Sunday, November 9, 2008


Finished reading The Graveyard Book. It lasted only for one day. And still, I cannot sleep.

Truth be told, there were several things that bothered me last week. Hints of secrets and mysteries.

I am in no danger and in fact, I believe that everything will get even better for me. It's just the sense of doom hanging over everything. The impending global economic crisis, the Malaysian political scenario which is getting more and more vicious. Old ghosts from my past that threaten to make a surprise visit. Some who did.

Once, bitten, twice shy. And I am too long in the tooth to play childish games. You best beware, for the older I get, the stronger and faster and more evil I become. Pretty soon, I'll be an ancient spirit of evil.

What would be interesting is how I would handle all of this. I am not entirely the same man I was five years ago. I did not change, because people do not change. But I have acquired skills and a predisposition that I believe would work well in light of recent events.

It's like playing Diablo II and I am no longer at the Tomb of Tal Rasha. Not anymore. I levelled up.

I've become older. Not necessarily wiser, but less things faze me now. And I find myself doing things I could not imagine being brave or even smart enough to do five years ago.

I read events better, and I read people better as well. Though I still prefer to hold my judgment. Not to act before having all the facts.

And I do not entertain victims and victim talk. And button-pushers. They often forget that I, too, went through many phases in my life where I acquired different things. I have crammed my entire working life with as many compressed versions of other people's careers as I could. And I learn from their mistakes, as well. And their successes.

The next few months will show how well I've learned. How much experience I have gathered. And whether they will be enough. I could always fall flat on my face, you know. All my schemes could fail. But hey, if I was afraid of that, I'd have gone on a completely different path.

I am no longer a victim. But master of my own destiny. I always was, but now I have the knowledge and the experience to go with it. And I can only get better.

Some people, they try to turn me into a victim like they choose to be. Oh well.

I ran simulations inside my head and there are several possibilities - several answers - at hand. Though before the other players reveal their hands, I am not going to show mine.

Such is the world. And only time will tell.