Monday, October 13, 2008

Colour Me Badd: The Brown Man's Burden

This is about racism, so I most probably will not allow comments. ALL comments, except those that are articulate, intelligent, non-racist and praise me to the sky will be rejected. I'm the thought-police, yo!

Some time ago, I was talking politics to a white person.

At first, I did not notice her whiteness. It was only after a a few remarks she made that made me see clearly that we are of a different level. Of a different caste.

Me: Oh, I'm getting out of this country soon.

White: Where are you going?

Me: Oh, I dunno. Anywhere. Whatever. Maybe XXXXXX.

W: XXXXXX? That's a good place. But don't be disheartened if you don't get it.

Me: Why won't I get it?

W: ...

Me: ... Well, if I don't get it, I'll probably go to Australia and live on the dole. Haha.

W: WHatWhatWhat?! People will be angry at you! It's people like ME that pay taxes so those people could get free money.

Me: Ehhhh. If they did not want it that way, they wouldn't have done it that way. There's always another way.

W: Oh, the politics in this country is so DREADFUL, isn't it?

Me: Ehhhh. It's like that. Buddha says, "Ta Ta Ta." The suchness of life.

W: Really, it's deplorable. It's appalling. How can blah blah blah blah. BLAH! Blah blah blah blah blah.

Me: works for the people. If the people really didn't like it, they would have changed it. It works for them, somehow, on some level. At least a majority of them want it that way.

W: WhatWhatWhat? Do you really believe the people get the government they deserve?

Me: Well, they elected the politicians. If they didn't, we wouldn't have this government. The people wanted it that way. That's democracy.

At that, she was so, so, scandalized, that she got off her racist ass and went off into the night screeching like a banshee.

Well, I'm sorry, ma'am, but I am not impressed by the colour of your skin. I am not impressed by the colour of anyone's skin. Except for Estonians. Estonians have flawless, smooth and silky skin. Metallic-golden, honey-blonde hair, and steel-gray eyes.

Blondes are not my thing, but that one Estonian girl I met wayyyy back in 2005 still lives in the back of my head, where the vision part of the brain is.

And the FIRST girl...erm...never mind.

So yeah, I am not impressed by your race, and some races find this ... baffling.

Malay: I'm a Malay!

Me: I'm not impressed with your race.

Malay: Owhhh!!! Drama!

Chinese: I'm a Chinese!

Me: So?

Chinese: Tien aaaaaaa! Tim kai ahhhhh!!!!??

Indian: Yo, wassup, nigga?!

Me: Foo!

Indian: Oooowwwwwww!

Sunder: My Peranakan kari is stronger than your Peranakan kari.

Me: I prefer Esquire Kitchen curry.

Sunder: Coooobraaaaaaaa! Retreeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaattt!

White People: I'm white.

Me: And thennnn...?

WP: Yeah, you know. I'm white and shit.

Me: And theeeeeennnnnn...?

WP: Malay chicks play hump the white gods in Bangsar.

Me: And theeeennnn....?

WP: My civilization is great and shit. Better than yours! Ahuck, ahuck. We got Democracy and shit.

Me: Well, we got BAPAK Demokrasi. Wasn't all that.

WP: It's the white man's b-

Me: AndTHEN!

WP: I said...It's th-


WP: The Wh-


Yeah, there are really cool white people, like Sharon Bakar, Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey. And yeah, that guy who does the voices. He's cool. And really cool Jews like Natalie Portman and Neil Gaiman.


I mean, and?

There are also fuckers like Adolf Hitler, slave owners and traders back in the day. There's also Lindsay Lohan. And Britney Spears. And K-Fed. Motherfucking K-Fed. And Boy-bands. Fucking boy-bands, man.

Look, each race got fuck ups. Each race got great people. Only weak, retarded people would try to put a whole bunch of strangers behind him or her in a futile effort to get some of that greatness rubbed off.

And it's not cool, either, to look at Sunder, for example, and say, "Fucking Hindraf. Motherfucker."

First of all, Sunder's Chindian. You're WRONG!

Second, who the fuck cares even if he is Hindraf? What's wrong with Hindraf? As long as they don't pile the road with trash, and ask a billion-kajillion dollars for an ethnic cleansing that did not happen, I'm fine with Hindraf.

Otherwise, I find them annoying, tops. So? And theeeennnn...?

You are you. And that's it. It doesn't matter who your father was. It doesn't matter who you grew up with.

When you die, all alone on that bed when Izrael or Azrael or Death looks over you, you're standing alone, broseph. You always stand alone.