I was hanging out with my friend LL Cool C, when he started talking about se - about Turkish Delights. Yeah, that's right. Fucking sugar and gelatin. In a non-gay manner. At first.
LL Cool C: So, how do you like it?
Me: What? Turkish Delights? If the girl enjoys it as much as I do. Which means, female ejaculation....in the process of making Turkish Delights, of course. You?
LLCC: To me, it's the face as they come -
Me: - to work, at Turkish Delight factories, right?
LLCC: Yeah, that's right. So...best you ever had?
Me: Atchaya. Ann. Omm. Fantastic Turkish Delights, all.
LLCC: How good?
Me: Seven Positions of Buddha.
Me: You ever seen the Marica Reyes videos?
Me: Times seven. Now THAT'S how we fucking roll! From now on, that's how we FUCKING ROLL!
LLCC: Turkish Delights, of course.
Me: Of course. You?
LLCC: Anne. Milk. That's it.
Me: How good is your Anne?
LLCC: It started off as raw animal energy. And after that...
Me: Fuck, man. Don't tell me you're one of those people.
LLCC: We didn't want to make love or anything. But -
Me: But you did! You fucking sick bastard! Fucking with emotion or emoticons is a felony! Motherfucker! What's the first rule of Fuck Club?
LLCC: Never fall in love.
Me: And the second rule of Fuck Club is?
LLCC: Never fall in love. Ever.
Me: Third rule, no shit, no blues.
LLCC: Fourth rule, fucks will go on as long as they have to.
Me: Fifth rule. If a person goes limp, taps out, the fuck is over.
LLCC: Sixth rule - one fuck at a time.
Me: And the seventh and final rule - if this is your first night, you have to fuck.
Me: In a Turkish Delight kinda way, of course.
LLCC: Of course.