Sunday, April 6, 2008

War on Drumsticks

It's no longer fun to make fun of UMNO or any Barisan politician. Their time has passed. They took all they could and are now fucked.

Even the Opposition are facing problems in their parties. Like, Lim Kit Siang, foo! Haha. Geddit? Foo?! Political insider joke.

Anyway, Rocky just had to write, 'fuck you, Lim Kit Siang', and the old man just shut the fuck up.
There are no more stupid statements made by politicians. I was flipping through the Sunday newspapers today and I couldn't find anything good on the comics section (Nation, Local news, blablabla) or the front page.

Therefore, I will now shift my focus and declare a Crimson Jihad on drumsticks.

It all started yesterday when my dentist botched an attempt to fill a cavity I have and hit a nerve. I never had a problem with that cavity, until he botched the job and I am now taking painkillers.

So I did what I always do when I get a toothache - I went for lunch.

The nearest was a McDonald's restaurant. I went in and ordered the fried chicken. They gave me two thighs. I hate thighs. I love Thais, but I hate thighs.

So I said:

Me: I don't want this. I would like to exchange it for -

Cashier: We are out of drumsticks.

Me: What?

C: Drumstick no more aready!

Me: I do not like drumsticks. I HATE drumsticks with the intensity of a thousand suns. The world will rue the day when I get served a drumstick. I will reverse the Big Bang if you ever try to serve me a drumstick. No! No DRUMSTICKS!

C: Wings?

Me: Okay.

The thing is, what the fuck is it with the drumsticks? They're the stupidest part of a chicken, except for its anus and neck.

And to ASSUME that I, me, the Demon Writer of Bukit Jalil, will actually WANT a drumstick, to prefer it over any and all other parts of a chicken? Outrageous!

People who like drumsticks are stupid. People who would pay an extra 30 cents for a stupid drumstick when you can have boobs for the original price are not worth living.

I wouldn't even serve drumsticks to dying, starving Africans, back in the 80s. Now they're all playing for Chelsea.

African: Slowly...dying.

Me: Sorry, bitch. Those dumb Yanks only air-dropped Kentucky Fried Drumsticks. Assholes! You don't want to eat these.

African: Ahhhh! My stomach digesting itself. I need...nutrition. Give me...the drumstick.

Me: NO! I'm burying it now, so you won't eat this piece of shit.

African: *Dig* *dig* *dig* ...I found it...fooood.

Me: Stop eating that!

Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

Me: Damn it. Now I got sand in my Desert Eagle. On the flip side, HEY FELLAS! We finally got meat!

Back in the late 90s, some Hongkies tried to genetically engineer chickens with four legs to cope with the demand for drumsticks.

I will genetically engineer chicken with wheels for legs to erode supply of this heinous, barbaric chicken part.

And then I will pilot a military plane and destroy the largest chicken farms in the world.


If I see you eating a drumstick, I will shove it up your ass. Beware the danger of drumsticks.

NEXT: Amir Hafizi - the Demon Writer of Bukit Jalil