Just got back from Kuantan.
Back there, I saw some stuff, man. Tip of the iceberg and shit.
Poor-ass motherfuckers I read about in books. Heard about in stories. Disease, drugs, dengki. It's so bad, it's disgusting. And it's just a small sample. I can point to a thousand more people who have seen worse things around them.
People who know their shit, and know shit. I don't know shit, but it's bad.
We go on and on when it comes to earthquakes and tsunamis in other places. Donations and pledges plastered all over newspapers, but has anyone, any journalist or whoever the fuck ever went to see if the cheques were ever cashed or even collected from RM100 million offices? Were the funds ever used and shit?
I don't know, man. I know jack shit. I'm sure the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-singing, all-dancing pieces of shit like you guys know everything. Cause you're omniscient and stuff.
And that's for other countries. For other people. What about our own losers? Our own people who thought that children are assets. As some sort of old-age insurance policy. That if they get a child, suddenly, the Sky Government is going to give them handouts by the thousands, floating from the sky? So the way out of poverty? Make moar babies.
Woo! Make babies, not sense.
What the fuck did our fathers and grandfathers fought for? So that a majority of the people would have 18th century plumbing? 16th century healthcare? Regress back to becoming monkeys?
Over the past seven years, I've talked to a lot of people about this. At first with righteous indignation. With the 'necessary outrage' at how fucked up everything is.
That's all crap. Fuck me.
We too often point our fingers at the Government and at politicians. We accuse them of being stupid and laugh when they fall asleep in Parliament.
Ok cool. Now what, asshole?
Sure, the Government sucks when it comes to implementation of certain policies. But at least they did something. What the fuck did you do?
I don't see any problems getting solved. All I see is a nation of whiners. Well, fuck you. That all you got, motherfuckers?
In my village, they spent tens of thousands on a fish-farming project. It was supposed to be a self-funding thing which would generate income for village folk who make less than 400 a month or some shit like that. But they lack the foresight, the organisational skills or the experience to gauge what the project REALLY needed.
I mean, poor people in Malaysia are sometimes poor by choice. They chose motorcycles over education. Marriage over savings. Babies over money. Laziness over efficiency.
Knowing the fact that these people lack the will, the funds and sometimes the brains (almost never the skill) to make a project a success, they should have made those things present. Yeah, yeah. Should have.
They should have talked and listened. And if the first project failed, they need to know why it failed and not just abandon it altogether.
If you give up on these people, who the fuck will help them? Already, we are losing able-bodied and able-minded motherfuckers who leave the country as soon as they make their money.
I might go too. To make my money. I dunno.
And yes, for the poor, they are charity cases. It is up to the non-poor, if not the rich, to make sure these people do not become robbers and rapists.
If they don't have money, they'll come after YOUR money. If they don't get pussy, they'll lick YOUR pussy and ram it with their eleven and a half-inch dicks. And you rely on them to plant your vegetables and rear your chicken and your kids. These people ring up your cash registers and push your trolleys.
Do not assume that just because you're living in a RM5.5 million bungalow in Damansara, the plight of a seasonal (= lazy) fisherman will not affect you.
And yeah, some people choose to be poor. They're afraid of success, or they're lazy. I'm not talking about putting a BMW in every home, a Kobe cow in every pot.
They don't want your RM10 lattes. Or your pretentious oversized t-shirts.
As long as they have enough to eat and enough to wear, they will not kill you.
Here's a solution for you: make me rich.
Release me from these financial shackles. Unleash the beast. Give me RM2 million and I'll make it work, or I'll kill myself.
I'll keep the two million for me and my hos and my homies. And I'll drop everything and make some projects work. Then, I will infect the whole country with my virus. I have enough publicity skills and contacts to make it happen.
I'll go back to my hometown and set up discount shops - selling necessities at near cost - and food banks. I'll go to KL every month and raise funds. Money or in kind. ALL profits, if any, goes back to the shop. Excess foodstuff goes to the terribly poor. Donated goods goes to the terribly poor. The poor would also get discount vouchers. No longer will unscruplous businessmen prey on the ringgits and cents of the poor-ass motherfuckers.
The next year, if it's a success, open up 49% of the discount grocery store to folks with money. So that in the future, it can be sustained by money from the community itself and not merely handouts from cappucino-sipping, tapas-munching altruistic yuppies.
And then I'll get the fish farming and other farming projects off the ground. I'll make the projects - including the discount grocery stores - self-sustaining so I don't have to take my begging bowl to the capital every year.
Then I'll set up training courses for servicing the new cars, with their fancy electronics and alternative fuel power plants which are driving the traditional mechanics out of business. I'll get the manufacturers and dealers to sponsor the tax-deductible courses. Even if one in 10 people stay on and make good, it would have been worth it.
I know people who know how to get grants and scholarships. If any of the poor kids show potential or promise, I can get these people to get on their cases and match them to funds or grants.
I'll do homestays as a source of income - touristy shit city people seem to like so much and show these motherfuckers how some people STILL live their lives, 50 years after Independence.
I'll bring TV crews and newspapers to the villages, and perhaps get other people in other states to do the same. In 5 years, there could be 50 motherfuckers doing what I'm doing, and that'd be awesome.
I could even get some of the drained brains back here and do shit.
I don't care if people 'copy' my idea. That's the whole fucking point. I can't do this on my own, motherfuckers. You didn't give me USD2 trillion.
I won't take a single cent from the projects. Cause I'm fucking rich. With RM2 million, I can live comfortably till the day I die. Buy a RM300,000 seaside condo in Kuantan, a second-hand 4 wheel drive, some gym equipment or a gym membership, and I'm all set. With proper investments, I can stretch the remaining money to get me enough yearly income to support my simple needs. And my trips to Thailand.
I don't need a Porsche. I hate Lamborghinis. I have no need to compensate for my already-bulbous dick. And I don't do drugs, cause I know I have an addictive personality. I tend to overdo things. Better this than crack.
I'll be corruption-proof. Cause I do not worship money. Money is an obstacle. It is a tool. Not an end. And no one can bribe me with sex either. I know the value of sex - 50 bucks. Fuck you if you think you can buy me with 50 bucks, asshole.
I'll render politicians irrelevant. Obsolete. Why the fuck do we need politicians to do our shit, anyway? If you want something done, you have to do it yourself. Ram that bribe down your throats or up your ass. Who gives a shit?
I'll get accounting firms to audit each and every single account so that it would be transparent for all to see.
I'll make sure that it would work. It won't be easy, but it's not impossible. There will be lots of problems. But hey, that's what I'm there for. All they need is for somebody to 'form the head', just like in Voltron. And many people have given me heads.
And yes, people don't want to be 'saved'. I don't want to 'save' people. Fuck that, man. All I'd be doing is giving them a choice. More opportunities. Sooner, but maybe later, like, in 50 years, there might be a difference. It's better than nothing. It's better than doing nothing.
And I don't care what people say. Knowing the cynical nature of Malaysians, they'll laugh their asses off, or throw unlit Molotov cocktails at me. Or feed me boiled eggs - dog food, according to Miss Kok. I'll get no thanks, and the people who benefit from this will fix me with bulging, suspicious stares.
They might not even support the programmes. Who gives a shit? One in 10, and it would be all worth it. Everything else is a bonus.
I do not have the need or the desire to have people worship the ground I walk. Been there, done that. And could always go back to Phuket.
But they, and YOU will surely laugh.
Well? I am glad that was amusing to you. I am glad that I was helpful in making you feel good about yourself, despite your enormous insecurities.
The fool may point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the emperor remains an emperor, and the fool remains a fool. Neil Gaiman, yo!
Why I want to do this, if I become a multi-millionaire in the next two years? Cause I have done whatever it is I set out to do when I was younger. I wanted to write movies, novels, TV shows, comics, short stories and articles for magazines and newspapers. I wanted my writings to be read or watched by millions.
I have achieved each and every single one of those goals. The only thing I haven't done is this one dream when I was eight years old - to help. And to make things work. My righteous ego is still too huge to let things slide.
And I just need AT LEAST RM2 million from you. For RM6 million, I can activate another person who could do even more shit.
But you're not going to do that. Cause you're afraid of being proven wrong. You always wanna be right. Listen to this master of righteousness. I know arrogance when I see it. I am 100% arrogance. And while you can waste RM200 million on a fucking private jet, RM7 million on a duplex apartment with a swimming pool and private elevators, you won't spend your money on me - your last chance at salvation.