Sunday, November 21, 2010

Fuck to Celebrate

I was told by a friend recently to not be direct.

I was like, "What?"

"You wrote," she said, "that you do not allow anyone or anything to affect you. That anything you feel or experience are only things you allow yourself to feel or experience."

"Well," I said. "In ideal situations, yes. That is true."

Friend: You shouldn't say those things.

Me: Why?

Friend: Because it makes people uneasy.

Me: Why?

F: Because it's like you're boasting!

Me: That's not a boast. Boasting would be like this - "I am the greatest ever! EVARRRR!!! I have a bulbous dick!" That's boasting.

F: No!

Me: That's not boasting?

F: What I meant was, there is really no need for you to tell people how happy you are.

Me: I'm not happy. I am contented. Which to me is more useful than happiness.

F: Can you please let me finish?

Me: Okay.

F: You know the rules, right? When you're happy, shut the fuck up. People's egos will be disturbed, seeing how some people - you, sometimes - can exist without pain or drama.

Me: Uhuh?

F: Saying that at the end of the day, everything that happens to you, everything that you feel, is a direct result of your own choices, is like a spoiler.

Me: How so?

F: Because if people ever figure out that they are responsible for their own situations and predicaments, then they will have no pain.

Me: Really?

F: Okay, well, less pain, right?

Me: Maybe.

F: So, people in general are addicted to pain. Showing that you can exist without pain will be difficult for them to accept.

Me: And this is my problem how?

F: Well, when something happens or a viewpoint is seen as being counter to people's views and opinions of the world, they will seek to extinguish it. Look at religious violence. Political clashes. It's all about the fear that their world is not as they thought it is.

Me: But it is. The world is simply as we take it. We do make the choices. Everyday.

F: I know this. You know this. If some idiots know this, they will freak out and start killing you.

Me: Why me?

F: Because you opened your big fat mouth. If people realise that they can escape suffering, they will blame you for it.

Me: And this is relevant to me how?

F: Okay. Regardless of your thoughts about other people's thoughts, what are your goals?

Me: Items A, B and C.

F: If people start attacking you, impeding your march towards items A, B and C, would that make it more difficult to achieve your goals?

Me: Yes.

F: Sun Tzu said, "Keep your plans as black as night, and strike like a thunderbolt of pure light."

Me: I'm not Sun Tzu. I'm not at war. And that line does not rhyme, originally.

F: Amir, it is hard enough to do things with your handicaps. Try not to make it worse.

Me: My handicaps?

F: Yes. And don't tell me you believe in your own hype?

Me: Honestly? I'd be the last person to believe in my own hype. I mean, I don't go out there, giving flying kicks to pregnant mothers and stuff. I should, but that doesn't mean I care enough to do it. I'm just me, baby. I'm a swamp thing. Mixmaster.

F: See?

Me: See what?

F: Stop doing that. There will be enough idiots to believe you.

Me: Yeah. Okay. So. Do we fuck to celebrate?

F: Yes!