Thursday, May 21, 2009

Notes on the Run

Dear readers,

This might be the last post I am going to write for you.

Before I go back home.

Don't worry. I'm not RPK. In more ways than one.

Some of you wrote, worriedly, via e-mails and SMSes and whatever else, about my court case. Apparently, the words 'court' and 'case' contain such chilling connotations.

Well, it is serious business. It's the law. Which explains Karpal Singh not wishing anyone to play with him.

Anyway, nothing to worry about. It is not a felony case. I did not commit a crime that would get me to end up in jail. In fact, it is quite embarassing, if I haven't humiliated myself beyond embarrassment several years ago.

So I will be sharing the story as soon as I get it more or less done, and that a resolution is clearer at hand.

Everything is good. Including work.

I am finishing up the final polish for one film - a children's tale for all ages, hopefully - by this week. And I believe that I shall e-mail the remaining two pages to be done from Kuantan. Along with any other ideas I might have for the story, to the director.

Some people believe that writing stories as glamorous, sexy and ultimately very clever.

I do not think so. I mean, you HAVE to be clever, but not more than how a heart surgeon would have to be clever about his work, or a lawyer. Or an architect.

I do not believe in being glamorous. SOme of my closest and dearest friends live in the limelight of multiple worlds. SOme are downright celebrities.

I admire their talent, and their courage, but I have no wish to live their lives.

I decided long ago, never to get into a business where my image and the public perception of my personality would be paramount to my success. Public perception and image of my work? Sure. Of course. But of ME? I do not think I am that brave.

So I have turned down any offers to perform in front of the camera, with one or two very bad and very rare exceptions. I do not want to, but wish to retain the right to commit felonies without making it to the front pages of newspapers - print or online. I mean, I do not want to, but it is good to know that what I wear to what and who I'm sticking my penis into is of no interest to the majority of the people.

I want to be a page 12 person. Meaning, if I were to commit any heinous crimes, or accused of it, I would be on page 12, three paras and just one small column.

I started out my career - and I am fortunate enough to have a career instead of a job - trying to convince publishers that they want to pay me USD600,000 as an advance for my novel.

I was 19 years old. I failed miserably, of course.

So I wrote articles for newspapers. And then magazines. And then television, and subsequently film.

Along the way, I did write a book, but it is not my story. Not completely. And there was a biography I wrote somewhere, which one day may still be published, with some re-writings and corrections and updates.

I got to where I am - and it is not that far - by taking on things other people would not.

I covered performing arts for four years, not because I wanted to write or direct stage plays. Far from it, I have always believed that the economics of it was quite ridiculous.

I simply believed that in a world where a lot of people wanted attention, I can slink back and take on the role of the observer. Uatu. The Watcher. Filling a need.

I did write a 10 minute play, as a joke. It was a deconstruction of the whole genre, and would cost mere pittance, and would not need any sort of talent to perform. Not many found it funny.

Nowadays, I am engrossed in making other people's films. I believe it is indeed good training. I worked or am working with seven different directors, each with his own style.

My goal would be to take the best traits and practices from each and one day make my own movie.

My film, my story, the one I will eventually do before I retire or die, I do not think a lot of people would want to watch it. But that would not be my concern, while doing it, and that would be the point. A masturbating semi-biographical piece. Not auto-biographical, mind you.

When I get more funds, or when more are made available to me, I aim to publish my own comics.

Comics have always been my first love and I have restrained myself from doing anything other than something that would be completely mine. Story-wise, that is.

I have contacted some artistes and as soon as their schedule clears up and as soon as I can get more money, I am going to pay them to draw for me. Vanity projects.

But all of this are in the future. The past is the past, and it is the present that needs to be lived right now. And for that, sleep.

See you after the gap.