I'm a man! An anchorman!
I have a dick, which makes me better than those without dicks. At least, that's what a lot of the world thinks.
I know it's not fair, but hey, I refuse to let anything hold me back from claiming my birthright as someone who has a dick.
I worked hard for this dick, motherfucker! And I sure as hell am gonna enjoy it.
I am ever thankful to God for making me a man. Cause I get to fuck pussies. I mean, Lesbianism is all right and all...but I prefer using my dick.
Thanks, God. For making me a man. You the man.
As a man, I get more stuff. One of the reasons is the fact that I don't have all that victim hang-up and huge, huge pain-body that women seem to have.
I mean, us men, it's easy to make us happy. Food, sex and TV. It's that simple.
The world could go all to hell, but if I got Jessica Alba 69-ing me, while I munch on some pussy-flavoured wings and watching Boston Legal, I'd die happy.
With most women, it's about looking good and being desired and whatever the fuck they want.
Chris Rock said women, they want everything. Which is kinda stupid, cause you can't WANT everything. You can't HAVE everything. It's an illusion.
And if by some twisted miracle, you do get EVERYTHING. Then what, motherfucker? What else is there to want? Whatcha gonna do with EVERYTHING? Nothing, right? Whatever.
Women also have this fixation with pain and being victims. They bleed once a month. They get cramps. They get emotional and shit. So they are accustomed to pain. They're ADDICTED to pain.
They abuse themselves for other people. Usually for us, men. Sometimes, for the approval of other people. The amusement of other people. And they say I'm shallow.
They seem to think that it's some kind of holy sacrifice. And then they bitch and whine about it.
With us men, it's simple.
Me: Oh my God, what a crappy day! Emoemoemoemo.
I turn on the TV. Bam!
Me: I am Zen!
Or, in another day.
Me: Shit! What the fuck are they doing?
I got me some Seafood Liguini. Bam!
Me: I am Hakuin the Zen Master!
Or
Me: Nobody loves me! Boo hoo hoo!
Just add pussy.
Me: Who the fuck gives a shit? Somebody just sucked my dick!
Life doesn't have to be painful. Just add pussy.
I, for the life of me, can't understand why women moan and complain so much.
First of all, they got pussies!
If I was a woman, I'd buy a mirror and check myself out all day long.
And Chris Rock said, "Women got it good. Cause people will not NOT-FUCK you cause you're broke. Pussy is like Visa - accepted everywhere."
"Pussy costs money. Dick is free."
And freedom, is the right of all sentient beings.
