Sometimes, when I'm in 'full steam ahead' mode, I get back home, and I begin to doubt myself.
This is normal. You self-sabotage youself.
You ask yourself, "did I do the right thing?" "Did I handle that the correct way?" "Did I say the right thing?"
Especially since the entire day, I was at full power, all the way.
Was I right to push people, in my single-mindedness to get things done? Was I right in pushing myself?
Am I a good person?
Yeah, that kind of shit.
The answers, if there are real answers, do not really mean much.
What's done is done. You did what you had to do. To move forward. And if it involves making unpopular, unfamiliar, uncomfortable decisions, then so be it.
If we are to live by the good graces of everyone, we would die of starvation in five minutes, if not five seconds.
The past is gone. Learn from it. Move on. The future is unclear. The present is at hand. And at present, I have loads of work to do. Deadline: Sunday. And I sure as hell not putting anything off till then.
It's like Neil Gaiman, chaos be upon him, wrote in the Sandman comics:
"You know what happens when you dream of falling? Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you.
And sometimes, when you fall, you fly."
~ Todd Faber (a man who dreams of falling)
- Fables and Reflections