Monday, March 30, 2009

The MacGuffin

Some people are uneasy when they were not able to pinpoint what my intentions are. What my agenda is. My grand scheme.

I don't want a position, showed and showing no signs of wanting a job, handouts, freebies, attention, affection or whatever. Not even vagina. Cause I can get pussy.

My blood relations to Najib, I have revealed to be true, but is entirely worthless to me. It was my joke, that some people could not understand. They actually believed that I was trying to get money from the guy.

If I REALLY wanted money and it had any chance of succeeding, would I write it in a fucking public blog? COME ON! With the resources available to me, I would have been able to contact Najib myself.

But I didn't. Why? Because the thought of him simply handing out millions to anyone related to him is ludicrous. Even if he was the richest man on earth, with over a thousand relatives, how much could he give? Without AMLA bells ringing?

I was riffing on it and some people took it seriously because they are morons.

Thing is, man, I stopped having a grand scheme a few years back. Because for nine whole years, I was a scheming bastard. I planned and planted seeds of destruction as a means of getting revenge for a slight done to me over a decade ago.

I was consumed by it. Obsessed with it.

ANd I succeeded. Big bang hooray. Yet, it was a hollow victory. A Pyrrhic victory.

I looked at the faces whose sham of a world I destroyed, and I felt nothing but pity. And then I realised that I had wasted my time. For even without my actions, they would have had their comeuppance. They would have paid because they are shallow, fake people.

Shallow people have very little capacity to be happy. Since everything is fake, rehearsed, paid for, nothing is real. And therefore all forms of happiness and achievement and whatever else are all false. All of it.

If I do have an agenda, something I do want, it would be to not want anything. True power, independence and freedom coems from the fact that no one has anything you want. That you are in possession of everything you could ever desire.

Wanting creates more wanting. More wanting ends in greed. Greed is destruction, despair and death.

I am currently judging how much freedom I would trade for paid bondage. Not many things are worth letting go of my independence. And yet, I will choose my own chains. Because no one else can.