Am going back to Kuantan tomorrow. My father's appointment with the doctor is due.
I made peace recently with the fact that I couldn't force my father to take care of his health. He believes himself immortal, but I am no son of Zeus. He is just one man.
Last week, I left on Wednesday to go for an assignment in Langkawi. I am turning my trip to Kuantan as an assignment as well. I will come up with a few stories. Work has been good as it takes me away from my family's situation. I relish the challenges and the many actions needed to make things work.
With the family, it's very different. It seemed that nothing I do could improve the situation. I cannot stop my father from dying. I cannot control his health and his diet. And that was my mistake. I tried to control things. It was not my decision to make.
All I can do is just be there. In truth, I am glad I did not get out of the country. Am also not going out anywhere for now. Even if I get to Thailand, I dread of getting that one phone call as I drink with a go go girl. That would spoil Thailand for me, forever.
Here are some lessons I learned dealing with sick parents.
1. Always have insurance.
My father did not have insurance. Even at Government hospitals, the medical costs are astronomical.
And if you're not rich, this is what happens.
2. All old people are emotional.
Let. It. Go.
3. Fuck the society.
I decided to take care of my parents as a conscious decision. Not because I wanted praise or money. Fuck the fillial child bullshit. I can turn my back and say fuck this shit at any time. I chose not to. One day, you young 'uns will have to make that decision as well.
Know that whatever you choose, you have to be okay with it. No emotion.
I do things because I want to. I am fully responsible for my actions. Some are good. SOme are bad. SOme, are just whatever.
I set a goal, which is to make life as comfortable as possible, as comfortable as I could for my parents before they die, and that's it. The rest, a majority of the decisions, lie with them. I am merely here to hold their hands. They have to walk through whatever doors for whatever.