And lo, Testiculous woke up one day, and Testiculous was horny.
Testiculous lived on the star Oa. Which is Green Lantern's star, thing.
So Testiculous created the rest of the universe. Forget who created Oa. Neil Gaiman wrote about it.
Still horny, Testiculous travelled back in time and fucked his own mother. So Testiculous is his own father. Something like in Arnold Schwarzennegger's movie Terminator.
Then to create life on earth, Testiculous stuffed a volcano with souls and blew it up with a thousand SCUD missiles.
So Testiculous came to the Jews. In the Americas. And demonstrated his powers of teleportation by going from what will be New Amsterdam (the original name of New York) and going to California in just a few minutes. Just like Hiro Nakamura.
Then Testiculous came to Testiculous in a dream and told Testiculous to kill his own son, which was Testiculous himself.
So Testiculous killed himself. About a week later, he rose up, like Claire Bennet in Heroes.
A few hundred years later, some people started writing about Testiculous. They erected big statues and started praying and worshipping Testiculous.
Then, rival factions emerged and they started fighting each other. First with stone knives and later with nuclear weapons.
Eventually, everyone dies.