Saturday, July 16, 2011

Pottering About


So I watched Harry Potter last night with my sister.

We got the back seats, which in my opinion are the best seats.

The movie was fine. It is the truest adaptation to any Potter novel I have seen, and the cuts they made from the source material were wise and necessary. I couldn't really find any fault with it. However, not being a major fan of the series, I am biased and would only give it a B.

Potter does not disappoint, though, in no way at all. I mean, I was not expecting a Jean-Pierre Jeunet movie.

What was disappointing - and very irritating, though - were people who were watching the movie.

Since the film started, there was endless chatter from the idiots to my right and the ones in front of me.

Some of their stupid friends have never read Harry Potter, and their even stupider friends who have were mouthing off on who each character was and
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO EACH, effectively spoiling the movie for those who have not watched it.

"Oh, Fred, or George will die after this."

There were also idiots who kept on mouthing off what was happening on screen.

Example: Harry Potter and friends would be riding a dragon.

"Oooh, he's riding a dragon!"

They want to make sure that their friends and others within earshot, were experiencing what they were experiencing. Though I must tell you, unless their friends were blind or they just took a busload of blind and deaf people to the cinemas, this was highly unnecessary, rude and insidious.

I come from a barbarian clan in the east - my ancestors preferring to set up their domiciles in swamps and around huge holes in the ground. We have a code - "Never talk during shows."

Whenever people talk in the cinema, an urge to rally the barbarian horde and knock their skulls in with an axe would surge forward.

I believe that people who talk during movies are the most arrogant people on earth. They by far are more arrogant than Malaysian fake 'liberals' and politicians. I hate them more than I do politicians. In fact, I hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns.

You see, when you talk during a movie, it is merely you saying, "I demand your attention. I will force my words down your throat. I will talk and bother you and invade your personal space because I and my thoughts, which I have vocalised, are more important and greater than your whatever. And you are so stupid, blind and deaf that you will not be able to discern what is going on in the movie without me telling you so."

I believe it is a most selfish thing to do. Something done out of unconsciousness and not having any consideration for other people.

Throughout the movie, I shushed some of them. It worked for a few, but others had really thick skulls and an IQ of monkeys.

So, failing to silence them, I started speaking in parseltounge behind their seats.

"Monkeeeeyyyyyssssssssss. You sssssssstupidddd fuckiiiiiinnnngggg monkeyyssssssssssssssssssss."

One guy turned around and eyed me. I held his gaze and threw a maniacal smile.


It worked, for a while, and I enjoyed the battle scenes in peace. The peace continued until a fat Ron Weasley showed up and the guy started explaining to his girlfriend how the filmmakers did that trick.

Yes, most dumbass boyfriends would start explaining to their girlfriends about how Hollywood filmmakers do their special effects.

Here's the Truth: They don't. They never worked at a Hollywood special effects studio, so they do not know.

What happened was that the male primate was threatened by how some things were, are and forever will be beyond him. He feels insecure about his stupidity, so he feels the need - the burning desire - to have someone believe that he is not fooled by this Hollywood magic and trickery, that his small brain - the size of a walnut - is able to comprehend all this.

I hate you. I hate you with the intensity of a thousand suns. I hate you so much that when you die, I hope an earthquake buries your remains under the earth's crust and apply on pressure as well as heat that are so great, millions of years later, mankind's future descendants will dig up your remains as diamonds.