Monday, October 27, 2008

Tales from the Drunk Side: Happy Deepavali

Rather lugubrious at the moment.

Feel like puking.

Temperature, normal. Yet, sweating.

Pulse is steady at...what the fuck?

"It's not neurological."

Fuck you neurological.

"It's not Lupus, either. Definitely not MS."

"We scamnned for infections, parasites, allergy pads say nada. Nothing. Zip."

"African sleeping sickness?"


No fucking way. No needles on my fucking spine. Lumbar Puncture me, and I'll desanguinate your dick.


"Stress test, then?"

Already went on the treadmill, bro.

Suddenly, a robot from the Star Wars movies burts through the door.

"He has lost the will to live!"

Fuck you. You're a medical robot with advanced technology coursing through your wires, and the best diagnosis you can give is 'lost the will to live'? What the fuck, man?

Screw all this motherfucking motherfucker.

"The legislature of Massachusets bans super-powers, whether natural or artificial."

Fuck you.

"It's like taking drugs in sports, but in real life. ALL the time."

Suck my bulbous dick.

"You're a hoot. You know that? You're a hoot with a capital 'H'."

What you're saying is basically to outlaw evolution, which is against article 153 of the Constitution. Should Usain Bolt be stripped of his gold medals because he was born to run faster than anyone else? The 'no powers' law is both unconstitutional and silly.

See this boot? Well, now you see it, but pretty soon, you won't, cause it will be shoved so far up your ass you'll need a dentist to remove it.

"Argggh! Involuntary sodomy! Rape! Rape!"

Sodomy? Rape? Get me Anwar's lawyer.

"It's the sodomy signal, let's go!"

"Atomic batteries full power, turbines full speed."

"Roger, ready to back up. Hehe."

Okay. Time to sleep.

Happy Deepavali. Again. I think.