Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Air Up There

Since I was small, I have been taught only one thing - how to win.

Everything that my parents ever taught me, was just so I could win. I once got an average of 97 per cent or something from all subjects at school.

My father's comments?

"You could have done better."

They pushed and they pushed, cultivating an insanity within me. I don't blame them. I was enjoying it as well. I was kicking ass. You beat me once, and I am after you like a starving piranha.

And how I did. Win. Lots of time. Most of the time.

Once, I got 78 per cent for English - the only time in my life I ever scored that low - cause the teacher did not like the contractions and the Latin I used to make it sound intelligent. I was depressed for a week.

It was a strange new thing, when I discovered that all the competition, the desire to win, was making me unhappy. It was making me miserable. It was much harder to realise that I could win at anything, beat anyone, but the thing that would be the right thing to do would be to rise above the competition.

Actually, there is no right or wrong, just that this path is one that works in attaining happiness through peace.

My ego says, "Amir, if you put your mind to it - ME - you can get anything you want."

Unfortunately, I no longer want anything. I am aware of the hunger I used to have, and by being aware of it, it has diminished.

At first, it was like walking in a city made of cardboard boxes. One misstep could destroy lives. I am extremely powerful. My ego is almighty. My mind is the greatest I have ever encountered, capable of fooling even me.

With great power, though, comes great responsibility. My job is to be aware of myself and keep everything in check.

Power corrupts, and the things you own - including skill, talent and power - end up owning you. If you're not careful.

I am so fucking cool.