Monday, September 6, 2010

Boogie Woogie Feng Shui

I found myself, after dinner, in front of four fortune tellers.

I was accused of not being paranormal enough to be Malay - apparently, to join the club, I need to point my left fingers at people and swear or curse at them or some shit.

So I thought, okay, when in Rome, fuck the slaves. When in Malaysia, consult fortune tellers. And this is what they said. I did not make any of this up.

Me: So, what's the bad news?

Master 1: Choi San is always with you.

Me: Who's Choi San?

Master 2: God of Prosperity. Want to do my marketing for me?

Mistress 3: You instinctively know whether someone or something is good or bad.

Master 4: And you, upon seeing a bad situation or a problem, quickly accomodates yourself to solve that problem.

Me: Well, aw shucks and all, but doesn't everybody?

M4: You want me to read or not?

Me: Okay, I'll respect your belief systems by shutting up.

M4: You are very stubborn.

Me: Like, gah. Okay, okay. Shutting up now.

M1: In order for you to make money, you need to travel. You cannot stay put. In fact, you left home at a very early age.

M2: When you have made your mind on something, that is it. There is no turning back. Not for you.

M3: You take care of your subordinates.

M4: Sayang bini!

Me: What? I'm sorry?

M4: Very loyal. Like a dog.

Me: Arrooooouuuu! Warf! Warf!

M3: You speak very well. Your strength is in communication.

M4: You get irritated by stupidity easily. Stupid talk, stupid people.

M2: And also of people raising their voices.

M1: You are quiet, and you think a lot.

Me: Okay. So what's the bad news?

And the four looked at each other.