Sometimes, I feel like getting on a chariot and lashing the horses' flanks to shreds while I go around the front lawn yelling "Mother! Father! Family!"
To idiots, that was a scene from the movie Greystoke, which retold the legend of Tarzan as a long lost heir of the Earl of Greystoke.
I used to be able to shirk any and all responsibilities pertaining this family.
As the youngest, I only had to watch what I do.
Right now, I have to think for a lot more people. And then a few steps ahead, anticipating moves and countermoves.
I wanted to escape all this by leaving the country a few years ago, but in the end I decided to stay.
I'm so fucking noble. And great. Let's all focus on me now, cause I can't take focusing on illnesses anymore.
I'd like to say, 'I take care of my family.' But as Chris Rock said, "You're supposed to, you stupid idiot!"
Those are some of the things a 'nigger' would say, said Chris Rock.
"I like black people, but I hate niggers. I wish they would let me join the Ku Klux Klan!"
A few ground rules, ya?
During a crisis, the focus is always the goal at hand. The patient comes first. Not the patient's approval or being popular or how much you've suffered or how much you've done or paid.
The patient comes first.
The drama, the politicking, the victim stories can all come later, if you wish.
If you are useful in a particular scene or situation, be there. Be present completely.
If you are at the moment useless or have nothing to do with the solution, get the fuck out. Now!
But in the end, everyone plays a role. Just so long as it's NOT all about you.
Thankfully, my family is small and easier to manage.
One family I saw brought along eight siblings and their brrod of children, each.
I guess it works for some people. Just thank God it wasn't me.
If I see that many people come and visit me at the hospital, I'd kill myself.
Last few times I was warded, only one person came anyway, so I will not have that problem.
And different people would focus on different things to deal with the pain.
I try and find useful things to do, like finding out EXACTLY how an MRI works. Others cook - for people born during the Second World War and the Malaysian Emergency, having an abundance of food is a big thing. Some use humor, and others go into reality warps.
My father is okay, I guess. In the past, he was told he had a limited time to live. Almost 30 years later, he confounded physicians by staying alive and smoking four packs of cigarettes a day.
I do not think he will die easily.
"I have too much work to do." He told me.
Still, in his condition, he wants to drive the tractor and plow the land so he could grow vegetables and fruits.