I Should Start a Motivational Scam (ISSMS): Blablabla

I am at an age where a lot of friends and acquaintances come to complain about their lives.

I have been collecting some stories, while I run away from other recurring ones.

If you have a sob story, and you repeat it - the same fucking story - 900 fucking times, get the fuck out of my face.

Basically, the general unhappiness of people from my generation right now is coming from unfulfilled expectations. A lot of my peers I find, in this impromptu, unscientific study, are unhappy because they thought, erroneously, that:

1. Getting married will end their loneliness

2. Having a house, car, etc will calm them down from any sort of anxiety.

3. That their parents will approve of them, if they follow THE PLAN.

Well:

1. Loneliness is a state of mind.

It is not a medical affliction. It is emotional. It is not physical. The reason why people are lonely stems from a feeling of inadequacy, lacking, longing.

Most people try to fill this desire with more people or things. This doesn't really work. Loneliness can only be cured by accepting loneliness. Accepting yourself.

You can and should enjoy your own company. This is why, people who are not lonely, who are okay with themselves, generally have more friends, know more people and have more fun.

Think about it. How can other people enjoy your company, when you don't enjoy your own?

I spent most of my years alone. Kids at school never really understood what I was saying most of the time. I was off in my own world. I learned to amuse myself. Whatever.

2. Material possessions are nice.

But they don't really make you happy.

For example, take a sports car. You want a sports car, or you can insert anything here. A house, a supermodel wife, a toyboy husband, a Blackberry, 6,000 dollar shirts, status, positions within a company, blablabla. Anything you can ever desire.

Now, does owning a sports car directly makes you happy?

How?

A sports car makes me happy because _______.

And then:

________ makes me happy because ________.

Let me simulate one.

A sports car makes me happy because I can travel in style.

Travelling in style makes me happy because people will look at me and admire me.

Having people look at me and admire me makes me happy because I am an attention-seeking whore.

Ah yes, ALL desires and wants for material things stems from one of our archetypes, one of our personalities - the attention-whore.

In some people, this is all they are. They do everything, so they can look good, or better than other people. These are complete attention-whores.

Now, I am not saying that being an attention-whore is good or bad. But if you're an attention-whore, you're an attention-whore.

3. No one can approve of you.

No one can, and no one will.

Our society, our species, is extremely self-centered. Most people are obsessed about how they look to other people, without having the time or energy to care about how other people look. Can you see the irony?

They only care about how other people look, IN RELATION TO, how they look.

Self-centered, ego-centric, insecure bitches - that's what we are.

So after accepting the fact that no one in the world can or will approve of you, actually eliminates a lot of worry.

Some sneaky fucktards will try to sneak in and try to convince you that their approval is worth it. No. Their approval means nothing, because they mean nothing. Not to you.

In each person's case, the most powerful person, is that person itself. Therefore the greatest, most powerful approval (or disapproval), is the one that the person can give to itself.

In conclusion, I am going to watch porn now.

Woke Up in the Morning

Got myself a gun.

Yesterday was bad. I smoked five sticks and started coughing like shit. My body can no longer take cigarettes all that well.

But I got me a bottle of Benadryl. Yeah! Last night, I was writing under a cloud of haziness. Drunken Writing, no, Drugged Writing.

I woke up today, and saw that what I wrote - for this side project I have - is not that bad. It's new, it's fresh, and if I were to go a bit artsy on it, it can be really, really good.

But if I were to make it twisted and twirling, it will be difficult for the audience to follow.

Oh well, I will have to sit down and discuss it with the people who commissioned the work.

Now, today, I am moving on to another project. Hope to finish it by tomorrow morning. But first, I need to go to the office. Yes, I work Sundays. My Sabbath is on Saturday, like a Jew.

PG-13

I spent the better half of this morning, talking to a pretty girl. I am such a fucking stud.

I was like, "Hey, Pretty Girl!"

And she was like, "Hey, Big John Stud!"

"I'm more like, Ravishing Rick Rude," I said. With the butt-clenching kisses to punctuate my remark.

Val Venis: Hello, Ladies!

Me: ...

Pretty Girl: ...

Me: Get off my fucking story, Penis!

Pal Penis: Urrrgggghhhh!

Pretty Girls make everything okay. I mean, I spend the whole week looking at my ugly colleagues. During weekends at least, I get my dose of eye candy and stay sane.

I Should Start a Motivational Scam (ISSMS): Superstition

I have superstitions. I believe in some superstitions.

My superstitious thing is simple. If you source for something, that is exactly what you're going to get.

For example, I love my Blackberry. Any Blackberry I have, I love it. Love it, love it, love it.

Then, I found myself with TWO Blackberrys. Love it, love it, love it. Then, I am now holding THREE Blackberrys. THREE! THREE Blackberrys, my God!

I am returning one of them, because two is enough for me.

I believe that if my emotions are in-line with a particular thing, that thing will happen.

There is a danger, though. I can't focus on hate. Because what it gives, is not a THING, like a Blackberry. It's a feeling.

A friend of mine, a few years back, was very worried and suspicious about people stealing his car. One day, he was so incapacitated by his brain that he forgot to lock it. When he remembered, a few hours later, the car was gone.

I love Blackberrys, so what I get is more of that feeling. Whatever needs to happen in the physical world, happens. The world will shift and transform to give me more of what I am feeling.

It's magic.

If I hate someone, then I will get more reasons to hate them, or feel a more intense hate. That's why, every day, I sit down and cleanse myself of any hate. It works, for most things. And for most people.

I STILL hate fax machines. Just the other day, the fax machine worked and got me lots of faxes. Then, when I needed to send something, it broke down. I FUCKING HATE FAX MACHINES!

I hate judgmental stupids, so more judgmental stupids come to make me hate them even more.

It's about focus.

So today, I went out and had lunch with a pretty girl. Soon, I will be with my friends and family, spending an evening together. I don't have to focus on judgmental, competitive stupids.

You fucktards are out of my life. So go fuck yourself. I refuse to source for stupids. I no see you.

I focus on things like, orgasms. Making money. And my Blackberrys.

Zeroes: Lazy Fare

Previously, on Zeroes.

Bitch: You're not clairvoyant, Amir! You don't know what's going to happen! You saw me dead, right? But I'm still alive!

Me: Look out!

BAM! CRASH! BIFF! OOF! STAB! STAB! STAB! ZING! KA-SPLATT!

Me: Umm...

Bitch: I... am stil... al...

Me: Ooookay.

And now, for the hals-season finale:

Me: You know, I'm looking for a Superhero name.

Slut: How about I-Told-You-So-Man?

Me: That's a bit...

Cunt: Yeah! Cause you like, tell me what's going to happen, and they happen. You're so I-Told-You-So-Man.

Me: But... I don't -

Slut: Yeah, I know you're laughing inside! You're laughing at all of us!

Me: Why - ?

Cunt: Because you're always right.

Me: That's because I can predict the future.

Slut: I know! How about, I'm-Always-Right-Man?

Cunt: Yeah! I'm-Always-Right-Man sounds right!

Me: Nevermind...

I Should Start a Motivational Scam (ISSMS)

Motivational courses in the capital, well, most of them, are copies - watered down - from a few formerly big motivation courses.

The 'trainers' or speakers go to these courses, steal what they can, and set up their own companies. At least, that's how it looks to me.

And here's the big secret. They charge higher than the original.

I don't begrudge them a living, but if any of you want to go to any motivational course, here is an alternative: ME.

I have gone through a lot of them, early on in life. Though out of respect, I will not reveal or use any of their methodologies, I shall share with you the main lessons I personally got from these things.

LESSON 1:

I fucking hate well-dressed people.


If you go to a motivational place thing, and you see well-dressed people, those are the fucktards. I fucking hate well-dressed people at motivational shit.

And I don't even call this well-dressed, but I fucking HATE suspenders. If you see a guy in suspenders, and the only thing missing from his stupid '80s getup is a keyboard tie, either beat him up or run! Run!

LESSON 2:

After going through any motivational bullshit thing, people who haven't gone through them will try very hard to convince you that they don't need it.

THAT YOU ARE THE FUCKTARD CAUSE YOU NEED IT AND THEY ARE SUPERIOR BECAUSE THEY DON'T NEED IT.

Well, the only good answer to give is this:

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I DO NOT EVEN GIVE A SHIT IF YOUR MOTHER SLAPPED SOME PEANUT BUTTER ON HER HAIRY PUSSY AND GOT THE DOG TO LICK IT.

LESSON 3:

Buddha Powers Activate!

LESSON 4:

For US$400 million, I'll do anything you want.

I Should Start a Motivational Scam

Some people accuse me of being overly dramatic. That I imagine things. Yeah, I imagine things, that all have turned out to be true.

And then, while accusing me of being dramatic, they start painting a soap opera picture of something that was mostly a 90-second TV commercial.

Oh well. Thank God for idiots. They make me look so good.

A lot of people are still stuck in animal mode. Bleating and mooing all the time. Victim mentality. The thinking that everyone's out to get you. Which leads to spite, hatred and arrogance.

Now, I know arrogance better than anything else in this world. Arrogance, stems from insecurities. The constant need to be on top, to be 'THE ONE'.

For most of my short life here, I was insecure and was plagued with arrogance. Haven't all been bad. The side effect of audacity helped me along.

The problem with arrogance is well, two things:

1. When you are arrogant, you will not be able to learn anything. It is hard to fill a cup that is already full. Your mind will reject any new ideas or viewpoints.

This is a major thing, for me. Sometimes, the only thing that drives me forward is the opportunity to learn and see what as well as where some things will lead to.

2. People. If you are arrogant, you will turn people off.

When I was younger, I would question my father, on why he tolerates the idiots in my village. Why he was civil to all of them, with no exception.

He told me, because we all live in a community. Back then, I thought he was being a coward.

Took me 20 years to get any of that.

See, Buddha says, everything is connected. And they are. Everyone is. The wellbeing of yourself and the society as a whole is linked together.

Example: you might be making a billion dollars a year, but the tensions within the society caused riots. You still have to travel with your family, on hostile terrain, just like everybody else. And be in constant fear.

You might be poor, but things are so good for so many people, they start lending a helping hand.

Everything IS connected. Everyone is linked to each other. Negativity poured on one person will infect others and eventually come back to us. Same thing with positive energy.

We do have control over ourselves. A LOT of control. But to influence the environment around us - now that's power, and a huge, huge responsibility.

Just a word, though. Some people, like to act like animals. I aspire to be human. If I find myself as the farmer, and you as the animal...

A Small Secret

The great lie, the one being perpetrated throughout society, by some egos, is this:

In order for you to survive, you need my approval and goodwill.

And here, is the great big secret:

The only approval or goodwill you need, is your own. No one else matters.

Fantastic Mr Amir Hafizi

I woke up today, perhaps for the first time in years, without the craving for a cigarette. It just wasn't there anymore.

I don't feel angry.

I feel free. Because relying on anything or anyone is a weakness. If you can't drop everything right now and go into the jungle and just live as a caveman or some shit for the rest of your life, then you are not free.

If you are not a wild animal, you are not free.

If you cling to the perception of other people - either a slave to it, or trying desperately to control it (same thing, actually) - then you are not free.

Anyway, fuck the philosophies. I was walking just now, and I didn't cough my lungs out.

I am regaining my energy, and my thought processes are becoming less vague. I experience a kind of clarity.

It will be some weeks before I fully get used to not smoking. But the first few stages are now complete, and I am happy to say that I am happy. And free.

Thanksgiving

I woke up at 8.30am today, one of my THREE - THREE! - Blackberrys blaring its alarms.

I am not a religious person, but every time I get up, I am thankful that:

1. I am so fucking good-looking.

2. I am so fucking brilliant.

3. I have three - THREE - Blackberrys.

4. I am not a woman.

I am really glad I am not a woman. Cause a woman, can't be satisfied with anything. Even if God sends her to heaven, she's gonna be, "Why is it all so bright and shiny? And green and healthy? God, I need something ugly here, so I look better!"

Buy a woman a car, and she would say, "Why doesn't this car drive itself? Can't this car come with a phone, with a number I could call, and if I call that number, somebody's gonna come and wipe my ass after I shit?"

Oh well. Fuck them. Literally.

I enjoy my morning erection. I am thankful that my dick works. Oh, yeah, baby.

I am thankful that I am smart. I am really, really smart. They say ignorance is bliss, but I do not agree.

I am also grateful that I am smart enough to enjoy being smart without suffering from the need to compete and prove myself every single hour of every single day.

And I am really grateful, that I am really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

Benicio Del Toro looks like me.

I am in awe of myself. I do not feel any craving for cigarettes this morning, which is a huge improvement.

I am thankful that I live alone, which means I do almost everything naked.

Ah, I feel like taking a dump. G'day, sir.

House of M: De-Generation Grab

A lot of people love to read stories about say, a grandmother who tweets using a fax machine.

I laughed when my father was given a handphone, and carrying it in his UMNO bag, didn't know that it was his phone that was ringing.

Most young people see their elders as Luddites, some perhaps as relics of a bygone age.

The way flower children must have seen the baby boomers. Or something like that.

Technology used to be young people's last hiding place.

But I have seen a lot of worrying trends.

The forums and groups I go to online, used to have a rough mean age of say, 22. Now, they're 30, with more older people joining.

I played an online game, once, where my partners were no longer the high school or college kids, but car salesmen and nurses and whatever.

I see iPhones and Blackberrys in the deft and capable hands of people 20, 30 years my senior.

I see high end MacBooks as the new playthings of the older generation.

Younger kids must beg, borrow and steal for these items of some people's status symbols. Old people, just need to swipe a card or two.

I wrote last year, or two years ago, about how older people will inherit the Internet. The ageing Internet.

One of the reasons, is because generations of kids grow old. My generation grew up looking for porn on the Internet. Younger generations, they BUILT porn sites.

Now, those pioneers and pornsters and degenerates are all older.

Another factor, is the resilience and adaptive capabilities of old people.

One thing about old people - the got money, patience and experience. If they want to learn how to use a machine or an online service, they can do it. I mean, if they did not adapt, they would have been dead by now.

I have in the past snickered and hid a smirk at some old people grappling with technology they are not familar with. A couple of years later, they can show me a thing or two.

And so the meek and the old shall inherit the Internet. Young people are a transient bunch. For marketeers, if they want to build online brand loyalty, they need to attract the older crowd.

And old, does not mean olive drab fuddy-duddy square.

Old people like porn. Everybody likes porn. So I predict that the best sites in the world will host porn.

The End.

Day Dunno What

Today, I had five sticks of cigarettes. I think it's four, but I'll throw one in.

It has been a full week since I decided to stop smoking. I haven't really stopped yet, chalking only one day without a single cigarette. My lungs are better since my three-pack a day habit thing.

I notice a difference in my breathing. There is... less mucus. I cough for only perhaps, half an hour today, instead of several hours just coughing.

Work has been good. Spending time indoors mean I don't feel the need to light up cigarettes.

Outside, is another matter.

The true test is when I write my normal load, without cigarettes. I want to see if my productivity or creativity is affected in any way because I have stopped smoking.

I do know one thing, though. I get sleepy early. Pretty soon, I'm gonna turn in.

I am getting over my anger issues with nicotine withdrawal, thought I must regretfully admit that most of that stems from my scheduled smoking to ensure I don't kill people.

I am avoiding most functions and gatherings of people where cigarettes would be readily available.

That, would be Phase 2.

Middle Earth

I am bothered by my parents and my quitting smoking. So I need to take my mind of it and focus on something lighter and more frivolous.

So I'm gonna talk about Majority Malaysia. Not Middle Malaysia.

Some people might make the mistake of thinking that most Malaysians are middle-class. They believe in the bell-shaped curve. SOME poor people, some wealthy, with most in the middle class, right?

This is naive thinking. The bell-shaped curve can be applied, yes, but not in any easy-to-formulate limits and brackets. No easy Y-axis or X-axis.
I mean, the FTUW (Fuck the Urbanites for the Win!) Ministry came up with 10.4 million Malaysians living with less than RM3K per month. Many of these, I bet, are making less than 1K.

I believe that a significant number of Malaysians are poor. Poor, as in, less than 1K per month, per household. Not enough to be the majority, but say, I dunno. Seven million.

Seven million Malaysians make less than 1K per month. How do I know this? Magic. I pulled the figure out of the same ass that people who think middle Malaysia is made up of middle-class Malaysians.

This is a problem. Say, pulling from the hypothetical ass this breakdown:

Malaysia has 28 million citizens.

SAY half is the workforce. That's 14 million.:

10.4 million make less than 3K a month.

3 million make between 3K and 8K a month.

600K make more than 8K.

Where is Middle Malaysia?

If you're going for the middle 3 million, you are a fool.

The problem with Malaysia has always been the majority's not a big enough majority, and minorities are not really minorities.

Otherwise, politicians like the Lims can just focus either on the majority or on a collection of minorities. Their 'all-inclusive' Middle Malaysia is naive at best, and greedy at worst. Greedy cause the middle class can give more donations.

The real Middle Malaysia lies in the 10.4 million poor people. Malaysians are mostly poor. Even though SOME PEOPLE claim to have eradicated poverty in Penang in just one year, there are still 10.4 million poor people.

People like to focus on money and spending power. But come election time, 10.4 million people is 10.4 million votes. From the poor.

And it doesn't matter how fashionable your latte is, or your Toyota Camry is (for Nizar) or your Harrier is (for UMNO fucktards). The poor people - the real middle Malaysia - will either vote their pain and suffering in, or they will come and kill you. They will kill us all.

For, when you've got nothing to lose, who the fuck gives a shit?

Malaysia Menthol Lights

So Uncle Najib has 1Malaysia, and The Lims have Middle Malaysia.

Since Malaysia's greatest strength is coming up with middling slogans, I would like to propose one of my own:

Malaysia Menthol Lights - for the 'liberals' who constantly talk about 'old London vs new London'. Or hot chocolate. As in, 'where's the best hot chocolate you've ever had? Piccadilly Station?'They claim to be Malaysians, but are whiter than white - as in race AND nationality. They claim to be liberal about everything, but are very intolerant about a lot of things. In general, hypocritical dickheads.

You know what I hate about liberals? They claim to be open to everything, or perhaps a lot of things. One major thing, is freedom of speech.

If you're liberal, you MUST support freedom of speech, right?

So, when Aduka Taruna badmouthed the late Sultan of Johor, where are all the liberals who should be jumping up and down to defend him, huh?

It's freedom of speech, this is YOUR cause.

"I hate you, but I'll defend your right to say it" and shit, right?

Where the fuck are the liberals?

Oh, it's not fashionable? Yasmin Ahmad's death was fashionable for you, izzit? Haiti is fashionable for you, huh?

Fuck you.

I agree with Chris Rock.

Everyone is an idiot. BN people are idiots, PKR people are stupid, PUS people suck and have the collective IQ of a paramecium, DAP people are as smart as the hairs on my ass. Liberals are idiots. The Islams are fools.

Why? Cause, according to Chris Rock, whosoever makes their minds up about an issue before they've heard everything about it, is a fucking fool.

Be. A. Fucking. Person.

LISTEN!

Listen to the issues, and THEN make up your mind. I mean, some shit I agree with this side, some shit I agree with that side. Not cause I'm Middle Malaysia.

Example: PR saying the Government system is open for corruption.

I can dig that. I believe that the system is open for misuse and abuse of power.

PR saying BN Government the only part of Government that is corrupt.

Nope, I don't agree with that. Both BN and PR are open for power abuse. Don't give me that bullshit.

Same thing with religion. Race. Whatever.

I dunno, man. I am going to sleep now, cause I don't have any cigarettes.

Silence of the Lims: Mediocre Malaysia

After the failure of the extremely vague and perhaps subtly racist Malaysian Malaysia, Lim and The Holograms, I mean, The Lims and DAP have come up with yet another equally vague and perhaps subtly racist concept to shove down the throats of all idiots in Malaysia.

The concept? Middle Malaysia.

Yo, what the fuck does this mean? I Googled it, and all I got was The Lim Dynasty, father and son, attacking BN and UMNO. Is that Middle Malaysia? That's not new.

Okay, so I read some of the articles, and no one has actually defined what the fuck does the concept mean? It's the same bullshit as Malaysian Malaysia.

Malaysian Malaysia was basically, "We wanna be racist, but we wanna be subtle about it, so we're gonna leave this concept vague, but with enough (FAKE) semblance of equality to fool the garden-variety liberals and self-hating Malay apologists while at the same time take MORE money for us and claim it as an equalising whateverthefuck."

Middle Malaysia, according to The Lims, is to make sure everyone takes the middle ground in issues like Allah.

Waitaminute. So, for issues like the name Allah - can it be used by everyone or just the Muslims - what constitutes as middle ground?

Muslims can use Allah from 12 noon Tuesday to Friday?

Muslims take Al, Catholics take lah? What?

What the fuck, man? I mean, there are some things in life, in which there are only black and white. No greys.

Like, you can't be a little bit pregnant.

You can't be a little bit pregnant. You can't!

I see the silence of the Lims as an indication that Middle Malaysia is poised to incite and inspire hatred, envy and racism. Just as Malaysian Malaysia did.

I raise my glass today, in toast to a mediocre Malaysia, a middling country that constantly falls for stupid slogans such as Middle Malaysia.

Suck my dick. I got an appointment, I will write more later.

Scenes of the Father

My father is not invincible. But he acts as if he is.

Recently, some of his daily death-defying actions almost got him warded till the end of his life.

All of us have been advising him, but he refuses to listen.

It is no longer cute.

I called him up just now, and told him off. He just listened, as I did, when I was a teenager, and then passed the phone back to my mother. His philosophy has always been to live life as he sees fit before the end.

He believes that it's just going to be a full stop.

I see ellipses.

I see plastic tubes. Four going in. Three going out. I see ECG meters hooked on. I know the possibilities of a long life, connected to machines.

Judging by the hardiness of the people in my family - severe illnesses can only slow us down - being hooked to machines for the next 20 years is a very real possibility.

I don't think he would enjoy being hooked to machines. I do not want to drive him to suicide, if he wakes up in a hospital ward and discovers that he no longer has any say in his freedom or independence.

I want to be there, back home, but I have lots of work to do. And there is very little I can do, even if I'm there. I can argue with him, but he is beyond arguments. Beyond logic. The man who was once pure intellect has succumbed to base emotions. I cannot reason with him anymore.

Oh well. What a time to quit smoking, huh?

I am so fucking pissed off, but I know my father is even more so. I'll do what I can. But there's only so much.

Blackout

You know what I hate? When people say to me, in defence of some racist, lying motherfucker, "Oh, everyone's racist." Or "Everybody lies."

So what if everybody lies? Imma still call you a liar.

And everyone's a racist? You calling me a racist, you fucking gook? I kick your fucking chink ass motherfucker, motherfucker.

The point is, so what if everybody's say, worshipping some talking snake in the sky? Just because everyone's doing something doesn't mean we have to do it too. What are we? A pack of stampeding bison?

I mean, If everyone's fucking Jessica Alba, I'd go and get some too. But if everyone's fucking Sophia Loren, I'm locking mah doors, 'aight?

Saying that everybody's racist and that everybody's lying is also saying two things:

1. I (I being the guy/slut who said the sentence) am a fucking liar, and I am a fucking racist.

2. I am JUDGING you, assuming that you are a fucking liar and that you are a RACIST.

I don't give a shit, but calling somebody a racist is a big thing. It's a huge insult. For example, the sentence:

Lee Kuan Ying is a racist bastard.

In this sentence, it is implied that not only is the person named Lee Kuan Ying is a bastard, but above all else, he is a fucking racist as well.

Now, that was just an example. People named Lee Kuan Ying are NOT racists.

Now, whenever someone says to you, "Everyone's racist", he is basically saying, "Lee Kuan Ying is a racist bastard. And YOU are like Lee Kuan Ying as well."

I will not be mentioned in the same breath as Lee Kuan Ying. My ego disallows such a thing.

Okay. AM blacking out now. Fainting. Oh, the title.

G'nite!

Zero: Rant

I am angry and tired. Angry because there are no cigarettes, and tired because there are no nictine from said cigarettes.

I have zero energy left. I was planning to do some work tonight, but I think a full 12 hour sleep is needed.

So I spent around an hour, goofing on Naruto fans. I hate Naruto fans. If you're a Naruto fan, I hate you. What are you gonna do? hand-seal me to death?

For the uninitiated (read: old), Naruto is a Japanese comic and animation. Naruto fans are your kids. I hate your kids.

I have been picking fights with Naruto fans since the last century, when Naruto was not even conceived yet. Back then, we used to fight over Stargate and Babylon V and Seaquest DSV.

Naruto is basically about ninjas. Ninjas do hand seals, and big stupid frogs come out. Or some lame magic trick.

Here. Let me give you a seal-no-jutsu:

Tiger-Monkey-Rooster-FUCK YOU!

I hate Naruto as much as I hate Bleach. Naruto and Bleach are pennance sent by God to Earth.

I fucking hate ALL modern anime. None of them are as cool as the old ones were. All modern anime are done by studios, with the main directive of making profit.

There will be no more Hideaki Anno rebel whatever with Evangelion. No more Shiniciro Watanabe's Cowboy Bebop. No more Serial Experiment Lain. No more Kino's Journey.

Now it's all conveyor belt sushi. Anime has lost its soul.

After Bebop, I have retired from watching anime. With the exception of Kino's Journey.

This is it for me. Except for hentai, no more anime. I'm done, man.

I am also crossing the generation gap. I discovered that there are younger kids watching anime.

And they act as if they're the first ones to watch anime, and that Ghibli Studios are the only things worth watching. Reminds me of me, when I first saw Pon Poko and Nausicaa and Mononoke.

They claim that all of Hollywood steal from anime. ANything and everything good from Hollywood, is taken from anime. Well, not everything. Hollywood also steals from European cinema.

HK cinema steals Hollywood's effects. Bollywood steals storylines and plot. Even manga and anime draw from Hollywood.

And Malaysia, we draw from all these sources.

I hate Naruto fans. I even hate Ghibli fans. I hate all.

I'm tired. And I want to sleep.

The Circle of Life

So I went on some spiritual journey bullshit, right?

Learned the ways (and positions) of the Buddha, right? Trained with the Whore-Priestesses of Shabda-Oud. Read A New Earth 200 times. Read Osamu Tezuka's Buddha, as well as a comic based solely on the King James Bible. Watched Avatar five times.

At the end of the spiritual journey, I wind up where I started with, I don't give a shit. It's just that now, my 'I don't give a shit' is really... well, honestly? I don't give a shit.

Muahahahaha.

I'm happy, but I'm tired. I am taking a day off tomorrow. Nobody fucking mess with me tomorrow, or I will dedicate the day to fucking with you.

Don't Make Me...

It has been a few days since I quit smoking. And I am ANGRY! ANGRY!

And I find myself explaining things. Why this is happening or that, and whatever. It seems I have regressed to my teen years, when I actually gave a fuck about shit.

Just the other day, someone came up to me and asked for directions.

Dude: Dude, where is blablabla?

Me: UP. YOUR. ASS.

And that's where I sent him. Up his ass.

The explaining, I really hate. Especially, if it's one of my bosses asking.

Boss: Hey, can you do this?

Me: Ah, yes, well, it is possible, but it depends on some variables, see? If the windspeed and local gravitational constant is withing range of a thousandth of a decimal point and if Uranus is aligned with Neptune and Pluto, well, that's not really a planet, just some space junk, right? And if the heavenly bodies, and not the Heavenly Kings, are all right see, we can certainly do it. But I must say. Our ___ SUCK ASS. And we need more access to ___ and ___, see?

Boss: Ah. Hehehe.

It's a wonder whether I get to stop smoking, or get fired first.

The worst thing, though, is controlling my body. My mind tries to do some old tricks.

"Come on, a pack of 14s is not as bad as three packs a day!" I would reason with myself. "I mean, you've done good! You're not coughing anymore. Your sense of smell is better. And you sleep more now. Time to reward yourself."

No. I can allow the occasional cigarette or two a day, but I can't be buying packs, or sitting down and knocking back stick after stick.

My mind, I can control. I spent most of my life, training my brain.

My body, though, is experiencing cold sweats, shakes and a desire to punch people in the face.

I allow anger to fester. Allow it. Embrace it. Acknowledge it. And then let it go. If it becomes too tedious, I get a stick. Takes the edge off, but only if I wait for a full hour before lighting it up.

After a full 60 minutes, you lose the need.

I'm still angry, though. Angry and tired. But I haven't bought a single pack since Wednesday. Or was it Tuesday.

I will not go back to my addiction. Fuck cigarettes. I have been coughing for five years. These past few days, I've been breathing easy.

Sure, I don't write as much and I don't stay up as long, but that can change, when I get hooked on caffeine. Or ampethamines. Or pseudoepinephrine.

Not making sense now. Because I am ANGRY! ANGRY!

Anger

I am angry. Angry! ANGRY!

So I'm gonna go to sleep now.

Top 10 Movies of ALL Time

Avatar sure did screw up my list.

Here it is, my list:

1. Babe

- Babe is the greatest movie ever made.

2. Fight Club

- Yep.

3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

- U-huh.

4. Visitor Q

- Takashi Miike's masterpiece

5. The Incredibles

- best 3D, best Brad Byrd movie ever.

6. Avatar

- best execution of any film, on any astral plane.

7. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch.

- basically, one movie redone twice.

8. Thank You For Smoking

- Jason Reitman, yo!

9. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

- I saw this over 21 times, over a period of three months.

10. Reservoir Dogs

The Eastern Response

Every time Hollywood makes a visually stunning movie, the Hongkies will come out with a cheaper imitation a few years later. Or films that feature the same or similar effects.

After The Matrix, I saw one Cheng E-Kin movie with the same bullet-time effects. After Transformers, there was Kung Fu Cyborg. After 300, came Storm Warriors.

I wonder, what kind of Hong Kong movie would come out, as a response to Avatar? Would they even dare?

Nicotine Ties

I just woke up at 8.30am, and there are no cigarettes. Not a single stick.

Last night, after meeting a reasonably hot woman, I went home, stripped, and fell asleep naked on my bed.

My waking time has been reduced significantly. I wonder, how will I do my work now?

Cigarettes.

It was as if I started breathing, on the night I smoked.

On I could never ever, remember what I did before.

What would we do, baby, without smokes? What would we do, baby, without smokes?

Sha na na naaaa.

Too Tired to Die

Am tired. To bed now. To bed.

Withdrawal: Day 0.5

It's been around half a day since I decided to stop smoking. I will finally stop smoking tomorrow.

For now, I still have a few sticks left in my apartment.

It has not been easy. I write a lot at home, and finding myself without cigarettes constantly between my fingers has caused my mind to erect blocks when writing.

However, I believe that this is temporary, as my body and my brain gets used to the lack of nicotine. I mean, Neil Gaiman, (chaos be upon him) used to smoke. He gave it up AND coffee. Switching instead to tea.

I find that some things work, some things don't.

Thinking about smoking does not help. Thinking about cigarettes, lighters, etc. Watching movies where people smoke, has not been easy.

Reading books work, as it takes my mind off smoking. And whenever I do think about smoking, I remember what Buddha would say. Or what Zen monks said. Especially Hakuin. Or that Hindu dude.

Smoking para[hernalia - ashtrays, lighters, do not work. It causes me to think about smoking. I need to put them in boxes tomorrow. Out of sight, out of mind.

However, I believe that I would have to use everything I have learned so far in life to kick this habit.

Thailand weaned me off desire. Taught me how to throw ambition away.

New Age philosphy calmed me down and slowed my frantic lifestyle.

All the hokey, corny things from Kung Fu Panda to Tao Te Ching to the Rig Veda.

This is me at full efficiency. I hope it is enough. Otherwise, it's time for drugs.

Day 0

Today, I woke up around noon, and decided to quit smoking. Again. This is attempt number... 49? I don't know. I once stopped for three weeks or three months. I can't remember.

I just sat there on my bed, thinking. Considering my options. The hows, not the whys. I know the whys.

I smoke three packs of Marlboro Menthol Lights a day. At 9.30 a pack, that's RM1,000 a month. Not counting the money I spend on lighters, cough medication and sweets. Those sweets I take to regulate my coughing will give me diabetes.

I have been coughing for five years. I get bronchitis every eight months. I have to scale my teeth every six months.

Fuck the whys. I am just concerned with how I am going to do this.

There are drugs. There's Champix, an over-the-counter that fools your brain into thinking that you've already had too much nicotine, making it taste bad.

A 12-week course. The cost? Anywhere between RM120-RM840. I don't know. I know of the drug, but has never tried it.

Then, there's acupuncture. Around 600 bucks for 10 sessions. Worked for one of my friends. Unfortunately, I think it's all psychological. The problem with me is that I am arrogant and paranoid enough not to allow any manipulation of that sort.

Nicotine gums and patches don't work for me.

And after all that, there is only one way of doing it. Cold turkey.

So I took stock. I had half a pack left. There are six sticks of Dunhill Lights left from a night at a club.

So, I will take the half pack to work. Finish it, and that would be it. AT work. At home, I still have six sticks. I am going to finish the six sticks tonight, and that would be it. That's all she wrote. I'm done! I'm through!

Hahaha.

It wasn't that easy. An hour after I stubbed out my last cigarette from the half-pack, I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I felt sleepy, lethargic. I feel an urge to go and light a cigarette.

Resisting the urge didn't work. What worked was to accept the craving. To acknowledge it and move on with work.

I am not worried about psychologically keeping my addiction in check. I am righteous and arrogant enough to keep my mind under control. I am wary of the physical effects it will have on me for the first three months.

I am worried, about energy.

Oh well. You can't make whatever, without breaking a few eggs.

Today, was a trial run. Tomorrow, it's cold turkey all the way.

Budd-dynomite! Dynomite!

So I went home last night, and some ninjas jumped out from behind the mailbox.

Ninja1: We will destroy you!

Me: Buddha Punch!

And they all went dead.

Some rempits on EX5s came with Molotov cocktails and threw them at me. I caught two, and started drinking.

Budd-dynomite! Dynomite!



Suddenly, one guy jumped out. Again, from behind the mailbox. I began to check the mailbox, just in case there's a town I didn't notice behind it.

Guy: You! You need to teach me the ways of the Bukkakke!

Me: It is hard to fill a cup that is already full.

Guy: But... my cup is empty.

Me: Buddha KICK!

And I kicked his head into the wall.

Budd-dynomite! Dynomite!



Me: I don't teach idiots.

So I went up to my apartment and immediately stripped. I went to the toilet and took a crap.

Budd-dynomite! Dynomite!

Shpadoinkle

I was about to write a scathing indictment against humans in general, when I find that I can't really complain. I'm sorry, but I am not at all bitter this week. Not even in the slightest bit.

I mean, I could do with a lot more money, and more nubile Nubian girls sucking my dick, but don't we all?

Certainly, we are surrounded by idiots. But that makes us look good. Thank you, God, for making idiots. I look so good now. For in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Or, in the land of eunuchs, Japanese men are giants.

And yes, sure, I need more sleep. But I have a Bold II. For at least a month (it's a review unit. I didn't buy it. Not on my salary) I watched Avatar for the fifth time this week, with Cheepork, and to make it less of a gay affair, we brought a woman along as well.

The sun is shining, WAS shining. It's almost six in the morning. The birds were singing. The grass is green, the skies are (dark) blue, yadda yadda yadda.

So what can I do for you? Ah, let that hold for tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day.

Notes on the Run: THY ION and A

So I spent the whole day on my bed, trying to sleep. And right now, at 4am, I am doing work - a lot of work - as well as having my bluetooth headset on, paired with one of my two Blackberrys.

Dabarrruuuu Burackberryyyy Pawaaaaa! Tooomahawk! Boomerang!

Yea, two Blackberrys, a Bluetooth headset, in shorts and a t-shirt. I do my best work after 12. Modnight and noon.

For dinner, though, I spent most of the evening, talking to a future collaborator. After word got out that I did some movies, I guess some people now want me to write for them as well. Unfortunately, I can only do one or two movies a year. Maybe three.

So I have to choose carefully.

Anyway, we got to talking about marriage. I don't know why. I guess, since we're Malays, we'll end up talking about marriage anyway.

This guy loooovvvveessss marriage. He loves the whole communal spirit thing. How some bonds are so strong, it can withstand a lot of shit.

Me? I'm a bit skeptical of marriage. I have never met any married couple whom, when asked, 'why did you get married' ever said, 'Oh, I love the other person' or 'I like their company'.

It's always, 'I'm OLD!' or 'I want babies!' or 'I'm horny!' or 'I'm gay and need heterosexual marriage to cover up my gay-ness!'

Lamest excuse I ever heard of? 'I want someone to eat with.'

Oh well. A few years ago, I would have shat on the very concept of marriage. Took me a long time to discover that even though the usual motherfuckers usually judge me, I don't have to judge them. It is a waste of time. I'm better off doing movies.

I got a few projects lined up this year. Some old, some new. A documentary or two, some comics, maybe a game, some TV shows. One or two movies. Possibly three. Any more, and I would have to get myself cloned.

Which reminds me. My coffee is almost finished. I need more coffee. NOTE TO SELF: Buy more coffee tomorrow.

I turned down some offers to write novels this year. I wrote a novel once. An adaptation of a movie called Susuk. I didn't write the script for the movie, just the English novelisation.

During the book launch (there was a launch! Hurrah!), there was perhaps only one guy there to ask questions about how one goes about to be an author. The others, I suspect, were sitting there because there were chairs at the launch and the bookstore did not have very much in terms of chairs.

"Well," I said. "Somebody asked me to write this book, and so I did."

I wasn't trying to take the Mickey out of him. Wasn't trying to mock him. It was true.

Usually, I would be sitting at home, watching porn, and then somebody would call me up and ask me, "Hey, you wanna do this? Or that?"

Or, "Hey, we're having problems with this. Can you do something about it?"

I was in my 20s, and usually, when people ask me to try something new, barring homosexuality and fucking goats, I would say yes, and tell them yes, that I would have a go at it.

And then I would continue watching porn.

A few days later, or perhaps in some cases, the very next day, I would come back home with some notes from a meeting.

Never planned it. My plan was, the original plan was, to work as a computer programmer until I was 55, retire, look back at the wasted life I lived, and start writing a book.

I still have not written that book, but I have written a lot of things. Which reminds me. Keyboard. I need a new keyboard. This one is missing letters already. The letters N, T, H, Y, O and I are all gone. Oh, and A as well, because I also write in Bahasa Malaysia and that language uses a lot of As.

NOTE: Go and buy USB keyboards this week. HP makes the best keyboards.

These days, I feel old. I get young people coming up to me and say, "I wanna do this!" or "I wanna do that!"

What the fuck can I tell you, man? I do not have the answers to the universe. There were many times I was wrong. Like that plan I had for my life. I am wrong 50% of the time. My instincts, however, are always right. 100%. No questions asked.

So, follow your instincts.

My instinct was, to write. I once wrote 17 short stories in a year. Copying the style of Stephen King, and then, miserably failing to imitate RA Lafferty, I sent all the stories to the school magazine.

One year, they published around six of my stories. I remember one teacher - Miss Hasni, who was managing the publication of the school magazine - sitting me down, and asking me, "What do you want to be, when you get out of college?"

It was one of those serious questions. Not the kind of thing your primary school teacher asked you in Standard One. That was 10 years past. I was 17. I was on the precipice of determining where I was to go in life.

So I fixed my gaze, cleared my throat, and said, "I want to be a financial speculator."

She was perplexed. I had dreams where I would speculate on the US dollar and drive America to bankruptcy.

Now, being the most arrogant man on the planet, it would be easy for me to descend into hubris.

So I must say here, that I am not the greatest writer in the world. I'm not even the greatest writer in this country. The only difference between me and some of the greatest writers in the world, is that I write. A lot.

I know some fantastic writers, and they do not write. Some are afraid that they would write crap. I'm not scared. I've made quite possibly all the mistakes one can make in writing, in writing. And I am arrogant enough to think that may be true.

I do not discriminate between jobs. I would write a blog, status updates, movies, articles, poems, plays, novels, short stories, comic books, games, whatever. People ask me to do it, and plonk down 30% advance, and 90% of the time, I would do it.

I once wrote translations for RM40 per paragraph. The only problem was, there was only one paragraph to be translated.

Writing this blog has afforded me many opportunities. Even having a Facebook account opened doors I never knew were there. One of the writing jobs I may be taking came from a Facebook acquaintance.

My work in newspapers and TV and magazines also helped open up many possibilities. There is a shortage of writers in Malaysia. There are so many things to write.

The reason why a lot of writers eventually end up with a Government job, or sell burgers by the roadside, is due to many factors. It is not an easy vocation, but if you treat life as abundant, it will be abundant. I mean, I'm broke all the time, but I always have too much to write.

Which reminds me.

I need to get back to work. See you in a bit.

Blogberry Bold II

All blog posts since, say, 8pm was written on Blackberry Bold 9700 (Bold II). The keypad is so smooth, I'm having an orgasm.

For Neytiri: Excellence of Execution

I was talking to fellow filmmakers the other day, about Avatar.

We were of the mind that what James Cameron did was the best execution of a movie done in the history of filmmaking.

Some people pooh-pooh the story, but they might as well stick their tongue out at the stories of Jesus, Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, Gilgamesh, Sigurd the Volsung, Beowulf, Alice in Wonderland, The Lord of the Rings, The Muppet Movie and every story that follows the monomyth structure.

You know, Joseph Campbell's Hero of a Thousand Faces? How every story is just one story. Told and retold again.

The problem with Malaysian works is not about creativity. There are lots of creativity in film, theatre, music, etc.

The problem? Execution. At the stage of execution, either in writing it down, acting, singing, recording it, Malaysian artists and artistes usually struggle at execution.

Hell, when writing, I struggle when I write - the execution part of my craft. The idea is there. How do I do it? That's the vital part.

I see a lot of Malaysian creative people or wannabe creative people threatened by works like Avatar, like Cirque du Soleil, like Michael Jackson. Beyonce. Whatever.

They perhaps cannot fathom working that hard for something. Maybe their pay is small. I mean, no movie from Malaysia has ever reached the 10 million gross barrier, let alone USD1 billion.

Perhaps what we don't realise is that the excellence of execution does not necessarily mean a spectacle. An epic. Or a large, difficult thing.

The excellence of execution can exist in small things. And from small things, it can combine to bigger and much bigger things.

The Japanese understand this. Look at their food! Some are just raw and tastes bad! But the execution of the meal, the presentation, is so good, you can't complain paying six bucks for two pieces of raw fish on rice with some seaweed.

Malaysian artists and artistes and craftsmen possess the expansive creative demiurgic power. An explosive power. Without the finesse of Lucifer to weave that energy and those dreams into something great.

In essence, I find the resentment towards great execution to stem from insecurities about our own unwillingness to put love into our craft. A laziness, perhaps.

We are all guilty of it, at some point or another. Until we embrace a culture of excellent execution, we are doomed to be just where we are, doing what we do. And jealous of other people's work.

Dalai Llama Melayu: Punca Kemiskinan Orang Melayu

Orang Melayu miskin, pasal bila ada duit je, beli handphone. Duit orang Melayu semua habis kat situ je.

Rumah takde. Tanah gadai. Pastu beli handphone.

Terutama sekali, iPhone. Tengoklah KJ. IPhone je dia ingat. KJ berjaya, di bawah pemerintahan Pak Lah, untuk menjadi antara orang pertama membeli iPhone. Sebelum ada khidmat 3G atau apa-apa untuk menampungnya.

Seorang lelaki Melayu seperti saya sewajarnya mempunyai 3 handphone.

Satu untuk kerja, satu untuk awek-awek gatal dan satu lagi hanya untuk ditunjuk kepada orang.

Contohnya, sekarang ini saya menunjuk-nunjuk Blackberry Bold 9700(Bold II) yang baru di Midvalley.

Orang tua-tua memberi kiasan, 'seperti kadok naik junjung.' Atau 'seperti si kudung mendapat cincin.'

Itu aku la tu.

Aku cuma harap aku bukan 'seperti kera mendapat bunga.'

Apotheosis: To BOLDly Go

I am using a Blackberry Bold 9700 (or Bold II) to write this post this on my blog.

Used to only entry-level devices, this experience with the Bold II has made me a God. Apotheosis, yo!

I choose to be the Atheist God Atheismo.

Man! This keypad is so smooth. It's like pressing down on 35 tiny tits. Mmmmm.

And I can finally watch YouTube with almost no hassle. Man! If it weren't for all these people, I would run my dick all over this keypad.

Who is your God now, huh? Huh?

The Faith and Moral Teachings of Neytiri of Pandora

What a week. I woke up today, feeling physically drained. I have been tired for a number of weeks now. Cut off from the source of all power - Thailand - I took all the lessons learned from that place and lived a much better life than I ever did.

Truth. Humility. Compassion. Respect.

I am a firm believer in The Truth, no matter where that may take me. I am a creature of dreams, and yet I follow The Truth.

A lot of people mistake The Truth for Being Right. Being Right is really unecessary. Most of my depression and despair came from the desire for Being Right.

If you are in line with The Truth, you have no need for Being Right, which is a poisonous state of being.

Humility is knowing - not faking it - that you are neither superior nor inferior than anyone, in essence. While form may be different, essence remains the same. Humans have the advantage of realising that essence, the core of being, is the same all around.

When you realise that there are no levels, that levels are a disease of the mind, an illusion, you start to connect with a lot of things. You have access to Eywa. You don't need an organic USB port.

When you realise that you are not petty or small, you stop being petty and small.

I once put it as, "When I stop looking up to and looking down on people, I start to look around, and find that everyone is there with me. Has always been there with me, on one giant level. The same one. For everyone."

This eliminates hate, bigotry, racism, religious fervour, etc.

The Truth is, life is abundance. There is enough space, enough resources, enough people, enough jobs, enough food for everyone. Sure, the logistics suck ass, but it's there for the taking. It's there for the giving.

Compassion, lies with empathy. I am not the most empathic person ever. Some signals, though, are too big, too bright, to ignore.

If I could, I would live your life for you. Correwnt your 'mistakes', share your glory. But I can't.

Respect. Respect is not, "I respect you!". No. Respect is acknowledgement. An acknowledgement not of the ego, but to the self which is as big as the universe.

As Neytiri would have it, "I see you."

It is not, "I see into you." It is, in fact, empathy. I feel you. I get you. I am with you.

Not your ego. Fuck the ego. You.

And the last thing, I want to fuck Neytiri. I wanna fuck Neytiri's organic USB port. Oh yeah! I wanna put my balls on her face. And suck on her tentacles. I want to play with her tail. And then bite it.

The Tenets of Atheism

Beware! Atheists walk amongst us! They also believe in the future, pertaining to some predictions about certain future events. They say that these future events will affect us... in the future!*

Atheists believe in the god Atheismo. They believe that Atheismo created the world between 13.5 to 14 billion years ago.

However, since the Great Atheismo has confidence issues, he does not recognise his handiwork or his involvement in the creation of the universe.

"I was just, you know, messing around," he said, in an interview. "It was just... random."

And so Atheismo slept on the final billionth year, leaving things to unfold as they would. He also died, but death ahs never had a hold on Atheismo.

Atheists wait for the day when Atheismo will wake up from his slumber and gobble the world up entirely.

The crazed poet Abi Al-Hazred wrote, "In his house, in sunken R'lyeh, dead Atheismo lies dreaming.

"That is not dead with which eternal lie, and with strange Ians, even death may die."

It is believed that the 'strange Ian' is in fact, Globetrekker Ian Wright. That one day, he will travel to the prophesised R'lyeh and wake up Atheismo.

An ancient sacred video called Futurama credits Atheismo as one of the great Gods prayed to in the distant future.


* Research Ed Wood

Half-Time

I just completed 12 hours of work. Mostly work. I did have lunch. Twice. And dinner. And tea.

Anyway, I have been up for 12 hours and been working straight, and my day has only half concluded.

This other half, will be spent on preparing for the next day. It would have been terrible, if it weren't for the fact that yesterday, I already prepared for today. Meaning, everything was half done.

The only difference is, today's preparations are two-fold. I have an important meeting in the morning, which may mean myself getting some shut-eye at 1am and waking up at 5am to prepare, or it could just mean I will plow through everything right now. Judging by the fact that I already bought three packs of cigarettes and two bottles of tea, it will be the latter.

Today, was a good day. I met an old friend. And I made a new friend in the form of the Blackberry Bold.

Everything is moving forward on ALL fronts. I couldn't believe it, but by 10pm, there was no more drama, nothing else for me to take care of. Just waiting for some things to finish their course.

I rarely have moments with which to catch my breath, and a period of no drama left me almost light-headed.

I believe that everything I worked for these past several years are finally beginning to come together.

I mean, I did not have a plan. I learned the futility of planning early on.

My earliest plans were to be a hournalist for eight years, start writing comics, then, books, and after that, TV series and movies. I could never do what Neil Gaiman (cbuh) did, but I was content to try.

Then, I decided to become Mr Lim Chang Moh.

Mr Lim Chang Moh is a legend amongst Malaysian journalists. He reviewed movies for like, 35 years or something like that.

My plan was, way back in 2004, was to keep on working at The Malay Mail until I die of lung cancer.

Two years later, I felt the compelling urge to leave. And so I did. The only thing I had with me was my last month's salary, some RM20,000 in debts a friend owed me, as well as charity and goodwill from some of my former bosses.

The first day I was without a job, I walked the streets of KL, taking in the dirt and the smoke and the smell of hot asphalt and carburetor dung. I felt invincible - a being of limitless potential.

Though truth be told, I was involved with some conmen who raised my hopes and dashed them on the rocks of reality and despair.

I learned, quickly, that my time and energy are precious. I can't waste them on pipe dreams of others and bullshit.

My father back then had suffered his second and third strokes. He recovered. My father has always recovered, confounding all the doctors we took him to. No disease could ever get him down. Once, they only gave him six months to five years to live. Now, 30 years later, he still takes care of his one acre land. Alone.

Back then, though, I was wondering to myself, "For how long?"

He did his part. I mean, he was not the greatest father in the world. But he gave it his best shot. What was my best shot?

Back then, I was fuelled with anger, hate and despair. I see kids nowadays, and they deal with anger, hate and despair. If I could, I would tell them that it doesn't always work. That sometimes, most of the times, anger, hate and despair can only beget more anger, hate and despair.

Suspicion, paranoia, and an unending desire to be THE ONE. That's like trying to empty the ocean with a plastic bucket.

And then, an old woman comes and pees in the ocean.

"Every little bit helps," said the old woman. (This is Neil Gaiman's (cbuh) favourite... quote? story? thing. His favourite thing. Or was it Alan Moore (cbuh)? ANyway,)

And then, you're left there, holding the bucket. Why don't you kick it as well?

I made friends, I lost some. To hate, anger, despair. SOme of them, my own. I also met some really excellent people. Badabing, badaboom.

I had plans, but they never come true. The good thing is that things always work out for the best, whether I like it or not. I guess, I am lucky. And for that I am thankful.

My story is not yet over. I don't think it is.

I know that tonight, I got lots more to do. But first, The Daily Porn.

The Anarchists' Notebook

Well, no development is good development.

No more churches getting burned. Well, to be fair, they were not burned to the ground. Just scorched walls. And no one is dead. Yet. And for that, we are thankful.

The arsonists were too stupid. First, they got some wrong churches. It's the Catholics who want to use the name Allah, you dumbasses! Not the Protestants.

And like I said, Molotov Cocktails are only for people. It's a personnel incendiary bomb. If you want to destroy buildings, you need something with a bigger bang.

My recommendation: nitro-glycerine. Basically, dynamite. It is so reactive, though, that you might just blow yourself up when you try to make it. Which is good news for everyone.

Terrorism without knowledge is just plain stupid.

Next time you want to blow up something, come to uncle Amir.

The arsonists were stupid. And all the people commenting on the issue are also equally stupid.

All they do is fan the fire. For what? So that one day, people will die? I know enough about religion to realise that it is grounds for murder. You don't mess with religion. Any religion.

Think about it. People who are otherwise so rational suddenly believes in a talking snake. THAT's what you're dealing with.

And then, there are atheists. Oooohhh, I hate atheists.

Some background information. Atheism is a religion in worship of the Great Atheismo. They believe that Atheismo created the world in three billion years, resting for the last billion years or so.

The Atheists believe they know what happens after you die. How dare they? How would anyone know what happens after you die? Are they dead? They do not have mental powers you and I do not have. They are so fucking arrogant. They threaten our egos, and our egos must retaliate by killing all Atheists!

Kill all Atheists! Those Atheismo cock-sucking motherfuckers must be hated on and destroyed!

Why? For fun, really. When you de-humanise people, it is easy to kill them in cold-blood. Any reason to par-tay!

Yay.

Fuck Atheismo. Atheismo can kiss my ass. Toss my salad, motherfucker!

The Malaysian Dream

I thought that, with all the church-burning and stuff, we need to do what Malaysians do best - come up with a slogan.

A slogan will solve everything.

So I thought of doing, The Malaysian Dream. Cause the way I see it, Malaysians don't dream. Pak Lah slept a lot, in public - for God knows what hours he was pulling behind closed doors. I'll give him that - but he didn't dream of anything. Maybe just nightmares.

Now, The American Dream was never really quantified. A chicken in every pot, two cars in every garage? That's just bullshit.

Having a dream revolving around some THING or person, or even chicken, is stupid. because that's just pure desire.

Towering Malay is a stupid concept. If you tower over everyone else, what the fuck are you gonna do? Play basketball? Change a lightbulb?

You see, the desire for pride, is a dangerous thing. The desire for respect, is a dangerous thing. The desire for more land, space and resources drove the world's nations to destroy and rape the Earth.

Desire is always dangerous.

I hear people saying they have dreams. I ask them, "What dreams do you have?"

"I want a Ferrari."

"Before I'm 30, I'm gonna be a millionaire."

Most of the time, they fail. They are still failing. Where are their Ferraris? Where are their million bucks? They're STILL losers.

A dream, encapsulated by desire, is a poison pill.

That poison works even if you DO get a Ferrari or a million bucks. You'll never be truly satisfied. You'll never be happy.

I know dreams, man. If there's one thing I know, it's dreams. Cause I read comic books where the main character is the anthropomorphic personification of dreams.

His greatest enemy? Desire. For there is a difference. Desire lives in the heart. Dreams exist in sleep. The subconscious.

To have a dream, is not to have a longing, to have a desire, but to have a vision of what you want.

And want, is not the all-consuming American Dream capitalist want. The normal want usually can only be fulfilled with something you take or given to you. It is dependent. Not free. Bound with a lot of conditions.

You know the old, cliched adage of the more you give, the more you have? That's the key to The Malaysian Dream.

Fuck chickens and cars, man. I don't have a car. I like chicken, but anyway.

I think the best dream is the dream of being happy. Happiness does not require anyTHING from anyONE.

For example, there are people who don't like me or are jealous of me. People who HATE me.

You know what I do to those people?

I don't see them. I turn my face from them. They do not exist. If they enter my circle of existence, it will only be for brief moments. I refuse to allow any of them to matter. They are less than human. They are less than organic matter. They are less than shit.

And I do it, not with emotion or any type of hatred. Or spitefulness. To me, they just don't exist. I can act or don't act without any emotion, which can make me extremely cold-blooded.

Who is your God now?

So anyway, a dream that works. A dream that works is a dream of happiness. Nothing, no one can stop you from being happy right now. I'm not talking about tomorrow or yesterday. I'm talking about now. Right now.

I dream of being happy, and I am happy. I live my own dream. I live a dream. And that is happiness.

When you are free of misery and insecurities and spite and jealousy, you can finally be happy.

A simple dream. A simple slogan. As the greatest sloganeer in the world, I think The Malaysian Dream can stop church-burnings and surau attacks.

Tales from the Drunk Side: Will It Float?

Let's play David Letterman's most popular game. Willll it flooaaaaattt?!

Okay, so some people are saying that the Government is stupid. They are saying that if you work in the Government, you have the IQ of a sponge.

Okay, fine.

And then, they also say that all this church-burning (and now with a surau thrown in as well) bullshit is a major conspiracy by the Government.

Now, I'm no fan of the Government, but it would take sheer genius to pull off such a thing. The amount of people involved, the coordination, the idea, etc.

So. Decide. Is the Government stupid, or are they fucking geniuses? Help me out here. You can't have it both ways. You can't be 'a little bit pregnant'. Either you are, or you're not.

Then, the ISA issue. At first, it's 'no to ISA'. Now, it's 'ISA the church-burning motherfuckers!'

Eh? Which is it?

After you've decided on that, how about: separating the xecutive and the judiciary? All the liberals are for it, and then, after the church-burning bullshit, they say, "The Government should have overturned the decision! They should have taken stern action!"

Which is it, broseph? Is it total separation, or for the executive to rule over the judiciary?

You know what I see? a nation of lazy ass motherfuckers. Alan Moore (Chaos be Upon Him) said, "If you see something that you believe needs fixing, don't vote in people who say they are going to fix it. Fix it yourself."

You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. And changing yourself, your actions, whatever, is changing the world.

If you ask or tell, or yell, for the Government - any Government - to change according to your whims, you will never, EVER, see any change. Instead, do it yourself.

The Government also includes us as citizens. So if you want to change the Government, just go and do what you think the Government should be doing, but isn't.

For example, eradicate poverty. It doesn't take much, really. Just simple, constant effort. Eradicating poverty might take a few decades or a few centuries.

I tell you, when people have enough food to eat, they will behave better.

And never, EVER, give me that bullshit about education. Education is just another way to blame the Government.

"How can they think about going to school, when they don't even have enough to eat?"

I didn't say that. Prof Diraja Ungku Aziz said that. In the 70s or some shit.

Go back to basics. Start simple. Give them enough food to eat, some clothes, and a shelter. Then, when they're all relaxed and full, get some books in. Then, cheap, simple scholarships.

In the end, education will get them out of poverty. But before they can get education, they need food.

If you really love this country, if you really love your car or your home or your church, eradicate poverty. Not by putting stupid logos on your blog. Nobody cares about those stupid logos.

Do something.

I am envious of churches in Malaysia for having a reliable network of donors and volunteers. If I had that kind of 'salvation army' at my disposal, the kind of funds Calvary Church has, I would have eradicated poverty in Malaysia in less than a decade.

Forecast

My Western Astrological sign, Pisces, denotes that this will be a good year for me. My Chinese one - Monkey - says it's gonna be a bad year.

I think it'll be the usual. Some great, some bad, generally good.

I won't know... until I wake up tomorrow.

So off I go, to sleep.

Kung Fu Pundit: History, Mystery, Gift

I am a bit bothered now. Something in my personal life. Family matters.

So I am telling myself the story of 'since something happened in the past, I can't be at peace now.' And, 'something that will happen in the future is preventing me from being at peace now.'

The real story is, "Why I can't be at peace now." A very old story.

I am giving myself reasons why I can't be at peace. Always, always a thing.

But right now, at this second, at this moment, there is nothing that needs any attention or action. Right NOW, there is nothing to worry about.

That old turtle/tortoise was right. IS right.

Yesterday, is history. Tomorrow, is a mystery. But today, today, is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

Ah, well.

Corny? Maybe. But it works.

Buddha said, tatata. The suchness of life. The Zen monk Hakuin said, 'Is that so?', refusing to react. The other dude said, 'maybe', refusing to judge each moment as either good or bad.

Enough feeling sorry for myself. Off to watch Heroes and other things. Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!

Love, All

There is an old sketch. A Gado-Gado sketch. Now, Gado-Gado was my favourite local TV variety show. It had Harun Salim Bachik in it, Ebby Yus, Ebby Saiful and a few others. I don't remember them all. Abon was one of them too, I think.

This sketch had two tennis players, and one umpire. The umpire said, "Love, all!"

So the tennis players go to the net, and start hugging each other.

The umpire comes, and he has a stern look on his face. He taps on the shoulders of one of the players, and he breaks the hug. The umpire then hugs everyone.

Funny as hell. Malaysian TV at its best. A simple idea, with the best of all possible executions.

I laughed like shit. I was 9 years old.

Nowadays, when people talk about love, they think about fucking. Well, yes, love is fucking. But if you can't achieve the kind of fucking that Thais do, shut the fuck up.

Having seen the best fucking can offer, I am not affected by any attempts to cock-tease me into submission. Seven Positions of Buddha, anyone?

When I think of love, the word 'love', I think of tennis, and that old Gado-Gado sketch.

I wish, that people can focus on love - tennis-love or even fucking-love, rather than hate.

Siri Bercakap Dengan Cheepork: Kami Cool

Aku baru lepas lepak dengan Cheepork.

Kami membincangkan masalah-masalah dunia, seperti:

Aku: Kau rasa, kalau orang buat kereta terbang, parking camana, haa?

Cheepork: Macamana macamana?

Aku: Tak, kalau ada kereta terbang, boleh pakai satu parking space untuk sepuluh kereta, susun satu atas satu lagi.

Cheepork: So?

Aku: Jadi, kalau dah stack macam tu, camana orang yang kereta dia atas sekali nak ambik kereta dia? Camana nak turun?

C: Kalau dah ada jereta terbang, patutnya takdela complicated macam tu.

A: Mungkin pakai hoverboard?

C: Kalau pakai hoverboard, takyahlah pakai kereta!

A: Ye jugak tu.

C: Tapi, susah kalau hujan la.

A: Aku rasa, pakai tali la. Tangga tali. Lepas dah park, dia panjat turun dan naik pakai tangga tali.

C: Suka atu kau lah.

ISU 2

A: Aku rasa, Avatar boleh kaut US$2 billion.

C: Tengoklah camana.

A: Ko fikir, kalau kat US dia dapat US$1 billion, pastu kat China dapat US$300 - US$400 million. Kat Jepun pun sama. Campur serata dunia, tak ke US$2 billion tu?

C: Okay.

ISU 3

A: Ko ni, tak cool langsung.

C: AKu tau aku tak cool.

A: Perempuan lemparkan pantat kat aku setiap hari, tau?

C: Good for you.

A: Tiap-tiap hari, perempuan semua asyik jerit kat aku, "Pantat! Pantat!" Akulah lelaki paling gagah perkasa dan magney pantat paling sasa dalam dunia.

C: Suka ati ko lah.

Saturday Night Liver

Am out. With friends. Having liver. Chicken liver. Pate.

Why It Doesn't Make Sense to Hate

Chris Rock said it best.

"Whoever you hate, ends up in your family."

"You hate Puerto Ricans? Your daughter is gonna come home with Livin La Vida Loca!"

This is all true.

I used to hate white people. If you're Caucasian, I couldn't wait to kill you. With my spear!

Then, one of my cousins married a Caucasian. A white dude! Then, another! I have to see them every Raya and Chinese New Year.

I was like, "What the fuck?"

And they were nice guys. Came here for the weather, and for the women they love. They did not treat me like a monkey.

Then, I met Sharon Bakar, whom I think is one of the nicest women I have ever met. Then, there was Jordan Macvay, one of the bloggers thing. I scratched his car, once, ACCIDENTALLY, and he was okay with it.

Okay, so some white people are good people.

At one point, I hated gay people. I used to find gay people offensive. I was afraid, coming from an all-boys boarding school, that they were all after my ass. That they wanted to hold me down and rape my sweet ass. And I do have a sweet ass. It's not as big as I hope, but it's supple and firm.

Anyway, yes, I was always wary of gay people.

Then, when I started college, some of the nicest people I met were gay people. The gay community has helped me get to where I am today. If it weren't for gay people, I would be a computer programmer. Maybe a good one, maybe not. But I definitely prefer writing.

At one point, recorded on this blog, I hated married people. Oooh, I hated married people. Because most married people tend to judge me, and I judge them back, in those days.

And then, some married people helped me out.

Okay. Running out of people to hate, I started hating Malays. Ooooh, how I hated the Malays. Stupid fucking monkey breeders. Motherfuckers! OOOOohhhhhh! HATE! AAAAARARRRRFFGGGGG!

And yet, in my time of greatest need, it was the Malays who came forward and helped me out.

My father is sick, back in Kuantan. You know who helped out? My neighbour, who is a Malay breeder. He makes like, 400 bucks a month, and yet he would come to my house often to help rake the lawn and burn garbage and bury our family cat and pick coconuts.

And when I offered him money, he refused it. I had to go and buy groceries and dump it in front of his door.

He was the epitome of something I hated. A Malay who knows nothing but to have children. And yet he is one of the kindest persons I have ever met.

So I can say from experience that it is never a good idea to hate people because of their whatever.

Hate, actually comes from insecurities. You need to be the hero of your story. The story you tell yourself in your mind. That's why you need to dehumanise people and label them as "UMNO fucker" or "PUS-EATER" or Malay Monkey or Cina Babi.

That's why people tell conspiracy stories to each other.

Humility comes from the realisation that in essence, no one is above or below anyone else. In form, you may be superior or inferior to other people. But not in essence. And as Neytiri demonstrated, she does not care what form you take. She will still insert your USB thingy into her USB thingy, regardless whether you are Taruk Makto or a cripple.

It doesn't make sense to hate.

I sex you.

I Sex You

I want to send out a message of love and sex and anal sex to any and all (female) Malaysians regardless of race, religion or levels of intelligence.

I am not ashamed to say that I love you, and I want to fuck you. Again and again and again.

I want to fuck you for five hours straight. I want to lick your vagina and suck on your clitoris. I want to play with your nipples. I want to lick the small of your back.

I want to lick your neck and then put my balls on them.

I want to have you on top... of my list. And then, reverse cowgirl.

Lotus position, then Ferrari, then pole position. And then, when you're ready to come, I will donkey punch you with my face! Headbutt the pussy! Yeah!

And then, as you are in throes of passion and orgasm, I will say, "I sex you."

Amir Hafizi, Spiritual Icon

Many people came to me for spiritual guidance due to recent events.

Well, luckily, I was also going through some really tough shit recently. The usual stuff. My father's sick and I need to go home soon. Some of my family members also going through some real hardship.

Some of my friends also got slapped with some stuff. As the world's greatest superhero, I feel helpless this time, which makes me really angry.

The only real attitude to adopt in times of hardship is to accept it with no resistance. Unhappiness, anger, hate, all comes from resistance. When you are unhappy, angry, tired, sad, depressed, you can't do things well.

People who say they work well under pressure are lying. The only thing pressure does is shorten deadlines. Even without pressure, if you have a sense of urgency, you can do things fast. I mean, really fast. The speeds you can achieve with a well-developed sense of urgency is amazing.

So fuck pain and suffering. Hate, anger, sadness are all stupid emotions that make you stupid. The worst of all this is righteous indignation. When I am filled with righteous indignation, I usually pick a few close friends and let off some steam. I don't bring it to work or in my normal everyday life. I find it counter-productive and well, stupid.

No resistance. Acceptance. And then, make your moves. Make it work.

Know for a fact that what people think means nothing to your self. It means everything to perhaps your work or your whatever, but it doesn't affect you. Opinions do not change facts.

And then, there is this thing about competition. Who is right, who is better - this religion or that.

While you can differentiate between form, there is no distinction in essence.

Example: Usain Bolt's and Jessica Alba's forms are better than mine. But in essence, are they better people? Who can judge? No one. Because no one has mental powers you don't.

No one in this universe can say, with absolute, 100% certainty, that this thing or that thing will happen. For sure.

No one knows what will happen after we die. Those who say they do are trying to pass off as God. So fuck 'em.

Now, give me money, goddamnit! Give me a few million bucks. You want to give me money, don't you, bitch?

Make Up Your Goddamned Mind

I was hanging out with friends yesterday, when one of them said, "All this crap would not have gotten out of hand, if the Government had not allowed Catholics to use the word Allah."

I almost choked. "But, that was a court decision."

"I don't care. The Government should have overruled the court."

Aik?

Rewind a few years ago. These same fuckers were shouting, "Separate the executive from the judiciary! Separate them!"

And now you want them together again? What are you? A woman?

And then, one idiot said, "Najib should not have allowed protests and demonstrations."

AGain, Aik Cheong?

I remember Hindraf. I remember Bersih.

"Freedom of speech!" They said.

And now? No more? Finished already?

"We cannot have one rule for one group of people, and another set of rules for another," said another.

What? Aik Cheong Coffee?

Well, I agree. Where's the Hudud proposal again?

Barbarians at the Gates

Just because some churches got burned by some as-yet UNKNOWN people, some non-Muslims I know are giving me the stink-eye.

Just because I don't bow my head in shame. I mean, I'm sad that it happened, but I am not ashamed or guilty.

I didn't burn the churches. If I did, it would be to the ground.

See, Molotov Cocktails are good to set fire to people, especially if you add styrofoam or plastic bits into the petrol as it sticks to the skin, not buildings. For buildings, you need something like oh, I don't know. Nitro-glycerine? That's dynamite, created by Alfred Dynamite. I mean, Alfred Nobel.

You see, it's easy to make nitro-glycerine. Soap is basically glycerine + whatever. Heat up soap in water, and you can separate pure glycerine from junk.

Take glycerine, expose it to air, add a catalyst, and you get nitro-glycerine. Dy-no-mite!

Dynamite is basically just nitro-glycerine stabilised by sawdust and clay.

All this information is only half-true. If you want the real recipe, go Google it.

Some people tried to provoke me. I don't give a shit. I know killing is wrong. Most of the time. But you keep on taunting the idiots, the extremists, the losers, and what do you end up with? Who do you become? Idiots as well.

Oh well, man. Not my funeral. Barring any real development, this is my last post on the issue.

And no, fuck the petition. I find petitions useless, and all petitions I have read on the issue immediately accuse or insinuate Muslims as being responsible. I'm not saying no, or yes. We don't know yet.

If a mosque is to be torched today, would people jump to the conclusion that it's Catholic terrorists? No, we're more civilised than that, and we're the barbarians in this one.

Well, I am a barbarian. My ancestors ate barbecued monkey. Am happy that they did.

I Told You So

Been reading blogs and forums. About the church-buring things, and I must say this: FUCK CONDEMNING.

Yo, what the fuck is this condemning bullshit?

"We condemn this act of arson."

So? It's like me, walking around in Pantai Dalam, and seeing a big ass billboard saying, "Stop Rape".

Oh yeah, man, I was about to rape that anak makcik nasi lemak, when I saw the billboard, and now I am going to stop raping her.

The UN has condemned the killing of Palestinians by the Israelis for 65 million years. And? Did the killing stop? No.

"Ooh, they're killing people. What should we do? I know! Let's write a strongly-worded letter!"

Fuck you.

You think those people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are 3 years old?

"No no no, we don't agree with you throwing the food on the floor. Naughty naughty!"

Suck my dick. People who want to condemn this act can suck my dick.

I told all of you motherfuckers years ago. If you want to save the world, give me money. Make me a millionaire. I just need RM2 million. If you had given me RM2 million, all this bullshit would not have happened.

You're all so fucking stupid.

Now look what happens? I CONDEMN you! I don't see you! Bitches!

Religulous: Avatar, Rempits and Politics

Just finished watching Avatar for the fourth time. In 3D. I want to have sex with Neytiri. I am willing to let go of everything and just live on Pandora, and continuously play with Neytiri's organic USB port.

One thing I noticed, though, is that the Na'vi look like rempits. They ride SOMETHING, and are always impressed with someone on a big bike (the dragon thing).

I don't know if the people who threw the Molotov Cocktails are rempits. No one does. Looks like it, but no one has any concrete evidence.

Some of my non-Muslim friends are crying out for blood. My advice is: be careful what you ask for.

If it was rempits, let me tell you something about them.

Rempits, or anyone making less than 3,000 a month (reportedly over 10 million in Malaysia), are poor people. They have nothing to live for. No money, no food, no job.

People who have nothing, especially those in large numbers, are more inclined to do crazy stunts.

Believe me, I was there. I was making 600 bucks a month, at one time, and I had just myself to feed. I met a lot of people who had families to support at less than that.

Take away their money, their THINGS, and the only place where their ego can expand, the only area where they can find salvation either for real or just a temporary placebo, is perhaps religion.

You mess with their religion, and they will kill you. Because they have nothing left. What, you gonna sue them? Go ahead. Imprison them? They'll be eating better than they ever did. On your dollar. Kill them? When life is so fucked up?

"Oh, don't take it out on us if you're a loser," some would say.

Well, losers will do anything, grasp anything, like a drowning man. I see it happen everyday. In the end, they might drown, but they want to take people down with them. That's the way it is.

If you want to rid the world of this threat, you can't do so by killing people or by shouting how right you are.

You can't kill 10.4 million people. No one has managed to do that. Even Hitler only managed a million or two. Pol Pot is one million.

Moralising or taking the moral high ground will only serve to alienate you from the people. Yeah, you may be right, but you won't solve any problems.

And who is to say anything, if a savvy politician rides on a big bike and convinces the rempits and the have-nots to ride with them, and start killing other people?

This is why I say politicians are dangerous.

Way I see it, in order to better get everyone to behave, give them something to lose. Something precious like a Toyota Camry.

Nizar was fighting tooth and nail, because he was about to lose his Toyota Camry. Damn, those Camrys must be great cars.

So, the solution is simple - eradicate poverty. Make sure everyone earns at least RM4,000 a month. Or lower living standards.

And for people with religion, shut the fuck up. Religion is like asshole. Everyone's got one. And no one wants yours rammed down their throats.

Semusim di Syurga: Avatar, Gereja dan Bapak Aku

Aku baru lepas tengok Avatar buat kali ke-empat. Plannya, nak tengok Avatar dua kali hari ni. Tapi aku penat sangat pagi tadi, jadi semalam lagi aku dah kensel.

Sebelum tengok, aku call bapak aku.

Aku cerita kat dia pasal gereja kena bakar. Dia punya komen?

"Alaaaaaah, yang membakar tu, sembahyang ke?"

Ada dua benda kat sini.

1. Betul ke orang islam (rempit ke idak tu tak tau la aku) yang pergi bakar? Likely suspect, ye. Confirm ke?

2. Kalau betul la budak Islam, sembahyang ke? Kata nak menegakkan Islam, tapi tiang Islam pun takde. Ko pakai pam angin ke apa?

Islam tak suruh buat kurang ajar kat rumah orang. Orang lain nak buat kurang ajar, itu hal dia. Kejap lagi kena la.

Aku yang kufur ni pun tau. Ko yang pejuang Islam tu, tau ke?

Pastu, masa tengok Avatar, aku terbayangkan rempit. Diorang tu memang macam rempit pun. Mamat hero best lepas ada motor. Pastu, lepas diorang marah kat dia, dia bawak motor besar (naga batik, Taruk), terus awek dia suka. Tadi marah. Suka la pulak, ye? Perempuan memang suka motor besar.

Masalahnya, ramai orang Melayu miskin. Duit takde. Kerja tak seberapa. Lepas tu kena tikam dengan orang pejabat. Mana tak mengamuk? Lepas tu, dah la loser, takde hapa benda dah. Bila ada orang nak ambik satu-satunya benda yang dia ada - Allah - marah la dia.

Kalau aku pun dalam keadaan miskin papa kedana macam jiran aku kat kampung, kalaulah ada peluang untuk aku bunuh orang, pastu jadi best, memang aku buat punya.

Dah takde benda to live for. Aku bunuh orang je. Pedulittaik aku?

Hanya perlukan seorang dengan motor besar je, datang motivate. Inilah bahayanya politician. Dia datang pakai motor besar, habis semua berkorban. Mati le ramai orang.

Dah, aku nak sambung tulis dalam bahasa Inggeris, supaya orang Malaysia yang tak reti Bahasa Malaysia boleh paham.

Religulous: Need a Light?

Four churches burned!

Man, oh man.

You know who is the culprit? The ego.

First of all, the ego drove all those stupid publishers to claim the right to use the name 'Allah'. When it is clear, if you walk into any church in the US or Europe, and start praying loudly to the Father Allah, the Son Allah and the Holy Allah, people will kick you out and think you're a terrorist.

The Pope in the Vatican will say, "Fuck that terrorist motherfucker!" if you just mention 'Allah'.

But the high and mighty holinesses in Malaysia want to use 'Allah'. Why? Not for religious reasons. Don't give me that bullshit.

In my opinion, it is about marketing. Branding. Islam, being the national religion in this country, gets a budget to preach to the unconverted. One of the main campaigns? Allah.

So, these idiots were hoping to piggy back on that. Makes it easier to convert the ones sitting on the fence.

"They say that Allah is great, well, we have Allah too!"

It's like AMD carrying the 'Intel Inside' logo. Can you dig it?

Well, they ran into another big ego - the Islam extremists.

I grew up with these people, dogg. You do not, EVER, mess with their religion. Because that's the only thing they think they have. They don't have money. They don't have good jobs. Some, don't even have food. All they have, is religion. All they have, is Allah. At least, that's what they think.

And you want to take their 'Allah' from them? Are you fucking out of your mind? Fuck you!

Now, see what happens? See what happens!

Two egos collide, friction, sparks, and burn, baby burn.

I really hope they all turn the other cheek. And forgive the arsonists - whoever they may be (maybe some rempits, and not extremists? I dunno. Nobody knows) - for they know not what they do.

Instead of being Christian, you might need to be Christ-like.

And Buddhists! Buddhists stay the fuck away from this shit! You know better.

And moderate Muslims, you better stay the fuck away. Don't feel guilty, you didn't burn the fucking churches down. Don't feel good and start to party, this is not a good thing. Not something to party to.

Everyone just calm the fuck down. I am watching Avatar tonight, so I don't want any riots on my way to the cinemas.

Religion? Gooood, gooood. This is how good religion is. Fuck you.

Superhero Complex: Limit Break

A friend of mine was in distress just the other day, and for some reason, I was affected somewhat.

I was too busy to go and help, and despite everything, that always drives me crazy.

When I can't do something.

But I do have my limits.

When I was younger, I was extremely righteous at things people say I can't do.

"You must study, otherwise, you won't score in your exams." Somebody said that when I was in Form 1(Seventh Grade?).

Okay, motherfucker, I won't study AND I will score. That, unfortunately, works only until you're in Form 3. SPM/O Level was a different ball game.

I slipped from being number three in the top class to just being number 8 in a middle class.

As I get older, I got even more obsessed with proving people wrong.

"You can't be a writer. You studied computer science! Go and programme some shit!"

Who's the writer now, bitch?

"You can't juggle two jobs at once!"

I was juggling THREE. Fuck you!

My approach was direct. Saw a wall in front of me? I would ram my head into it until the wall breaks. Sure, my head would be broken, sometimes, but in the end, I have always prevailed.

I have been very lucky.

When I got a lot older, today, I am beginning to slow down on the headbutting thing. Things have changed.

For one, there are less walls now. I have broken through so many, in my youth, there aren't many left.

I mean, I used to chase pussy. Now, I get pussy thrown at me.

More importantly, I find other ways of breaking walls. I go around some, and in other cases, when circumstances warrant it, I fly over it.

Ascencion!

The greatest technique, though, is realising that there are no walls. The walls were always illusions. I put it there, cause my brain is so fucking giganormous, it creates its own obstacles.

The realisation comes with the clarity that allowing your life to be dictated by the whims of others is probably the stupidest thing you could ever do. And that we're all idiots, at some point in our lives. Oh well.

There is absolutely nothing stopping me from being happy. From being free. Nothing has to happen before I get my happiness.

I have met and spoke with ridiculously rich people who were unhappy because... I don't know, but at some point, they were. I guess it's the walls in their minds.

I know some great writers. Some of the greatest in the world. And yet, they do not write.

"You know, I wish I could write a book/movie/play/sonnet/sestina."

Well?

Well, apparently, one of the biggest walls in the human mind is: EXPECTATION.

I grappled with that one for most of my life.

You see, I am one of those 'potential people'. When older people see me, talk to me, they see potential. That, or arrogance.

Anyway, when you display a certain amount of intelligence, people expect a lot from you. For a time, I couldn't handle that.

Expectation almost broke me. It's like you are allowed to compete in the 100m at the Olympics and you have a banana stuck up your ass. You may still beat Usain Bolt and set a new world record, but it's uncomfortable as hell. Or so I heard.

The greatest fear from expectations, is your own. I began to slowly realise that it wasn't other people's expectations I was so scared of. It was my own. Truth be told, people don't expect much from each other. Other people are mostly noise to other people, which is unfortunate.

Realising that I am not the center of the universe, that I do have limits, that I do make mistakes - accepting that - gave me the room to breathe.

And when I have room, that's it.

It has always been me. Every bit of it, me.

I learned to trust my instincts, which has always been infallible - I can be wrong sometimes, but my instincts have always been accurate.

These all lead to true confidence. Not the righteous facsimile, but the real thing.

I look back, nowadays, at days long gone... and I shrug. It was all right.

So anyway, I got a call from my friend last night, and everything's okay again. So I am happy. Things may not be as good as can be hoped, but that's the way things have always been. Could have been better.

Well, I couldn't. And that's my limit.