It wasn't until 2am when the cards started talking to me.
7 of Diamonds: We all have a function. We represent something.
Me: What the fuck is this, man?
Me: No, wait. Let me get this.
7 of Diamonds: See if you know...or rather, remember.
Me: Let's see now. I read about you...in a children's activity book, written in the 70s, therefore, I can't determine the veracity of its information.
Ace of Spades: Or the persistence of memory.
Three of Hearts: Bada bing!
Me: I trust my memory. Let's see...the suit of Diamonds represent the wealthy. The King is a depiction of Julius Caesar. Can't give a fuck who the Queen and Jack represents.
Me: Hearts was formerly the chalice. A communion cup. Representing religion. Your King is Charlamagne, one of the most successful Christian kings ever. Ditto on Queen and Jack.
Me: Spades came from the Spanish word 'Espada', meaning either 'soldier' or 'sword'. The symbol is representative of the sword, connected to the military.
Me: Clubs are, well, cudgels carried by the people. And as such, the suit of Clubs represent the people. Your King is Alexander, Queen is Elizabeth and Jack is Lancelot of the Lake.
Jack of Clubs: We are important people!
Ace of Spades: And important symbolism!
Me: No. There have been themes of four before. Earth, Air, Water, Fire. Coin, Song, Knife and Stick - particularly reflecting your own four suits. Claw and Name, Blood and Feather. And tri-symbols - bell, book, candle. Griffins with head of an eagle, body of a lion and tail of...a donkey? Face of a woman, body of a lion, wings of an eagle - sphinx?. Variations, but one and the same.
Queen of Hearts: And what of you, Old One? Prince of Darkness, Devourer of Worlds?
Me: My card...is the Wheel of Fortune. Rota Fortuna, of the Major Arcana.
Jack of Spades: The fuck you got that?
Me: The paginarum fulvarum - the yellow pages.
Four of Clubs: Pig Latin! Pig Latin!
Me: O, ye of little faith. I don't need to be told that I am right. I KNOW I am right.
Chongker: Banker delcare 20.
Oh well. It might have been.