Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Komm, Susser Tod

You know what makes me happy? Buying RM10 flip-flops. Bam! Rhetorical question, foo!

Sure, it's fun to poke at the ultra-sensitive inflated egos and the self-importance of Perasan Rakyat motherfuckers. Who would endanger old folks, women and children just so they could drive Toyota Camrys. Talk about low expectations. Poke!

It's fun to go to Thailand and get my cure from coughing - a visit to the Holy Vaginas. Ahh, my elixir.

But at the end of the day, at the end of days, it has always been the small things that make me happy.

Like eating Thai TV dinners, outside a Thailand 7-Eleven. I bought a cheap-ass toaster recently, and a soft-boiled egg maker. I also got myself, for RM10, TEN Detective Conan movies. TEN! At RM10! With a hologram sticker and all.

And buying Dark City - the movie with Kiefer Sutherland - for RM9.90. At Speedy Video. And What's Eating Gilbert Grape. And Chocolat.

I'm happy, being jobless. No more bouts of diarrhea, and after Phuket, no more coughing up blood. My blood pressure has decreased. I am writing more than I've ever done.

Funny. A few months ago, I was a middle manager at a massive MNC. I led myself to believe that I was responsible for the lives and happiness of many people. I was not. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. Our own lives.

But being a superhero, I will always suffer from delusions of grandeur. Unlike Perasan Rakyat, though, I am smart enough to realise this on my own. Hail my ego!

A friend came by, recently. A good friend. One of my best. He just got married and had a child.

As usual, in these circumstances, the guy thought I wanted to have what he had. Meaning marriage. Pre-paid sex. A living insurance policy. All that shebang.


That's not what I want. Hey, man. Just because any of you have something I don't, like herpes, that doesn't mean I want it.

Stop thinking and assuming you are the greatest. And living the BEST life. I am. For me.

And nothing lasts forever. One day, your loved ones will die. Or you will, before them. Whatever you buy, all that is new will one day be old.

Your youth will soon be wasted. Gravity will sag your tits. Cancer will rob you of your sanity. Alzheimer's will steal your mind and your memories. Huntington's. Parkinson's.

Immortality is a joke.

I'm a published author. I have my books in libraries, and one thesis on artificial intelligence in a UM information centre somewhere.

I am making movies.

Long after I die, my name will still be around. On the internet. In FINAS archives. In UM libraries, on bookshelves.

When people search for articles on theatre and entertainment from 2003 to 2006, they will come across my articles, in either the NSTP archives or the National Archive.

I am history.

And yet, I find no solace in this. It is not my quest, to live forever. I do not cling desperately to life so.

When all is said and done, I guess I will turn off the lights and exit this universe.

Somebody once said that "the day you die is just one day. What about the other 29,200?".

For me? I'll do it howsoever I want to. I've always been a lone wolf. I don't travel in groups - I think it's cowardly. I always go against popular opinion - like Perasan Rakyat. I'll poke you fuckers till you fucking bleed to death. It's amusing to me.

And I guess I will continue to enjoy myself.

All this freedom in this country, and no one to take advantage of it? The Industrial Revolution gave us cheap flip flops. The Information Age gave us TEN Detective Conan movies for RM10.

28 cans for RM103? Mmmmm....