Saturday, April 3, 2010

Tales from the Drunk Side: Conditional Happiness

A lot of people do not allow themselves to be happy.

Some, may not have a choice. I mean, if you're being raped by the mutant erection of a career dog-rapist(credit: Warren Ellis, Transmetropolitan), there are few ways of remaining happy as the dick enters your asshole.

For the rest of us, what's our excuse? Actually, that's the thing. Excuses.

The secret to happiness is simple: it is a choice.

However, some people put so many conditions to them being happy.

"I can only be happy if global warming is halted."

Fat chance. We're all going to die. Muahahahaha!

"I can only be happy if I am rich. I want a million dollars."

I want a Ferrari. Well, actually, no. Not a fan of Italian cars. Money doesn't bring you happiness. Money brings hookers. And hookers bring happiness. But not all of them do.



And everything nice!

These are the ingredients to create the perfect little hookers.

But Professor Utonium accidentally mixes in another ingredient - Chemical X!

Chemical X - the secret ingredient that can only be understood after long periods with Whore-Priestesses of Shabda-Oud.

Back to happiness.

"I am not happy because of these people or that."

Wow. You give so much power over yourself to other people that you might as well be raped by the mutant erection of a career dog-rapist.

Me? I'm cruising, baby. I got some amber liquid with me. A few bottle of, well, something, and a Michael Moore documentary. I shall look upon tonight with fondness.