Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Conversations in Red and White: They Walk Amongst Us

So I was in a cab, on my way back to the office from an interview, when the driver pointed at a poster of District 9.

Taxi Driver: They're here!

Me: District 9? Yeah, good movie.

Taxi Driver: No! Not the movie! Aliens!

Me: Wha?

TD: Aliens are here!

Me: Um...that's just a billboard...and it's only a movie.

TD: Aliens came here just before KLIA was completed, and they met Dr M!

Okay. I considered my situation. We were travelling at 60 km an hour. Light traffic. No rain.

If I were to jump out of the car, I would need to do 20 sommersaults, a triple lutz, run up a lamp post, do 30 more spinning full body rotations while doing complete sommersaults, spread my arms and land on a passing car with panache, just to neutralise the inertia.

A feat I was not willing to do without a trenchcoat. Because the trenchcoat makes me look cool.

So, escape being impossible, communication was key to diffuse the situation. Meaning that I need to avoid talking to the taxi driver, lest he continues his alien conspiracy theories.

Naturally, I egged him on.

TD: When Mahathir was president, the aliens came to see him at KLIA, before KLIA was finished.

Me: President?

TD: He couldn't tell the world, because of the Queen, see?

Me: The aliens had a queen?

TD: No, no, our queen lah! Mahathir promised our queen he would not reveal the aliens.

Me: So, how did the alien spaceships look like?

TD: spinning top.

Me: Why does it spin?

TD: To create stability and to fly.

Me: Well, won't the aliens get dizzy, if their spaceship keeps on spinning all the time? I mean, it wouldn't be very convincing if they were to just show up at say, the White House and say, "We are your conquerors now! Blueeerrrrgh!!! I'm sorry. I get saucer-sckness easily and we have been traveling on that spinnin - bwwaaaaaaarrrrgh! Anyone got any ginger tea?"

TD: ...

Me: Well?

TD: All aliens are geniuses.

Me: Genius won't cure motion sickness, you know. Believe me.

And we rode in silence for the rest of the way.

Oh well. I guess that's one way to do it.