Sunday, December 14, 2008

Best (and Worst) Movies of 2008

So I had long discussion with Cheepox and Doraemon (Zaki) about this year's movies.

Cheepox is of the opinion that the best movie of 2008 was Batman: The Dark Knight. Due largely to Heath Ledger's performance. Whom he said is the BEST JOKER EVER.

I disagree.

On all counts.

The BEST JOKER EVER would be Mark Hammil. He did the voices in the animated series. He has the mouth, and he looks like a crazy serial killer.

Mark my words. Mark Hammil, Luke Skywalker, is the GREATEST JOKER EVER.

This year has been crappy, in terms of movies. Last year, there were Juno and 300 - up there in my all-time top 10 list. And Sweeney Todd - the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

This year saw many duds.

Seth Roegen's Zack and Miri, as well as Pineapple Express was boring. How many screwball, loser comedies does one need? I mean, it's okay once in a while, but Ben Stiller ruined everything a few years back.

Be Kind, Rewind - had high expectations for this one. Cause it has Jack Black in it. And a potential parody for all the movies I liked as a child. But...nope. Became too community building at the end.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay? Too much Harold and Kumar. Go to White Castle was a novelty and should have stayed a novelty. Hope they don't do a trilogy.

Don't Mess with the Zohan had some 10 minutes of comedy in there. But that's it.

The Happening was boring. Oooh. Killer trees. Who cares? Shyamalan's best moment, to me, was the first 40 minutes of The Village. I don't even like Sixth Sense.

Love Guru? Boooring. Prefer another Austin Powers movie.

Hancock, Wanted and Jumper sucked. Big time. If you want to deconstruct the superhero genre, Alan Moore's Watchmen already did that, in comic form, waayyyyy back in the 80s. And waaayyyy better than any of these duds. Hellboy sucked as well.

If you don't already know, even the current, vigilante Batman took its lead from Rorscharch, Moore's anti-hero superhero in Watchmen.

Watchmen redefined the comics world. Turned it on its head. Launched the Modern Age of comics. Which is why I am biting my nails to see how they will screw up the movie version next year. Like how the Wachowski Sisters screwed up V for Vendetta.

Talking about superheroes, Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk were only good to set up the Avengers movie in the next five years, probably after a Captain America movie.

Vantage Point had an interesting premise, but sucked. Cloverfield sucked. Indiana Jones, meanwhile, is the suckiest movie of the year. Harrison Ford is old. Hooray. Shia Labeouf? Decent actor, but mis-cast, in my opinion. And a waste of Cate Blanchett.

Meet the Spartans is one of the lamest parodies ever. Even some YouTube kids got it better than that.

Spiderwick Chronicles? Nope. The Hottie and the Nottie? Are you kidding me? Paris Hilton is a fantastic actress. I still have a copy of One Night in Paris somewhere. But that was her magnum opus. One hit wonder.

Mamma Mia! relied too much on the songs. And too much estrogen. If you want to develop boobs, simply watch Mamma Mia! hey, I'm not saying that's a bad thing! But not for me.

10,000 BC? Was English even invented yet? Fuck English, those people look like models! Waxing? BC? Somehow, that just doesn't gel.

Smart People sucked, the only good bits when Ellen Paige changed her outfits. Forbidden Kingdom was boring. It's like Karate Kid, without Pat Morita. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is good only if you go to the DVD shop and want to just watch a movie while taking a dump.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Ugh. Made of Honour was purely and simply male prostitution.

Death Race sucked. Jason Statham should just surgically implant himself in an American muscle car for the remainder of his career. Maybe he can be in the next Transformers movie.

Saw V is the lamest of all Saw movies.

21, even with Kevin Spacey, was...not. Leatherheads was okay. But only okay. Though Clooney is making his mark as a real good film guy.

War, Inc, had some good 20 minutes in there, somewhere. But it teetered on the edge, on the fence, without being either a full parody or a serious commentary. But it's always nice to watch John and Joan Cusack. I've always liked the two.

The Other Boleyn Girl was okay. That other movie with Natalie Portman in it - My Blueberry Nights, directed by Wong Kar Wai, co-starring Jude Law and Norah Jones in the lead roles, was also kind of good.

Young People Fucking was not bad. At least, the stories in it were changed regularly enough not to allow it to get too boring.

And WALL-E, awkwardly, is a major contender for best movie for 2008. At least in my book.

That I-Pod robot was hot. If they could strap a battery-operated vagina to it, I'd fuck that robot. The ONLY 2008 movie I saw more than once.

I still have to catch up on a lot of movies this year. There's The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 - a long-awaited sequel. Still haven't watched Tropic Thunder - ANOTHER screwball comedy with Ben Stiller. Wooo. I'm creaming my pants. And there's Quantum of Solace.

Next year is Watchmen. Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleasedon'tscrewitup. Ahhhh, they'll screw it up. Sin City 2, maybe? Star Trek? With Zachary Quinto (Sylar) as Spock. Hehehehe. Live long and prosper. Tick-tock, tick-tock.

And a bunch of other movies. A LOT. Which makes 2008 a very bad movie year, sandwiched between 2007's Juno-300 and the upcoming shiznit next year.

Oh well.