Saturday, March 28, 2009

Earth Hour Special

For Earth Hour, I turned off a few lights and slept. I thought of masturbating to porn - in the dark - but that would consume too much energy.

I woke up at around 9pm - half an hour to go. So I turned on Nat Geo and saw these powerpoint slides on tips to save the Earth.

I guess they didn't want to come up with proper programmes cause that would use up too much energy.

Hell, I can do that as well. I'm a master at conserving energy and money.

Tips and Tricks:

1. Get rid of your girlfriend. Girlfriends costs a lot of money for poor returns. It is estimated that you have to spend AT LEAST RM2,500 a month on the ho and she might not even want to suck your dick.

Here's the breakdown:

a. Food - RM1,200 p/m

- girlfriends tend to want to eat exotic bullshit that costs more money and energy to get it to her pretentious bullshit cock-hole.

- At an average of RM100 bucks per meal, at three times a week, this alone would set you back RM1,200, just to feed the bitch.

- And if she's an alcoholic, say bye bye to your retirement fund.

b. Transportation - RM2,000.

- Bitches, they want you to buy cars, so they can show off to their friends that they good hookers.

- Cars destroy the universe, especially if they transform to giant robots.

- The fuel a car consumes a month can power an entire car for 30 days! Plus tolls and rioting to get the Government to build more roads, this would include health and medical consumption as well, when you get water-cannoned by FRU.

- Man, if I had a girlfriend, I'd have to buy a Pajero. The fuel alone would be like, RM1,000 a month - at the very least.

c. Entertainment - RM50,000

- Slut-ho whore-priestesses want entertainment. The expensive kind.

- Using my powers of Jewish accounting, I can safely say that they would want trips outside the cunt-ry and shit like that. Not to mention movies, flat-screen TVs, CDs and Cirque du Soleil. Rough estimates put this cost at over RM50,000 a month.

d. Sex - RM10,000

- You'd think this is the upside of having a girlfriend, right? WRONGO! Bam! Rhetorical question, foo!

- GFs don't come with their own condoms. In order NOT to knock them up, you'd have to spend on contraceptives and shit. Not to mention that condoms are only 86% effective. If she gets preggers, you have to spend a lot to have an abortion at a posh clinic. Little bitches nowadays too high and mighty for a bent coathanger.

- Depending on your libido, this could set you back almost RM10,000 a month. And this is without her cheating on you and getting crabs that could spiral the costs to an astronomical RM500,000.

e. Depression - RM3 million.

- Having a GF will ensure that you will always have a greedy little bitch whining about how her vaginal walls needs some sandpapering.

- She'll put you into depression and then you'd have to get some counselling and drugs.

- This could REALLY set you back and destroy your life.

So there you have it. My earlier estimates are off by around RM3 million.

Instead of a GF, you can just buy a power-saving battery-operated vagina. It's the same shit, but it won't cost you RM4 million a month.

2. If you can swap your GF for a battery-operated vagina or a cheap hooker, then the world is saved. No need for other shit.