Friday, January 9, 2009

How to Get Back at Society

So you're not rich. Boo fucking hoo. Join the club.

You begin to realize that rich people are, well, richer than you are. And all that crap about money not buying you happiness? Well, that's true. But money buys the pussy of that girl you like.

Money buys that company you like. Money buys cars you like. Money buys jobs you would like to have. And they don't give them to you.

So here's what you do.

See a car parked somewhere? Now observe the make and model of the car. As well as the year.

Check online with your Blackberry for the price of said car. Oops. You're poor. You can't afford a Blackberry. Even a RM400 second hand one at SG Wang or Imbi Plaza. Or steal one like that fucker at Redbox Karaoke where I lost my previous one. Sucks to be you.

So you don't have a Blackberry. Or any of Nokia's overpriced bullshit. Take a wild guess how much that car is worth.

If it's below RM200K, walk away.

If it's more than RM200K, check what year it was released. If it was more than five years ago, forget it. Unless it's one of those fancy vintage cars.

Now, observe the condition of the car. If it's clean and doesn't have any bullshit in it, this is your prime target.

Slowly take out a 10 cent coin from your pocket. Look carefully to the left, then right, then left again. Look towards your back as well. In a sudden move.

No one there? Good.

Now, before you commit this act, remember that rich people must have done some bad things. Like hook up with a politician or two. Swindle money from your company which fired your ass. Raised interest rates. Fucked your girl. Whatever.

Rich people are bad men. They don't deserve your sympathy. Rich people should be Palestinians. And get bombed every day.

So now take that 10 cent coin, and scratch that car out of existence.

And then go back home, take out that bottle of vodka you've been saving for whatever, drink half the bottle. Then take out your gun. Oh. You're poor.

Okay. Now look out the window. If you live higher than the 10th floor, jump out. Make sure there is no swimming pool below. If you're poor, this is not a problem. If you live lower than the 10th floor, douse yourself with the remainder of the bottle of vodka and light yourself up on fire.

Wait till you die.

You're not dead?

Find a good, strong wall. Now go and ram your head at the wall until you can smell your brains. Brains have a sickly sweet smell, before it turns horribly gross.

No brain yet? Repeat the steps above.

This way, you get back at society. Stick it to the MAN (who cleans walls for a living. What a loser).