Sunday, April 19, 2009

Applied Islamics

Hey, I just got a multi-million dollar 'halal' idea.

See, New Age philosophy, personal training and self-help books, which is a multi-billion dollar business, draws a lot from religious philosophies, INCLUDING Islam.

I met a guy who was featured in Discovery Channel cause he can do this:

I asked him, what kind of mojo is he using?

His answer? Sufism. That's basically Islam without the rituals. Just the spiritual and philosophical side of it. I think.

There's even a preacher in the States who defines himself as somebody who preaches about money.

There's even a fucking Vatican Conservatory, which takes a scientific view on religion.

The boundaries between religion and secularism is becoming blurred.

So, I got to thinking.

If New Age and self-improvement can draw from Islam, then why can't Islam draw from this business model?

Get some philosophy going, how to view the world and stuff like that, from Islamic teachings, sufism, the Koran, Hadith, etc.

Then, package it as self-help/self-improvement, the 'halal' version. Just the practical parts, without making it about which god is the right one, or whether Jesus was this or that.

Call it - Applied Islamics or Islam Hadhari or whatever, and sell it via franchising seminars and books in the Middle east, Indonesia, Malaysia, Brunei, even the US, where there are lots of Muslims.

Instead of handing good money to other people to just quote from our own religious books, we might as well get money from them, via a more deep understanding of the text and philosophy.

The upside to this would also be a wider understanding of Islam and Muslims. I mean, we're not all terrorists, and some hate wearing the jilbab and the serban or whatever. Though truth be told, I'd love an AK-47. Some of us are quite liberal in our actions anyway.

Package that with Islamic Banking seminars for businesses, and hey presto - I just created a multi-billion dollar business model for Muslims.

I win!

For the hardcore Islams, you can even start preaching your religion down people's throats to those who actually do want it down their throats. And would gladly pay money for it.

Any of you are welcome to take this idea and run with it. I am a generous motherfucker.

Just remember, when you make your millions, spare a couple of million for me, if you're so inclined.

I'm not going to do it cause:

1. I am hardly a hardcore Islam.

2. Am too lazy for this.

3. Even with regular self-help, I am going to do some things in the next decades which might seem contrary to what I have learned. This is because if I APPEAR too smart, or that nothing can faze me, people will kill me. I need to have public weaknesses so that my real weaknesses and secrets are not used against me.

So, what you need is:

1. An Islam who knows the workings of secular western world. Needs to know the boundaries between what is acceptable and what is not.

2. Reads a lot.

3. Can speak to an audience.

4. Knows the Koran inside out.

5. Is not stupid and/or arrogant. Stupid people will fail at everything they do. And arrogant retards will sabotage themselves.

6. Knows English. Cause you need to spread it to non-BM speakers.

7. A marketing guy who knows his or her shit. Most Islamic self-help have little potential out there cause their marketeers are idiots. Needs to know the religion AND selling techniques AND the self-help market. You're not just selling to Islams. But non-Islams as well.

8. Government backing. Imagine all the established networking and free publisity and already-opened doors, brosephs.

I think Syed Akbar Ali or someone with that kind of inclination and knowledge and propensity fits the bill and should do this and make hundreds of millions of dollars.

And then gimme some.