Thursday, December 24, 2009

Luck of the Draw

I've always been lucky. And I say this with full humility. Not with hubris. Not with arrogance.

Things have a way of falling into place. I mean, I work like shit at every job I get. It was never without any struggle, anywhere I go. In fact, it has always been a struggle EVERYWHERE, for EVERYTHING.

The good, the bad, the easy and the hard - it comes as a full package.

I have pissed off so many people in my short life, and I have pleased others as well. Entertained others. Made and lost friends. Badabing, badaboom. Oh well. That's how it goes.

A few things, and a few things only I hold true.

1. No comparisons

I don't compare myself with how easy it is for, say, the son of a rich man to live his life. I used to fucking hate rich kids. They don't have to work. Just sit there, open their mouths, and a nipple comes in. For food AND pleasure.

If I do that, I go crazy. Trust me. I did.

I focus on only what I want to do.

2. No ambition

Ambition has destroyed so many people. I have seen good people fall prey to envy, greed and hatred. Why? Cause of Desire. Desire is always cruel.

In Neil Gaiman's Sandman Comics, the anthropomorphic personification of Desire is a self-centered, jealous, spiteful being. Beautiful, but breaks your hear at every opportunity.

The twin of Desire, is Despair. I would rather be in the realms of Dream, Destruction and Delirium rather than be trapped in Desire's Threshold.

Buddha spoke against Desire. The whole point of Buddhism is this: Mankind suffer because we have desires. Desire can be controlled or kept in check.

The most dangerous desire, the most dangerous ambition, is the desire to be right. People who want to be right all the time, people who NEED to be right, those who need to have moral superiority at every juncture, is only headed for a path of suffering. Their moments of happiness are fleeting and unsatisfying, always on the brink or at the necks of other people.

Try this. Think of all the wrong things you have done. Think of all the times you have been wrong. Don't resist it. Accept it. Be okay with it.

Without desire to propel me forward, I have written two books, seven movies and countless TV programmes.

3. Humility

Jesus, or was it Buddha, who said, "When invited to a meal, always sit lower than the host, so that they may ask you to sit at a higher place."

People who read my shit here may think I am arrogant, and I do not blame them.

I realise that my arrogance - in fact, any form of arrogance or hubris or pride - comes from insecurities.

Pride, envy, anger, hate - all of them stem from insecurities and a madness that is non-peaceful.

Also, know that no matter how good you are, there are always people who can do better things.

Above every cloud, floating high in the sky, there is a higher cloud - Pedang Setiawan.

In fact, the notion of better, only exists in the egoic mind. Minds that can't comprehend every thing or person as just is. When you are at peace, there is no concept of better.

I realise as well that most of the things I get in life are because I was lucky. I was lucky to be born, though I don't think my parents should have had a fourth child.

I was lucky to get a job right after I graduated. I was lucky to survive so many things. I was lucky to be afforded the opportunity to learn so many things, and so many things still.

I am lucky to have friends. I am lucky to still have both my parents, as well as my family. I guess. No matter how much I complain about them all the time, I know that my family will always be there for me, no matter what. Even the jealous ones.

To be grateful, is to be humble, to pay tribute to something larger than yourself. To remove yourself from the centre of the universe and place something else there. Call it God, probability, chance, luck or whatever.

Remember that to remove yourself as the centre of the universe, is to allow yourself to BECOME the universe. You're so fucking big, no one can attack you. You can't fight space.

Islam means 'submission'. It's not to get people to submit to your will, but to submit yourself to the will of something greater. In submission, lies power.

Jesus said, "Deny thyself." The 'self' he is talking about, in my opinion, is the 'needy little me' that keeps on having ambition, desire things amd has a constant need to be right and the centre of whatever.

To get all this and to understand more, send me USD400 million. Everyone gets to chip in! Send me RM10,000 each, to Maybank account 114487051142. Name: Amir Hafizi Mohamed Sood.

Remember, Xenu, who is fucking Eywa, sees you.