Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Comics N Toys Geek Fest 2015

So last weekend, I was at the Comics and Toys Geek Fest 2015 at Jaya Shopping Center.

Had a blast. Maple Comics sold a bunch of comics (we now have enough to print bags and receipts by June), but we were really there for two other things:

1. Awareness

- Need to get the brand name out, man! This is to get more submissions from Malaysian artists and to engage the public in what we do. The more our comics get noticed, the better it will be.

2. Connecting with artists

- We ALWAYS, ALWAYS need more artists working on projects. Keeps the fire burning and ensures a steady supply line. Right now, we have between 10-20 projects in progress. We don't know which ones will get finished first, if any, and we'd love to initiate more.

What I didn't count on was the fact that there are so many awesome hoomans at the thing. I live in a very serious and whiny corporate world of intrigue and espionage, with murder around every corner. So it was nice to be surrounded by young people who had my enthusiasm 16 years ago.

Now I'm the old man, talking about shit I had to go through. "Back in my day, CF was at Dewan MCA, man! And it was just a few tables with thin tablecloths. People come, buy shit and then leave. PATHETIC! And look at it now - a large marketing behemoth with whatever."

Nobody gave a shit about politics or whatever. They just made lewd, not-so-funny jokes and puns about lightsabers being an analogy for dicks. It was dumb and spectacular at the same time.

Also met some cute cosplayers and volunteers. I'd probably take maybe two of them out for dinner.

Anyway, it was a refreshing change from corporate whatever and hospitals I've been to the past several months.
Thanks to all the organisers, Andrew Tan, Batcave, Lil' Monsters, Kalleon (Kaleon?) Rahan, Heng Kok, all the volunteers, etc, etc and whoever I forgot to mention.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Second Opinions and CTGF 2015

I spent the weekend at the Comics N Toys Geek Fest 2015, Jaya Shopping Center. It was a blast as I relaxed and sold some comics. Made some friends and generally experienced the robust geek culture. A refreshing change to the corporate world and the multi-layered bleeding edge of communications consultancy.

Previously, in last week's whatever, I saw the cardiologist who handles my follow-up checks. He recommended I get another angioplasty, scheduled tomorrow (Tuesday).

Since then, I have consulted three other doctors and today have made the decision not to go for angio. The procedure will clear the vessel to a part of my heart that is already dead - the part that cares for any human. An angioplasty would carry its own risks and since the benefits are iffy at best, I was advised not to take it, for fear of complications or risks that could lead to my death or whatever.

The good news is that my cardiologist told me I could stop taking Warfarin. Yes! This means I can eat vegetables again. Green leafy vegetables, soy products, cranberries, and all sorts of berries... as soon as the meds clear out of my system, which is probably a week or two from now.

I also met some very smart people who suggested that the limitations I have been experiencing with my body after the heart attack could have been psychological. The opinion is unqualified, of course, but merits some digging into. I will see a psychologist this week for a rudimentary, informal, unofficial diagnosis.

I found that after the heart attack, I have less energy. Where in the past, I could work till 4am, sleep for two hours then wake up, do a proposal and present by 9am, nowadays I get tired at 6pm. I was once lightheaded at 4pm, feeling almost faint.

It could be a combination of my new diet - limited in high-calorie foodstuff, my intense exercise regime and my heart's reduced capacity. I also feel cold nowadays. Previously, it takes a lot to do that as I was always warm - perfect for baking bread.

What it means is I was operating at half-capacity all this while. In the past, I could go to 400% but now, a mere 50%, which is pathetic. Still better than everyone else, but if you want to commit to several different projects at the same time, you'd need to step into high gear now and again.

I need more info on that, so no use thinking about it now.

Anyway, will do a proper post on CTGF later. Right now, I have to inform my bosses that I won't be going for the procedure and will be in the office tomorrow.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Happy Birthday To Me

There. It's after 12. I survived my 35th birthday.

I'm still alive, though around six months ago, that was an iffy proposition. Some might think I'm being overly dramatic, so fuck you. I don't give a fuck.

Almost six months ago, I was lucky to be alive after a heart attack that took 1/3 of my heart. That part is dead and will never recover. So no, you can't really recover from a heart attack. Not really. You learn to lie with it, cope with it. Try to teach your body to compensate for the reduced ability.

I am thankful for the heart attack as I have benefited from it in several ways.

First, I don't want to live that long. This illness shortened my life span considerably and I am now on track to die in my 40s, if not earlier. I have been preparing for death since I was 17 and I know what I really don't want in life - to be old and suffer the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet in time.

I have been insecure about my intelligence and memory since I was a very young person. If I were to still be alive at say, 70++, I am not sure whether I would have full control of my faculties.

Some people cling desperately to life as much as they cling desperately to anything. Whatever, man. I don't give a fuck. I believe that life is to be lived during our lifetime, no more, no less. When it's my time to go, it's my time to go.

I am scared of certain illnesses and conditions such as paralysis, dementia, Alzheimer's, Huntington's (which I don't have, I think. Thank God), Gehrig's disease, sarcoidosis and a bunch of other things. Death is not the least desirable outcome.

If I were to die in the coming months, know that I am happy to pass on before I get too old or sick to see existence as other than suffering.

I have stayed away from relationships and family precisely so that I don't have anything anchoring me to this world. And at the end of everything, I want my freedom.

Another thing the heart attack brought me was this clear realisation that I can discard people and things from my life. The liars, abusers, the hollow people - gone. Things that give me grief or are not my responsibility in the first place, things that are not my mess - gone. Thank you, or fuck you, but goodbye one and the same.

I have a renewed appreciation for time. I don't want to waste time on frivolous things or frivolous people. If you are stupid, hollow, delusional or simply annoying to me, take yourself - your whole entire stupid being - and shove it up your own asshole.

I'm streamlining my life for ease of passage. Like an intestine-friendly piece of turd that slides right out of the shithole and into the afterlife that is a flush down the hell of plumbing.