I just came back from a chat with a friend.
I waited for her, and as she said she would be late, I waited a bit more, enjoying my solitude.
And then, as I was having coffee, I received a call from a dear old friend. Telling me to call another friend.
It was the call to arms. And I am armed and ready. I am the most electrifying man in sports entertainment!
So with that done, my friend came and we had a long chat about various stuff.
The clouds had shied away, and the stars were clear, by the time we were done.
I explained to her about the limitations of words - spoken or written. Being a writer almost all my life, I have always been aware of the severe limitations that writing has in conveying a state of being, thoughts and emotions.
If it is hard to grasp the essence of a person after being with them for over 40 years, as my parents have, what hope do words have?
It is merely stabbing in the dark, and I have been stabbing for quite some time.
She asked about my role-playing and I told her about The Prestige, which she saw but didn't like or remember.
Which is strange, because it is a damn good movie. It's about performing, and if anything, I am a performer. People act on stage. I carry out my plays in real life.
The characters and roles I play. Which are designed to keep any of you to learn my real name.
I, Who is nameless presence beyond thought. Without identification with form. The observer. He who is, without thinking or feeling.
He who walks among us, but is not one of us.
The me who I am. The most electrifying man in sports entertainment.
I shared my skills in managing stress, pain and heartbreak.
She didn't really understand or agree with that one, cause she has her own system. Aware of my actions, being conscious, I didn't try to fix her. Because people trying to fix other people is the cause of grief and pain and wars.
Internally, as we spoke, I managed to uncover the whys of certain things. It doesn't really matter to my being, the causes and sources for different things.
When I am, I just am. There is no worry. No pain. No static from my brain. There is no need for cause and effect.
That is peace, happiness and true joy.
That being said, knowing the whys also opened up certain things.
I came away from that meeting with more presence than I had before. And for that, I am happy.
No one has the capacity to understand me. Because they are not me. Same thing with me and other people.
It was Neil Gaiman who wrote, more or less, "What we see or experience of people merely the fragments of it. The light glinting off the facet of a jewel. That's all we ever see. Facets."
I suffered no allusions that someone could understand me or my giganormous ego or my nameless being.
Gave that, and the resentment that comes with it, a long time ago.
But it was refreshing to have people who don't want anything from me - not my approval, my surrender, not my money, not even my bulbuous dick - sitting across from you, and just experience whatever they can with our limited senses and modes of communication.
She said, "Don't write 'I'm so fucking cool.'"
Cause I know and she knows that the only cool thing in the world is not giving a damn about being cool.
Well, I guess I'll just say, I'm the greatest man in sports entertainment!
Man, I am so fucking cool.