Sunday, October 12, 2008

World Wide Wet and Wild: Political Gramoxone

Previously, on Zeroes...

Anwar: I got jumpers, man! Riot! Woooooooooooooooo!

Pak Lah: Holy shit! Even though the threat is most likely a hoax, I will scramble my men and hold a meeting and expedite the transition of power even though there is less reason to do so than five years ago, when I should handed over everything to someone who could actually do this! Drama!

Tired Blanks: In our hands is just one photo. The girl whose name we call out will remain, and the girl who doesn't, must immediately pack up her bags and leave.

Tired Blanks: Pak Lah, you have all the opportunity in the world to make Malaysia better than Pre-Mahathir times. You had the support of everyone, including the world's sexiest underwear model - Amir Hafizi. But you allowed evil people to do evil things for the past few years, while you waste your time officiating and launching stuff like a Nasi Kandar restaurant in Perth and a kebun, for God's sake, in Penang or Kedah. Instead of being with the people during times of their most dire need. The Johor floods, for instance. You also cancelled a lot of Dr M's projects which made perfect sense, like the Fucked-Up Bridge and Proton and Quarks and Gluons.

TB: Datuk Seri Najib, the judges are worried about your name being tagged to a certain homicide case. Innocent until proven guilty, except in Malaysia, where there are enough racists to convict you even before the court decides.

TB: So who will stay? The girl with the dubious track record, or the girl who MIGHT have a dubious track record?

TB: Datuk Seri Najib, congratulations, you are still in the running to become Malaysia's Next Top Model.

Najib: Yo, whaddup, Detroit?

Koh Tsu Koon: We shall award the nickname of Bapa Demokrasi to Pak Lah, on top of his other given names such as Bapa Mertua Khairy, Bapa IT, dan Bapaku Pulang Dari Kota, Bapaku Belikan Jet Peribadi.

Pak Lah: It's disappointing, but it's not over for me. I am NOT yet 80 years old. Not like that OTHER guy. I am still young. I can do stuff. I'm still going to model. I mean, be a role model.

Anwar: Heyyy! Hey! I got jumpers, foo! I need some attention! I'm the Queen of Drama! Wooo!

The Voice of Shanker: Evolution. Will we ever achieve opposable thumbs? Can we stop chucking our own shit? Will we ever master the use of tools? Make fire? Discover the wheel?

TVoS: Or ...Intelligent design. Hmmm...what's 'intelligent'?

Mohinder Suresh: I followed my father's research to Malaysia, in order to find a cure for evolution. I may have found a race of people which holds the key - politicians. They seem to be immune to it. Is this the cure I've been waiting for? So I can fuck Maya, without getting rashes on my back?

TVoS: Will people ever lay off Pak Lah? Will they ever forget him? Will there be anyone else left to blame, than their own sorry asses? Will I stop asking bloody questions in a futile effort to sound mysterious and knowledgable?

Next week, on Zeroes:

"We worship the White Gods!"

"Heyyy! Heyyyyyy! I need some attention again! Am pushing the December deadline to END of December. End of December 3046."

"Can you pos me my warchest? I need me some vice presidency. Or a Youth Chiefy Stubby."

"It's all everyone else' fault! I'm just gonna sit here and do nothing, and tell everyone they're wrong! WRONG!"

"I'm your mother...Fucker!"


Ah, screw this. I'm taking a dump.