Thursday, January 8, 2009


I've been coughing and coughing all day long, punctuated by periods of free-breathing.

It is hard for me to breathe, sometimes. As I can feel something in my lungs.

And yet I soldier on. Unlike some people.

I've worked through worse shit.

Today, I went to a 5-hour meeting, which gave me loads of valuable insight.

And I got a phone call, asking me to save a situation.

There are many things happening, and I need to control my temperament and my emotions so I would not start coughing.

I find that if I get excited or if any type of emotion agitates me, I start coughing my lungs out. I constantly need to keep my mind on an even keel.

No matter how bad or good the situation is. No matter how great or irresponsible people can be.

In order for me to keep breathing and not start coughing till my head throb, I need to be in a constant state of zen.

I have to be aware of my breathing.

Goddamn it, man. I can't even feel victimised, abused or happy or fortunate. I feel nothing. Otherwise, I start coughing again.

People throw their political bullshit at me and you know what I do?

Nothing. Or I smile at their stupidity. Their victim stories.

I just relax. Because the alternative is choking on my own saliva.