Saturday, July 4, 2009

High School Non-Sensical

When non-Malays demanded for the right to have their kids sent to full-residential schools, like I was, I asked them, "Are you sure about that?"

First of all, there were non-Malays at my full-residential all-boys' school. Though you can count them on one hand.

Secondly, I wouldn't wish going to a school like mine on anyone, not even an enemy. You know, kids who went to KL schools think they're so hardcore. So gangsta. So tough.

Try five years at my old school, bitch.

I mean, sure, my batch got number one (later demoted to number two cause four STF girls went and changed their grades) in PMR 1995. Only six or seven of us got 7As and 1B. The rest all got 8As or something like that.

And sure, I was among the 40 plus who got single aggregates for our SPM. Only seven (probably the same seven) got A2 for BM. The rest all got A1.

But for five hellish years, I was witness to a social experiment that convinced me humans are evil and should be wiped off the face of the earth.

Looking back at it now, with the benefit of hindsight, I don't really give a shit anymore. I was pissed off when I was 17-23. Right now, more than 12 years after the fact, that's so far away I might as well be recounting my childhood.

I'll be the first to admit that I got it easy. I was never beaten so severely, the shape of my face morphed into a cube or something. I never sucked anyone's dick. Nothing was ever forced up my ass. I was not forced to strip while people take my pictures.

I was not beaten up for smoking. Was never part of the elite cabal who was 'granted the right to beat other people up' by getting their asses kicked on a weekly basis.

I was never groped in the toilet.

I got the most lenient of tortures at my school. I was forced to do chores and wash other people's laundry and shit like that. Tame stuff. Lame stuff.

Cause I stayed invisible. Feigned disinterest in sports and spent as much time as I could sleeping and reading. It was only in Form Four that any of the seniors found out about my skills in writing and in English. That's when they asked me to do some of their homework, and write their love letters to KL chicks. I didn't mind that so much. Made me puke, but it wasn't so bad.

I mean, at least it wasn't sucking wang.

But I saw some clues, which got me subconsciously to avoid prolonged human contact for five years I was there.

I don't know, man. If this was in America, most of us would have turned into serial killers. There was a point in my life, where if guns were readliy available, I would have bought one and started killing people. However, Malaysians have more tolerance for pain and suffering. In fact, suffering is a currency for some.

Some of us grew into distinguished careers. Some, huddle together like cavemen around a campfire, reminiscing about the 'good old days' when you can fuck another guy in the ass and feel manly about it. Or, to relieve stress, go back to your room and literally beat the crap out of someone.

I never liked that culture, that society. And that turned to hate for most of the people who were there with me. It wasn't until recently, more than a decade later, that I made peace with myself and with the other kids, inside my head.

I mean, I see them as victims now. No longer the perpetrators of the injustice, but the ones on the receiving end of a corrupt and stupid system.

THEY were the ones who got raped in the ass. Forced or manipulated to suck dick. For some of them, they might have wanted to suck dick anyway, so that's okay.

As a caveat, I must add that I cannot tell for certain what happened. That is still locked in the minds and memories of people who got that experience firsthand. For people who went through it.

And it is respect for them that this would be the last time I would write about my old school, about this.

Some things, are better laid to rest.

If anyone of my batch is reading this, know that I no longer hate you for the stupid things you did or the evil things that were done to you. I did stupid things as well, though I never raped or beaten up anyone. And I guess you guys were too young to know what the fuck was happening anyway.

We were all kids back then, man. And somehow, most of us survived that shit. So cheers to us.


p/s: One good thing - at least if Anwar ever becomes PM, I know what to expect. Five years of watching my ass.