So 10 years down the road, I walk up to the bar and, even though my blood is already six parts Dry Vermouth and one part gin, ordered a pint of Shoggoth’s Old Peculiar.
Then the bitches came through the door like there was a park nearby and a walker lost hold of their leashes and they all came in to get a drink.
I watched them through the reflection in the Guiness metal plate behind the bartender.
Bitch number one, a witch, started playing pool. Her face was covered in bruises. All of their faces, in fact.
Bitch number two had to use a cane to walk. Bitch number three wore big sunglasses to hide the purple imprint of a knuckle at the bottom of her left eye. Bitch number four looked helpless and out of place, as always, and she brought kids with her. Seven of them. To a bar.
Then they opened their traps and started yapping.
Bitches: We are all bitches, and we all rejected you 10 years ago. And your curse fell upon us. And we all got what we deserved. Boo fucking hoo.
Me: Boo fucking hoo.
An acknowledgement it was, or an amen.
Bitch one started her solo, while still playing pool.
Bitch 1: My ex-husband ran away with all my money. But not before beating me senseless with a golf club. Then he raped me with a washing machine.
Then bitch number two started to chime in.
Bitch 2: I wanted to save the world, remember? Well, the world gave me THIS.
And she held out her lame leg.
Bitch 2: My boyfriend ran over it. With a fucking BMW he got from old mumsy. Six times he drove over it, and then backed up again.
Bitch 3: What about me? I got beat up for 10 years and he pierced my clit with a tyre iron.
Bitch 4: Through all my attempted manipulations, my faggot husband left me for a guy and left me with seven kids to feed. As well as AIDS and cancer.
I had enough.
I went out, took off my clothes, and showed them what I really am. What I have become.
Me: Behold! Underwear-Model-Man!
And the bitches all sighed and moaned. And started masturbating.
Bitches: Oh! If only we sucked your dick 10 years ago! Please! Please! Fuck us in the ass!
Me: FUCK OFF AND DIE.
And then I flew to outer space and destroyed the universe. And went on my way to nothingness. For I am Underwear-Model-Man, the Man of Tomorrow!
