Saturday, June 20, 2009

Man-Woman Interface: Fuck Like a Woman

If Samantha, from Sex and the City, can suggest that women fuck like men (a suggestion I thoroughly support and endorse), then we, men, should all fuck like women.

This is all to ensure gender equality, really.

First off, no man should ever make the extra effort. Just let the woman do all the work. We should all just lie down and spread our legs like starfishes. Like Patrick!

CAPTION: Patrick

And secondly, most important of all, never let ourselves be fucked by women, unless they pay.

Consider this, there are hos, and then there are non-hos. The only difference is non-hos cost more money than regular hos.

With hos, you can get away with RM6 even! But with non-hos, sometimes it takes several dates at posh places before she even goes to third base!

Trickery! Trickery! Trickery!

We, the men, should also do the same.

Pick and choose - screen - the women.

Random Dude: Hey, Amir. This girl wants to go out with you.

Me: What? Is she hot?

RD: Yes! Look at these pix, man. She's a slut!

Me: Tramps...mmm...and the boobs have just the right consistency.

RD: I trust it should be succulent.

Me: Succulent...

RD: So? How?

Me: Na-ah, man. Nowadays, I fuck like a woman. Meaning: financial evaluation time!

RD: Oh no!

Me: So, how much is her annual earnings, before interest, taxes, depreciations and amortizations?

RD: Erhhh...she makes RM4K a month...

Me: Mmmm...multiply by 12, subtract taxes, cost of much debts?

RD: She shops a lot. Four credit cards.

Me: Science-damn credit cards! I hate credit cards! Okay, I need statements for the past six months.

RD: Roger dat.

When you have all the information, you will get to extrapolate how much savings she has left. The current rule of thumb for non-hos is to take whatever that's left from a man's income, X and spend X^2+2X+C (with C being cost for condoms) of his money.

We should do the same and ensure egender equality in everything we do.