Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tales from the Drunk Side: Racism and Porridge

So I was in the cinema, watching the Press preview of District 9. By the way, you should go see this movie. Timely as hell and hits all the right nerves in Malaysia. I'll save the rest for a review coming out Friday or early next week in The Malay Mail.

It's sci-fi and it's about racism. The best kind of sci-fi, if you ask me.

So I was in the cinema, see? And I was about to enjoy what possibly is THE movie to watch this year, when suddenly an aroma of porridge wafted into the air. Overpowering and appetising.

What the fuck, man?

Apparently, ANOTHER PIG next to me was eating McDonalds' chicken porridge. Oh. Why don't you tapau chicken rice from the Chicken Rice Shop, why don't you?

Fucking porridge in the cinema, KERRRIIIISSSST.

Have the whole chicken, and fucking ram it down your throat. Fucking barbarian. Fucking pig.

Must have just gotten released from prison or something. May a tsetse fly laid eggs in your porridge and may they be immune to acid and may they fucking gestate in your belly and you'll shit larvae. Fucking motherfuckers.

I fucking hate people who:

1. Talk in movies. I fucking paid for the tickets to see the movie, not to hear your fucking running commentary. I don't care how much you know about the movie, cause I always know more. I am omniscient, remember?

2. People who eat like pigs at the movies. Go to a fucking restaurant, you bitch pig motherfucker.

3. People who kick on front seats while watching a movie.

Ugh fucking hell. Pigs and monkeys. That's all we need. Makes me wish the influenza A H1N1 means 50% of the population is dead.

May you get H1N1 and fucking die, motherfucker.

On other news, you guys suck. Fuck off and die. That's what Thomas Malthus said. Malthusian theories suggest that we do not have enough for everyone. Including aliens.

One thing I can't put in the article, though, is how Islam states that ALL earthly possessions belong to God. Not banks, not you, not PTPTN, but it's all God's, see?

So all land belongs to God. We are merely caretakers and shit. But your life, your life belongs to you, and only you.

That's Gaiman right there.

You do what you will of your own life. No one can stand in judgement of it. Not now, or ever. Well, they will judge anyway, but who the fuck cares? Not me. Not you. Just some poorp, pathetic sods who seems to keep score of shit other poeple do.