Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Adventures of Boron: The Most Boring Man in the Universe

One of the perks of not having a regular job was shopping for footwear.

I bought my last flip-flop from a small shop in Pantai Dalam. Or was it Phuket? I can't remember, but it was three years ago.

The soles are so worn down, I have to gently place one foot after the other on wet cement or tiles. Lest I slip.

So I thought it was time for a new pair of flip-flops. Thinking that I would be going to meetings and doing my regular stuff wearing them, I thought I'd get a decent one. Maybe an Adidas sandal or something like that. Maybe even a Crocs shit thing. Though I hate its reputation for being overpriced. I mean, for God/Allah/Zeus/Krishna's sake, it's bloody fucking melted plastic. And oil prices have gone down.

So anyway, I went to scout for Adidas footwear and ran away screaming from the mall.

RM70 for the cheapest, ugliest-looking piece of plastic with some fabric on it? Does it come with a blowjob? If I wear a RM250 sandal, will girls flash me their boobs? Let me eat their pussies?

Don't get me started on Crocs.

What are my chances, standing beside the guy wearing the RM2,000 Raoul shoes?

Fuck you.

So I went to a hypermarket and bought Asadi. For 20 bucks, I got two pairs - one comfortable, but with the logo showing, and the other pair for formal occassions, because they look exactly like some out-of-fashion, out-of-season Adidas footwear.

You're talking to a guy who buys RM20 shirts. I buy ONE mid-range Dockers, and I wear it on Mondays. Oops. WORE it. Not anymore. Hahahaha. The rest of the week, RM20 all the way, motherfucker.

Why the fuck not? They look good. Most are wrinkle-free or wrinkle-resistant. Because I FUCKING HATE ironing. Some are even good brands. LL Bean is one of my favourites. Outdoor wear, so higher thread count. Always have rejects floating around FOS.

NEVER Old Navy. I fucking hate Old Navy. Only douchebags like Sunder wear Old Navy.

He messaged me recently. Quebec winter go down below -45 degrees Celsius. What a loser.

Me: So, it's hard to get girls to take off their clothes, eh?

Sunder: Women here are feminists!

You know what would be a good place for Sunder? Saudi Arabia.

T-shirts? Well, I bought a collection of Tupac and Snoop Dogg shirts a year back. Bought them for the fabric. The design sucks ass. And not even the most attention-seeking black dude would be caught dead wearing a Tupac shirt with bling on it.

I guess the bling justified the buy 1, free 1 offer.

Am wearing one now. Makaveli, yo!

I once had a Shawn Kemp shirt I wore for 10 years. The fabric was thick, and the print only lost its elasticity and started breaking in its 8th year. I still have it at home.

The last time there was a charity drive, I couldn't give any of my old clothes away, cause even poor little blind orphan kids would not wear them.

I mean, I have Levi's 501s bought in 1995. Bought at their factory/warehouse in the States. I still wear them. The crotch was gone in 1997. I got it fixed. Piece of denim slapped over it.

The fabric has now thinned so much that if I squat, when I stand up again, I look like a guy who was either:

a. attacked by legless zombies


b. trying to make a statement

Which reminds me. Since I lost 14kgs last year, I need to go find some decent pair of cargo shorts. The one I'm wearing now was bought in 2002. My waistline went down 4 inches, and the elastic band is gone. So I end up walking bowlegged, to stop the damned thing from slipping down to my knees.

Oh, fiddle-dee-dee. I will think about it tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day.