Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Lies


Caption: PICTURE IS UNRELATED

So some time ago, I found myself in a bar in Pattaya with a girl making googly eyes at me. I had rung the bell at the bar, which means that I bought everyone a round of drinks. Since there were only five people at the bar, this came to five drinks at a very affordable THB500 (RM50).

So I was fretted upon. They fussed over me, making sure I had fresh coasters for my orange juice - my Jaka Denial days behind me - because I kept tearing them apart. Carlsberg or Tiger coasters, when wet, can easily be picked with fingernails.

Anyway, we got into a conversation. I began telling the girl of my rambunctious exploits in the world of Malaysian cinema.

Me: And then I told the director that I thought the voice over was horrible... and later found out it was HIS voice!

She laughed. She then proceeded to tell me her story - about how she came from the village and got a job in Pattaya and is now saving up for a trip to Europe.

Girl: I lie!

I fixed my gaze directly into her eyes. I hate liars and I was stunned as to why she would lie about going to Europe.

Me: I don't lie.

She looked perplexed. The other people at the bar - a mamasan and a ladyboy waiter - began coming to her aid, checking up on me and offered me another drink, on the house.

The girl's lower lips were trembling as she said,

Girl: But I lie you! I lie you too mutt!

Me: Ah, I said. I like you too.

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Persistence of Dickery

Evil is comical, I must assure you.

I have seen, in recent weeks, a millionaire dangling a job in front of another millionaire, thinking the other guy is some sort of urchin trying to beg for money.

In fact, the first millionaire - Millionaire A - might have less money than Millionaire B. Millionaire B just sat there, quietly, and watched all this with a bemused look on his face.

I was also dangled a lot of things in front of my face by people who think I desire anything. Jobs, pussy, money. They think I operate like they do. Like I don't know which hole they came from. Because I've been to that hole before.

My ego, of course, started jumping up and down.

"You DARE dangle anything in front of me? ME? The Greatest Mind of the 21st Century?"

But... it is correct to simply sit and see these performers jump from one leg to the next, thinking he's such a great intellect and how everyone is beneath him.

My ego sensed their egos and wanted to jump. This is my training, to sit down quietly. To not react.

In Pendekar Laut (Tigershark) comics published originally by Ocean Creative or whatever, Pai Zonan went to an asylum to train his patience.

I feel like Zonan, even though I have always hated that character. Sang Elektron - Tony Loy - was more my style. A man who took on the entire universe. He died, of course.

Righteous Bothers

One of the biggest Intellectual Property rights gossip in the animation industry where one party had all their IP practically robbed, elicited this comment from someone: "I spoke to them, and they learned a lot from the experience."

She was trying to sell this regretful occurrence as something good for everyone.

It's like saying, "Oh, that girl got raped, and she learned A LOT from that."

I've been approached by more and more people with greed in their eyes these days. It sickens me. Almost as much as people who lie to me. I keep my memory pristine. I remember each and every lie, every attempt at manipulation.

I don't take it personally, of course. Maggots would eat any corpse. You just have to keep moving so they don't crawl up your ass.

My ego sometimes flares up. "How dare you try to lie and/or cheat ME? I am the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century! The Destroyer of Worlds! With a wave of my hand, I will destroy everything! And you will gaze upon me - beautiful and terrible to behold on a landscape of ashes."

And then half an hour later, the anger passes as actions and plans form and require attention. Rather unfortunate because none of this is necessary. But it is.

We have so many horror stories about robbed IPs in this country that it would be extremely stupid not to learn from them and take steps to make sure it never happens again. IPs on their own are not worth much, unless significant effort is put into them, but the rights of creators will be protected, come hell or high water.


Unnecessary Evil

I don't understand it.

For most of the evil I see being committed around me, they are usually totally unnecessary. If one had stayed honest and true, and not overcome by stupid greed, everything would be fine.

Unfortunately, here we are. And even bigger evil is done if these are allowed to fester.

All one can do, though, is to protect one's self and whenever possible, to stop evil from happening.

It's nice to know that with one well-placed word, evil can be stopped.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Negotiations

Here's what you need in order to negotiate properly:

1. Buddhism.

Leave any desire out the door. This means no expectations, no dreams, no goals. Let it all go. The opposing party would want to exploit any and all desires you have.

For example, a lot of women believe I want to fuck them. Around 12 years ago, this was true. I wanted to fuck all women.

Then I went to Thailand and trained under the Whore-Priestesses of Shabda-Oud. I realised that sex is only RM50. So any kind of the most debased fetish-filled fucking is only worth two cab rides to work.

I am sex-proof, in the nerdiest way possible.

Then, they think you'd want money. They think you want THEIR money.

After the heart attack in 2014, I realised that money is not everything and I mean that in the most non-cynical way. In fact, the greed or desire for money will make you lose money. Only when you allow money to come to you would you be able to make any significant financial progress.

2. Realise that you are not a slave and can walk away at any time

"You don't have to be nowhere forever" - Delirium, The Sandman Comics.

If things don't happen, or happen, the world will not stop spinning, and I mean that in the way galaxies spin or maybe the universe spins. I don't know that shit.

3. Finding true happiness is finding true wealth

If money or sex is no issue, and we have an over-abundance of food, then what is true wealth?

True wealth is time and happiness. The time to allow yourself to be happy. Happiness doesn't come from others or from things or from circumstances. Happiness is an absence of desire.

Let go of everything and be the wealthiest man alive. Or dead. Nobody cares.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Hal Hal Bosan Berunding Dengan Penerbit/Stesen TV

Kepada penulis skrip, biasanya korang akan bercakap dengan penerbit atau stesen TV untuk jual skrip ko. Ini aku senaraikan beberapa benda yang diorang biasa cakap dan bagaimana ko boleh jawab.

Sebelum itu, beberapa cadangan:

1. Tinggalkan dunia produksi.

Rezeki di tangan Tuhan, bukan di tangan industri yang dangkal ini. Pergilah cari kerja lain. Mula berniaga ke, mintak derma keluarga diraja Arab Saudi ke.

2. Lepaskan nafsu untuk melihat karya ke layar

Dunia takkan berhenti berpusing kalau karya ko masuk TV atau masuk panggung. Lepaskan nafsu ini, demi mendapat kekuatan dalam rundingan. Lepaskan semua nafsu lain untuk beroleh kekuatan rohani yang tidak terkalah.

3. Semua orang penipu

Jangan percaya sesiapa pun.

Okay, sekarang kita beralih ke dialog biasa bersama penerbit.

1. "Ko buatlah projek ni untuk exposure. Boleh letak dalam CV ko. Jadi, harga ko tak payah tinggi sangat sekarang, nanti naikkan kadar bayaran ko, bila ko dah power nak mampus."

Terjemahan: "Jadilah hamba abdi kepada kami dengan bayaran seperti kena rogol kat lubang jubur."

Bila ada penerbit cakap camni, bangun dari kerusi dan mula berjalan ke kereta/stesen LRT/motor. Start motor, blah dan jangan sekali-kali toleh ke belakang. Kalau ko toleh, ko akan nampak pernbit tadi jadi hantu penanggal nak isap darah ko.


2. "Kitorang takleh bayar ko lebih atau bagi ko percentage sebab stesen TV yang menindas kitorang dan ambik semua hak."

Terjemahan: "Kalau ko berani, pergile saman stesen TV yang ada lawyer ramai gila tu. Ini bukan salah aku, walaupun aku perdulittaik pasal hak ko. Aku nak duit je. Ko boleh pergi mampus la."

Kalau dia cakap macam ni, ko terus book flight ke Siam, ko jadi hamba abdi pengupas udang. Sesungguhnya hidup sebagai hamba abdi pengupas udang mungkin lebih baik daripada jadi penulis skrip.

3. "Ko kena paham, kitorang dah keluarkan duit. DUIT! Ko paham tak kitorang dah keluarkan DUIT? Kitorang buat suatu kerja yang murni sebab melaburkan sesuatu yang kau takda."

Terjemahan: "Dengan nama Ringgit Malaysia yang Maha Hebat lagi Maha Kacak. Tiadalah Tuhan melainkan Ringgit Malaysia."

Sebenarnya, usaha dan idea kau sebagai penulis juga satu pelaburan dan satu aset. Masa yang kau sumbang untuk membuat apa-apa juga ada nilai. Dan duit stesen TV atau syarikat penerbitan bukanlah istimewa sangat sebab kau boleh dapatkan duit yang sama, mungkin dalam jumlah lebih banyak, kat tempat lain.

Dan sememangnya biasa untuk syarikat atau individu melaburkan duit ke dalam sesuatu projek untuk mendapatkan sebahagian daripada pulangan, biasanya bukan SEMUA pulangan. Jadi melaburkan duit bukanlah benda yang macam makhluk asing merogol anjing di lubang jubur di tengah hari.

4. "Kitorang je yang melabur dalam produksi tempatan. Kitorang je yang membela nasib produksi tempatan."

Terjemahan: "Hisaplah kote kami."

SEBENARNYA, semua stesen TV perlukan pengisian tempatan. Local content. Kalau kau ada data penyiaran, rangkaian yang menyiarkan pengisian antarabangsa (kalau ditolak bolasepak), angkanya agak kecil.

Aku kira-kira bodoh yang content antarabangsa di TV menarik lebih kurang 300-500 ribu orang sahaja. Netflix ke Malaysia, hanya relevan untuk beberapa ratus ribu orang.

Rangkaian TV yang menyiarkan pengisian tempatan pula mencecah angka penonton berjuta. Sebab itu Netflix/iFlix pun sudah mula mencari rancangan tempatan, begitu juga HBO Asia atau apa-apa yang lain.

Masa depan SEMUA stesen TV ialah pengisian tempatan. Oleh itu, pengeluar pengisian tempatan sebenarnya memegang telur semua orang dalam tangan.

Alihkan semua pengisian tempatan sama ada ke Netflix/iFlix atau mana-mana syarikat yang mahu bertapak di Malaysia, dan secara perlahan-lahan (5-15 tahun), kita akan lihat kehancuran.

Juga, alihkan semua pengisian tempatan ke platform lain seperti YouTube dan jual di situ. Adalah tidak mustahil, pada hari ini, untuk menjual pengisian di platform Internet dan meraih jutaan ringgit. Bukan bermaksud senang - boleh tekan butang dan tetiba jadi kaya, tetapi ini hanya salah satu saluran untuk usaha.

Dengan wujudnya ASEAN Economic Community (AEC) dan perjanjian TPPA, pengeluar pengisian tempatan atau pengisian rantau dalam posisi yang agak baik.

AEC membuka pasaran kepada Asia Tenggara yang ada setengah billion penduduk. Belum ada mana-mana entiti atau individu yang mengusahakan platform pengisian yang mampu menangkap pasaran ini, tetapi aku fikirkan hanya perlu tunggu dalam 5 tahun untuk sesuatu seperti YouTube berbayar rantau Asia Tenggara.

Entiti pengisian seperti HBO Asia dan studio pengisian dan pengedaran seperti Legendary pun sudah mula melabur dalam local content dan online content. Sesetengah projek itu sudah menjana keuntungan berpuluh juta dolar US dengan kos yang rendah.

Kita sekarang berada pada titik pusingan kuasa untuk pengisian, apabila dunia sudah mula melangkah ke alam baru. Apa yang aku impikan pada 30 tahun yang lalu dan apa yang aku hadapi 10 tahun yang lampau sudah banyak berubah.

Mari kita lihat apa akan jadi dalam gerak perlahan.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Hal-Hal Bosan Penulisan Skrip

Aku nak korang baca email Alfie Palermo kepada Ketua Pengarah Finas ni.

Alfie menyuarakan kebenaran. Selama ini, penulis skrip di Malaysia secara keseluruhannya dilayan seperti hamba abdi pengupas kulit udang di Siam.

Semasa FINAS membuat kenyataan bahawa industri ketandusan skrip yang bagus, hal sebenarnya ialah penjanaan skrip tidak dibuat oleh penulis skrip, tetapi oleh penerbit.

Penerbit fikir skrip jenis rempit buat backflip atas lori sambil Whatsapp "Ucux nx tmn qaw bt ittew" boleh jual dan paksa penulis skrip tulis. Ini antara sebab banyak filem tempatan kalau kau tulis skrip pun, rasa malu nak bagitau orang kau yang tulis.

Untuk mereka yang bergantung sepenuhnya kepada penulisan skrip, pilihan yang ada biasanya ialah: tulis cerita merapu dalam jangkamasa yang amat terhad sebab penerbit nak buat duit sebanyak mungkin, atau mati kebuluran.

Sebab inilah aku tidak pernah menjadikan penulisan skrip sebagai mata pencarian utama aku. Aku bernasib baik. Ramai lagi penulis skrip yang tahu mereka buat kerja bodoh, tapi buat je pasal berdepan kebuluran.

SEMUA rintihan artis atau krew, pasal takde simpanan, insurans, KWSP, penerbit lari, bayar lambat atau tak bayar langsung, juga berlaku kepada penulis skrip.

Makin teruk lagi, penulis skrip juga tiada kuasa dalam menentukan integriti kreatif karya mereka, tetapi selalu dipersalahkan kalau pelakon tak reti berlakon, pengarah jenis ketua kampung melawat kawasan atau penerbit jenis melompat tak tentu pasal dan tak paham yang dia takde taste dan tak layak menentukan halatuju kreatif apa-apa industri, hatta industri katalog barang pencuci tandas.

Bukan semua penerbit bodoh piang, tetapi cukup ramai untuk menjadikan ini satu masalah. Bukan salah diorang je, tapi salah satu industri. Penulis skrip sendiri pun sebahagian masalah ni, kadang-kadang sebab taknak bersatu sokong bila ada penulis yang berani seperti Alfie Palermo yang memperjuangkan sesuatu yang perlu.

Aku kata Alfie berani sebab aku boleh maki sebab aku tak bergantung pada kerja daripada mana-mana syarikat penerbitan atau penerbit. Aku pernah tolak tawaran syarikat gergasi nak beli skrip aku dan diorang terperanjat. Aku pedulittaik? Aku nak pegang hak untuk buat komik berdasarkan skrip filem aku dan itu pun diorang tak bagi, pasal diorang nak pegang semua rights. Jadi aku bagitau diorang, diorang boleh fuck off and die.

Alfie bergantung sepenuhnya pada penulisan skrip. Sebab dia bersuara dengan lantang, ada kemungkinan dia akan disenaraihitamkan oleh sesetengah syarikat atau penerbit. Seruan Alfie agar kita mengikut Writers Guild of America (WGA), selaras dengan negara ini menandatangani TPPA ialah sesuatu yang hanya akan memperkasakan industri filem. Tetapi harganya mungkin mahal untuk Alfie.

WGA menjamin:

1. Hak menentukan kredit dalam mana-mana produksi.

SEMUA kredit di US atau mana-mana negara maju yang bertamadun, tak ditentukan oleh editor atau pengarah mahupun penerbit. Mereka hanya menghantar cadangan kredit kepada WGA yang akan menentukan siapa dapat kredit apa.

Ini menghalang mana-mana pengarah tak sekolah yang meletakkan nama mereka sebagai penulis lakonlayar dan penulis skrip sebagai 'penulis skrip' sebab FFM ada anugerah hanya untuk penulis lakonlayar dan bukan penulis skrip. Malaysia ialah satu-satunya negara yang aku tahu tidak memberi kredit lakonlayar kepada penulis skrip, sebaliknya kepada pengarah. Tak dibuat dek orang, ko tau?

2. 3++% across the board

Penulis skrip dapat 3++% across the board untuk semua duit yang dapat kepada sesuatu IP menerusi apa-apa platform. Ini gross, bukan nett.


3. Menjamin semua hak yang lain

Banyak sangat nak tulis.

Sebab dah ada orang macam Alfie, aku memutuskan untuk kembali daripada persaraan untuk menulis skrip balik, tetapi aku bersumpah:

1. Aku hanya akan tulis skrip kalau aku dapat sekurang-kurangnya apa yang WGA jamin. Ini bermakna aku akan tulis skrip yang hakciptanya aku boleh pegang, atau sekurang-kurangnya 3% of gross revenue across all platforms.

ATAU

2. Aku dibayar dengan lumayan untuk menulis skrip. Lumayan bagi aku dalam lingkungan RM40,000-100,000 untuk satu skrip filem.

3. Kedua-dua syarat di atas bergantung pada pengehadan bilangan draf kepada 3 (nak rewrite lelebih, aku caj) dan terma bayaran yang mengikut cadangan Alfie (pergi baca seruan dia).

Sekarang ni aku tulis skrip komik Nafiri pada hujung minggu dan waktu lapang, juga mula menulis benda lain kalau jalan. Semuanya aku pegang IP/hakcipta. Kau boleh ambil hak aku bila kau bunuh aku dan banish roh aku ke neraka.


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Komik Tempatan

Sudah ada ramai orang cuba buat sesuatu untuk memartabatkan industri komik tempatan. Aku rasa tak layak dipanggil induatri, tetapi wajar digelar 'scene'. Aku tak tau apa perkataan yang boleh ganti 'scene'. Sebab tak cukup besar nak dipanggil industri.

Ada dah dibuat majlis anugerah, pesta, pasar, dan macam-macam lagi. Ini semua okay, tapi sebenarnya scene komik tempatan ketandusan satu benda - data.

Komik tempatan perlukan maklumat pasal 'industri'. Berapa orang artis komik yang ada? Penulis? Penerbit? Berapa ramai yang aktif? Apakah takrifan aktif? Berapa judul yang diterbitkan setahun? Berapa jualan?

Sebenarnya, tanpa maklumat pasal 'industri', apa-apa aktiviti atau program susah hendak dibentuk dan disasarkan tujuannya. Kalau ada duit pun, nak disalurkan ke mana duit tu? Kat member-member sendiri? Baik pergi rompak bank.

Dengan adanya data, kelemahan dan kekuatan scene boleh dikenalpasti. Juga, satu database yang sekurang-kurangnya hampir lengkap boleh menyalurkan kerja kepada mereka yang dalam 'industri', seperti satu guild.

Oh well. Dah lama aku tak menelaah sampel data yang besar.

Monday, January 25, 2016

When Evil Had Its Day

Some of my friends said I am more positive now after the heart attack rather than before. She said this a couple of weeks ago and I have had time to think about that comment.

I disagree. I'm still the distrusting paranoid wreck I was and forever will be. I am convinced that people are inherently, by nature, petty and evil. It is up to them to evolve beyond that and very few actually do.

What has changed could be that my friend has had time to know me a little better. Or perhaps I had more time to explain myself.

Inside my head are complex ideas and thoughts that I could never bring forth in their entirety in just one session or speech. There is so much information and I always believe that people need all the information I have before making a decision.

Unfortunately, this is not true. I collect information. Tons of it. It is in my nature. But most people would find all that information useless.

I entered the media industry precisely because I was weak in communication. Writing was my weakest subject in primary school. In high school, I trained myself to write better, but my connection with people still suffered.

I'm socially awkward in the way I always find myself feeling like I'm trapped in a glass bottle with all this information and I can't transfer them all to the other subject via telepathy. And you need ALL of it.

But you don't, do you?

What if the objective has changed? What if the game has shifted? It is not about how much information I can or should give you, but what kind of information do I decide you will have, in order for you to do what I want?

That sounds really evil, doesn't it?

Well, maybe not.

DnD: Bard Yang Kesuntukan Masa

Aku bermain DnD dengan satu kumpulan geek sejak tahun lepas. Watak aku ialah seorang Bard halfling bernama Bardrolhisham Bidin. Nama timangan: Bard.

Peranan seorang bard dalam sesuatu kumpulan ialah sebagai 'watak sokongan' yang memberikan semua orang bonus ketika bertempur. Tetapi, baru-baru ini, dalam salah satu pengembaraan kami yang membawa kumpulan ke Neraka, Bard telah mendapat sebilah tongkat sakti yang ada sihir lightning bolt tahap tinggi.

Sejak itu, semua lawan yang sukar, jenis raksasa kelas tinggi, ataupun perajurit yang kuat-kuat, semua perlu dibunuh atau dilemahkan dengan tongkat sakti itu. Naga, hantu penanggal, Lunar Nagas, Knight, Warrior, Hydra, semuanya terkesan dengan tongkat sakti.

Tongkat sakti itu sekarang tinggal 22 atau 21 caj sahaja. Selepas habis digunakan, tiada cara untuk caj balik dengan murah. Aku sedang memikirkan dan menyediakan cara untuk mengimbal-balik kegunaan Bard dalam pertempuran sebaik saja caj dalam tongkat sakti itu habis.

Aku sedang mengumpul spell yang boleh digunakan dalam banyak keadaan. Tapi itu tidak cukup. Juga, ilham untuk menggunakan Alchemist Fire sebagai senjata baling belum boleh berhasil sebab kekuatan Bard hanya 5, yang membuahkan modifier -3.

Hmmm...

The Amir Hafizi Diet Plan

I had some success with my initial diet plan, losing 20++ kg in a span of six months, so I'm listing it down here. I'm currently working on a different diet that is more sustainable but would still make me lose weight at a slower pace. Some calculations might be a bit off. In any confusion, reduce the amount, never increase.

So here goes:

The ORIGINAL Amir Hafizi High-Fibre Diet and Exercise Plan

What you need:

1. Willpower
2. Swearing off ALL food not listed here
3. Psyllium Husk
4. Oats. Loats of oats
5. Lots of water
6. Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (for diabetic patients)
7. Fresh food stuff
8. Blackmores Multivitamins

So here's the list of breakfasts:

Monday:
Psyllium husk and water
Oats and some low fat milk

Tuesday:
Psyllium husk and water
2 Weetabix and some low fat milk

Wednesday:
Psyllium husk and water
Oats and some low fat milk

Thursday:
Psyllium husk and water
One banana

Friday:
Psyllium husk and water
Oats and some low fat milk

Saturday:
Psyllium husk and water
Oats and some low fat milk

Sunday:
Psyllium husk and water
Oats and some low fat milk


Lunch is served!

Monday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Tuesday:
Four slices of Gardenia Purple Wheat bread
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Wednesday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Thursday:
3 chappatti + dhal
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Friday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Saturday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Sunday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce

Dinner:


Monday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Tuesday:
Four slices of Gardenia Purple Wheat bread
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Wednesday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Thursday:
3 chappatti + dhal
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Friday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Saturday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce


Sunday:
Faiza Taj Mahal Herbaponni rice (100gm of pure cooked rice)
100gm chicken fillet, no skin, no fat - actually 200gm, cooked for two meals, lunch and dinner. cooked with two tablespoons of oil, garlic, onions, ginger, curry/kurma powder, star anise, water, half a teaspoon of salt.
100gm veggies, preferably butterhead lettuce

Snacks:

1. Oats
2. Fruits - pears, apples, oranges, bananas. Limit to two a day.

Exercise:

Best to walk/run for 5km daily or one hour cardio at a heart rate of 140-ish. Higher if you are healthy and have no medical conditions. Or swim for an hour.

If you eat this, and absolutely nothing else - this means absolutely NOTHING else - I guaran-damn-tee you will lose weight at least in the first five weeks. The exercise helps start the burn process. After that initial period, you need to get creative.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Iklan Tidak Berbayar: Maple Comics Sebuah Syarikat Penerbitan Polos

Beberapa kali, Melayu jenis urban berkata kepada aku, "Kau berniaga ni, kenalah ada untung."

Aku biasa senyum saja. Ya, aku tahu untung-rugi tu apa. Aku pernah ambil Kemahiran Hidup masa tingkatan satu-tiga.

Bila aku menjelaskan polisi dan prinsip Maple Comics yang sebenarnya mengikut ramai penerbit komik dan buku yang lain, tetapi bukan yang bernilai berbillion-billion, mereka akan marah. Menggeliat-geliut seperti cacing kepanasan.

Kenapa Maple Comics memberikan sepenuh hakcipta kepada pengkarya? Kenapa Maple Comics memberi kebebasan berkarya (tetapi hanya kepada projek dan pengkarya terpilih)? Kenapa kami tidak mengusahakan penjualan barangan? Kenapa kami tidak mahukan duit?

Kenapa aku begitu bodoh dan dangkal?

Maka ketahuilah dan beritahulah kepada semua manusia, bahawasanya Maple Comics ialah syarikat penerbitan komik bebas (indie) yang begitu baik hati dan mesra-pengkarya. Malah, kami memberikan deal yang cukup hebat kepada artis.

Sebenarnya, Maple Comics ialah syarikat yang sustainable tetapi tidak profitable. Maksudnya apa-apa pendapatan kami daripada jualan satu judul komik hanya cukup-cukup untuk menerbitkan judul yang seterusnya.

Aku senang dengan cara ini. Tidak perlu pening kepala dengan tuntutan lembaga pengarah ataupun pemilik saham. Kami bebas menerbitkan apa saja judul yang kami rasa menarik.

Aku amat gembira apabila pembaca membeli komik-komik kami dengan muka yang ceria. Aku teruja bila komik dihantar sampai ke rumah, dan aku membeleknya buat pertama kali. Aku sering tersenyum apabila membaca pdf atau imej komik sebelum diterbitkan.Aku kagum dengan ramai bakat komik yang menghantar cadangan karya ke email kami di komikmaple@gmail.com. Sama ada kami tolak atau terima, lain cerita. Yang penting - masih ada yang berkarya.

Ada banyak karya aku terpaksa tolak atas pelbagai sebab. Dan ada beberapa projek terpaksa dibatalkan sebab terlampau lambat untuk disiapkan. Apapun, aku gembira dengan judul-judul yang kami terbitkan. Semuanya berkualiti dan mempunyai je ne sais quoi.

Pasal untung pula, aku hanya perlu pastikan, setiap jualan atau promosi tidak merugikan dan adalah sedikit margin yang tidak besar sangat.

Sekarang, pada tahun kedua Maple Comics, aku memikirkan beberapa hal yang sukar. Maple Comics sebagai sebuah entiti penerbitan, menjadi semakin kukuh dengan lebih banyak judul tahun ini berbanding tahun lalu. Kami juga sedang memikirkan pengembangan bentuk niaga ke arah yang lebih lebar.

Aku dan beberapa rakan telah membuat Ma-Play Card Game - satu permainan kad yang bakal dicetak sebaik sahaja para artis siapkan lukisannya.

Aku sudah memikirkan cara pemasarannya. Ada beberapa idea yang aku fikir boleh dipertimbangkan secara serius, tetapi memerlukan penyertaan pihak lain. Sebab kami sahaja tidak mampu hendak buat semua benda.

Dan kalau ada pihak di luar sana yang mahu bekerjasama dengan kami dan pengkarya yang menjadi rakan niaga kami, adalah amat dialu-alukan. Cuma perlu diingat yang kami menegaskan hakcipta sepenuhnya milik pengkarya dengan hanya hak adaptasi ke barangan cenderahati atau medium lain yang menjadi medan rundingan.

Kami tidak teruja dengan godaan untung PULUHAN ringgit.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Aku, Maple Comics dan Memelihara Hakcipta

Sudah tiga orang yang mengatakan aku bodoh atau sekurang-kurangnya dangkal sebab mengurus Maple Comics seperti yang aku uruskan.

"Kenapa kau bagi pengkarya pegang hakcipta? Patut kau penerbit, kaulah pegang!" kata seorang yang bekerja di Malaysia.

"Kau seharusnya buat duit, bro. Kau perlukan duit," kata seorang dari negara jiran.

Setiap kali mereka berkata begitu, aku rasa sangat mulia. Seperti aku menjadi Siddharta Gautama yang melepaskan semua nafsu dan mengikut Jalan Lapan Lapis. Akulah Boddhisativa Hakcipta! Arhat Harta Intelek! Avalokitesvara Tanda Niaga.

Seolah-olah aku telah menolak berjuta-juta ringgit, malah mungkin berbillion, sebab aku tidak mengambil hakcipta daripada pengkarya. Mulia, bukan?

Sebenarnya, aku malas. Ya. Itulah sebab sebenarnya. Aku memang pemalas.

Aku lebih suka Maple Comics menumpukan usaha kami yang masih terhad ini kepada menerbit dan memasarkan komik. Dengan ada milikan hakcipta dan harta intelek, peluang dan potensi untuk membuat duit memang ada, tetapi adakah kau fikir semudah itu? Hanya pegang hakcipta dan semua benda - uang dan perempuan - akan bergolek ke kaki?

Semata-mata kau buat mainan atau t-shirt daripada sesuatu harta intelek, adakah kau fikir ia akan terjual dengan sendiri?

Tidak ada satu sen pun duit yang datang dengan mudah. Semuanya harus diusahakan. Komik perlu dijual, pemarasan, branding, product visibility, product availability, storage, logistics, front desk, back-end, ease of payment, fulfillment, crisis handling, error and risk management.

Aku tahu bagaimana hendak buat duit - kalau terdesak sangat, ko boleh hisap kote politician - itu bukan cabaran minda yang menyeronokkan, tetapi hanya cabaran stamina. Aku akui, aku tiada stamina untuk mengeksploitasi semua harta intelek aku sendiri, apatah lagi harta intelek orang lain?

Jadi, jawapan mudahnya, aku malas.

Satu lagi ialah pasal keadilan. Aku juga pengkarya dan setakat ini walaupun sudah 12 tahun bekerja dan pernah menulis 6 filem, beberapa siri TV dan benda-benda lain, aku tiada harta intelek di luar sana yang aku boleh eksploit.

Aku tak pernah minta milikan harta intelek projek-projek ini sebab aku dibayar untuk kerja aku. Walaupun bayaran picisan, itu ialah kadar yang aku sudah persetujui secara bertulis.

Namun aku fikir jika seorang penulis, misalnya, menulis cerita garpu yang jatuh cinta dengan pinggan, maka dia berhak memiliki cerita dan watak itu secara keseluruhan, tanpa soal. Tak kisahlah idea dia bodoh atau bagus.

Lagipun, apa yang penulis itu ingin buat dengan hakcipta itu pun? Dia hampir pasti tidak mampu mengadaptasinya menjadi siri TV muzikal atau persembahan pentas. Hakcipta dan milikan harta intelek, kepada seorang pengkarya yang tiada pengalaman dan dorongan nafsu komersial, samalah seperti seorang budak dengan bantal busuk.

Biarkanlah si pengkarya terjun dengan harta inteleknya. Biarkan, biarkan.

Adalah amat kejam kalau dalam hidup seseorang pengkarya yang hanya ada sebuah kisah cinta yang takde la best mana pun - dan itupun dirompak dan disamun oleh mereka yang akhirnya gagal mendapatkan apa-apa keuntungan sebab mereka tidak faham yang harta intelek tidak menjamin apa-apa pulangan mudah dan harus diperah sampai separuh mati, dalam jangkamasa yang agak lama. Sama macam kerja lain.

Sebab pada akhirnya, harta intelek dalam apa jua bentuk - mug, t-shirrt, seluar dalam - harus dibeli oleh seseorang kalau hendak ada keuntungan. Siapakah orang ini? Kenapa dia ingin membeli barangan itu? Kebanyakan pelabur tahap atasan tidak mampu membayangkan transaksi tahap bawahan ini. Mereka yang berada di atas piramid buta kepada dasarnya.

Kalau kau mahukan pulangan pantas dengan jumlah untuk yang tinggi, kau pergilah jual kuih. Ini aku cakap dengan serius. Sesetengah kuih dan air berperisa, kadar keuntungannya mungkin setinggi 70%.

Jadi, kesimpulannya, aku ialah orang mulia yang malas.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

The Mosque Project

Years ago, I developed The Mosque Project with a friend who have now parted ways with me.

We have our differences and The Mosque Project is one of them. He saw The Mosque Project as a means to funnel funds to mosques. I don't think mosques need funding to build more stuff on their grounds.I think mosques should emulate churches in the kind of shit they do.

I believe that mosques could be used as a means to do a few things, namely:

1. Show the people that they are not helpless and can actually do shit.

2. Showcase the practical and philosophical aspects of Islam rather than the mystical mumbo-jumbo bullshit like bomoh hujan or magic shit.

3. Give some Muslims something to do rather than take up arms and bombs and kill themselves for ISIS.

4. Improve the community through shared activities and bring people together through mosque activities that are actually beneficial

5. Make charity programmes work like crazy.

The majority of the people in Malaysia are Muslims. So it is natural to tap into this segment to do shit. Shit like, handling natural disasters or some shit. The kids are now dumb as nails so the community can do shit about this through mosques as a center for education.

Okay, here's how I see it. Mosques have two resources:

1. Space - this shit is vital, brah! Space can be sued for lots of shit, like turn it into a tuition center for stupid kids or poor kids or something. The grounds can be turned into a small business arcade for say, single mothers or former junkies or 'at-risk' motherfuckers.

2. Access to the community - free manpower, bitch! Get them engineers and get them to teach math once a week to stupid kids. Get the lawyers to reach readin' or whatnot. Once a week. Don't tell me you can't commit to once a week? Talk to the kids, man. They stupid.

Major programmes could include:

1. Natural disaster relief.

Imagine a network of mosques, during floods or earthquakes. A mosque in affluent Bangsar or Damansara can collect donations be it money or in kind. Then they funnel it to a sister/partner mosque in Temerloh. Let the mosque attendees form their own committees and handle collection on one end and distribution on another.

Other mosques can source for volunteers to go and clean up houses or whatever the fuck.

If any kid gets kidnapped, then round up a posse from the mosque. Or use the mosque as a situation room to round up the search posse.

2. Improving the economy of people in shitty circumstances.

We got single moms, addicts, homeless folks, crazy folk, blind niggas, whatever. Open up the mosque grounds and do business arcades like the one at Bangsar mosque. Sell books or some shit.

3. Engagement with stupid kids

The skilled fuckers can teach the dumb fuckers. Nuff said.

The impact from all this will be Islam in a positive, proactive light. Islam has been facing a public relations war for decades if not centuries, but most Muslims are too goddamned stupid to combat this. Except with heavy weapons. And violence doesn't work, unless you have lots and lots of nuclear weapons.

So it alleviates suffering in the country, empowers the people doing these projects - of their own initiative and volition, and it improves Islam's image.

Now, the Gov KENOT do this, because a top-down approach will not work. The problem with Malaysians is that they are apathetic motherfuckers. We, as a people, believe that everything is set by higher powers. That shadowy conspiracies rule our world and that we are powerless to do anything. So we do nothing.

You want these mosque fuckers to do this shit, you have to inspire them to do so.

Which means a multi-year, sustained multimedia campaign to show examples of such successful programmes in other mosques. Eventually, perhaps a few at first, then several then more, then perhaps more and more mosques will do it.

The Government MUST be instructed to "move bitch, get out tha way." The Government KENOT interfere. They will just stand by the side and nod.

Politicians KENOT take control or assume a point of leadership in any of the programmes. They must serve either as lieutenants or balacis, if they want to gain any credit at all. In fact, it is best if politicians get the fuck out.

Which is why this project will fail its original objective - to empower people.

To convince Malaysians that they can do anything and that there is no higher power other than God and their own free will. That money is a false God and so is the Government.

Do you really think the politicians will allow anything that convinces the people to be independent from their bullshit? Something that empowers people to the point that they realise they don't need any of these politicial parties - they can do shit on their own, thank you very much.

Hahahahaha.

And so it will fail. And they will all continue going back to the mosque and talk about how wrong other people are and everyone will stay stupid and poor and the politcians will win and their conspiracies will kill us all with red dust.

I just needed to write something stupid cause my brain doesn't work anymore.

Fuck off and die!

Porn Sacrifice (Not Really)

I spent five hours today in KL trying to fix my PC.

Last night, it kept detecting and not detecting my hard drive. Another hard drive died recently as well, so there were only four possibilities:

1. Fucked up SATA cable
2. Fucked up hard drive
3. Fucked up power supply unit
4. Fucked up motherboard.

I have five deadlines today, so getting my PC up and running was imperative. I also decided it's time to check out what this Mara Digital thing has to offer. I mean, fuck the politics and the racist bullshit surrounding it. Fuck the Malay-Chinese bullshit. I needed to fix my PC and I didn't care who could do it.

So I went to Mara Digital first. I used to go to LowYat since 1999 but moved on cause the traders there became so 'lansi'. They even laughed at me when I was looking for a Blackberry phone.

Fuck you, man. Blackberry forever!

So I got to Mara Digital and it looked okay. I was going around carrying my PC when a kind dude showed me where the repair shop is. Apparently, Mara Digital has only ONE - that's right, ONE - repair shop.

I know we're under the age of 1Malaysia and 1MDB, not to mention One Direction and 1Israel, but fuck having just ONE repair shop in all of Mara Digital.

And guess how many techs they have at the single repair shop in all of Mara Digital? That's right - ONE.

I told him my problem and the initial diagnosis. He said he could check the PC for me in 3-4 days. I was like, "Hell naw!" And picked up the PC and made a beeline out the door.

Then I doubled back and wanted to buy a SATA cable. At least I could fix that myself.

The guy called someone on his phone and texted whoever before telling me they don't sell SATA cables.

I felt the burning hatred building within me like the intensity of a thousand suns, so I picked up the PC and stormed out before I did anything stupid.

Went to a shop downstairs to cool down and eat something. The cashier was on her phone and totally ignoring all her customers, including me. Fucking bullshit.

So I went to the mamak shop across the road, thinking mamaks might know how to do business. No chance. They also completely ignored me and I had to order from the drinks dude myself. Apparently, everyone was on their phones.

I was like, fuck this shit and hailed a cab and went to LowYat Plaza. This was the first time I went to LowYat since I dunno, 2005?

So I searched and found the most Cina-looking dude in C-Zone, which I'm convinced meant Cina-Zone and pressed him for answers about my PC. I grilled him to see how he would react and it was acceptable - one lansi smirk and I would have fucking killed him with my Blackberry. I would have Theon-Greyjoyed him on the spot. I would have Rob-Starked him. I would have cut off his head and sewn his dick in its place.

But it was adequate. He diagnosed my hard disk in 10 minutes and said it has bad sectors and I needed a replacement. This meant sacrificing all my porn, accumulated over 10 years, but it was necessary.

So I bought a new hard disk from him and asked him to install Win 7 on it. I already brought my ORIGINAL copy because I wanted a new hard disk anyway. But that was on the condition that he could do everything in an hour. That was the time he quoted me, so I went off for a simple meal of chapatti nearby.

It took him 55 minutes, but he did it. And so fast forward, I am now home and typing a blog entry before I go do my actual work.

I must say that it is early days for Mara Digital. They just opened in December and focusing on high-margin trade of laptops and phones. Didn't check the prices cause I was so angry. I did notice lots of old people in kopiahs buying stuff there, so the business model is wayyy different than LowYat's. It's for dead end users and old people scared of being scammed in a world they are unfamiliar with.

Mara Digital needs shops that offer the same services as C-Zone, Jayacom and the like. They need places where people can fulfill all their computing needs. They need more techs and more supplies.

One of the more lucrative businesses is supplying offices with computers and currently, I do not see them being capable of doing so. If you don't even have a fucking SATA cable, fuck you if you think I would buy whole systems or furnish an entire office with your PCs.

LowYat 's PC businesses survive not on single sales to desktop jockeys like me, and the overclocking scene is niche. The PC gaming scene is niche. They make big money by supplying offices, where volume makes up for thin margins. As it stands, if I had a business that needs multiple computers, I would go to LowYat.

It would be great for consumers like me to see competition based on price and service quality rather than  politics or racist sensibilities, either by the Cinas in LowYat or the Malays in Mara Digital. You think I give a fuck? You think a majority of businesses and people give a fuck? It's Service number one, and Price number two. Race is like, fuck your mother with a dog.

I wish that Digital Mall in PJ is better than LowYat and run by people not from LowYat. And I wish that there are vibrant IT sections in all shopping malls. It would be easier for me when things like this happens, and they will, because computers are not perfect.

I also wish Mara Digital would get their act together. You can't call yourself LowYat 2 if you don't offer the same or better services and products than the original.


Friday, January 15, 2016

State of the Ultron Address



It is 2.20am. I got back home at 1am and immediately did a few documents and sent them to relevant parties who were waiting for them. Then I printed a few things for an important meeting tomorrow. Transferred a video file to a thumbdrive... and we're all done.

My father was warded a few days ago. Some recurring minor complications that I hope would not turn out to be a painful experience for him. I'm slated to go back in three weeks' time, for Chinese New Year.

Some people have been spreading malicious rumours about me, as they always do, but I know the truth and God knows the truth. Everything and everyone else are irrelevant and a waste of time.

Maple Comics is making strides after we decided to make some changes. It is still not profitable, simply sustainable - each title we do pays for the next one, often leaving the bank balance at zero. I recently discovered that some people think I have money, and the fact that I do this comics publishing thing for fun makes them think I have even more insane amounts of money.

Because who does things for fun anymore these days but the wealthy?

Ah, but I do consider myself wealthy. I enjoy an obscene amount of fun, free from hate and despair, away from idiots and evil people. I enjoy long chats with some treasured friends, talking about nothing and relating stories to one another.

I dare say that even if I were to win the lottery this weekend and gain say, RM13 million - which is the amount of the current jackpot - I would probably do exactly the same thing.

Comics is also a lifelong dream, fulfilled.

It's my little hobby that I share with some friends, as is my DnD campaign. I am now a Level 6 Halfling Bard who has recently turned Chaotic Evil after my propensity to torture prisoners for information. I also eat them afterwards. And sometimes, I would cut off their heads and sew their foot in its place. I will one day create the 'tiga kaki' logo, just for fucks. We play almost every weekend.

My health is okay, though I need to decide on a date to quit vaping. Also need to get some fish oil and schedule more exercise sessions. I'm averaging twice a week now, which is lower than 2015's four times a week.

Also planning a holiday soon. So many trivial things to tend to, and I am happy to have a very quiet life, away from any spotlight.

I will never do anything more significant than enjoying my limited time on earth and watch the world end.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Kekecewaan Pertama 2016

Dah 2016, tapi ramai gak Melayu percaya pada Konspirasi Rahsia Yahudi dan Kristian untuk menjatuhkan Melayu.

Melayu dah lama jatuh dah, bodoh.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Intermission: Boron (World's Most Boring Man) Reflects

I just swallowed a painkiller I got earlier this year. Mild headache.

Yeah, so earlier this year, I called a doctor friend cause I was having headaches. He told me, "Get your ass to the hospital NOW."

I was on three types of blood-thinners - Warfarin (an anti-coagulant), Aspirin (anti-platelets) and Plavix (some sort of vein softener) - and the risk with any headache is a fucking brain hemorrhage. While on those three blood-thinners, dengue would have been a death sentence.

So I went and got my head CT-Scanned. Fortunately, no hemorrhaging.

I was on three types of blood-thinners because after the heart attack, the MRI discovered a blood clot floating in my heart. If it travelled to my brain, I would have had a a stroke and died, or worse.

I am no longer on Warfarin or Plavix. Warfarin is of course the more serious shit drug.

Today I also swam 600m, which is 100m more than my usual 500m. I feel good, but I am constantly reminded of my weakened heart because it doesn't feel normal anymore. This is the new normal - this constant straining in my chest and a soreness that would never ever go away.

What I had was a major heart attack. I was lucky to survive it and doing all I can to improve my quality of life. It's a continuous thing that I will have to choose to do all my life.

I'm pretty good at the gym. I could do my one-hour cardio and 200 crunches no problem.

What I'm still training is my temper. I have never noticed how much I get angry at people and how much I bottle that up inside. You see, people lie. I take each and every lie as an insult to my intelligence.

They constantly try to manipulate others, myself included. Motivation for their actions include laziness, greed or just a sadistic desire to feel superior. It's usually that last one.

I have learned, in the course of one year, to not comment or reveal that I know what they're doing. It is so fucking hard because I have one dangerous vice - monologuing.

I like to expose people's little schemes and scams. I like people to know that I know. That I have always known. This is my ego, of course. So the training for this year of 2015 was to shut up about it.

I would give myself a 90% score.

Korang Semua Bodoh, Aku Sorang Pandai

Aku diberikan sedikit kerja sampingan dalam Bahasa Malaysia, jadi aku nak berlatih kejap kemahiran Bahasa Malaysia aku dengan menulis artikel yang bosan.

Aku agak kecewa dengan kegagalan dan kesunyian Pembangkang dalam hal menangani sokongan pengundi luar bandar kepada Barisan Nasional (BN). Walaupun undi popular (53.47%) sudah berpaut pada pembangkang, mereka gagal menawan Dewan Rakyat pada Pilihanraya Umum (PRU) lepas (2013).

Kalau aku Pembangkang, aku akan teruskan apa-apa usaha aku di bandar dan kemudian cuba menawan ketumbukan BN yang sebenar - kawasan luar bandar.

Aku asalnya mahu memberikan analisis objektif perihal strategi pilihanraya tetapi setelah meneliti nombor dan fakta, aku dapati kepercayaan dan telahan aku pun selama ini salah. Jadi aku berikan analisis kualitatif yang subjektif yang sebenarnya samalah seperti melancap di tepi jalan sambil menjerit-jerit.

Kalau diikutkan Twitter, memang Pembangkang dah menang lama dah. Tetapi, Twitter dan semua media sosial bukan penanda yang tepat, malah mengelirukan dan berat sebelah dalam mengambilkira sentimen keseluruhan negara ini.

Kalau hal atau isu berkaitan KL atau pusat-pusat bandar, sememangnya media sosial boleh dipercayai sebab kebanyakan pengguna Internet ada di bandar. Kalau dilihat orang luar bandar, walaupun ramai memliki telefon pintar, tetapi tidak semua memiliki data plan. Kalau ada pun data plan atau kemampuan capain Internet, berapa ramai yang secara aktif menyertai perbincangan kacau-bilau di media sosial?

Jadi penumpuan sumber dan masa Pembangkang pada keulungan mereka di media sosial bagi aku agak dangkal sebab mereka menang di media sosial sejak PRU ke-12 dan ke-13 tetapi nyata kemenangan di media sosial dan kebodohan BN sendiri di medan ini tidak akan menjamin kemenangan di PRU.

Kita balik ke isu akar - kenapa pengundi luar bandar mahu mengundi Pembangkang? Pembangkang tidak pernah memberikan apa-apa sebab yang kukuh untuk pengundi luar bandar mengundi mereka, kecuali Parti Agama Islam Se-Malaysia (PAIS-M) yang menjanjikan syurga.

DAP menerusi Lim Kit Siang menjanjikan penyokong mereka bahawa sekiranya mereka berkuasa, maka kakitangan awam akan 'diselaraskan'. Ini membawa ancaman kehilangan pekerjaan untuk ramai orang, terutamanya mereka yang berasal dari luar bandar atau orang luar bandar yang bergantung pada ahli keluarga yang menjadi penjawat awam.

Apakah janji PKR kepada pengundi luar bandar? Bahawa Anwar akan dibebaskan? Pengundi luar bandar pedulittaik pasal Anwar, kebanyakannya.

Isu-isu luar bandar lebih 'humble' dan realistik daripada idealisme melancap yang laku di bandar-bandar.

Persoalan orang luar bandar, sejak dahulu lagi - bolehkah mereka makan hari ini? Kalau ada ahli politik datang, apa yang mereka dapat?

Bukan semua orang kampung bodoh, sepertimana tak semua orang bandar pandai atau stylish. Ramai je orang bandar bodoh lepas tu pakai mekap untuk pergi parti mabuk tengah malam buta pada waktu tengahari terik, pastu cair macam pondan menangis sebab kalah Ratu Jambo.

Orang luar bandar juga tahu pasal delayed gratification - bersabar untuk kepentingan masa depan. tetapi, apa janji Pembangkang pada mereka? Yang ada hanya acah-acah cool dan ancaman neraka atau hilang kerja.

Kalau Pembangkang ni ikhlas dan bukan dianggotai mereka yang poyo, diorang boleh je sampaikan mesej kepada pengundi luar bandar.

Aku rasa semua ahli Pembangkang yang meroyan kononnya mereka tiada saluran atau disekat daripada berjumpa pengundi luar bandar hanya pukimak pemalas yang bodoh dan tak berguna. Baik ko pergi merangkak balik masuk dalam rahim mak kau sebab kau tak wajar dilahirkan.

Kau ada saluran yang paling hebat - mengumpat atau dalam istilah orang kampungnya, 'word of mouth'.

Katakan Pembangkang memutuskan bersetuju dengan beberapa janji manis untuk pengundi luar bandar dan kemudian muatnaik ke satu website. Website ini bukan untuk majoriti pengundi luar bandar, tetapi untuk penyokong mereka di bandar. Kemudian, rayu dan pujuk pengundi bandar yang menyokong mereka untuk membawa mesej-mesej ini kepada pengundi luar bandar.

Kebanjiran orang bandar yang menjadi boneka propaganda ini akan mewujudkan fenomena 'gerakan akar-umbi' yang melanda seperti tsunami pendakwah Mormon. Bayangkan jutaan insan bangang yang dipergunakan untuk membawa dogma dan iklan Pembangkang kepada kawasan-kawasan luar bandar.

Dengan 5-6 juta pengundi baru, taktik mudah ini sahaja sudah mampu, ikut tekaan aku, memenangi 3 juta undi ekstra, lantas memenangi Dewan Rakyat dan mengalahkan BN.

Namun, tak ada nampak pun Pembangkang buat. Pasal apa? Pasal diorang lebih teruk dari bodoh - diorang pemalas. Seteruk-teruk Najib pun, dia rajin. Tak kisahlah kau nak cakap dia rajin menipu ke 1Rajin ke, whatever ke, tapi BN memang tak pernah mengalah cuba dapatkan sokongan orang.

Selagi Pembangkang pemalas dan bodoh, selagi tu takkan ada peluang untuk mereka mengalahkan BN.

Kalau BN kalah PRU ke-14 ini, ia bukan kemenangan Pembangkang, tetapi kekalahan BN sendiri yang tertembak kote masa simpan senapang patah. Oh dan pasal pengundi baru tetiba je nak undi Pembangkang.

Dalam erti kata lain, korang semua bodoh dan aku sorang pandai. Hidup aku! Hidup aku! Hidup aku!

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Star Wars, Max Landis and the Thought-Police

So I took my sister and brother-in-law to watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens last night. They didn't like it as much as I do. My sister said it was "good, not great. Why are the reviews so awesome?" and my brother-in-law was shaking throughout the movie because he was halfway to a fever and the air-conditioning was turned up to Hoth.

So I went home and killed myself.

I took a shotgun and put to my brain and pulled the trigger. I'm writing right now, covered in blood, brain matter and tears because some people didn't agree with my thoughts on a movie.

Which brings us to Max Landis. Landis went to see Star Wars: TFA and then wrote some snarky comments about the movie, saying the lead character Rey is a Mary Sue because she is good at everything. I suspect he hoped this would condemn TFA to be dismissed as a fanfic, and because of his views, no one would do reboots or remakes or dare to work on any franchise whatsoever from here until the end of time, preferring instead to work on original movies like his failed (at the box-office) American Ultra movie. This is a solid and laudable intention, if not sneaky - if true.

I'm sure it's not true and I'm just blowing smoke up my own ass.

First of all,  from what I gather, a Mary Sue is a character inserted by an author/creator into an existing world that represents the author/creator and beats everyone at everything.

An example would be Wesley Crusher in Star Trek, though he is more of a Gary Stu due to him having a dick, probably. Wesley Crusher is good at everything, smarter than everyone and is an insufferable annoyance. 'Wesley' is series creator's Gene Roddenberry's middle name and he out-thought, out-scienced yet sadly did not outlast the other characters because fans caught on to it and booed him mercilessly or something.

Wesley Crusher grew up to become Wil Wheaton and God help us all. God help us all.

Is JJ Abram's middle name Rey? If Daisy Ridley's character was named Jacob, then maybe yeah. Does Rey have a dick we didn't see in TFA? Does Abrams secretly have a fetish to go into junkyards and scavenge for spare parts he would take to Simon Pegg who would then give him food? Is this some kind of sex thing Abrams does? Then maybe Rey IS a Mary Sue!

I agree with her beating everyone at everything, but so did Luke Skywalker. In fact, Rey is Luke, without the dick.

A farmboy suddenly becoming the best pilot in the Rebel Alliance with absolutely no training whatsoever? I see your farmboy with a scavanger, and raise you a sword-fighting Jedi.

I totally disagree with the Mary Sue insult thrown by Landis. Most of his other points about TFA sucking is okay and I agree with a lot of the flaws. Except for Amri Rohayat's understanding of Starkiller Base.

Amri wrote that if Starkiller sucked a star, then the whole solar system is dead. SO why shoot at planets? Well, the sun they sucked is in another solar system and they wanted to shoot at another solar system. Across the galaxy or some shit.

Starkiller Base as a concept is great if not for the previous existence of the Death Stars. I mean, Starkiller is a sort of (not really) Dyson Sphere, created by a Type II Civilisation. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, you're not nerdy enough so fuck you.

There are tons of cheesy moments in TFA. Tons of things that don't make sense, either scientifically or plot-wise. But Star Wars was built on vague green muppets with dubious grammar and laser swords and space fighters with wings shaped like it was drawn by a 4-year-old.

TFA is not a perfect film, but Abrams only needed to do one thing - not fuck up. And he didn't. If you loved any of the Original Trilogy films, you'd probably love this one. If you want a cerebral character study, or a scathing indictment of how society has oppressed the voices of minorities to further their corporate greed, watch something else. In fact, Mad Max is a far better action movie than TFA. So go see that.

Anyway, so Max Landis, perhaps not content with the few rogue trolls here and there on Twitter, decided to make a series of videos on YouTube lambasting TFA.

So he began to get what he presumably wanted most - attention.

Guillermo Del Toro said that the whole Mary Sue thing is aid by killjoys. Landis jumped at that but GDT moved on to a million other things.

For a while, Landis was happy, it seems, from his tweets.

Unfortunately, what began as a triumph for him soon descended into something uglier. He picked fights, and then trolls started to attack him, and egged him and others to fight each other.

Landis was branded a sexist and anti-feminist because Rey is being lauded as a bad-ass female action hero.

Then Lexi Alexander started insinuating some stuff about someone, probably Landis, and then blocked him on Twitter. Landis tried to contact her but to no avail.

So, in response, Landis unwisely took it further. He made a video asking to talk to Alexander and asked people to forward the video to her.

Landis has about 50K Twitter followers, so Alexander probably get a few hundred people forwarding the link to her. Alexander flipped and started going full on feminist.

She said something like, "No one is entitled to a relationship with anyone else" and blablabla and harassment this and no means no and this is bullying and stuff.

Landis was caught in an unenviable position. He is an American, a Millennial, being called out for being a sexist asshole or something. American Millennials currently don't know how to respond to that effectively.

I'm an Asian who never set foot outside of Southeast Asia. If anyone were to call me a sexist asshole, I could always say, "You're not respecting the nuances of my archaic culture, brooo!". Even if that's total bullshit, accusers of non-liberal thinking often are scared of being branded as bigots themselves.

I don't think Landis is sexist, though he might be an asshole. I think he was unwise in pursuing Alexander's or anyone's approval. He also attacked Rey from TFA as a Mary Sue.

What I do know is, his lead character in American Ultra is a Mary Sue.

The lead character Mike Howell is a stoner. Max Landis, who wrote the movie (if I didn't state this already somewhere up there) likes to talk about doing drugs, sometimes.

Mike Howell is the best at everything. He has the best girlfriend, he is the best sleeper agent who defeated everyone, and he is also the most morally innocent. Howell is just a guy whom you can't blame for all the shitty decisions and mess he's made because he's just an innocent - he meant to do the right thing.

I find Howell to be the ultimate Mary Sue in recent times.

Am I right? Does anyone agree with me? I don't give a fuck. I'm better than everyone else.

So I wanted to talk about how the Thought-Police has come out of the woodwork in recent years as something other. They are dressed in different garb or uniforms, but their function remains the same: policing your thoughts.

If you like or hate a certain piece of art or pop culture, or think of things in a different way, and you honestly do, people like Landis or Alexander or me or any of the feminists, trolls, SJWs, dipshits and any of the fuckheads have no power over you to think otherwise.

They can brand you with anything - sexist, racist, whatever - but you alone know the truth and if you are in line with the truth, fuck everything else. You and everyone else can't change the truth anyway.