Saturday, December 13, 2008

Tales from the Drunk Side: Intelligentsia! Intelligentsia!

Just now, I went out drinking with Cheepork - the Earl of Cunt - and an old, old friend. Zaki. Haven't seen her in years.

So naturally, we talked about gay rape in boys' boarding schools, sex, anal sex, relaxation techniques and lube for anal sex, and wanking.

At that, several other friends showed up. Theatre people. Among them was Rodek, who asked me to write a play for an upcoming January reading at KLPAC.

No play I will write will ever be accepted at KLPAC. So I told him about a play I wrote around a year and a half ago. Revived here for your reading pleasure:


- a 10-minute multimedia play

Stage set with a white screen in the middle. A laser projector shows irrelevant images on the white screen.

An actor enters from Stage Left.

He stands by the white screen. For five minutes. Saying nothing. Just making handjob motions.

And then he whips out a lighter and sets the screen on fire. For five minutes.

Actor exits Stage Right.

The End.

There. There's your RM20 right there.

The critics will rave!

A wake up call. For who? No one knows. For what? No one cares.

- NaSTy pullout from the New Straits Times.

...a minimalist masterpiece from the master of masturbation.

- Malay Mail

Outrageous! Truly. Truly. Truly outrageous!

- The Star

What the fuck is this shit?

- The Rocket

Hanya Tuhan yang tahu.

- Harakah

...a Dali-esque, Albee-esque, Kafka-esque, Murakami-ish, Rushdie-influenced, Shepard-like, Mukherjee-reminiscent, Naipul-esque, Picasso potpourri, with Bohemian-Baroque-like sensibilities.

- The Sun

Ah, hell. Since this is going to be rejected anyway, I might as well make it easier for them to reject it with normal excuses. I am, after all, a people-pleaser.

So, full play by tomorrow night. With more characters. And more dialogue.

For now, sleep.