Monday, April 14, 2014


I went for breakfast and one guy asked me about how to address the religion issue in Malaysia.

We've heard all the bullshit everyone is doing. In some small, way, I am moving towards something that could make a difference, but I can't divulge any information yet. Instead, I will tell you the underlying philosophy behind it - my thoughts on it.

I believe that religion - all religions - in this country have been abused and misused to forward the agendas of some people. Mostly political, but even underneath that is an egoic purpose. Religion has been used to tell other people they are wrong. That the accuser's brand of whatever Kool-Aid they're drinking is superior, hence, they are better than other people. They are more enlightened, they know the REAL truth - all the same common trappings of a hyper-intellectual like me. The only difference is I'm way smarter to deal with it than these idiots.

Let's take Christianity and Islam. Or more specifically, the Catholic part of Christianity and the Sunni part of Islam. Both religions pray to the same God - the Abrahamic God. The underlying tenets of both religions are the same - be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!

And yet the egoic pursuit is about the differences, because only through differences can any one claim to be better or superior than another.Even though God said, in ALL the holy books, that beside God, everyone is the same. And He/She/It is the ONLY one who judges all.

One can simply look at the Ireland problem to see how Catholics and Protestants kill each other or how Shiites and Sunnis do the same. For what? So that one person or a group of people can assert a very unstable and ultimately false sense of superiority.

It is ultimately egoic in nature. Total bullshit.

These idiots crave the approval and acceptance of others because they subscribe to the point system, without even knowing all the rules for scoring. Why? It has been stated before and I'll say it again - these people have such unstable faiths that they need the validation of others, the agreement, that they are doing the right thing.

Anyway, I believe that any effort in developing an inter-faith agenda is to set common goals and work together towards them. This will encourage these religious people to find similarities, a common ground that is NOT based on talk or fighting over who gets born when and on which desert.

I believe that if people of all religions in this stupid country can agree on say, helping the poor, and act in tandem towards that same goal, regardless of religion, race and stupid denomination, there can be hope.

Set a common goal - help flood victims on the East Coast or work together towards addressing drug problems or social issues. Stop TALKING and do something. Together.


Kick politicians from any project. Politicians and politics are ruining the country, creating their own stupid religion. We have seen Anwar, DAP, PIS-M and UMNO make use of religion to forward their ends. Why? Because they think you're all stupid.

Are you stupid? So far, yes you are.

Both Islamic and Christian philosophies are charitable in nature. They are all-embracing, accepting religions. Like Buddhism. But we hardly see any of that nowadays.

I believe that if we get religious people to see and accept each other as people, a lot of problems can be solved or avoided.

Realistically, though, I doubt this will ever happen. Ego always wins in the minds of monkeys, even though the Hindu stance on the mind is that the mind is maya. Virtual. It is not real. This extends to the ego, but nobody wants to give up the drug of feeling as if they are better than other people. As if they are special.

It makes me sick.

It will take a lot of soul searching before these monkeys attain the realisation that they are NOT the center of the universe, but they ARE the universe.

Well, Malaysians have a choice. I give them 50-400 years to evolve and gain tranCenDenz, capital C, capital D. Before that happens, all of humanity will be on a train, escaping the effects of climate change.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I'm So Fucking Pissed Off

I was extremely motherfucking busy these past few weeks. Ever since I got off the plane from Thailand, people kept pushing me for shit. So much so, I didn't have time to kill Malaysians who were racist towards fellow Malaysians.

I mean, I was on the fucking bus from the airport, and I got endless calls and SMSes. Couldn't catch my breath until now. Even then, I would not have written about MH370 until some of the craziness have cleared up. I was hoping to write AFTER the plane has been found, but finding a rare break in my activities, I will write my thoughts down now.

The Japanese Government said some very wise things. Over 20 nations of the world came and helped, regardless of how much some of their media people tried to be as racist, rude and stupid as they could about this issue.

These people who volunteered - everyone - are doing their best and endangering their lives to find the plane. And here we have stupid motherfuckers trying to look different so they can lick the assess of some racist fucks better.

One failed Malaysian wrote this: "while our failures are appalling, we did not make the plane disappear."

This guy, to me, seems like he's trying to ingratiate himself to people attacking the nation by putting himself above the rest of the monkeys.

"I'm a good monkey, boss! I'm different!"

Fuck you.

Are Malaysians free of guilt? Could some things be done better? Sure, nothing's perfect. I believe the biggest scandal is the role of the military in not being able to detect the plane when it was in the air. But that's a national security issue, and is for later investigations. The focus, as aptly put by the Japanese Government, is to find the plane.

I am a member of international online forums and even some white people defended Malaysia and Malaysia Airlines without being asked. That, to me, is sign of evolution. Some even pledged to use Malaysia Airlines as it is the cheapest full-service airline accessible to him.

I understand if foreigners - especially white people - want to be racist towards Malaysians. I certainly don't agree to the bullshit racist shit-don't-stink song-and-dance routine, but I get it. Sometimes, I even expect it. Not from all white people, but from the idiots.

And I'm not saying ALL white people. I'm talking about RACIST white people. Those dumbass racist motherfucking condescending foreign reporters who constantly attacked Malaysia and Malaysians. Those racist Internet trolls and motherfuckers who said "I don't want to fly with an Asian pilot." or "how dare you rice farmers tell me - a superior Westerner - I'm out of line."

No, I get it. I totally do. You're fucking douchebag racists whose father fucked your mother in the ass one day and out popped you - a shit-baby. Your retarded behaviour is good for me because I can show them to my fellow Malaysians as a demonstration of what you motherfuckers REALLY think of them. I don't give a fuck what you think of me so what you think is irrelevant, as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, my beef is with Malaysians who are racist towards Malaysians. These Malaysians would kiss the asses of racist white people by putting Malaysians down.

I mean, fuck you. I can understand racist white people, but I cannot, for the life of me, understand Malaysians who want other races to think that while Malaysians are indeed dirty brown Asian monkeys, they - the chosen few - are superior. They want to be some kind of Uncle Tom or some shit. Fuck you, motherfuckers!

I'm not saying turn a blind eye towards any of our failings - in fact, we should dissect anything and everything that goes wrong in this stupid country. But to judge and condemn our own nation while some parties are attacking it is simply the worst demonstration of colonial colonic irrigation I have ever witnessed.

I am, today, never ashamed of anything Malaysians have done. I am not even embarrassed by our movies, not even 2 Alam or Apa Celop Toqq or even Strawberi Cinta. Hell, I did some of them. You know why? Cause I believe this need for approval from white people - or anyone - is stupid.

You can all, each and every one of you monkeys, stand in line and suck other people's cocks while hoping some asshole racist fuck will pat you on the head and say, "Good dog, Ubu, good dog." And you go, "Woof!" I don't give a flying fuck!

This pathological need for approval stems from a self-hatred caused by low self-esteem. Yeah, I'm judging you bitches. Don't stop sucking those cocks!

Malaysians have such low self-esteem, Dr M even came up with the first of bad sloganeering - Malaysia Boleh. Just to teach you apes that yes, you can do it, bitches. I believe it showed desperation on Dr M's part as he witnessed the ever eroding confidence of Malaysians to stand tall and do shit their way.

Me, as the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century and the most evolved being on the planet, I look at all this bullshit, and I just want to kill.

Only Malaysians can judge Malaysia. This is our land. These stupid leaders were elected into office by OUR votes, using our crappy democratic system. And no matter how stupid these fucked up politicians on BOTH sides and no matter how banged up our radar system is, it is ours, and our responsibility. Take ownership of our shit and our shitty people, cause only we can talk shit about ourselves.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Intermission: Crossroads

I take a break from my role as the Best Pundit in the World to reflect on my 34 years on earth.

I celebrated my birthday in a low-key manner by going to Pattaya, Thailand. I spent most of the day talking to people, trying to have a better understanding of their lives, of the human condition.

If you had told me 10 years ago that most of my enjoyment and my work would revolve around people, I would have laughed in your face and shat on your cheap sofa.

Being 34 also means I can't pull 72-hour work weekends anymore. I need my rest. With age, though, comes an understanding how things work and that has helped in rescheduling deadlines and pushing them just a bit further.

I am working as I always do - pile on various different projects one after the other, spreading myself as thin as possible. I do this because I can never know which projects would materialise and which ones would not.

In fact, I quit well-paying jobs so I could focus on a cornucopia of projects ranging from corporate consulting to creative endeavours.

Perhaps it is time to pick one and focus. I don't know. It has to pay a substantial amount of money and keep me interested and excited.

My 'empty' nature means I would absorb the skills and knowledge needed for a particular job and then release them as soon as the job is finished, again making me a blank slate.

When I execute many jobs across multiple disciplines, I am beginning to feel fatigue. I need to switch from one mode to another for different types of projects. Sometimes, for different people.

I feel like Morph of the X-Men, or Mysterio from Spider-Man's rogue gallery or Clayface, an enemy of Batman.

It is very tiring. Not because I am pretending to be something I'm not, but because I need to equip and re-quip certain modules in my brain.

And despite extensive searching, I have not met a single person interested in copying my 'empty' skills. Not many people understand me when I speak freely, much less when I try to illustrate how you can see things from multiple angles at the same time.

Often, when I speak to humans or apes, I go through filters. Because no one can understand me fully. The ones who do come close would be Thai go go girls. And even with them, I don't talk about work.

I am the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century, and it is quite lonely up here.

Some big decisions in the coming weeks. Some deadlines that I have to meet, so if you'll excuse me...

Friday, March 21, 2014

The REAL Problem with Malaysian Films

Recently, tired of people blaming audiences, stories and scriptwriters, I decided to blame actors for the rather poor state of the Malaysian film industry.

Think about it. Actors serve no real function in life. They're annoying, self-important and their so-called 'talent' is just ego. Actors suck.

However, this is not the real reason why the Malaysian film industry sucks. And by sucking, I mean the fact that we do not have a vibrant ecosystem, no pride in our films, very few box office hits and less and less people give a fuck about films. Out of 28 million Malaysians, regular cinema goers who watch local stuff was - until The Journey's success - notched at an estimated 500K tops.

Met with some filmmakers recently. Young, old, ancient and retired. One of them - Amir Muhammad - said this, "I believe the missing ingredient is a sense of belonging."

That. That hit the nail.

Years ago, I was working with perhaps the greatest creative mind in the country - my mentor and friend, Zainal Alam Kadir. We were advising Astro on such shows as the Second Season of Raja Lawak and Akademi Fantasia.

One of the things we observed as being the cornerstone of AF's popularity - one of the most successful Malaysian TV shows of all time - was a sense of ownership. The fans continued to tune in, push until the glass doors of PWTC smashed, embraced stars regardless of creed, gender or colour, simply because they felt a sense of ownership - a belonging - to the stars.

They voted them in, so it's their money keeping these people on TV. With already a substantial financial investment, they also poured their emotions in.

We mulled over a suggestion to make this even more spirited by breaking them up into states - Marsha representing Sabah or Mawi from Johor. Like Eurovision. Like football.

Alam spoke about a sense of ownership. He spoke about giving the show back to the fans. Because they made it what it was.

Then, things happened, blablabla. And fuck all that shit.

Amir Muhammad said he was editing an upcoming football book by Lucius Maximus. In it, Lucius outlined several solutions for the football scene's own doldrums.

Buy and read the book to find out what it is he suggested, but it has something to do with how the football scene and the film industry here is similar in the sense that it will only work as a healthy ecosystem if there is a sense of ownership or belonging to a particular team or film.

"I come from Brickfields. This is MY TEAM. Fuck the Damansara Heights rich fuckers. We be real, bitches!"

"This is a local film. I love it because it is about me. I'm self-centered and shit."

For all this while, people who have been analysing the Malaysian film industry fell into the common Malaysian trap - we as a society are too fucking shallow.

The major fault lies in better stories? Better quality of films? If we have better actors? A better audience?

These are ALL shallow answers, from shallow mindsets. Cosmetic or even at best patch-up solutions to a core underlying problem - a majority of Malaysians do not give a flying fuck about Malaysian films because they cannot connect with the bloody thing.

For the past 40 or 50 years, Malaysian films have been Malay films - made by Malays, for the Malays. Further on, it became even more stupid and insular - made by rempits, for rempits.

This is why there were only 500,000 people watching these films out of 28 million - we only have 500,000 rempits. And most of them are broke. You have drilled the rempit mines dry, fellow filmmakers.

What is the sense of belonging for a Malay kid from a swamp to watch a movie about depressed white-collar rich yuppies like in Kil?

What kind of empathy an old Chinese kopitiam owner in Triang would have for KL Gangster?

Why would Maniappan Kuppusamy go and watch Lemak Kampung Santan?

Who the fuck gives a shit about your shit?

Nobody gives a fuck about Malaysian movies because Malaysian movies do not give a fuck about them.

The more earthy productions (stuff like Apa Celop Toqq, Jangan Pandang Belakang Series, Strawberi Cinta) always accuse the indie kids of being 'syok sendiri' or self-absorbed. I say the entire fucking industry is fucking self-absorbed.

The producers are self-absorbed. The directors are even more so. Most self-absorbed of them all? Fucking actors. Scriptwriters are the coolest of the bunch. We are meek and mild and polite, and watch this stupid shit parade happening around us and we're like, "Fuck this shit, man!"

Producers always concern themselves with which stars can sell a movie. You can't get any shallower than this. This is the deep pits of Marianna Trench of shallowness.

Yes, there are a group of idiotic monkeys who would go and see a movie simply because a star they like is in that movie. An actor or an actress. But these idiots are also dwindling in numbers. Why? Because they can fulfill their feeling of ownership over a celebrity through other means such as stalking, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Fuck your movie, man, they got an RT from some shitty actress you just paid 100K to do her best failed impression of Kristen Stewart.

Directors and writers - do you believe for an instant people will go to your movies if they think your writing or directing is so great? They don't give a shit about your craft. The audience will go see a movie if there's something in it for them. So fuck you. Nobody gives a shit about you.

The industry is so stupid and self-absorbed, when I ask some people how to do a certain camera trick, they decided not to tell me, because they are so fucking insecure, they believe they only have an edge over me when I do not know just this one trick. Really, our conversation that afternoon was me asking about that trick and the other person just really enjoying the fact that IT knew and I didn't.

Well, guess what, bitches? I got an edge too - it's called Google. Fuck you.

So anyway, back to ownership. Korea, Japan, Thailand, Indonesia, all these neighbours, right? Their people have a sense of ownership for their own films. Their films talk about their people, or fulfill a certain need of their people.

When Indonesia did Merah Putih or Japan did Space Yamato or whatever and even when the Koreans did Taegukgi, it wasn't as horribly received as Tanda Putera.

Am I blaming the audience? No. ALL our films that failed, failed being a film at a deeper, basic level - they could not connect with the audience.

None of our films are the voice of a generation - the voice of a few friends, maybe - or something that defined an era. Something that clicked. No. Our films are shallow. Made by shallow people, for shallow people.

You want to know why The Journey broke local Box Office records at over RM17 million? Think it has nothing to do with ownership? A ha!

I heard from sources that the production was done over the course of a year, when they went to all these places to shoot and campaigned for the movie. They managed to get the word out to these communities and convince them it is their story.

I do not know how true this is, but if it is, The Journey was smart enough to open up their production to the people, and went on a year-long promotional campaign. Once you have an audience who believes that the movie is about them, about their story, your opening two weeks would be extra bunk.

Sure, at first it was probably primarily the Chinese audience. Get a crowd going, though, and the Malays and everyone else would come because Malaysians love crowded places. Malaysians always love to party because we are social animals. Except me - I am a robot.

This, coupled with no other good Chinese movie during CNY, and the excellent cinematography, made The Journey the success that it is. I'm most happy with the fact that no actors stole the show. This was not an acting movie. This was about ownership of the story, the product, just like AF.

Anyway, this is what filmmakers need to do now. Pay attention to people. Understand people. Focus on your audience and don't be so dismissive. So many producers whine that audiences are stupid, without realising from my vantage point, all producers and everyone else are like the hairs on my ass. You all look the same to me, you stupid fucking brown Asian monkeys.

Cut out the inside jokes in all your films - nobody gives a fuck. Stop being so self-conscious - nobody gives a shit about you. Nobody gives a flying fuck about you or your stupid movie. How do you make them care?

Sunday, March 2, 2014


For some reason, some people still ask my friends whether I'm gay. Some idiots also believe it would just take one key to unlock my gayness. Let me put the record straight - I'm straight. I fuck pussy. I DATY, FK, motorboat girls, I titty-fuck them, donkey punch them, whatever.

I have never and will never fuck guys or any variation of guys turned to women in whatever stage.

I have lots of gay friends and some bisexual ones. I am not bothered by their sexuality. They are not a roving band of merry gay men or women waiting to jump me and fuck me in the ass in some darkened alley. Generally, they're quite nice, though some are rather unpleasant - a description you can slap on any group of people.

Some idiots also assume I'm an atheist. These are idiots who are so insecure in their own faiths, they will look upon others to validate or disprove their own religion. These fucktards are extremely stupid and would often come out guns blazing in judging other people's faiths or belief system.

So what brand of chocolate religion do I subscribe to? The exact same stupid one you believe in, whoever or whatever the fuck you believe in.

Some of these nuts believe I am trying to cheat God, as they do, by hiding my amoral activities. I have never done that - hide from God. That's them, thinking they can get away with being an asshole and as long as God gets some measly bribes in the form of prayers or shitty incantations, then the entity will be sated.

And then there are people who assume I would lie and cheat, like they do, to get either approval or attention or maintain a foolish facade. I have never lied since my teenage years.

This has of course gotten me into lots of trouble, but it is the only way I want to live and conduct my business. I always tell the truth.

I will not tell you the whole truth - such as the color of my shit this morning being brown and the one in the evening being black. Or that I found chilli seeds while washing my ass post-dump - but I thought that's normal.

I am the smartest man I have ever met, with this one weakness - a refusal to lie. And yet I'm still alive. I'm still standing here yelling fuck the free world.

So suck my dick while I'm pissing.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Balls to the Wall

I'm a straightforward person. I do not lie. I am not sneaky and if I ever feel the need to attack someone, I do it full frontal (with ample nudity).

However, I live in a world where a lot of people are afraid of confrontation or even being upfront. I live in a world of cowards.

I was one, until I was 17 and discovered my world was not as I thought it was. That underneath a facade of normalcy, things slithered and slimed their way into the empty heads of people.

I will always tell the truth. I tell you my intentions at the start of everything. With conviction. I tell you what I will do and then I do it. This is one of the reasons I am the Best in the World.

Other, lesser, inferior people, think they're being smart by jumping precariously from one risky thing to the other, avoiding confrontation and being straightforward because they all have no balls.

Meanwhile, I live by the sword and die by the sword. Cause you know why? The fuck I have to lose?

I have nothing. I am not rich. I don't have money, I'm not paying for any property or car. I don't have a wife or kids. If I die prematurely, I die alone. And that's how I fucking roll.

What the fuck do I have to lose? My reputation? As a what? I am the Best in the World not by reputation, but by fact. By hard work and by having and using the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century.

People won't like me? Sure, man. I'm sure everyone loves being lied to. And the adoration, the approval of people?

I became the Best in the World not because of you. I AM the Best IN SPITE of you. Despite ALL the bullshit all of you fuckers threw my way, I'm STILL standing here yelling fuck the free world.

I have done and accomplished more things in my 11 years of working than any and all of you have ever done or will ever do in ALL your lifetimes COMBINED. I am a multi-discipline prodigy, a renaissance man of the 21st Century. The greatest, the brightest motherfucker who ever fucked your mother.

Suck my dick while I'm pissing!

Bagaimana Menjadi Kaya

Tahun Baru Cina lepas, aku balik kampung. Aku tengok bapak aku, yang sepatutnya pakai kerusi roda, masih cuba gagahkan diri berjalan perlahan-lahan. Aku geleng kepala, tapi nak cakap apa?

Walaupun dah kena stroke 4-5 kali, bapak aku masih boleh berjalan dan masih menyumpah Anwar Ibrahim bila dengar nama dia kat TV. Bapak aku penyokong kuat UMNO dan Barisan Nasional. Right wing gila-gila punya. Mati hidup balik pun dia tak akan undi pembangkang.

Ini menyebabkan aku selalu bertekak dengan dia, masa dia sihat dulu. Pasal aku neutral, dan kepada seorang penyokong parti politik, seorang yang neutral juga bermakna aku menentang. Sama la macam penyokong pembangkang yang sesuka hati fikir aku macai UMNO pasal aku Melayu dan aku tak buta tuli nak sokong pembangkang. Aku tengok isu, dan aku tahu bila pukimak politician ni semua menipu.

Aku jugak perhatikan yang pemimpin masyarakat yang sebenar - mereka yang benar-benanr membina komuniti mereka tanpa meminta ganjaran dan sogokan wang ringgit lama-lama akan jadi macam bapak aku. Takde langsung macam orang kaya-kaya dekat KL dengan rumah banglo kat Damansara Heights atau apartment RM50 juta kat KLCC.

Bapak aku telus, dan dia tak pernah bertukar sokongan. Tak macam skim penipuan pelacuran di KL ni. Ramai mereka yang menyokong pembangkang akan mula menjadi penyokong kerajaan yang gila babi sebaik disogok wang ringgit. Ramai ahli pembangkang sekarang bertukar parti semata-mata sebab sudah tiada peluang untuk merompak wang titik peluh rakyat biasa macam bapak aku kalau masih dalam Barisan Nasional.

AKu perhatikan dua-dua belah pihak kerajaan dan pembangkang sebagai benda paling hina dalam dunia.

Semasa aku datang ke KL pada tahun 1998, aku sedar dengan kekayaan si celaka-si celaka di sekeliling aku. Perompak-perompak wang rakyat yang datang daripada kedua belah percaturan politik - Kerajaan DAN Pembangkang. Semuanya anjing pukimak mak bapak dia dan babi sondol menyudu longkang, penghisap jubur profesional dengan bermulut busuk.

Pada beberapa kali dalam hidup aku, aku berfikir dengan serius - mahukah aku hidup dengan memiliki apartment The Binjai berharga RM50 juta? Mahukah aku ada drebar dengan kereta Bugatti Veyron?

Mahukah aku dihisap konek oleh gadis-gadis terdesak yang hauskan peluang untuk menjadi kaya raya, lantas berenang di kolam renang di dalam rumah di OneKL?

Jawapannya, ya.

Soalan kedua ialah, mahukah aku menghulurkan lubang jubur taikku untuk dijilat dan dijolok sama ada secara figuratif atau literal, nyata atau proverbial oleh watak-watak seperti Anwar Ibrahim atau yang lebih teruk lagi?

Sebab ini ialah jalan terpantas untuk menjadi kaya - menghulur jubur sambil lidahku ligat menjilat lubang jubur taik para ahli politik yang KESEMUANYA jauh lebih bodoh daripada aku?

Aku berfikir lama. Ada dalam lima-enam tahun.

Selepas itu aku memutuskan, aku punyai batasan dan akan cuba menjadi kaya dengan hanya menggunakan kehebatan otak aku. Aku akan cari makan dengan cara yang halal. Sekiranya aku masih miskin pada akhir percubaan atau hujung nyawa aku, maka aku terpaksa redha dan mengiktiraf bahawa mereka yang menjilat dan menghisap lubang jubur taik para ahli politik sambil lidah mereka dimasukkan jauh melepasi rectum sambil mencecah ketulan-ketulan taik di dalam usus besar sebenarnya lebih pandai daripada aku.

Sebab makan taik akan memberikan kau segala kemewahan dalam dunia ini. Mana mungkin aku akan dapat kontrak-kontrak dengan bayaran setimpal untuk kerja aku yang selalunya berlipat kali ganda nilainya daripada nilai yang tertera? Mana mungkin dunia ini adil dan menghargai seorang genius seperti aku? Terutamanya dunia Melayu yang dipenuhi berukera penjilat jubur taik yang Maha Berkuasa?

Tun Sri Lanang memasukkan kisah Hang Nadim ke dalam Sejarah Melayu sebab aku rasa dia fikir keadaan ini adalah masalah orang Melayu - takutkan orang yang bijak seperti aku. Ini juga amaran untuk orang seperti aku dan bapak aku - tiada niat yang baik yang tidak dihukum.

Bapak aku tak pernah kaya, tak pernah faham apakah maknanya menjadi seorang yang benar-benar kaya. Bagi bapak aku, RM20,000 ialah sejumlah wang yang amat besar.

Bapak aku membuka kampung tempat kami semua duduk sekarang. Bapak aku tak pernah menipu orang. Bapak aku menolong orang dan habuannya ialah kebencian dan sifat dengki mereka yang ditolong. Apabila menolong binatang, binatang akan rasa kecil sebab ditolong, sebab ada orang difikirkannya lebih mulia daripadanya, maka hasilnya ialah perasaan marah dan benci akibat ego yang mengecil.

Aku rasa, pengakhiran aku akan jadi seperti bapak aku. Aku tak heran pun. Aku dah melepaskan impian rumah banglo besar di tengah KL, atau apartment duplex mewah dengan kolam renang di dalam rumah.

Aku cuma ingin pulang ke kampung dan menjaga mak bapak aku, sekiranya mereka masih hidup. Jika tidak, aku hanya mahu balik kampung dan menunggu mati.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Flu Fighter: Notes on the Run

I'm slipping in and out of consciousness due to the meds I am taking for this flu. So before I go to bed, I find a need to talk to you about Miley Cyrus, the new marketing bullshit and Alvivi.

Last year, I remember having lunch paid for by a guy who owes me money. The guy is old school business and we got to talking about Miley Cyrus. He believed the poor girl's career is over due to some bad decisions. I told him I believed she was just taking Paris Hilton's marketing strategy to the next level.

Hilton, I told him, was a nothing. Who the fuck gave a shit about her until she probably leaked her own porn?

After that, she had a few reality shows, a chain of clubs, was courted by some shady people with money - including one Malaysian dude - an album, starred in some of the worst movies ever made by mankind (yes, even worse than Tanda Putera) and got paid to support her lavish lifestyle. Just from one sex video. And who can forget Kim Kardashian? She built an entire entertainment empire off her own sex video.

The guy had some problems processing this, so I let him off the hook. I have not left him off the hook for owing me money, but there's no reason to explain complex modern economics to a traditionalist. Miley Cyrus had no problems and is now worth 150 million. USD. over 300,000 tweets per minute during her crazy VMA performance, amounting to 4.5 million tweets total for the show. Her album went to number 5. You know how difficult that is?

Miley is NOT on the top 10 list of richest female celebs last year simply because she didn't tour. If she did, I dunno, maybe. The market is fickle and anyone who claims to know for sure is either Simon Cowell or an idiot impostor.

This is perhaps why Alvin and Vivian - the duo known as Alvivi - released their own sex tape. Why did Kardashian and Hilton make hundreds of millions off their sex tape and Alvivi only had people judging them and telling them they suck, have bad teeth and they suck? Did I mention they suck?

The problem, I believe, is timing. The mechanics today, in Malaysia, in order to capture money from attention is not as advanced as it is in the West. It's soon catching up, but it won't be until a few years from now when people like James Lee and others can pave the way here.

Number two - Alvivi do not create anything except buzz. Where's your product, bitch? Where's your webshow? Where's your t-shirt? Where's your money-raking Youtube channel? Where's your downloadable ringtone?

This is where Gen Y fails. This is where America failed earlier this century. If your only product is buzz, if marketing is your entire production, and your system is not advanced enough to get money just from your 15 minutes, you are fucked.

Alvivi had the right idea, but they missed one crucial step - what the fuck are you selling? What? You think you're gonna get movie roles and write books and people will buy that shit?

Do you even know how much they pay actors? Which publisher is going to take you? You wanna self-publish? Good luck not getting banned in Malaysia. Kindle? What?

Goddamned delusional wanking bullshit artists.

You remember the movie Pain and Gain? Arguably Michael Bay's best movie, but not my favourite (it's Armageddon), the thing shows what kind of crazy self-help business-class guru can tell you that being crazy and stupid and half-assed is the way to become a millionaire.

Recently, I see some self-help books in Malay talking the EXACT SAME SHIT the popular '90s business books were telling. And Malaysian businessmen doing what the businessmen and women of the '90s corporate America did - pretend you have success and success will come to you. Even if you can't afford it, buy that sports car, that lavish bungalow and business will come your way.

I have to say, in this sense, I am a traditionalist. I'm in new media, but I remember the dotcom bubble of the '90s, when all these frauds got caught and American venture caps lost billions thinking they're backing the next Google or Apple. Fuck you.

See, I study why things fail, because I see myself as Karnak from the Inhumans. The dotcom bubble burst simply because there were so many bullshit companies selling bullshit. Really, man. Just read up the Times and Forbes magazines of that era. People were getting paid millions a year just to be a 'team player' while not doing any work. Companies were not making anything, had no business models and were not selling anything but the image of modern business. Fuck that shit.

I come from a swamp, motherfucker! I do not identify with any image, but with the core substance of anything - a person, a company, a whole fucking industry, a generation.

You are getting money from something, or you are not. There is a transaction of buying and selling. Goods and services change hands for funds. Basic. There is no magic.

You wanna do business? What you selling, Willis? Vitamin pills? A blowjob? Does the price cover your cost plus margins? Go read wikipedia - there's more business self-help there than you could read in a year. Keynesian economics? Norwegian economics? Go fucking read, bitches.

And this brings us to, as always, multi-level marketing.  MLMs. I HATE MLMs with the intensity of a thousand suns. Why? Because they have created a system where you - the seller - become the biggest captive consumer target market. And you fucking fell for it! You fucking idiots! I should just kill you out of principle.

MLMs play with people's beliefs, their hopes and dreams, and instead of killing them, these MLMs just leave them as financial husks who then rob other people's homes in the true spirit of '90s commercialism.

This is why, even in business, I have never lied. My business is the truth, because I am the light and the way.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Intermission: Past, Present, Pending

Last week, I pitched an extremely intelligent, dignified movie to some people who wanted to do an extremely intelligent and dignified movie about extremely intelligent and dignified people.

I do not believe it will ever get made and even if it did, it will probably flop at the box office because movie audiences do not flock to see intelligent and dignified movies. This would be purely an exercise in national service and doing things for the sake of a greater ideal - if it ever gets made. Others might accuse us of self-absorbed wanking, but all art is self-absorbed wanking.

I got two comic books to write and one to publish. I also have a TV series to finish.

There are some details on a few quotations I have to see to after coming back from CNY. I cannot take all of them, so I will only do what pays the best and gives the most satisfaction as well as freedom. Lots to think about during CNY. One thing's for sure - I am the best in the world at what I do and I no longer come cheap. Neither does my team.

Oh, yes. I have built a team. Hand-picked each member, with fringe players coming into play. Jose Mourinho demands physicality and everyone doing their fair share of defensive duties. I demand loyalty and intelligence as well as adaptability. With this, comes speed.

The kind of things I might be doing in the next few months might require skill sets that do not exist yet in this country. Like sex gymnastics or something. New challenges keep me on my toes.

Meanwhile, my little comics publishing endeavour is shaping up to be in a most interesting position. There are opportunities that suddenly opened up and if I can publish three books this year, I'd be very happy.

I'm also doing an app or two.

Some motherfuckers still owe me money and a few owe me blood. I will collect this year. Or I can imprison them for 15 years and when I let them out, hypnotise them to fuck their mothers.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Why Malaysian Movies are Stupid

People often ask me why Malaysian movies are so stupid. I tell them this is necessary as all movies are stupid.

All movies and all songs are dumbed down to their empirical values. One simple message that reaches out to a base emotional level.

It's like in the book Animal Farm. Everything the farm revolution stood for was boiled down to a simple slogan - "Four legs good, two legs bad." This was originally done for the sheep, who are depicted in the book as stupid, just like people in large groups.

The problem with Malaysian movies and some songs (most of Malaysian music is on par with whatever we have globally) is that it is simply the messaging without the details. No data, no information, no 'isi penting' or proof or arguments to back up the broad statements being made. You get one character saying something general like, "Dia tu jahat." or "Dia tu urban" And that's that.

This is why Malaysian movies are stupid. Because it works on a stupid premise, using a stupid structure, for stupid people.

Look at how people interact online. How discussions and arguments are conducted. Emotive, emotive, emotive. Mana cognitive? Mana stats? Data? References?

BN Jahat! PKR curi duit!

Our culture is a culture of kindergarten emotions. We are a young society, but grow up already, you stupid sons of bitches.

The Daily Porn

Tomorrow, I got a cleaner coming here to my house, a dental appointment at 11.30am, and a show at 8pm or so. Supposed to write a letter and read it. Haven't done it, so maybe I'll just wing it.

My bed is beckoning. For a reckoning. But first, the daily porn.

Primum Mobil

As I sat on the primum mobil - the Prime Mover or as I call it, my toilet seat - I began to reflect on my day, and, as I am wont to do, the state of humanity.

It started with a shortlist of tasks I needed to get done today and I fucking did it before lunch. Also, while fielding all of these things that needs fielding, and courting, I was suddenly attacked by a member of my school alumni. Alumnus. Wait. Alumni is the plural, right? Fuck that shit.

I was accused, by this 'old friend', of being a businessman without a business. And even of being a fictional character. Meaning I lied so others would look up to me.

Well, I was perplexed at first by this wanton hatred and jealousy directed at me when I believe I have conducted my affairs properly and have successfully portrayed myself as the salt of the earth kid from a swamp with a massive brain and throbbing genitals.

Isn't that my image all these years?

I mean, if I wanted these monkeys to look up to me, the only thing I need to do is to say I am now super religious. That I repent from all the sins I have committed and am now getting married, be a breeder and occasionally suck some underaged child's cock. Bam! Instant rectecpa from the monkeys.

Unfortunately, my motivations are much simpler. A lot of people are unnerved by my lack of desire, believing that if they do not control any aspect of what I want, then they cannot control me. And not being in control freaks these shit-bastards out.

I will tell you right now of the thing I want - freedom. I want the freedom to be able to afford to die.

I have no desire to seek approval from others. The words of others are not my God. And yes, these idiots do worship the thoughts and words of others. Their God is not Allah, Jesus, Yahweh, Jehovah, Mithra, Krishna, or Xenu. Their God is Other People.

They care so much about what other people will say that they become these infantile bullshit-eaters. And they want me to feel as insecure as they do.

I asked the dude who accused me of being a fake, "Why are you jealous of me?"

He said, "Ceh. I am not jealous of you, merely repeating what others have said."

See, in his monkey brain, he thinks that by telling me Other People have been talking behind my back, I would repent, cower in the corner, shaking, as a blanket is placed over me as I pray for the approval of Other People.

Dude, I wrote Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. Other People held seminars - actual fucking Government-sanctioned seminars - behind my back to dispute the historical accuracy of the movie which was based on mythology. Do I look like I give a flying fuck?

I thank him and others for their jealousy and their spite. It is indeed quite an honour to receive the jealousy of monkeys who worship Other People. To you your stupid religion, to me mine.

Despite my Buddhist powers, I was perplexed for about 15 minutes. I was rather surprised that despite not doing anything, I am considered a threat.

These are the same people who ask me constantly about my religion. As in, what brand of religion I subscribe to, like what mobile carrier I choose (Maxis and DiGi) or which team I support (whatever team Jose Mourinho is managing).

These same idiots - and this is pure conjecture - want to know how much people make and make charts based on who makes more money. It is a collective effort to judge one another.

Judging is God's work, not ours. See? I can be religious too. Now please, look up to me, Other People. Love me love me, say that you love me. Fuck you, bitch.

May God have mercy on man and machine.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Lawak Antarabangsa

Aku bengang baru-baru ni bila terjumpa bebudak berangan tak sudah.

Kalau ko rasa ko international standard, ko pitch la kat kompeni international. Bukan susah, bro. Pitch je la.

Aku start pitch idea dan cerita kat kompeni antarabangsa masa umur aku 19 tahun. Aku ambik outline cerita, idea dan cerita tak siap - pasal aku budak umur 19 tahun yang tak mengenal dunia - pastu aku hantar pakai email ke Random House, Del Rey, Dark Horse Comics, apa-apa alamat e-mail yang aku jumpa masa zaman purba Internet.

Kebanyakan daripada diorang reject. Ada yang hantar rejection letter yang amat sopan, baik dan pemurah. Ada sorang je editor berbangsa Yahudi yang memberi galakan yang hebat. Berminggu-minggu dia suruh aku habiskan cerita pasal orang Yahudi masuk gas chamber.

Dia rasa, seorang beragama Islam menulis cerita sci-fi pasal orang Yahudi kena bunuh masa Perang Dunia Kedua sebagai satu cerita yang penting. Sampai sekarang, aku masih terhutang budi kepada seorang editor Yahudi yang membakar semangat aku di kala aku rasa terperangkap dengan dunia penerbitan fiksyen. Banyak jugak aku belajar daripada dia.

Beberapa minggu lepas, aku pitch kat satu kompeni international yang bertumpu kat sini - kat Malaysia. Selepas 14 tahun, akhirnya ada kompeni sebesar tu yang suka cerita-cerita aku. Apa akan jadi? Adakah aku dapat buat cerita-cerita yang aku suka dan pasarkan ke arena lebih besar? Entah. Aku tak tau.

Aku masih berpijak pada bumi yang nyata.

Yang penting, aku tahu yang aku hanya akan gagal selepas aku berhenti mencuba. Jadi, kepada sesiapa yang amat yakin dengan karya sendiri, kalau nak pitch kat kompeni international, dipersilakan. Bagi aku, aku percaya kepada membangunkan kemahiran sendiri dan mengkaji penerimaan pasaran di kampung halaman sendiri sebelum kau mencuba pasaran luar.

Apa-apa karya yang mampu menyentuh sekumpulan manusia, mempunyai kebarangkalian besar menyentuh kumpulan manusia yang lain. Sebab karya kreatif ni cuma menyampaikan cerita dan idea kompleks melalui apa-apa medium, dengan perlaksanaan yang hebat.

Aku menyampah kat ramai Gen Y sebab berangan lebih. Fahami market kau sendiri - fahami industri kau sendiri sebelum kau terkinja-kinja melompat macam beruk. Fahami manusia. Kalau pemahaman kau pasal dunia cuma bergantung daripada buku yang kau baca dan siri TV yang kau tonton, baik ko pergi keluar dan betul-betul hayati dunia ni macam mana.

Tetapi, aku juga rasa amat gembira bila aku terjumpa Gen Y yang bersemangat nak buat kerja. Ya. Aku tau. 'GenY' dan 'kerja' tidak selalu selari. Tapi ada yang rajin. Ada yang mahu terus berusaha. Ada yang faham bahawa kejayaan itu tidak datang daripada duduk melangu, mengelamun sambil tunggu orang basuh berak kau.

Gen X pun ada jenis tunggu orang bagi dia duit. Atau fikir orang buat kerja sebab nak rompak/curi duit dia. Aku kenal. Ramai.

Ada kos untuk semua benda. Kalau kau fikir kau hebat sangat, dipersilakan. Selepas 10 tahun aku bergelumang dalam industri korporat dan kreatif, aku masih lagi budak umur 19 tahun yang hantar pitch kat syarikat antarabangsa.

Cuma janganlah kau fikir semua orang ialah bibik kau yang akan basuh lubang jubur taik ko untuk bayaran picisan. Ko cubalah dengan kompeni antarabangsa dan tengok sama ada kau diterima atau tidak. Kau mungkin berjaya, atau kau mungkin jadi lawak antarabangsa.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I'm Better Than You

You know what? Just because I come from a teacher's family from the outskirts of Kuantan, I AM better than any of you.

Think about it.

I come from a rural area, my family barely had any money, I never went to a single fucking tuition class, and still manage to score in the top 5% of the country when I was just 12 fucking years old. I beat over 90% of you, on a lower budget.

I got all As for UPSR, all As for PMR and six As for SPM (out of 10) cause by the time I was 17, I was an extremely egotistical kid who wanted to prove I could score without studying.

I got 4A1s, 2A2s and a bunch of C3s for SPM on subjects I didn't give a shit about. Plus a 1A for my 1119 O Level. I look at you rich retards, and I think, "Fuck you, you rich motherfucker."

While you fuckers plonked down 400 bucks for Yu-Gi-Oh cards, I could only read reviews of games and comic books online. While you fuckers get driven to piano classes and dance lessons and whatever the fuck shit rich kids do - I was staying away from being raped and/or beaten up.

I beat the motherfucking odds time and again. The ever shifting standards of education in the old days? I educated myself. Fuck you.

I was stuck in the fucking swamp and I learned stuff myself, on my own. I AM better than you.

I can imitate any skill, given enough time and the right reference material. Nothing is beyond me.

Given enough time, I can do anything.

Despite all your resources, all you could ever hope to achieve is to be a loser douchebag while I accomplish heroic feats impossible to rich people cause they never know what it means to be so broke, you survive on cigarettes and boiled water.

You never had to survive on 600 bucks a month, eating eggs, rice and Aji-Shio. Did you? Huh? Did you?

Have you ever been so broke, you couldn't even afford eggs, so you ate rice with soy sauce? Huh? Fuck you, you rich bastards. You pampered sons of thieves, robbers and murderers.

I had to fight, claw, scratch my way every single inch of the goddamned path. And only by the grace of God did I scrape through.

I was almost homeless and I got no money to rent, so I had to squat at a friend's place. I stayed there for six long fucking months, maybe longer, feeling shitty every single day.

I paid it forward by housing a struggling guy, but he screwed me out of money - that's another story for another day.

I was on the brink more times than I could remember. Idiots and fucktards THREATEN suicide publicly. Let me tell you this: if someone's really, REALLY suicidal, they'd just shut up and withdraw.

I'm fine now, but I was so depressed in my 20s, I was hospitalised. Thank God I had insurance.

You don't fucking know what it means. None of you rich fuckers will ever, EVER know what it's like. To live on the brink. And to survive. Every. Goddamn. Time.

I wrote this so I can say: I'm better than you. Any of you. All a you motherfuckers. You pampered bullshit sacks of motherfucking monkey ass rapists.

Best in the World!

I am looking at the comic book company I am doing, and despite all the odds against it, I still want to do it.

The thing needs two things - product and funding. While I'm doing all sorts of tricks and somersaults to get enough money to launch the damned thing, I am also working on the products.

It should have been launched by now, but we hit a few snags here and there. I'll be a monkey's unclefucker if I tuck tail and run, though.

By hook, by crook, by what creeps, what crawls, by what does not, I will get these projects off the ground. I've waited 15 goddamned years to find an angle to do it and I'll be damned to hell if I stop now.

Only death can prevent me from doing comics. That or mental illness, a debilitating disease, apocalypse, a car accident, sudden successful suicidal attempts or if I fall in love with an alien from the planet Pandora.

Other than this, I will keep at it and keep working until one day, I am crowned the Best Comics Writer and Publisher in the world.

Neil Fucking Gaiman will KNEEEL before me and slap himself silly, wipe his ass with The Sandman Comics - The GREATEST comics known to mankind - and say, "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!"

(Though if I ever meet the guy, I'd probably be a blubbering psychopath and wet my pants.)

So yes, it's on. I don't give a fuck. Unlike other projects in my life right now, this one is entirely mine, so I really, really special to me. I am already working 15-hour days. If I have to pump it up to 20-hour days, I don't give a fuck.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Rord of the Fries

Woke up again at close to 3am. Sleep patterns erratic. So I guess I'll tell you about myself. Again.

I left home when I was 12 years old. All my siblings left home when we were 12.

I went to a boarding school, where I was immediately aware that I am poor. Other kids used up their pocket money - I did not have that luxury. I saved every single cent my parents sent me. Nothing to take the edge off that hellhole.

My school was an all-boys' school. So to keep up the macho image, some things were done para-military style.

Orientation week was a time of physical torture. You wake up? 100 squats. You want to have breakfast? 100 squats. Lunch? 100 squats. Dinner? 100 squats. You want to go to sleep? 100 squats. You did something wrong? Everybody got 200 squats. Squats not synchronised? Repeat it again, from the top.

You know the movie Full Metal Jacket? The first part, about private (military private) training? It was like that.

We were 13 years old.

You want to end the night's activities? Stand on tables and chairs and blow at flourescent lights till they go off.

Orientation week was supposed to be for a week, but in various permutations, it lasted four years.

You can get beat up pretty often. You smoke? You get beat up. You make faces at a senior? You get beat up. You say shit to any senior? You get beat up. Walking too loudly? You get beat up.

There were weekly beat up sessions where it started with intimidation and ego-stroking and always ends up with stunts like flying kicks and shit. Saturday night. There was nothing else for the kids to do. We were all very smart - top 400 kids in the country.

I was never really beat up. Some prefects punched and kicked me a few times cause I was standing in the way of love between two people, but that's nothing. Compared to others, I was barely touched cause I slept through most of high school.

Every single time, the reason they give is this toughens you up. It was supposed to break you down as a human so you could be rebuilt. Some people had to pick up pieces of themselves and carry that around for the rest of their lives.

I have to say one thing, though - once you have gone through that hellhole for five years, not many things other than prison fazes you. You learn the true value of everything - nothing. You learn the true value of humans - nothing.

I hate my experience in the hell-hole. But I must admit that all I have seen there has greatly benefitted me. It's like surviving Lord of the Flies. I know how far down the abyss humanity can go. I've been there. I saw the demons lurking behind the masks of tribal anonymity. I saw them smile and bare their teeth.

Nowadays, I hardly ever look back. I hope the worst is over, so I can continue watching porn.

God of War

Been a crazy two days.

Until 8pm just now, I slept for two hours over a 48-hour period. There was a task I thought I couldn't finish by today, furthermore when it is heaped on another task.

But then, somehow, all the layers peeled away and I was there, alone, facing a world of iron and nails. I hacked and hacked at it, never once even thinking of giving up.

And lo and behold - it is done. It is finished. Tasks I thought I couldn't complete - were completed.

I went home and for my reward, I received my mother's cooking.

I felt like Kratos.

Tonight I wake up, and I am already thinking of new work. New tasks. This obsession has barely started.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Under Budget, Ahead of Schedule

I saw one documentary on Samsung and how they got to be where they are.

Those people practised one of the most kiasu strategies in their business. The philosophy was: under budget, ahead of schedule. For every thing.

This will only work in a society that values hard work. There are hardworking people who work hard all their lives and manage only to live till they're old. No Gs, no cheese, no snowmobiles, no skis.

My grandfather - I believe his name was Fong something-something - came to Malaysia on a fucking tongkang. If I remember correctly, he was in his teens. I think he was born in the year 1900. Came here in 1917 or something like that.

He used to tell his kids that he slept on a rock as a pillow. It was by choice, by design, so he would not feel too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and start working. The idea is, if your bed is too comfortable, you'd want to stay in bed all day.

In his 90s, my grandfather lived on a plot of land with a huge chicken farm at the back. Not that huge, just around a few thousand chickens or so. He kept over 40 dogs - all mongrels - and had a small bonsai garden.

He would wake up at 6am every morning and do some farm work. My ancestors from Guangzhou planted tea and lychee, so that part is inherited a few generations, but it stopped with me. I don't plant trees. I plant ideas.

Anyway, my father inherited that thing and played fair, worked hard all his life. The worst offence in our household, when I was growing up, was not doing any work. You constantly had to be doing something useful, or his worst insult will come out: "You're useless!"

He told me to plant corn one time, and I was really pissed off that all my hard work watering those damned things and carrying a sack of chicken shit all over a quarter acre was only going to be worth RM5 per seven ears of high quality corn.

My father's sense of pricing was stuck in World War 2. This was in 1995 or so. I was 15 years old.

We were never rich and putting food on the table was the primary concern. I didn't have lots of pocket money and even though I liked comic books, the only way to enjoy them was to read reviews online (I was online in 1996) as well as Master's thesis on comics.

This is due to the fact that people in 1996 shared useful stuff on the Internet. I read academic journals and papers, slowly realising that the world is full of bullshit and spin.

To this day, my mother cuts chicken to 16 pieces to make sure they go around. We were supposed to eat more rice as it's cheaper.

When a member of another family came and decided to finish off the other dishes, my mother was horrified. Scandalised, even!

This is due to the fact she keeps leftovers in the fridge. She has three - I bought her a large one in 2008. Inside these things are all kinds of food known to man.

During the recent flood in Kuantan, the first thing my mother assured me was that they have enough food in reserve. I didn't need that reassurance. I know in those fridges are a year's worth of provisions - just in case the Japanese were to ever attack us again.

The food may be spoiled, but you won't be hungry. You may die from food poisoning, but you'll never go hungry.

Anyway, in my efforts to be under budget and ahead of schedule for my own projects, I believe this would be the first year in 33 that I would not be going back for Chinese New Year.

I don't think my father or my late grandfather would mind. I know that if I explained it to them in farming terms, they would understand.

Friday, December 13, 2013