my contribution, and it was insignificant.

Let me explain. I am not someone who naturally seeks 'high school victory'. I did not like my time in high school and that kind of human engineering or politicking seemed to me to be too low on the evolutionary scale. I'm sorry, but I am much too arrogant and proud to sink myself that low.

So I was part of these small, isolated groups. We discussed a lot of things. There was no wikipedia back then, but there was access to some academic papers and journals, as well as Project Guttenberg - an initiative to digitize all works in the public domain.

I had downloaded significant amounts of classical text - all legal and in fact, encouraged.

So, I had something to contribute.

This small, insignificant act was forgotten. At least, I forgot about it.

Well, over 10 years later, a few months ago, some people who were part of these groups contacted me. They had traced and found me. And they gave me some of the best news of the year.

I asked them, "Why do you do all this?"

And they responded something to the effect that when we were all younger, I helped them out with their thesis, so they will return the favour with information that could be useful to me. Information that could affect decades to come.

I was, again, just amazed. Thankful, and amazed. I had thought that I pissed off more people than I could remember, but apparently, I also did some good.

And while some who proclaim to be good samaritans or honourable people, yelling in my ear almost all my adult life, begin to scramble, it is these unknowns who remembered some small, insignificant acts of kindness I did on a whim, and gave me the insight to some of the most important things on my plate right now.

Regardless of how things turn out, I will remember that Science, God, Eywa, Atheismo, whatever, works in mysterious ways. And while expecting returns for your kindness and goodwill is stupid and potentially hypocritical, you never can tell which acts you do will bite you in the ass, and which ones could take you to a whole other level.

It is best, perhaps, not to live life with hatred and evil, as some people have demonstrated to me with their own pathetic existences.

May everyone burn in hell. Except for good people. And NO, you're not one of them.

Taking Out the Garbage

For me, this year, 2010, has been about getting rid of things and people.

I used to be bothered by the misfortune that befalls other people. I do not believe this is necessary anymore. It doesn't mean I don't have to do anything about it, in fact, I believe it is time I acted solely on my instincts.

There is a charity project to build an extreme low-cost house for one family afflicted by the death of a loved one due to AIDS in Kuantan. I have identified several foundations, a group and individuals who can help.

I will be bringing them to Kuantan, perhaps in the first quarter of 2011. I have been talking about doing this kind of stuff for years now, and it is time I take action.

In fact, this is the first thing I am throwing out - my own tendency to procrastinate. Oh yes, despite my seemingly impulsive behaviour, a lot of things are calculated and set just so. There was order in chaos. A method to the madness. I may be many things, but stupid is not one of them. And even today, I always get what I want.

I'm tired of that, really. I am tired of being careful. I feel like a gay person in Malaysia. I feel like a non-fasting Malay Muslim during Ramadan.

So this time around, I'm going all out proactive and shit. Already, some light has emerged through all my digging.

I have always taken insane risks. Some blew up in my face. Others, paid off handsomely. There is no looking back. No second guessing. When I push forward, I go 100%.

Fuck all the people. They don't know what the fuck is going on. Let them run their mouths. When they're wallowing in guilt and self-pity, I'll be where I always am. On the bleeding edge.

You're talking to a man who has nothing left to lose. I'm not a millionaire. I'm not responsible for anyone. I don't owe anyone anything. Oh yeah, PTPTN. Well, fuck that, man.

This year, I was tempted several times to do some really evil things. Pure evil. I sat down with myself, even unleashed my dark side, and I did not sell my soul for any of that.

My soul is up for sale, though. US$400 million. I laugh at all these amateurs who traded theirs for so much less. If you're going to be an asshole with no principles, with no hope of achieving true happiness, you might as well be ridiculously rich.

I sleep well at night. Granted, it may be only three hours, cause I juggle so many things it makes me want to puke, but those three hours are hardcore guiltless sleep.

This year, I saw time and again how the karmic wheel works. The amount of evil you put out into the world will be returned to you tenfold. The amount of goodwill you put out will also be returned to you.

These things happened before my very eyes. There is no price, really, for your integrity and honesty. And if I die, eating garbage by the streets, I will die an honest man, eating garbage off the streets. There is no compromise.

I also got rid of my superhero dementia. I am no superhero. A demon lord, maybe, but not a superhero. I can't save anyone. They are all fucked, and there is nothing I can do about it. Oh well.

Truth. Freedom. Independence. These three got me into so much trouble. But it's the only way I want to live. I'm not like one of those cowards who pretend to be shit. I AM shit. And while some may hock their freedom and their ideals for a piece of stale pie, I'll just sell my ideas for some fresh pies.

I am the smartest man of the century. The greatest this world has ever seen. I listen to the past and see the future, while living in the present.

Fuck next year, I am carving my kingdom with my own two hands, and I will wear my crown upon a troubled brow.

Fuck the garbage. Fuck the baggage. I shrug off this yoke, and I am free.

Sexual Encounters of the Third, Fourth and Fifth Kinds

It is in my best interest, as a virile, straight, vagina-fucking Malay man, to keep quiet about all this sexual freedom uproar and backlash that has again hit our media both old and new.

I mean, it's not MY problem, right? I'm straight. I would love to lick odour-less vaginas all day long and then fuck them silly. Harussani is not going to turn his gay-dar on me or anything.

I also risk offending a lot of people, including LGBTQs. And my voice - whatever that is left of it after last night's karaoke singing - is small. I am inconsequential.

But I'm sorry, man, I just can't keep my mouth shut. I just can't.

There has been some commotion over that dude Azwan Ismail, a Malay, Muslim man who came out of the closet rather publicly.

Amir Muhammad wrote an excellent article on how he believes that perhaps the backlash is not caused by Azwan's proclaimed homosexuality, but due to his being honest about it.

He wrote:

What he did was violate a code. Not the code of sexual conduct, but the code of faham-faham ajelah or kalau ya pun, janganlah buat terang-terang. An analogy: Walk down the stairwell of any office building during a Ramadhan afternoon; you will find at least one Malay man surreptitiously sneaking a smoke. Everyone 'knows' this happens but no one makes a big fuss because there was an attempt at concealment. What Azwan did was, to some people, the equivalent of having a nasi dagang lunch during the fasting month, live on national TV. What's shocking isn't the fact but the openness.

Well, he may have a point there, and the point may very well be true and strike at the hearts - orpossibly the bottom - of the whole 'crisis'.

I sympathise with Seksualiti Merdeka's plight. They simply want the ability to be gay and happy openly. Perhaps not to shove it down everyone's throats, but to be true to themselves. Now, doesn't that sound great?

Truth be told, the whole mutant thing in the Marvel comics is an analogy for racism, and gender issues as well as sexual discrimination.

What right do we have to persecute those who are different than us? Did God, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna or Xenu ever say something like:

"And take upon you arms, and kill those fucking faggots! I hate dem faggots, and I hate dem niggaz!"

I refuse to believe that any God described as Most Merciful and preach 'turning the other cheek (in a non-sexual context, of course)' as well as spread philosophies of love, peace and happiness would have a problem with homosexuality, or any kind of consensual sexuality.

This is common sense. And if God does not fit common sense, then that God is an imperfect God, and that is impossible.

It is usually our own imperfections that we bring to the fore, not God's. God has been abused for so long. Blah blah blah.

Anyway, going back to pragmatism. I believe that all this will either come to nothing or will score another win for the extremists. I hope that there will be no bloodshed or further denials of freedom.

I really do.

But sensing our penchant fro needless drama... well... good luck!

Wikiped Needs YOU(R MONEY)!

I am a voracious reader. And I say that with pride, arrogance, megalomania and a swell in my crotch.

I am proud of my knowledge, no matter how useless SOME PEOPLE think it is.

A major source of this knowledge, is Wikipedia - the peer-reviewed online encyclopedia that covers almost everything.

I read around 20-100 pages everyday, on topics as varied as the history of radio to comic book characters. Right now, I have around 200 tabs open on my three browsers - Firefox, Chrome and Explorer. Most of them are pages from Wikipedia.

This habit is an extension of my childhood. I had no regular source of entertainment save from my father's books, and for some reason, he bought children's encyclopedias. I read all four sets.

When I got my first personal computer in 1996 (an overclocked Pentium 133MHz 16MB EDO RAM 2GB HDD machine), the first CDs I handled were Encarta encyclopedia and later, I won Thompson's Encyclopedia CD at a writing competition. The Thompson had Patrick Stewart as narrator, so that was really, really nice.

Nowadays, I read Wikipedia. Not to FEEL smarter, but to BE more knowledgable. This is not an image thing, Malaysians! It's the real deal.

So anyway, for some time, Wikipedia, via the Wikimedia Foundation, has been looking for funds. The target for 2010 is US$16 million.

Here is a note from Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales:

I'm a volunteer.

I don't get paid a cent for my work at Wikipedia, and neither do our thousands of other volunteer authors and editors. When I founded Wikipedia, I could have made it into a for-profit company with advertising banners, but I decided to do something different.

Commerce is fine. Advertising is not evil. But it doesn't belong here. Not in Wikipedia.

Wikipedia is something special. It is like a library or a public park. It is like a temple for the mind. It is a place we can all go to think, to learn, to share our knowledge with others. It is a unique human project, the first of its kind in history. It is a humanitarian project to bring a free encyclopedia to every single person on the planet.

Every single person.

If all of Wikipedia's 400 million users would donate $1 each, we would have 20 times the amount of money we need. We're a small organization, and I've worked hard over the years to keep us lean and tight. We fulfill our mission, and leave waste to others.

To do this without resorting to advertising, we need you. It is you who keep this dream alive. It is you who have created Wikipedia. It is you who believe that a place of calm reflection and learning is worth having.

This year, please consider making a donation of $20, $35, $50 or whatever you can to protect and sustain Wikipedia.


Jimmy Wales
Wikipedia Founder

You see, Wikipedia has materialised a concept I dream of doing one day. The peer-review uploading and editing of information. It is such a pure dream that can only happen if humans lived up to their good traits of honesty, trust and goodwill. And against all odds, it did. It happened. It restored a lot of people's faith in people.

Yes, Wikipedia is not without controversy. Some pages were taken down. Some information taken out. Yet despite all these imperfections, the 17-million article strong (and growing) web entity is still a jewel in cyberspace.

The fact that Wikipedia was funded by porn and has no advertisement whatsoever also appeals to me.

Long after Jimmy Wales has died, it is hoped that humanity can preserve this living monument to human knowledge.

So anyway, Wikipedia needs donations. This year, they have accumulated around US$12 million. They need another US$4 million.

I am donating, via a friend, RM100 (roughly US$30) to this thing. I use it a lot anyway. It's not much, but if everyone contributes, we can help keep Wikipedia afloat.

May the light shine forever!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Measure of a Man... not the length or girth of his dick.

According to unsubstantiated reports, black people in the US have the longest dicks, while the Jews have the girthiest dicks, the thickest dicks.

And no, the measure of a man is also not his woman. It is also not the contents of his wallet, or the clothes he wears. Or the friends he keeps.

Because all these things, dick, cunt, cash, threads, will one day die.


The measure of a man, is the fact that he can't be measured. To measure, is to judge. And unless you are paid by the Government to do so in a limited capacity, then you should not measure people's dicks.

By the way, I offer my dick to be measured by your cunts.

Me: What say you?

She: Six and a half twain!

Me: What now?

She: Seven twain!

Me: Now?

She: Mark Twain!

Curb Your Enthusiasm

It has been an hour since I sat down to write my story. Since then, I have been standing up and walking around like a teenager who just had a blowjob offer.

A voice started talking in my head.

"Remember the titties, Amir. Remember the titties."

Yes. I remember the titties. Such promise, such elaboration. Such illusion, for such a small point.

Take a deep breath. Relax. Curb your enthusiasm, Amir. One step at a time.

I am so fucking cool.


Benda ni beberapa kali meresahkan aku.

Baru-baru ini, aku duduk dengan seorang wartawan yang aku hormati. Dia bercerita tentang salah satu artikel terakhirnya. Atau mungkin artikel mutakhir. Aku kurang jelas sama ada itu artikel dia yang penghabisan, atau cuma salah satu artikelnya yang terbaru.

Dia pergi dan menulis tentang sebaran penyakit AIDS dan kuman HIV di Kuantan.

"Apa yang baling aku bengang," dia kata, dalam Bahasa Inggeris, "adalah apabila menulis berkenaan AIDS dan HIV, aku sedar yang aku menulis untuk mereka yang sudah tahu."

Dia menulis untuk akhbar Inggeris, macam aku juga. Masalahnya, menurut wartawan tersebut, pembaca akhbar Inggeris rata-rata sudah tahu bahaya AIDS dan HIV. Mereka secara umumnya lebih berpendidikan.

Yalah, boleh cakap dan baca omputih. Takkan tak pergi sekolah kan?

Namun, dia menulis tentang mereka yang duduk di luar bandar. Terdedah kepada bahaya kebosanan dan penyalahgunaan dadah, perkongsian jarum suntikan dan praktis beromen tanpa kondom. Mereka ini kurang pelajaran dan kurang maklumat. Mereka juga terdedah kepada ancaman sentimen masyarakat sekeliling mereka yang menganggap apa saja musibah - termasuk, dan mungkin terutamanya AIDS dan HIV - adalah tanda hukuman Tuhan.

Kononnya memang patut pun mereka yang terkena apa saja perkara buruk itu, sebab mereka jahat atau tidak sembahyang. Mereka beromen kat bontot. Mereka hisap dadah. Mereka dilahirkan kepada ibu bapa yang menghidap AIDS.

Kawan aku itu menulis tentang bagaimana dalam satu komuniti, generasi muda sudah hilang kerana mati akibat AIDS. Maka, budak-budak dijaga oleh orang tua. Mayat ibu bapa mereka dihantar balik oleh pihak hospital dalam beg plastik.

Masalah AIDS juga sering dipinggirkan oleh beberapa pihak kerana ingin mewujudkan ilusi yang 'semuanya Ok', dimanifestasi dalam bentuk kata-kata oleh Perdana Menteri sebelum ini.

Semuanya Ok, Pak Lah?

Aku datang dari kawasan luar bandar. Aku duduk tepi paya. Ada orang kampung aku menghidap dan ada yang mati disebabkan AIDS.

Kalau ikutkan statistik yang dikongsi oleh seorang lagi wartawan yang aku hormati, kadar kelahiran anak luar nikah lebih tinggi di kawasan luar bandar berbanding kawasan bandar.

Tapi, semuanya ok, kan?

Penagih dadah hardcore lagi ramai di kawasan luar bandar. Yang kat bandar ni tak cukup hebat. Selagi tak hidu taik ayam cair, tak hardcore la. Belakang sekolah aku dulu banyak jarum suntik. Mujur aku jenis cengengeng jugak masa aku kecik dulu. Kalau tak, aku main je jarum-jarum tu semua.

Kisah AIDS di Malaysia lebih memberi kesan kepada mereka yang tidak tahu berkenaan AIDS dan HIV. Mereka tak banyak artikel-artikel dalam suratkhabar yang mereka baca yang menyebarkan maklumat berguna pasal penyakit ini. Bukan tak ada. Tak banyak. Lebih-lebih lagi, sesetengahnya tak reti membaca pun.

Kempen kesedaran AIDS dan HIV memang ada dibuat, juga termasuk di kawasan luar bandar, cuma aku rasa tak cukup.

Aku rasa, menjadi fardu kifayah (chewah!) orang bandar untuk pergi dan mendidik serta menyebarkan maklumat tentang AIDS dan HIV kepada orang kampung masing-masing.

Hentikanlah sikap buruk yang suka mengatakan yang nasib malang menimpa seseorang sebab Tuhan tak suka dia, dan lebih sukakan kau. Kau ingat Tuhan tu, Maha Loser macam kau ke?

Beb, bisul ari-ari pun boleh dapat dengan duduk kat tandas je. Kau tak tau macam mana mamat atau minah tu kena AIDS. Kena rogol dengan beruk ke, kena itu ke, ini ke. Dan AIDS tak dapat merebak walaupun kau pergi comolot dengan penghidap.

Entahlah. Malaysia ni, memang susah. Penagih dadah pun kena halau dengan Tok Imam. Apa punya support system yang ada? Dahlah penagih, jadi sampah mayarakat pulak tu.

Tapi, apa aku nak kisah? Masalah aku pun banyak. Baik aku pentingkan diri sendiri. Jaga puki sendiri je.

"Buat apa tu, Amir?"

"Jaga puki, nek."

Fuck You

I'm... feeling a wave of schadenfreude and general gloating coming on.

Some idiots had their comeuppance or getting theirs really soon, and I spent the entire night sleeping it off. Sleeping off an unhealthy, almost unholy desire to gloat and rub it in their faces.

I used meditation and practised some Buddhist teachings.

I understand that feeding my ego and pain body is counter-productive and would eventually lead to much suffering.

However, as I go for a nap, nothing can stop me from saying: UP YOURS, LOSERS! Muahahahaha!

It's about time!

IN YO FACE, MOTHERFUCKERS! I'm rubbin' it in.

Fuck you, your mother, your grandmother, and your uncle too. Fuck off and die! Muahahahaha!

A Wing and a Prayer

Eywa, hear me, bitch.

Make me rich, bitch.

C'mon, bitch, make me rich.

I eat this fried chikin, and I'm asking, MAKE ME RICH.

C'mon, BITCH!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A Disturbance

I have that feeling in my gut.

I sense something bad is about to happen. I don't know what it is. Maybe something that could change the whole game. But it's there.

And the only thing I can do is go out tonight and grab some KFC.

Ideas for a Better Future

As the world's leading Internet guru, I bring to you: Ideas that Will Change Malaysia's Internet Tomorrow:

1. Smell-O-Net

- The Internet, with odor.

2. Fiercebook

- Only for LGBTs, wild animals and Anwar Ibrahim.

3. DAP Smears

- Like PAP Smears, but Malaysian.


- Watersports/Golden Showers charnelhouse.

5. UMNOCatsCanHasCheezburger

- To replace LOLcats. They has sames grammer.

6. Pelirbook

- MelayuBoleh's tablet device

7. BlackBurit

- Interracial Porn Smartphone

8. Titter

- Twitter for girls with big boobs.

9. CumShots

- Jeff Ooi's porn blog.

10. Rocky's Hos

- Da pimp in da house.

11. Another Guy Shits Bricks by the Wall

- Replacement for 2Girls1Cup

12. KennySial

- Kennysia hate site

13. NameWeeWee

- Pissin' site

14. Parpulori

- Extra-Large trucking site

15. MalaysiaKani

- Nabu chau cibai!

16. The Malaysian Inside Her

- Malaysian bragging rights website

17. Bugger

- Personal websites about ass-fucking.

18. MalaysiaTodi

- Pissing site

19. TheNutJob

- Playing with balls.


- A website for dubious 'contract marriages' (legalised prostitution).

House of M: Smalltalk

I went to the Kre8tif Conference and listened to a bunch of talks. Most of them by white dudes who have made it.

One rather old guy, Ralph Simon, is Lady Gaga's mobile and Internet consultant or something like that. He is called 'Father of Ringtones' and is generally considered one of the key people who is responsible for the mobile entertainment business. He has his own Wikipedia entry.

He said some really great stuff, and one of them are these points in one talk:

1. In the US, old media (TV, radio, newspapers) made US$398 billion last year.

2. New media (the Internet across all platforms) made US$386 billion.

3. When you ask old media, 'what is your product'? They will answer, 'content'. You know, articles, TV shows, movies, music, bla bla bla.

4. When you ask new media, 'what is your product'? They will answer, 'users'.

Therefore, ANY new media that wants to make money or be successful or both, MUST have a quantifiable user base. Meaning, they must be able to count and count on their users.

Their customers are the advertisers. Businesses. Their service must be of use to the users or attractive enough to get the users in, and when you have the users, then you will attract advertisers.

Mr Simon, whom I met later, made these very concise points. Points which I wish more people would understand.

For example, I spent hours today trying to explain the concept of social media to someone who does not subscribe to any. I reasoned that if I could explain it to that person, I could explain it to anyone.

Let's just say that I won't be giving talks at new media conferences anytime soon.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

This Drill, is My Soul

I use Dark Hole! Now every monster is destroyed.

I use my magic card Harpie Feather Duster. All your spell and trap cards are destroyed!

I use my field magic card Fusion Gate!

Now, I combine two monsters - Zombyra the Dark and Maryukotai - to form Last Warrior from Another Planet! Now, you can't summon any monsters.

I activate this trap card - Light of Intervention. Now, you can't set any monsters in face down position. Meaning, you can't summon any monsters or set them down.

I use the equip magic cards United We Stand and Mage Power as well as Axe of Despair to raise my monster's attack points to 6150!

Finally, I play the magic card Cold Wave, making both players unable to set any more magic or trap cards for two turns.

With the field empty, I attack your life points directly!

Last Warrior from Another Planet! Attack him and wipe out all his life points!

I have won the duel!

Karmic Wheel of Fortune

Round and round it goes. Where it stops? Nobody knows.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Fear of Flying

It used to bother me, why people don't go all out. They don't go 100%.

Deathly afraid, perhaps, that their 100% is not enough.

You see, a lot of people believe that they're fucking great. Destined. Chosen. Deserve to be right. Special. COULD HAVE BEEN.

And they are always afraid to put that to the test. Cause if they fail, then their warped megalomania and delusional image of themselves would crumble.

Why is that so bad?

Cause for some people, an inflated image of themselves is all they have. They've never done anything significant. They've never gone and done whatever they can do for shit.

They justify all this, to themselves, by saying "Oh, you know what, IF I DID go 100%, I COULD HAVE BEEN this or that. I COULD HAVE DONE this or that."

They take solace in the delusion that they WOULD NOT have failed if they tried it. IF. But they didn't, did they?

I have failed many times in my life. You know what happens when I fail? Nothing. I am not that significant. People don't die. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a soldier.

I'm not special, which means I'm not retarded.

People are afraid to do things, just in case others judge them as severely as they judge others.

Never stopped me.

Fuck my image. What has my image done for me? I'm not a politician. I'm not a model. I'm just me, baby. I'm just me.

Those fucking tools say I'm delusional, but they're the ones with no balls to go 100%. They're the ones who got stuck with approval-seeking for their entire lives.

I shook that shit out of my system when I was younger. Fuck approval, man. You want others to determine your life for you? To have the power whether you are happy or not?

Muahahahaha. Dumbass.

What people are afraid of is to take any kind of responsibility for their lives. They want to be told what to do. They want other people's love and approval.

Well, hate to break it to you, but people only love themselves and they are only concerned about other people's approval of them. They will never approve.

You need to approve of yourself.

I know that for you weak fuckturds, you do not want to be responsible for yourself, because it's scary for you. You want to conform. You want to be part of a group. You want to belong in society, community, whatever. You want to be part of a group.

Let me tell you that you're stupid. You're stupid, your mother's stupid, and so was your dead grandmother. Stupid cunts.

May you all burn in hell.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


People sometimes forget about voices in animation.

Voice acting is very important. Look at Futurama, Pinky and the Brain, The Simpsons as well as ALL anime.

In Japan, voice acting is serious business. One of the greats - Megumi Hayashibara - is a famous celebrity only due to her voice. I used to remember more, but after encountering the perfect anime - Cowboy Bebop - there is no reason to watch anime anymore. There's Koyasu Takehito, who did the voice of Hanagata in the Saber Marionette series who is quite good.

The West has Billy West, who does Fry, the Professor, Zoidberg, and a host of other characters. There's Dan Castellaneta who does Homer, Krusty and Grandpa, amongst other characters. My favourite voice is Maurice Lamarche's. He sounds like Orson Welles and voices Brain as well as Futurama's Kif Kroker.

If you grew up in the '80s, you may have listened to Betty Jean 'BJ' Ward who did Scarlett from GI Joe, Jana of the Jungle (I had wet dreams of Jana of the Jungle. I wanted to fuck her brains out), Wonder Woman in Superfriends and many more. She was the voice of my childhood, and I do remember her for it.

Over here in Malaysia, I have yet to see, or rather hear, unforgettable voices. Except maybe that kid who does Shin Chan. He managed to capture Shin Chan's essence perfectly.

I interviewed someone recently - somebody in the creative industry - who said that he is deeply interested in animation because it would influence all other aspects of production such as special effects and costumes, makeup, character design.

Animation also opens your mind and allows you to be more creative. It's a spillover effect of sorts.

For example, I imagine a lot of things as animation. One of the scenes I hope to do one day is one guy jumping up, using emo-fu (a supernatural martial arts where you become more powerful the more emotional you are) and just slices a giant armoured creature in half. The creature should be over 50 feet tall. The sound effects must incorporate a simulation of running a giant dull sword through rusted metal.

This is actually almost an anime staple, and that director Zack Snyder is already doing my wet dream scene - a girl in a Japanese school uniform wierlding a sword fighting a giant samurai robot. And dragons. I'll pay 10 bucks to see that. It's cliched in anime, but this is in live action.

Anyway, I believe that with voice acting, it can only get better if acting gets better. Though it is possible to do it the other way around.

Voice acting is hard because you need to create characters and worlds without using your facial expressions. This was described as like painting with only your forefinger and middle finger holding the brush.

You can do it, but you suck. Artist Michael Whelan broke his arm one day, and still managed to paint using airbrush, acryllic on canvas and that sort of stuff.

The real greats, they just do it.

I can't act for shit, and my voice acting is even worse.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos of people who THINK they can do it. But they can't. Cause most don't get it. It's not about making voices. It's about acting using only your voice.

One day, I want to do my own animation. When I do that, I'll make sure the voices are really, really great.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Dreams of Electric Sheep

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I took control of the vampire Eric Northman, from True Blood. Then Sookie came into the room and started sucking my blood. It was sensual as hell.

Last night, I dreamed I was in Tron: Legacy. I remember the spirit of the Internet and computer pioneers. The guys of the '80s.

I believe, if given sufficient funding and incentive, I can create websites and portals that could change the way the world works.

Last night, as I dreamed it, a picture began to form in my mind. A schematic. A design. I woke up with a start, having fallen asleep due to a blackout, and I realised how to play it.

Sounds delusional and megalomaniacal, but I believe that it would work. I don't know if I can get it off the ground, but if I can convince some people and some parties, I have a plan for the Internet.

I Am Spartacus

Someone said to me today, "You look like you have things on your mind, and things happening in your life."

I was like, "I always have things on my mind, and things happening in my life."

My existence may be many things, but it has never been boring for me.

Take today, for example. I am handling some stuff for the end of the year and the new year, a night assignment for which I had to be two hours early, and three or four stories that I need to do tonight.

So yeah, I do have things on my mind and things happening in my life. I've never stopped working these two years. I even took leave in order to do work. Even during Raya, I got people calling me and shit.

It is time these things change. I am going to take some time off, and I am going to say no to a lot of things. I will only choose things that make money for the least amount of work and most amount of satisfaction.

I will not be a slave or enslaved anymore. I am Spartacus!

This requires much work and preparation. And I am riding the bronco now. Ride the lightning, motherfucker. Ride the lightning.

And as idiots succumb to petty emotions and ego, I shall rise beyond all with my cards. I mean, with my whatever.

There is no way anyone can try to manipulate me in any manner now. I have discarded all that is unnecessary and focus only on what is vital to myself. All the information, experience and skill, I have honed and used in the best way I can think of.

2011. Ready or not. Here I cum. ON YO FACE!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Card Destruction!

Hah! And you thought you could lie to me? To ME? MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME?


The field is much clearer now. My decision to wait and play it cool has given me an edge. I see everything clearly. All mysteries have been solved!

And while you double-back and reconsider your steps, I forge on ahead on the path I have always been on.

It's time, though, for a new hand. I use CARD DESTRUCTION!

Monday, December 13, 2010

House of M: Obelisk the Tormentor

My model for an anarchy-based system would definitely work.

Unfortunately, I have seen its flaws.

Upon presenting to various audiences, even the most liberal ones showed their true colours.

"But, if we allow the people to determine what kind of news gets out and receives prominence, what if they vote for the WRONG news?"

Already, ALL the liberals are displaying bias. Apparently, 'liberals' are just like the conservatives who want people to do the RIGHT things, read the RIGHT things and fuck only in the approved, RIGHT manners.

"Explain," I told them.

"Well, I was watching the news the other day, and it was just five days straight of just this news."

"Ah, and now you are saying you do not like to be told what to watch and what is presented to you. Wouldn't a model in which you yourself decide what to read and what is displayed be more appealing?"

"Yeah, but we're worried about OTHER PEOPLE."

Worried. About other people's choices. That sounds very dictator-like, not liberal at all.

This is the response I've been getting about my anarchy model. From various quarters, with people who are meant to be the most liberal-minded of them all.

These people, I concluded, are not at all liberal. They are merely self-absorbed. In fact, most people are self-absorbed.

If I am to design a model that makes money, it should not hold any noble aspirations of Truth, Freedom and Independence, but appeal only to the self-obsessed nature of humans.

In the end, they still want to be told what to do, with the extra condition that they agree with what they are being told, on a personal level. Not on an ideological one.

I should learn my lesson. I might as well abandon my quest, which would have saved the world, and just do something that would make money. After all, I can't make people choose what I myself think is right.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

House of M: House of Anarchy

Anarchy! Malarkey! Will get us all in Barney!

House of M: New Media

The days when the information can be controlled are numbered. Some even say that it is already dead.

Any business model that relies on information control or old-style spin-doctoring will never again be as effective as it was.

In today's world, anyone can be a publisher. Anyone can get their thoughts out there.

Remember the blogs. A novel thing at one time, and people who were surprised and confused at its function tried to fit its role as a square peg in a round hole.

Blogs, forums, social media sites, are all just platforms. Pretty soon they melted away and became social media. Then they just became the Internet.

This happened with radio and newspapers in the past. Radio Vs TV. Then, they both became media. Mass media, mainstream media, whatever.

We are at the verge of alternative media joining the mainstream. Either it dominates or becomes just another territory in the media universe is irrelevant.

You must see all these things as what it was intended to be. Media. Plural for medium.

Meaning, a platform, a highway, a path, a method for conveying information. That's all it ever was and is and forever will be.

It is not magic. It is not something to be feared or ridiculed. It simply is.

The rules have changed, but the game remains the same. What do you do with it? How do you do it?

This is where media people come in.

The old business models may still work, but the new playing field also requires other things. Traditional skills - writing, communicating, politics, social manipulation, human engineering, battle strategy - all still applies, with additions of new ones.

Remember to always view things down to its empirical value or function. That is the only way you can do anything in this world. Never get lost in the trees so much that you miss the entire forest.

For detailed instructions, pay me a lot of money for consultancy, and then I'll show you how to make even more money.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Casting Call

Ni member aku punya production. Casting untuk watak-watak TV series science fiction.

Click here for more info.

Sapa yang menepati syarat, silakan bergomol ramai-ramai ke sana!

House of M: Unleash the Beast

When can I go 100%?

When will I get the freedom to do what I know will work, and show my genius to the world?

What I want to do is simple. Revolutionise the role of journalists, and hand back the control of everything back to the people. No longer will --------- and --------------- be the privilege of a select few. It will belong to everyone.

Listen carefully to what I have to say, because this is the future.

I believe in anarchy. It is not a lifestyle. It is not a stupid music genre. It is not political. Not really. Anarchy is a philosophy.

Its basis is simple. If there is one phrase to describe anarchy it simply is this: without leaders.

It means that everyone leads their own lives. Everyone makes their own decisions. Everyone is a leader. In principle, anarchy is basically the purest form of democracy.

The very fundamentals of anarchy is apparent even in physics. Everything is in turmoil, wanting, striving to go into a balanced state. This is true for energy, thermodynamics, things with molecular structure - LITERALLY - and not just a quote from Army of Darkness.

Therefore, anarchy is a natural condition to which the universe is striving for. Please do not confuse anarchy with chaos. Chaos simply means without order. Anarchy exhibits the purest, most complete form of order there can ever be - natural order.

Anarchy states that after a cycle of verwirrung - war, chaos - there will be a period of ordnung - order. And this is that natural order. Not one imposed upon anyone or anything, but simply a state when everything has reached perfect balance. Perfect harmony.

A few things stand in the way of anarchy. Chief among those is the people's desire to be told what to do. They want to be dominated. They want to be conquered. They want to be made fools of. Their riches robbed, their daughters raped and their wives beaten.

This is what people want. Because if they do not want it, they will NEVER be robbed, raped or beaten.

The problem this poses is the fact that most people, in general, do not want to be free. They want to be imprisoned and caged. At the end of it all, they do not want to lead their own lives, but merely told how to live their lives.

This explains blind faith. This explains religious extremism. This explains political loyalty. A fealty to stupidity.

In order for anarchy to work, everyone either must be free, or desire to be free.

In order for them to do so, they need to see the strings that are pulling them. They need to see the bars of their cages. They need to know that they are not free.

They need to know their worth, for that value is being traded by other people like a housewife gone to market.

And what are they trading you with?

What is the value of the game? In this material world? Everything.

Unfortunately, this freedom, even when achieved, is not true freedom. That kind of freedom - the real one - only comes with spiritual enlightenment. But unencumbered by unjust rules and profiteering bastards, they will be free to pursue a more spiritual quest.

But what do I know? I just had too much to drink. Muahahahahaha!

Tales from the Drunk Side: The Last Wizard of the Century

I am one of the smartest men of the new century. Whereas Plato's and Einstein's fields were philosophy and physics, respectively, my talent lies in information flow and the nature of humans.

Born a sensitive, I was able to understand the empirical state of any and all human, going so far as putting my finger on the pulse of societies and civilisations.

My great science, is human science.

It pains my enormous ego that I cannot, at this moment, share with you my insights and what I have done in a parlour scene. Or even my basic understanding of the human race.

I understand. That is my gift, as well as my curse. All of you have no capacity to understand my insight. How everything is clear to me, and is made even clearer on every subsequent day.

I have stared into the eyes of humanity, and I felt despair. Felt. As in, past tense, motherfucker.

I understand humans, and I do not like you.

Why should I allow you to exist? Why should I sit by and not take advantage of my knowledge, my insight? Consequences be damned, right?

For a long time, I subscribed to the samurai ethos. The Code of Bushido. The Code Duello. The Book of Five Rings. The romantic tales of knight-errants and their charging at windmills for honour, truth and freedom.

What if one day I discovered that the Book of Five Rings, was a lie? What if I discovered the key to controlling my conscience? What if one day I looked into the mirror, and discovered Lucifer staring right back at me?

Am I to be Faust, and damned for my forbidden knowledge? Am I to be Galactuc, Devourer of Worlds? Am I to be the Dreaming Celestial, whose wake would destroy the world? Am I the Phantom Stranger, to come and go, changing cosmic and celestial events with my every step?


I am just me. And I am not sure whether you should be afraid or not.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

30 Minutes Over Broadway: Last Rites

Ah, it has come to this. The final instalment in one chapter of my life.

After this, it is all over. No more, no more, no more.

And I have 30 minutes to get it started. See you after the gap.

Fight the Fever

Yesterday, I was developing a fever.

There was also an incident of moving goalposts which is rather suspicious and counter-productive.

So, I started taking care of the fever. Now, my immune system is good enough nowadays that no fever can stay in my system for more than a few hours. It's a different story if it's a flu.

So I drank about two litres of fluids, stopped smoking for a few hours, and began some mental exercises. I sat on the bed and cleared my head, becoming aware of my breathing.

After two hours, I could feel the temperature go down. However, the effort drained me and I fell asleep.

I woke up today with no fever, just a feeling of tiredness.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Okay. No one fucking bother me in the next few days. I'm doing something.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Final Flight of Osiris

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Heart of the Cards

I am not a 17 year old on a bus back home after getting his SPM results.

I do not believe in destiny. Predestination is, to me, a concept for the lazy and the irresponsible.

The very thought that we do not control what happens to us is simply... escapist fantasy. We do determine each and every thing. More so than we think.

We control our actions, and that - in itself - is a huge responsibility, with far-reaching consequences both good and bad.

We also have the biggest influence on how we feel. Our emotions and our thoughts are all a result of our own decisions. We do not fully control our feelings or what we think, but we know enough of ourselves to determine what state of mind we will be in.

I say this, and there are things I am being irresponsible about. My smoking habit, for instance. It is costing me RM1,000 a month and perhaps much more in future medical bills. It is something that I need to handle.

The big relief is this thought in my head - this belief - that I control everything that happens to me. And no, I am not destined for anything, with a giant hand magically springing up from the sky and giving me gold and jewels and a magic sword as well as a VW Touareg.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Through the Asshole

I love the voices of Morgan Freeman, Patrick Stewart and Billy West.

So I got Morgan Freeman's Through The Wormhole - a documentary series on the fringes of science.

The very first episode was about scientific efforts in discovering God. Of particular interest to me is this research done by this doctor dude.

He created a God Helmet - basically a motorcycle helmet connected to scanners and an electromagnet. What it does is it stimulates a small part of the right hemisphere of the brain.

80% of people who take the test reports of sensing presence, sometimes as many as five or more. They report out of body experiences as well as sensations of heat and fire.

That magnet is just as powerful as a hairdryer. This experiment, if proven valid, could explain many things.

Since many of the historical religious leaders were struck with stuff like lightning, pain, and isolation.

Dirty Sax

I'm listening to my current theme song - the Detective Conan Theme Song.

I have always been a fan of Conan. Not from the beginning, though, as I was more of a Hajime Kindaichi fan. However, since that other manga proved to be annoying and repetitive, while Conan presented more variety and a classic design, I have been engrossed.

I have seen almost all the movies and ... is not willing to go through like, 400++ episodes?

I hope that the manga can be finished in my lifetime. The mysteries are holding up, but getting a bit stale.

I have used Conan's method in many real-life scenarios - not to catch murderers, but criminals of a more vile nature.

One of these days, I'll do a parlour scene, and explain all that I have done and set in motion. And woe, woe, woe to those who ever tried to fool me.

Cause the perfect crime has a human being as the ultimate murder weapon. I got that from a Ray Bradbury story.

Lesson of the Day: Toys in the Attic

I woke up today at close to 8pm, when I ordered some pizzas from Domino's.

After receiving them, I went out to teach some young kids about documentary filmmaking.

I came back, and the pizzas were still waiting for me.

Naturally, I strip off everything and ended up watching Detetective Conan, naked, eating pizza. I need to catch up on my work tonight, as my most recent attempt at quitting smoking has rendered me almost narcoleptic - hence sleeping till 8pm, and the pizzas can sustain me till morning.

I love food at their maximum Scoville. Meaning, I like food that is extremely hot. Back home, my concoction of the sambal belacan can beat anything on this planet.

The secret is to crush the seeds of the chilli - my family grows mutant chilli cross-bred from South African and Indian breeds. The naga jolokia - which stands at over a million Scoville (the scale to measure hotness) - does not stand a chance to our mutant breed.

So, yes, I am a lover of incendiary food. For the Domino's pizzas, I put all the dried chili flakes I could find in the package on them (I always ask for extras).

As I was eating, I began to feel a burning sensation on my balls. I was not smoking, so it couldn't be stray embers landing on my scrotum.

Venereal diseases that include symptoms of burning sensations include syphillis, which can cause blindness and madness. But I have always been very careful. Plus, the range of wide-spectrum antibiotics I have taken in the past few months and years would have wiped out any syphillis strain. Plus, if it was syphillis, then the penis would feel it, not the scrotum.

Another possible cause would be an insect bite or a sting. So I began using my hands - with the help of a small mirror - to check on my balls.

I see no lice, crabs or any insect bite marks whatsoever. But I did find... A CHILLI THINGY!

Apparently, because I was eating while naked, some bits of the dried chilli flakes dropped on my uncovered balls and caused the reaction.

Oh well. Nothing to worry about, then. I wiped my balls with a piece of wet tissue and then tried neutralising the damn chemical using first an alkaline-based solution, and then an acid-based one.

At the end of it all, it just took some meditation and breathing exercises to alleviate the pain and turn it into a soothing sensation instead.

The lesson is - do not eat while in the nude.

Detective Conan: The Barbarian

I am Conan, The Barbarian.

While out on a date with Ran Sonja, I was attcked from behind by some sorcerers who made me drink a potion, turning me into a 9-year old kid!

Now, I stay with Ran, solving mysteries and trying to get back to my original state.

(Oh my. No one is going to get the Detective Conan and Conan the Barbarian references. So fuck this shit)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Game of You

And so in my quest to become fully evil, I called out the most evil incarnation I have. Lucifer Morningstar.

Me: Lucifer! Lucifer! Lucifer!

Lucifer: Aw, man. What's up?

Me: Hey, Lou. I have decided to be evil.

L: What?

Me: You heard me. I want to cast off all the seals and blocks and be the ultimate evil.

L: Hold on. What do you know of evil?

Me: Being evil is being selfish.

L: What? Muahahahahaha!

Me: What? What's wrong?

L: Being selfish is not being evil.

Me: Yes it is. Being selfish is the route of all evil. ALL of it.

L: Well, maybe, but there's also a wanton apetite for destruction, and you should also be willing to do some really devious things. That's just...

Me: Just what?

L: Waitaminute. Is this you posturing to be a good person? My, that's devilish!

Me: Huh? Okay.

L: Look, dude, you can't be evil. You know why?

Me: Why?

L: Cause you're a goody little two shoes! Goody little two shoes! Goody little two shoes! Goody little two shoes! Goody little two shoes! Goody little two shoes!

I whip out my boom-stick, and pushes the barrel up Lucifer's nostrils.

Me: I'm not that good.


Season of Mists

I abandoned my superhero dementia, my madness, my delusions. Pretty soon, I began to notice the evil people. The really evil people.

What I saw troubled me. So I consulted someone who could be a devil's advocate.

Me: All these evil people.

Friend: Yes?

Me: They get what they want, right? They get money. Power. All the pussy they can fuck.

Friend: Yes.

Me: And there is no such thing as karma. They don't get their comeuppance. That only happens in story logic, yes?

Friend: Yes. That is true.

Me: So they do get away with their evil.

Friend: What are you saying?

Me: Well, then what's stopping me from being truly evil? Why adhere to my warped moral code at all? Maybe I should just grab whatever I can and be done with it.

Friend: Won't you feel bad?

Me: Guilt? Guilt is used as a tool to control the weak. If I kill anyone today, I will feel no guilt. I can use a number of methods or techniques and the end result is no guilt. I no longer feel guilty of anything. I have surpassed it. It is merely a parlour trick, and its users hedge magicians.

Friend: I don't think you should do evil. I believe it is possible to attain whatever you want, without doing evil.

Me: Yes, but it would be easier.

Friend: No, it would not be. You may not feel guilt if you are evil, but evil people have no capacity for happiness. You know this. No matter what they achieve, the very act of evil renders everything hollow and meaningless. That is the self-fulfilling karma. Petty people are cursed with pettiness. Liars are cursed with their own lies, a denial of The Truth. Egotistical people in denial are burdened by their own egos and their own denial. Look at married people. Hahaha. There need not be any physical punishment.

Me: I can still be evil while not doing those things. I can be extremely damaging with just The Truth. And being evil while doing good - what a concept!

Friend: That's called politics.

Me: Hm.

Friend: So? What are you going to do?

Me: I don't know. It will come to me when the time is right.

Hell's Gate

As the world's leading spiritual guru, I have not been called to answer some of the big questions such as:

1. Which religion got it right?

2. Will all my friends who are not of my faith go to hell? Even the nice ones?

3. If you believe that your religion is right, and that everyone else's is wrong, and you think they are all going to hell, all the while maintaining a facade of acceptance, does that make you a saint, or a hypocrite?

4. Will you go to hell for that as well?

5. Will God overlook your own sins and give you a special pass or consideration for no apparent reason and treat you as a special case all the way?

I have never been asked, but for the record, the answer to all of the above is YES.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


There are people who are addicted to pain and would do anything to be victims.

Nothing you can do about them, and judging thism is also a waste of time and makes you a victim of the victims anyway.

Allow them to pass. They are not your concern. Just enjoy the show. It won't last long.

A Fearsome Woman

Rumihiko Takahashi.

A woman who can take petty emotions and turn them into plot points in a story. For example, the great villain's grandest plans was to make the two protagonists dislike each other? What the fuck?

And yet one of the richest women in the world.

A truly fearsome woman.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dream Country

When people ask me, what kind of story would I want to do, I sometimes keep my mouth shut.

It takes too long to explain. SOmetimes, if pressed, I always give answers that befuddle them.

"I want to kill all characters at the end of the show!"


"Everyone fucks in the end!"

Why do I say all this? Because not many have the capacity to understand that I want to write stories where different individuals who watch the show would be cheering for different characters. I want the 'Survivor' effect for my stories. I want the 'Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket' effect.

Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket is my favourite Gundam story. It's about this kid Al, who likes war toys, war games and the idea of war itself.

He meets the young soldier Bernie - someone from the Zeon something-something - basically the enemy in Gundam continuity.

Bernie is doomed to fail, spectacularly, losing his comrades and eventually his own life. And yet he tried to soften the blow of war for Al, even while knowing he will die. His video was heart-wrenching.

They say that normally, anime has very few things to say and that 'war is bad' is a generic 'lesson'. I believe that Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket has a large role in this.

Towards the end of the series, Al starts to think that war is not as fun or cool as he thought it was. And the audience, would also stop, think and reflect.

In most of my works, I have hidden something, somewhere in the middle of the story for viewers to get a message. It is my way of breaking the fourth wall. They say that maintaining the suspension of disbelief is all-important, but I look at jazz musicians like Count Bassie and they make full use of negative space in music as well as dischord.

I find that the great artists like Zack Snyder - who did 300, Watchmen and Legend of the Guardians - and Bassie understand a higher level of immersion than maintaining suspension of disbelief.

They take you out at some pivotal point, and then re-insert you - with your permission, and in fact with your full cooperation and participation - into the story.

Snyder's and Bassie's work are not seamless. Theirs are not smooth. For some reason, I detect commercial breaks in all of them. And yet, it provides for an extra dimension to their work.

Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket did just that. You're gearing up for this great duel, and then there's this big tragedy happening which is more human and impactful than two giant robots fighting. And suddenly you stop, and you're with Al all the way.

Now, that's storytelling.

The Doll's House

Some people asked me just now, how do you create characters.

I don't. I take existing ones in the real world, and I make it simpler, because story world is always less complicated than the normal world.

I read up a lot on psychology - classic, new wave, whatever I can get my hands on. There is also story logic which influences a lot of characterisation.

When establishing a character, it is best not to say too much. Most of the image is created by the viewer, like how an iconic image is more accessible than a more detailed one.

Japanese manga and anime makes good use of silence as well as full-on exposition. It's an art culture of extremes.

I am most interested in their treatment of silence. Hideaki Anno, for example, uses a lot of silence and static long shots (a long shot in his definition wouyld be less than 5 seconds), even word placards juxtaposed against a more cartoony, over-animated style in Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou.

Reason? KareKano is basically a romance story where a lot of the emotions being conveyed are tender ones and deal with a more gentle nature of the human heart.

Compare that to Anno's raunchy Re: Cutie Honey and the 2004 Cutie Honey film where the boobs in your face is just one example of his loud style.

In comics, Gaiman uses silent panels to amazing effect, simply because his characters are usually wordy without being expository.

The thing with silent pauses, short still pans or wordless panels in animation or comics is that it allows for the communication of more complex emotions and thoughts, which can only be created by the viewers themselves, inside their heads.

And they are more ready to accept it if they thought they came up with the 'correct' mood or feeling that is 'intended' by the storyteller.

When you master dialogue and silence, 3D characters are born inside the minds of audiences.

Of course, in a production, the directors and actors or artists also play a huge part in the execution, making it or breaking it.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Preludes and Nocturnes

I got some stuff to write, and is planning to sleep, but a thought is spinning in my head and I don't think I'll be able to sleep until I put this on paper.

My favourite anime people are Hideaki Anno, Shinichiro Watanabe and mangaka Go Nagai.

Anno is by far my favourite, as he has done Evangelion and Kareshi Kanojou no Jijou, also Gunbuster, Nadia: Secret of the Blue Water and animated parts of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind and Grave of the Fireflies. I also found his 2004 Cutie Honey live action and 2007 animated TV series to be quite refreshing.

Neon Genesis Evangelion deals with a lot of deep psychology and philosophy - mainly Goethe, Nitschze (did I spell that right?) and teachings from the Torah.

I had no money to watch these incredible animations, as a child, so I read up academic studies on them online.

It was not until later that I got my hands on their DVDs. Amazing stuff. Amazing, amazing stuff.

Anno's style is a deconstruction of each character as the series progresses. I get the Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket effect, when you suddenly stop eating the dish you are enjoying, and begin to observe it from fresh perspectives.

Much care and attention was given to the profiles and the minds of the characters as it was to the cool mecha fighting animation sequences.

In Evangelion, Anno asks questions on humanity, identity, relationships (embodied both in Gendou and Shinji's problems as well as thge AT Field which represents barriers between people as well as an energy shield system for robots), religion, faith, responsibility, maturity and youth.

A heavily-layered story gets better with repeat viewing, while shallow ones are just things you watch once. There is nothing I have encountered in this world which I enjoyed and is as deep as Anno's work other than Neil Gaiman's, Alan Moore's and Grant Morrison's comics writing.

Evangelion's depth is as comparable to Morrison's Invisibles, though lacking the intricate tapestry of Gaiman and Moore's out of this world, almost supernatural creativity.

KareKano is also a tour de force in studying insecurities.

And all this, from a man who was a fanboy and wanted to make female animation characters' boobs bounce.

In fact, in all of the boob-bouncing, in the middle of it all, Anno manages to sneak in heavily-layered personality complexes.

I believe that the best anime creates a world violently and deconstructs its characters subtly.

The best execution was Shinichiro Watanabe in Cowboy bebop. Cowboy Bebop is the perfect anime. Greatest Under Heaven. Everything came together perfectly. Their world is both advanced and backwards, and comes through BAM! right smack in your face from the first space toll booth scene.

And slowly, yet surely, we learn of Spike realising his destiny with nonchalance and a laid-back attitude - facing pre-destination with free-will. Faye's yearning for a home - personal space - displaced through time as she was.

These things echo themselves in many other different things that construct beautiful fractal story patterns.

And finally, there is Go Nagai who started revolutions with simple stories of giant robots and transforming girls who get naked all the time.

Go, through application and revelation of base human instincts as seen in Mazinger Z (righteous fury), Devilman, Violence Jack (an appetite for destruction), Cutie Honey (love and sex), and the controversial Harenchi Gakuen (hypocrisy), launched not only comic books and TV series, but whole genres of art.

Go was the true rebel. If Osamu Tezuka was the father of manga and anime, Go showed what it was capable of, pushing boundaries and never content to stay safe within the lines.

Okay. I need some sleep. Will be writing later tonight. I owe some people some stories. Hopefully, it will be as deep on multiple levels as Anno's, as perfect as Shinichiro's and as revolutionary as Go's.


The Video Game Generation

Some wise guy wrote that my generation is the video game generation - people who were taught from a very young age not to be afraid of failure. You just get up and have a go at it again. And again. And again. Until you get it right. Like in a video game.

Failing once is not the end of the world, if you save at the right places.

The flip side to this is not giving it your all at one go, which is easily remedied with anime influence.

I would also like to add that my generation also caught the tail end of the MTV popularity.

One significant movie in my youth was Joe's Apartment. It's about Joe, who lives with like, a million cockroaches.

Now, I remember one thing that the roaches said - "Good stuff can grow out of shit."

This has been a philosophy I take to heart. Something that appears on the outside as rotten and, well, shitty, can have some amazing potential.

In my years writing, I have met people who do not believe in how great a story is simply by the premise.

Actually, you never know.

It's like this. You look at a religious person, and the first thing that pops in your mind is, "RETARD!"

But, maybe not. Maybe the religious guy is not an asshole.

This is the lesson from Joe's apartment - don't judge a book by its cover. Simple, right?

And Jesus said, "Judge ye not, lest ye be judged." Which means, in this case, if you judge a book only by its cover, it shows that you are shallow. And perhaps self-centered.

Me? I am shallow and self-centered. What's your excuse?