Thursday, July 2, 2009

Servicing the National Interest

Barely escaping the very first National Service draft by a few years, I am extremely glad that I was born in 1980.

I hated the idea of National Service. And none of their campaigns are smart or enticing enough to get any wise guy like me interested. I do have some ideas, though, on how it could be better or better marketed. For people like me.

I mean, I left home at 12 to spend the next five years with kids who think that paramilitary discipline and rape - gay rape - is cool.

I had to watch my ass for five years, motherfucker. At an all-boys' school. I was beaten up, but not so bad. Some kids were beaten up till they shat their pants. Some lost the natural shape of their face. From a thin oval to a square. I'm not shitting you, man. I saw these things with my eyes.

Three months? Try five long fucking years. Living in fear. It wasn't fun, bitch. I did what I had to do to survive.

Leaving that stupid ass school was like leaving Rwanda or some shit like that.

So, I am always wary whenever the old folk believe it would be a 'good thing' to send kids in a set-up that could lead to that.

Actually, it can be good. But the adults are stupid. They sell it to kids as: "It'll be good for you to experience some hardship!" or "Why, when I was a baby, they threw me off a cliff!"

It's ego talking. Their ego, and their insecurities, trying to push the young'uns down.

That's NOT how you entice young people to go to NS. It's not how you entice young people to do anything.

Here's what NS is lacking right now: a weapons programme.

Instead of paramilitary bullshit, National Service should train the kids on how to use firearms.

I got firearms training later in life, at shooting clubs and other...places.

I believe it would be good for the security of the country and fun for the kids, if they are allowed to discharge a few thousand rounds of ammunitions each, and launch an RPG or two.

Cut out the military discipline. You cannot instill discipline in kids by making them march. I marched for years, under the tyranny of the caste system, and as soon as I got out, the first thing I did was to do all those things I couldn't do in school. Like wear jeans (yeah, jeans were not allowed in my school, cause they 'could be used as weapons in a fight' said one discipline teacher).

Just get them to shoot stuff. In a controlled environment, of course.

Hell, if they give the kids weapons training, I'll lie about my age and get drafted tomorrow!

Firing weapons is cool, man. I love shotguns, but 9mms are good as well. Rifles would also be good. And imagine if the top kids can get to fire either an RPG or a .50 calibre sniper rifle, or even an artillery piece.

Hell, go crazy and fire missiles.

So here's a possible ad for National Service:

A drill sergeant like R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket comes out and walks behind some trainees discharging weapons.

Drill Sergeant: Idiots say that National Service is all about marching and dirty toilet bowls. Let me tell you something. Marching is for idiots. And there ain't no dirty toilet bowls cause you'll be cleaning dem bowls. Psyche!

DS: What we do have, actually, is weapons training. Each kid will fire at least 5250 rounds of ammunition in their three months stay here.

DS: We have handguns - .357s, 9mms, Barettas, .38 specials, SOCOM, Glocks, Desert Eagles.

DS: We have shotguns, pumpguns, Remington something-something, CAWS, et cetera.

DS: Sub-machine-guns, H&K MP5s, FN90s, Ingrams, blablabla.

DS: M-4 carbines, the Colt Commando, the C7, FAMAS, Steyr AUG, AK-47s and its variants, FN-FAL, FN-MINIMI, Thompson Guns.

DS: Dragunovs, PSG-1, Barret Light Fifties.

DS: We also have rocket launchers. Clasic RPGs. And each rifle will have a talon, and you can launch tear gas grenades and stun grenades.

DS: For those who excel, we will give you access to CornerShot, Metal Storm and even a combat robot.

DS: And for those who do not like guns, we have a martial arts training for you to disarm and dismember anyone who might pose a threat to this country.

DS: Remember - fuck discipline, fuck marches. It's all about accuracy, bitches!