Thursday, January 14, 2010


I just completed 12 hours of work. Mostly work. I did have lunch. Twice. And dinner. And tea.

Anyway, I have been up for 12 hours and been working straight, and my day has only half concluded.

This other half, will be spent on preparing for the next day. It would have been terrible, if it weren't for the fact that yesterday, I already prepared for today. Meaning, everything was half done.

The only difference is, today's preparations are two-fold. I have an important meeting in the morning, which may mean myself getting some shut-eye at 1am and waking up at 5am to prepare, or it could just mean I will plow through everything right now. Judging by the fact that I already bought three packs of cigarettes and two bottles of tea, it will be the latter.

Today, was a good day. I met an old friend. And I made a new friend in the form of the Blackberry Bold.

Everything is moving forward on ALL fronts. I couldn't believe it, but by 10pm, there was no more drama, nothing else for me to take care of. Just waiting for some things to finish their course.

I rarely have moments with which to catch my breath, and a period of no drama left me almost light-headed.

I believe that everything I worked for these past several years are finally beginning to come together.

I mean, I did not have a plan. I learned the futility of planning early on.

My earliest plans were to be a hournalist for eight years, start writing comics, then, books, and after that, TV series and movies. I could never do what Neil Gaiman (cbuh) did, but I was content to try.

Then, I decided to become Mr Lim Chang Moh.

Mr Lim Chang Moh is a legend amongst Malaysian journalists. He reviewed movies for like, 35 years or something like that.

My plan was, way back in 2004, was to keep on working at The Malay Mail until I die of lung cancer.

Two years later, I felt the compelling urge to leave. And so I did. The only thing I had with me was my last month's salary, some RM20,000 in debts a friend owed me, as well as charity and goodwill from some of my former bosses.

The first day I was without a job, I walked the streets of KL, taking in the dirt and the smoke and the smell of hot asphalt and carburetor dung. I felt invincible - a being of limitless potential.

Though truth be told, I was involved with some conmen who raised my hopes and dashed them on the rocks of reality and despair.

I learned, quickly, that my time and energy are precious. I can't waste them on pipe dreams of others and bullshit.

My father back then had suffered his second and third strokes. He recovered. My father has always recovered, confounding all the doctors we took him to. No disease could ever get him down. Once, they only gave him six months to five years to live. Now, 30 years later, he still takes care of his one acre land. Alone.

Back then, though, I was wondering to myself, "For how long?"

He did his part. I mean, he was not the greatest father in the world. But he gave it his best shot. What was my best shot?

Back then, I was fuelled with anger, hate and despair. I see kids nowadays, and they deal with anger, hate and despair. If I could, I would tell them that it doesn't always work. That sometimes, most of the times, anger, hate and despair can only beget more anger, hate and despair.

Suspicion, paranoia, and an unending desire to be THE ONE. That's like trying to empty the ocean with a plastic bucket.

And then, an old woman comes and pees in the ocean.

"Every little bit helps," said the old woman. (This is Neil Gaiman's (cbuh) favourite... quote? story? thing. His favourite thing. Or was it Alan Moore (cbuh)? ANyway,)

And then, you're left there, holding the bucket. Why don't you kick it as well?

I made friends, I lost some. To hate, anger, despair. SOme of them, my own. I also met some really excellent people. Badabing, badaboom.

I had plans, but they never come true. The good thing is that things always work out for the best, whether I like it or not. I guess, I am lucky. And for that I am thankful.

My story is not yet over. I don't think it is.

I know that tonight, I got lots more to do. But first, The Daily Porn.