Friday, October 23, 2015

Wank Wank!

So what happens when a chronic approval-seeker awakens? What would he do to the people who have taken advantage of his mental disability all these years?

You always have a choice and part of awakening to what is, to the presence, is to know and realise what those choices are. You also realise what drives people and why they do things the way they do and how all that is irrelevant. It is unimportant to your being. It might be vital to actions and results, but to the being, to the nothingness that matters, all this are totally ineffectual.

And so.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Wank Wank! Talking About New Age

The problem with me talking to people about how to handle daily problems is that I could easily identify with this 'persona' that is dealing with it.

This 'persona' is of course, the ego and I often find myself dressing this ego up for other people's judgment to get things such as adulation or to get praise or whatever.


Saturday, October 10, 2015

Wank Wank: More New Age Stuff WubbadubbDubb!

Eckhart Tolle often speaks that a huge pain-body presents with it bigger opportunities for awakening. That negative energy and negativity is ripe with the potential for more understanding.

It is well and good to avoid negativity and negative people because why would you want to waste your life, your time, on them? But if you were to ever find yourself facing negative situations or people, it is also an opportunity to practice being and awareness.

Recently, someone called me up and tried to intimidate me with shadowy fears and I immediately felt heart palpitations. I have a heart condition and might die soon, so this was alarming for me, this intense hatred and negative energy.

At the same time, I also noticed myself becoming aware of my own irrational fears.

This flash of insight soon gave way to irrational fears and worries. I began contacting friends for counsel, and I was distraught. I was also aware of being distraught.

The only change I felt from other experiences of dealing with stressful situations is a small, lingering awareness at the back of my mind about all of this and how it doesn't really mean anything. If before, these things would last for days, weeks, months or years.

After writing Merong, I was worried and fearful for three years and developed insomnia. It possibly contributed to bad cholesterol buildup that caused my heart problems. The fear is always shadowy and most of the time is never realised or will never happen. But the body did not know that and reacted accordingly.

To say that I am better or that I am 'more' than I was before, that I have improved myself and my reactions, are all egotistical and false. I reacted the way I always reacted. The only difference is that I was aware of things and what I was doing as things happened. And that is not more or less. It is just is.

I thank the Awareness for the good days and the bad days.

Wank Wank: Random Super Duper New Age Shit

I've gone through many of these trendy personal training or New Age stuff. Been through Asiaworks, The Secret and eventually, the ultimate truth - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.

Of all these, Eckhart Tolle's teachings is the only one I find useful.

I mean, I tested The Secret by visualising getting a bag of stolen drug money in Thailand and after three days of extremely enjoyable holidaying, no bag of stolen drug money.

Asiaworks is great but the problem is how everything devolves into zealotry. Eckhart Tolle is the only one that is constantly useful, especially when facing extremely stressful situations. Especially when I encounter people who try to disprove these personal training or New Age stuff.

It's always there. People who go and try to prove that anything you care about, be it your religion, beliefs, superstitions, favourite music, films or anything in particular.

Tolle said it's like the situation when somebody says, "My car is big. I have a big car."

Another person might say, "My uncle's car is bigger." It doesn't matter if it's his uncle's or his teacher's or his sister's. The point is, by making someone less, then they believe they become bigger. This, is the ego. Trying to be bigger, as always.

The feeling to push others, even at least mentally, to be smaller, to show the faults and flaws in someone's beliefs or arguments or whatever, can either be totally emotionless and egoless (admittedly quite rare) or more commonly, driven by emotion and a sense of being more.

And at the end of it all, at the core of everything, there is no more or less when it comes to the self.