Thursday, April 9, 2009

Boron (the Most Boring Man in the Universe) Vs Dr Death

So, suffering from the Worst Headache Ever, I went to my regular clinic.

They lost my medical records, so I filled in a new card.

I was called in almost instantly.

Me: I have severe headache which causes nausea and vomitting.

Doctor: *Nods* *Nods*

Me: It could be food poisoning, because I have been eating cold cuts for the past three days. The bacteria could have caused food poisoning.

Doctor: *Nods* *Nods*

Me: Emmm...but I don't have diarrhea. So it might not be. Anyway, I have charcoal tablets and rehydration salts. So I might just need something to kill the pain.

Doctor checks my blood pressure and listens to my stomach.

Doctor: I am giving you Ponstan for the pain.

Me: Wait. Shouldn't you give me Tylenol? Cause it's for headaches?

Doctor: No! I am giving you Ponstan.

Me: But...Tylenol is for headaches, right? Ponstan - does it really work? For headaches?

Doctor: I am the doctor here, and I say Ponstan is the shit, yo!

Me: Oh yeah? Don't you fucking mess with me, man! I got a fucking headache! I pop a cap in yo ass, bitch!

Doctor: Respect mah authoritaa! Imma kick yo ass, motherfucka! East Sideeeee...!

Me: West Side...!

Doctor: ...

Me: ...

Doctor: am giving you Gravol for the nausea, Ponstan and PCM for the pain. Gravol might make you sleepy.

Me: Cool. You got something that will definitely make me sleepy?

Doctor: Narcs are on to me, foo!

Me: I need me some Blue Magic.

Doctor: Shit yeah! Retro funk, motherfucker!

And so I left. And am at a stall, finishing a mee sup before I take my medicine.