Monday, May 24, 2010

The Wolf Beneath the Tree

A young person asked me, "How far can I go in this business?"

I was like, "How far DO you want to go?"

Eminem said, at the end of his video Lose Yourself, "You can do whatever you put your mind to, man."

Which is true. Humans are beings of limitless potential. To put restrictions on ourselves would be foolish.

That being said, and how nice it is to have goals, I have learned that thinking about the future does not make it happen. Doing shit now, makes the future happen.

When I decided, years ago, to try and replicate Neil Gaiman's writing journey, I had no clue as to where my crazy-ass plan was going to get me. I barely had enough to eat.

I was buying omelettes, cooked my own rice, and ate the egg thing with aji-shio (flavoured pepper). And I consider myself lucky. Cause the people who came before me had to deal with shit like the 70s and unshaved armpits and made way less money.

How far you want to go in life or whatever, is dependent on your current efforts as well as luck. Furthermore, ask yourself - why that far?

Cause if the answer - the real, honest answer - is simply to compare yourself to other people, then you might as well kill yourself now. Cause that path has no end. There's always somebody who has done better, have it better, blablabla better.

To me, personally, the only reasonable goal is to be happy. Be happy right now. Cause happiness is not in the future or in the past.

I was criticised once because I was trying very hard to stay a few steps ahead. I was always a few steps ahead - it wasn't very hard. Most people are idiots - but I forgot to enjoy the now. I was the Man of Tomorrow.

Some people I've met, live in the past. There are painful experiences they hold on to for dear life, as they probably think that to let go of the pain would somehow make them less real. Less entitled. So they don't live in the present, but cling on to past glories and ancient wrongs. Captain Yesterdays, the lot of them.

And by ancient, I meant something like racial memory or some shit like that. Or how their parents abused them. Boo fucking hoo. Most parents abuse their kids. You're not special. Shut the fuck up and die already.

Behind closed doors, most relationships are abusive and parasitical. People are being used by other people, like in that Marilyn Manson song. Even your family may be using you. Yes, all that suspicion was and is correct. You are just a pawn in their game of ego.

Me? I am Fenrir the Wolf. The Wolf Beneath the Tree. Under the shade of Yggdrassil, I await for the end of times. WHich is now, cause I'm going to sleep.