Monday, March 22, 2010


You know, everyone could save a lot of their time, if they're honest in their relationships.

Now, I believe that 99.999999999% of relationships will end miserably or be unsatisfactory for everyone involved. I have never met anyone in a relationship who, when asked why they're together, actually say that they like the other person.

"I am with him/her because I love being with him/her."

A simple answer, surely. But beyond the grasp of most people.

"I'm getting older."

"I want kids."

"He has a lot of money."

"She has soft, malleable tits."

"He has a big dick."

Why can't people just be honest?

Imagine this. All your past, present and future partners are in a room with you. There is a table, with chairs and the chairs are on a conveyor belt. You say the truth to each one. And they will tell you the truth as well.

"I want your money. Surely you have money. I only tolerate your dick inside me cause I want you to buy me a dress, a car, a house."

"You are just another notch on my belt. After I get you I will hang your severed head on my wall, above the fireplace."

"In my illogical belief system, I have faith that there is a giant scoreboard in the sky and getting married would score me 1000 points."

"I just want sex."

"Your ugliness makes me look better in comparison."

"I just want to show off to other girls that I am successful because I nabbed myself a man. You? I dunno. Might have been any other fool. This is all about me."

If it was me, here are my truths:

"I don't have money."

"If heaven and hell exist, I don't know where I'll end up. Not my business. I don't play for a prize."

"Rocco Sifreddie has a longer dick than I do."

And, the piece de resistance:

"I never did like you. Only the idea of you."