Wednesday, August 25, 2010

National Pornographic Sexplorer: Prebet Pantat's Solo Report

I just met Prebet Pantat just now, and as Colonel Clitoris - Grandmaster of the Fleemasons and an 86th level Knight of Bukkake, it is my duty to the Empire to share with you his findings.

Colonel Clitoris: So, Prebet Pantat, how was Bangkok?

Prebet Pantat: How come I'm a Prebet? And my title is in BM, whereas yours is in English?

Colonel Clitoris: Oh, fine then. Jeneral Jubur is Sunder, and Chee is Sarjan Sontot. I can't give you Brigadier General Burit or Admiral Anus (that's me at level 100). I don't think you'd like Leftenan Liwat. Would you like to be Private Penis?

Prebet Pantat: Okay, Prebet Pantat is fine, then.

Colonel Clitoris: As a sign of respect, I shall call myself Kolonel Kelentit. It's the same thing anyway.

PP: Fine, fine.

Kolonel Kelentit: So how was Bangkok, during the big political hoo-haa?

PP: It was bad, man. The hookers I were withy said they were crying!

KK: My word! The very thought of hookers crying touches me in places quite inappropriate.

PP: Even the Whore-Priestesses of Shabda-Oud had tears in their eyes!

KK: Even the - Prebet Pantat! Sound the alarms! Alarum Umum!

PP: All the shops were closed. They found it hard to even buyt food, and condoms!

KK: A travesty! We must rebuild the economy of Thailand! Make sure all its daughters are fed! It is our civic duty as Knights of Buikkake, to ensure Thailand is safe for all!

PP: It is safe for all, Kolonel! I'm happy to report that Ratchadaphisek Road - your favourite haunt - has over 40 high-quality, pretty girls on any given working day. 200, on a weekend.

KK: That sounds about right. And their quality?

PP: I have had a chance to sample one, and she was tight!

KK: Onward march! Yes! And was what I said correct? That if Zhang Ziyi were there, you would slap and stomp and spit on her and just go for one of them?

PP: Yes! I was even acquainted with a virgin, for triple price!

KK: Only triple? That is CHEAP!

PP: Yes, but I didn't take the offer. I went and saw my woman, and I dare say that I might break the first rule of Fuck Club. And the first rule of Fuck Club is, never fall in love while whoring.

KK: My God, man! Remember, remember, five years ago, when you fell in love with ___? That was messy, indeed.

PP: She's still the best fuck I ever had.

KK: Really, now!

PP: But sex, after spending time in Bangkok, sex is just same-old, same-old. It's getting boring.

KK: Correct! I believe that for people like us, who are susceptible to lots of sex, Thailand can be used as a training ground so that no woman can ever hold sex as a hostage. WIthout that on the table, we will be free.

PP: Anyway, Ratchadaphisek Road is great! Sukhumvit Soi __/__ is always great! She came and asked me, "say I am delicious!"

KK: I have a feeling that we will one day just grab one of the Thais and be a naturalised citizen.

PP: Yes, but I have to shave everyday, cause they seem to have very sensitive skin.

KK: Tell me, old boy, do their pussies not smell? Or was it just a delusion I had?

PP: Nope, sir. I am happy to report that their pussies indeed do not smell. And they are delicious.

KK: Thank Heavens for that! Now, NOW I feel lucky to have been born. If I die, Prebet, cremate me and scatter my ashes all over a Thai Go-Go Girl.

PP: Oh, talking about that, I peed on two girls. Finally had my Golden Shower threesome! So now, I have threesomes with three different variants - normal, ___ and Golden Shower. Also, I have experienced the Chinese lost sex art of the Spinning Red Dragon Technique. I should be Brigadier General Burit!

KK: ...

Brigadier General Burit: You only have the Seven Positions of Buddha! And Lepasan Arhat!

KK: Fine! I'll be Admiral Anus! Now, I'm off to play Heroes of Might and Magic V. Cheerio!