Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sins of the Father

There are lots of 'Papas' in my life right now.

Papa Rich, which has become my cafe of solitude. I ate there almost everyday the past few months, that I decided to stay away from that kopitiam for a few weeks, and I did. The last time I was there, was to attend a meeting for another one of my hare-brained schemes.

There's Papa John's, which has become my favourite pizza place. Not for the service, but for the pizza. And here's to hoping that Papa John's servers don't read this and spit on my food next time I'm there.

Thank the Lawd no one is calling me Papa. I'd fucking kill anyone who calls me that.

And as soon as I can afford it, I'm snipping my ductus sperma or whatever to ensure I will never be a father.

It's fucked up, man.

Breeding, which arguably has its uses, has been turned into a status symbol of sorts by people who fail at everything - fail in their exams, fail in their lives, fail at an IQ test, everything - to finally be able to succeed in showing to the world, here lies a virile ego, ripe for the taking.

What stupid fucking nonsense is this bullshit? And I'm saying this from experience, bra.

I meet up with old acuqaintances and they immediately get threatened by me. I am moderately successful in my field, but that was not it. They get threatened because I am not in awe of their successful breeding.

Friend: Behold! My son! My progeny! I am a success!

Me: How so?

Friend: Well, I have a child. Do you have a child? No you do not have a child.

Me: Not that I know of. And?

Friend: Therefore I am better than you! My ego is superior than your ego!

Me: Right.

Friend: You!

Me: Yes? Is this taking any longer? Cause I need to chase you out so I could masturbate.

Friend: You do not cower before my successful mating! But why?

Me: I'm... just not impressed with all this.

I mean, sure, the guy wasted tens of thousands of ringgit, landing himself in debt to feed people he didn't even like and buy bullshit so that his mate can gloat to the other girls. I'm talking about the wedding.

And sure, he went through a lot of pain rearranging his life and has now taken a new vocation - Shit-Wiper.

In fact, all parents should be re-designated as Shit-Wiper and Urine-Toucher.

Yes, I understand.

But I'm sorry. I'm just not impressed. It's not something I appreciate. It's like me going to a bunch of rempits and cracking some jokes about obscure anime like the Ping Pong Club or Ouran High School Host Club. Or even Yu Gi Oh! Which has sold over 20 BILLION cards worldwide. They just won't get it.

It was like the other day when I was explaining how I cracked the code on how to make websites profitable. It wasn't me, I just regurgitated some shit some experts did, which actually makes a lot of sense, but my Lawd! That was painful.

Or when I tried explaining hydrogen fuel cells and alternative energy to a complete idiot who was going on and on about bamboo crafts.

Just wrong audience, bra.

Look, when I get older, I will not have kids to leech off from. That is not how I want to spend my life - manipulating other people with guilt so that they would give me money and inflate my ego. I have seen this happen with some old people, it's not pretty and it will never end well.

I will most probably end up dead somewhere, with no one around me, which is cool. Or the Malaysian authorities will wisen up and realise that the seeds of destruction which I sowed many years ago are one of the reasons why the society is going for a very violent time soon. They will come and kill me. Which is cool.

See, my concerns are very different. I am not 14. I no longer have the need for people to look up to me and approve of my choices. I do not need to belong or find my place in society.

My place is here, with me.

I do not covet your life or what you have. Or what others have. I only wish to enjoy my time, before I have to go. And I want to go, eventually. Immortality through having children is stupid and selfish.

I do not look back at my parents and my ancestors and feel, or rather fool myself into thinking I am part of something bigger. I am already part of something bigger, and that part is called the universe.

I don't need a stupid chart with lines and names on it, so that I could know my place. My place is what I make it to be. I assert reality around me. My existence deforms the universe.

Long story short, people have stopped parading their children in front of me. One reason is I smoke around kids. I don't care. Not my kids. And I have little patience for them anyway.

But the main thing is that I remain unamazed and untrembling before the fact that these people - despite failing everything else in life - managed to bring another life into this world. I believe that that is the best pre-requisite for parenting.

Ah, fuck it. My genes end here. I am the last of my kind. There shall be no more. And even though the world will host no more Omega-level geniuses like me, I am soothed by the fact that I will not have any child that has to pay for what I have done during my time.