Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Siamang Panggang

Bapak aku selalu cakap, cerita Si Tanggang sekarang dah berubah daripada bentuk asalnya. Dalam Si Tanggang original, katanya, seperti yang diceritakan kepadanya oleh orang tua-tua, makanan kegemaran anak lupa daratan itu ialah siamang panggang, bukan pisang salai.

Pisang salai itu bidaah moden, selepas Melayu semua mementingkan imej Islam, selain menjadi Islam. Bagi aku, itulah keadaan Islam di Malaysia sekarang, cuma ada risiko berbahaya di bawah semua kepalsuan ini.

Islam bukan milik aku. Bukan milik kau. Islam milik Majlis Fatwa, yang sudah jadi Maharaja Malaysia, boleh buat undang-undang sesuka hati - undang-undang SAH - dan Islam milik mereka yang berjanggut, berserban dan pakai macam ninja. Islam milik mereka yang menyamar Arab.

Aku dan beberapa rakan pernah ditindas mereka yang menyamar Arab. Biasanya pasal duit. Panjang ceritanya dan aku tak mahu dedahkan, sebab mendedahkan keburukan orang itu sesuatu yang ditegah Islam. Cukuplah kalau aku cakap yang aku rasa diorang ni mungkin fikir diorang boleh aniaya orang sebab diorang sembahyang extra rakaat. Agaknya pahala dia boleh imbangkan dosa dia pada manusia dan dia masih boleh masuk syurga.

Undang-undang dan semua ahli politik, hatta Nurul Izzah the Great pun tak berani nak menentang ketidakadilan, kalau ketidakadilan itu bertopengkan Islam. Takut tak popular, gamaknya.

Dan tak payah kita nak kecoh-kecoh pasal Pilihanraya. Tak payah nak tampal poster, gantung sepanduk, berkempen sampai berbiliion habis kat pencacai dan macai. Anwar Ibrahim kalau nak jadi PM, try je masuk Majlis Fatwa. Lepas tu keluarkan fatwa dia sepatutnya jadi PM.

Pilihanraya nampak macam nak tentukan ahli politik mana berpeluang makan lagi banyak rasuah, bukan pasal nak pertahankan hak-hak asasi dan melindungi kami ra'yaott jelata ni.

Semua student tak payah nak ambik Law. Apa guna law, kalau semua diputuskan oleh Majlis Fatwa? Perempuan semua tak payah masuk beauty pageant, tak payah bersukan sebab dedah aurat (walaupun si jantan pun rata-rata dedah aurat, terutama ahli bina badan yang pakai spentot kecik). Perempuan duduk je semua kat rumah, tunggu mak bapak jual puki, ataupun tunggu kena rogol. Lepas tu, kahwin perogol tu.

Kita tubuhkan PERKOSA - PERsatuan Kahwin prOgol SAya.

Akan ada yang cakap, "Eh, Majlis Fatwa pakai proses dan mengikut hukum Islam." Aku taknak bincangkan proses fatwa Majlis Fatwa. Aku cuma pertikaikan skop dan bidang kuasa Majlis itu. Kalau Majlis Fatwa cuma bertindak sebagai majlis rujukan, aku rasa tak ada masalah. Cuma kalau betul pendedahan yang Majlis Fatwa boleh buat undang-undang, baik kita tak payah ada Kerajaan. Apa kata kita bagi je semua peluang makan rasuah kat Majlis Fatwa, biar semua ahli politik kebulur, takleh beli kereta mahal dan pasang bini artis tiga.

Tapi takpa. Melayu dulu, bukan Islam. Melayu dulu, makan siamang panggang, babi salai. Kalau Majlis Fatwa dan mereka yang menyamar Arab mendesak semua orang supaya terus ditindas mereka, aku tak rasa terperanjat kalau satu hari nanti, Si Tanggang akan makan siamang panggang semula.

The Mixed Supremacy

The mixed race - or Homo Sapiens Superior - is clearly the Master Race.

We are more good-looking, faster, stronger, better than any race in the world.

You want to fight us? Bitch? We got mixed-martial arts, which is basically only the best stuff from ALL martial arts, without the bullshit. We have the best food - mixed rice. Best feelings - mixed feelings. Best music - all recorded in ancient mixtapes. Best radio - MixFM. Best Transformer - Mixmaster.

We are the best in the world. And yet why do we serve these inferior monkey races? These... purebloods? I say that word with a bitter taste at the tip of my tongue.

Being of pure blood is a disadvantage. One virus can kill all of them, in a weekend. Our system is clearly more robust and we are genetically superior.

Every day I hear Malay supremacists or Chinese chauvinists - all of them racists - spouting their hate and diatribe. Fuck you. Your races and ethnicities are all inferior to ours. You are all outdated mammals, ready to be harvested into cheap meat for our mixed rice. Yes. We will eat you.

The greatest advantage for the mixed race is that we are not racist at all. We don't give a fuck, because all our parents fucked people from other races.

My parents are descendants of Malay (Bugis, Pattani) and Chinese (Cantonese). This particular mix actually scared the beejezus of a French lady I met.

"You're mixed Bugis-Chinese? Cordon Bleu!" She exclaimed, with widened eyes. As if I would don pirate garb, steal all her money and lend it back to her at a hefty interest rate. Maybe I should.

One of my dear friends is Sunder Raj - a Chindian. He boasts about drinking like a Chinese, but actually consumes alcohol like an Indian - two beers and he's out cold. Which presumably saves him from the evils of alcohol.

And the greatest thing about the Mixed Race is that we are like the Borg. In two generations, everyone will be mixed.

Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Melayu Proto

Lepas pilihanraya, Melayu-Melayu jenis beruk mula melompat-lompat dan terjerit-jerit propaganda perkauman supaya jangan beli barangan Cina. Sekarang, mana boikotnya? Mana hayunan duit ke arah orang Melayu? Aku rasa boikot ini gagal.

Aku membantah sejak dulu sebab:

1. Ini perkauman.

Perkauman dalam apa saja segi, tak bagus. Tak baik. Bodoh.

2. Aku pun Cina

Rakan niaga aku ramai Cina. Aku bekerja dengan ramai orang Cina. Ahli keluarga aku ada yang Cina. Nama keluarga Cina aku Fong. Jadi nama Cina aku, kalau DAP menang Malaysia ialah Fong Sai Yuk. Atau Lip Fong (Penjejak Badai). Sebenarnya, nama Penjejak Badai Lip Fung, dan nama Cina aku tak bermaksud 'angin', tetapi lebih kurang 'kuda'. Tapi boleh la kot?

3. Usaha boikot ini pasti akan gagal.

Aku tak suka buat kerja sia-sia/bodoh. Semua benda aku buat, ada sebabnya dan ada peratusan kejayaannya.

Boikot ini akan gagal. Pasal apa? Pasal matematik.

Sebab tumpuan Melayu pada pembiakan dan usaha dengki mendengki selama beratus tahun, kaum Melayu hanya dapat meraih kurang daripada 20% ekonomi Malaysia. Bergantung pada laporan mana kau percaya, ada meletakkan angka ini pada kurang 15%.

Ini bermakna, kalau Malaysia ada RM100 billion, Melayu cuma ada kurang RM15 billion. RM15 billion inilah kalau kau nak beli makanan, beli kereta sport-rim besar, beli spek itam untuk jalan-jalan usha awek dalam shopping mall.

Kuasa beli orang Melayu cuma paling hebat pun 20% daripada nilai pasaran. Memang ada beberapa industri yang memang bergantung pada orang Melayu. Industri hiburan tempatan, misalnya. Industri SMS. Apa lagi?

Kalau kau ambik industri filem la, contohnya. Orang Malaysia membelanjakan RM600 juta kat pawagam tahun lepas. Daripada jumlah itu, hanya RM97 juta untuk filem tempatan. (Sumber: FINAS).

Bagi aku, industri yang menjadi tunjang ekonomi Malaysia seperti carigali minyak, pembinaan, sektor perindustrian, semua tidak bergantung sepenuhnya atau dipengaruhi oleh duit orang Melayu sangat.

Fokus utama yang menjadi ikon boikot ialah roti jenama Massimo. Roti Massimo menjadi tumpuan kebencian orang Melayu. Belilah roti Gardenia, sebab Melayu punya.

Ceteknya pandangan kau.

Pandulah kereta Toyota atau Honda yang kau gunakan untuk menunjuk pada jiran Melayu kau yang membeli Proton Saga ke kedai 7-Eleven demi membeli roti Gardenia, dan baliklah ke kawasan perumahan kau yang kemungkinan besar dibangunkan dan dijual kepada kau oleh pemaju Cina. Dalam semua transaksi ini, kau hanya beli roti je yang berharga RM3-RM4. Itu aje bisnes Melayu. Yang besarnya - kereta, rumah, kedai - semua Cina punya.

Mana kau nak lari, kalau kaum Cina dah memiliki dalam 80% ekonomi Malaysia?

Aku cakap semua ni, sampai hilang suara aku. Ada beberapa orang Melayu datang jumpa aku, marah. Aku cakap Melayu beruk, dia marah. Diorang marah aku dengan terjerit-jerit, sama macam beruk.

Aku faham, diorang marah. Marah sebab kena pelempang semasa pilihanraya. Ego tercalar. Kejantanan dicabar. Hahaha. Jantannya. Macam beruk.

4. Ada cara yang lebih bagus

Aku rasa Melayu-Melayu ni semua harus muhasabah diri dan mengakui kelemahan diri sendiri serta bertanggungjawab pada 'dosa-dosa' sendiri selama ini.

Perkauman itu bukan jalan penyelesaian, mahupun jalan yang baik.

Aku rasa semua Melayu perlu gunakan otak untuk berfikir pasal diri sendiri. Lepaskan isu dan beban kaum yang dipikul, kemudian mula berfikir untuk diri sendiri. Perkasakan diri sendiri, bukan nak jahanamkan orang lain.

Aku dah berbuih mulut macam Shabery Cheek cakap pasal apa yang Melayu perlu perkuatkan. Dr M dah menangis berkali-kali, dan dengan pemerintahannya selama 22 tahun pun gagal mengubah pemikiran Melayu ke arah yang lebih baik.

Aku peminat tegar Dr M, namun aku pun harus mengakui yang ada beberapa langkahnya mendodoikan orang Melayu sampai jadi lemah. Ini bukan salah dia sahaja, tetapi salah dan tanggungjawab semua.

Bila aku cakap kat kawan-kawan Melayu aku sendiri supaya menggunakan otak dan berfikir untuk diri-sendiri, rata-rata diorang memberi reaksi macam itu kali pertama diorang terjumpa idea itu.

Aku mengkritik tumpuan Melayu pada pembiakan, telah menyinggung perasaan ramai. Aku cakap kalau nak ada anak, kena ada cukup duit untuk hantar dia ke universiti - satu pemikiran yang biasa dan logik - pun kena maki.

Ramai Melayu tau beranak, pastu takde duit nak jaga. Takde masa nak jaga. Harapkan orang lain. Dia nak anak tu jaga dia. Ini pemikiran tahap beruk, bukan tahap manusia.

Ada beberapa usahawan Melayu aku jumpa, lagi Cina daripada Cina. Bukan daripada segi yang positif, tetapi negatif. Bayar 50 sen, nak Ferrari. Butuh mak kau.

Mesej aku simple - tak kira la kau Melayu ke, Cina ke, India ke. Demi negara ni, semua kena perkasakan diri sendiri. Lebih-lebih lagi lepas PERKASA dan Kelab Isteri Taat terbukti gagal segagal-gagalnya.

Pergi mampus sama ahli politik tu semua dan wannabe ahli politik. Fuck off Malay Apologists. Mereka yang bertopengkan Islam untuk dapat duit dan puki semua anak-anak anjing betina.

Tak usah fokus pada isu Melayu. Perhebatkan diri sendiri, macam aku - Genius Terhebat Alaf ke-21 dan Best in the World.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Intermission: Taking Stock

I am always insecure with my writing, though I have learned over the years that other people's opinion mean little. I, myself, am my biggest critic.

Recently, I tweaked and tweaked a synopsis until I don't think I can improve it any more, without bursting through set parameters of what I want in the story. So, sent! The real writing starts after Raya.

It has been a crazy few months after I left my job in Media Prima. There are so many things to do and I find myself having less and less time for sleep, rest and other things.

This is why I don't have any commitments, so I would be free to do whatever I want. I got no house, no cars, no family to take care of, save for my father's medicine. And I have been careful enough to ensure I would not be exposed financially.

Some people try to take advantage of me, wait out until I am desperate and get my services for cheap. I have never allowed that to happen and will never do so. I set multiple streams of whatever, hedging my bets on other bets. With a spread-out table, I ensure my survival.

This is something rich people don't understand - survival. They are up there with their bullshit thinking and attitude. I'm down here, working for the past 10 years to set up the foundations for whatever the fuck.

Is there a plan? There are always plans. But I make it up as I go along, solving one problem after another, setting up one thing and then the next.

Recently, some guys asked me for ideas. I gave them ideas in abundance. Ideas are easy. Execution is not. This is something Gen Y and rich people don't understand. They have been taught that Mark Zuckerberg had an idea. Larry Page, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates all had an idea. ONE IDEA. And then they get rich and successful.

They never think about the work that goes into the realisation of those visions. What Zuckerberg had to do - backstab his friends. What Gates had to do - backstab Jobs and hold the rest of the world in a tight monopoly. They never think of the hours, the billions of other problem-solving ideas employed through the same rigid practice of that one vision.

And talking about the hardship does not lessen it. It's like talking about moving a mountain does not mean half the mountain upped and walked. No fucking way.

I'm also starting up a comics publishing thing. Having lived long enough, I know more about comics than most of my friends because most of those who knew more are dead. However, knowing and doing are two different things. Ebert knows a lot about movies, but that does not mean he can do a perfect one.

It takes a lot of work.

They say good things happen to those who wait. They also say fortune favours the bold. This shows 'they' don't know anything. It is true that if you wait and keep yourself open, opportunities will present itself. And when it does, that's the time you step in - fully-prepared - and you go hammer that nail down, fucker.

I am proud to say I am not taking or using any shortcuts to do whatever. Not for lack of trying, but as usual, those who manipulated the system in order to get rich will NEVER, EVER allow others to do the same. You know why? Because being talentless, useless hacks, this is the ONLY trick up their sleeve. They're one-trick ponies and you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

I'm loaded with tricks. I set out, long ago, to ensure I back up what I say. That instead of wanting to be seen as cool or great, I would become great. Fuck cool.

Right now, there are numerous other projects that need my attention. I have one week before going back to Kuantan for Raya break. I intend to finally catch up on some sleep when I get back.

Maybe I should go for a massage before that.


Saturday, July 27, 2013

Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

This weekend, I will finish another version of a synopsis for a story I'm working on. The one I'm having trouble with - the romance tale.

While I am always insecure about my writing - keeps me on my toes, even while being a needy bitch - having the full freedom to write anything I want is a challenge, as well as doing romance - something I have no interest in either in real life or in creative projects.

In fact, 10 years ago, I decided to experience the one thing I never had - romantic love and all that comes with it. Rejection, jealousy, elation, etc. I was convinced that these experiences would be necessary for me to become a better writer.

Looking back, 10 years later, I can safely say I was fooling myself. That was not and is not me. In truth, I don't care about romantic love. This is not a justification or an attempt to be a cool, out-of-reach personality. This is the truth.

While I do care about our fate as a species and reserve a soft-spot for poor people in rural areas, I have also trained myself not to care about what other people think of me up to a point where I discovered a kind of serenity that comes with letting go of the mating instinct.

Sexual drive and desire can be separate from romance. In fact, by purely focusing on technique, I believe a better result can be experienced by all involved.

The same can be said of the romance I am writing. I have enough experience to make it work, mechanically, but it would not be my story.

My take on romance is that it is extremely rare, and perhaps does not exist. Like Big Foot. It's like finding the G-Spot or female ejaculation.

The thing is, I often fail to connect with humans either on an intellectual, spiritual, emotional or physical level.

Anyway, here's one of the lists I kept for a long time, until I decided to let go:

1. The girl must be smarter than me.
Since I am the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century, I accept the fact that there is no one in this century who is my intellectual equal.
However, being smart does not just mean IQ. Someone with a high EQ or wise enough could be smarter than me.
Unfortunately, no one is. O, lament!

2. The girl must be, at her core, a good person.

There are many definitions of what 'good' is. Using my Soul's Eye, I can determine whether someone is good or evil.

My mind is permanently tuned to the darkness in the hearts of humans. I embody all the evil, pettiness and insecurities possible in all humans, so I understand all of that in other people. It is extremely rare to find someone who is free from all this, as everyone is flawed.

3. Physical attributes

I do not care for big tits.

Smell is very important. I trust nature has given humans the olfactory senses to sniff out good genes. Most women smell of Nivea body milk or other chemicals. Poor women (and men) smell of Softlan. I can distinguish the smells of around a dozen shampoos and perfumes (Clairol Herbal Essence, Tresemme[which I use], Rejoice), evaluating her financial stability, taste or even medical condition.

For example, if a girl smells of Sastid, she probably suffers from skin condition, maybe ringworms (kurap) or shingles (kurap. Herpes).

I am turned off by Poppinjay soap smell because that's what my mother and her friends used when I was a child.

Some women also smell of milk or talcum powder. These are usually mothers or are in the vicinity of children/babies. Not good.

Some girls smell of bak kut teh or fried chicken. No comment.

Some women mix oils to make their own perfumes/body spray/body oils. Vanilla is good, while those preferring a tangy citrus scent belies their problems with BO.

I myself suffered from BO as a child and teen, so when I discovered Thai sex workers have no smell, I was and am quite impressed.

4. Psychology

I am emotionally unstable, prone to mood swings due to my heightened intellect. So if the girl is emotional as well, we would have a bad time. Unfortunately, a lot of women are emotional and those who aren't are also quite normally no fun.

Some men manipulate and take advantage of a woman's emotional instability to get everything - sex, money, a sense of superiority to mask their many deficiencies. I have no such intentions because I believe these things to be primitive.

Some girls also tried to manipulate me. I do to them what I do to people who tried to lie or manipulate me - I killed them all and buried their bodies somewhere in Lake Garden.

5. Trust

The basis for any relationship is trust. Since I do not trust anyone, I can never have any relationship.

I believe that deep down inside, humans are evil, selfish and scared. This is their id. This is the thing that kept our ancestors safe from bigger mammals and reptiles. Entire civilisations and our greatest achievements in society, science and whatever else came from fear and paranoia.

That vestigial instinct of fight or flight when encountering something threatening is sure to make its appearance when girls meet me because I am always a threat.

Nevertheless, I must be able to trust someone to be in any kind of relationship. So far, the only thing that has worked is my tendency to limit my trust to certain things and security levels.

6. Conclusion

This was my list. An impossible list, which seemed more like an excuse not to open up to any human. But there it is.

Several years ago, I let this list go, in favour of trying to live like a normal person. I found that I didn't like it, and people started to annoy me even more than before.

Humans - not just girls - also have a heightened sense of  themselves, immediately thinking I am affected by them. This arrogance, when I have worked so long and so hard to ensure I am not affected by any human - to some degree of success.

I don't care. How many times do I need to repeat this message before it sounds hollow?

In the end, I can sum it up like this - I have never loved anyone other than myself. Now back to work (which I love).

Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Trifecta

Neil Gaiman (Chaos Be Upon Him) said that in order for you to traverse the choppy waters of freelance whatever, you need to be two of three things.

You are either:

1. The best at what you do
2. Extremely reliable
3. Extremely likeable

You may not have to be the best, but if you deliver on time, according to specifications and if dealing with you is a pleasure, you will get jobs and you will get paid and you will survive.

You may be the best, and people like dealing with you, but you are often late and tend to disappear. No matter. You will also survive.

Or you might get things on time and you are the best. But you tend to fuck your clients up. You will still get business because you are simply the best and most reliable option.

If you rely on only one thing, you will fail.

So choose two or be three out of three.

For the Man Who Has Everything

I have been writing - or trying to write - a love story, and I encountered a problem. I don't feel anything anymore.

This short film, for example, used to make me cry. I don't anymore. I just don't care. Failing to find the rhythm to the love story I'm writing, I fell back on well-known, tried and tested literary conventions. Writing tricks. Structure. I know it will work as a story, but I just don't feel anything. It seems contrived, fake. Shallow.

 I reached out to other writers - people I trust - and I find that I was still trying to solve the issue with a workman-like attitude. It's how I have always approached a lot of things - I keep pounding at it until I hack off - from my self - a product that can be good and in some parts possibly great. But I do not love. And it is not sad. 

I look at everything in this world today, and all I see are reviews, lines, how I can describe it in a sentence or how it is impossible to describe - and how to describe that. I be with people, and I judge and gauge what goes on in their minds, what's their motivation, their character arc, their secret fears and what they will end up thinking.

I see beautiful girls and all I can think off is how girls in Thailand are more beautiful. Or how they would have to take their long tresses and wind it up around their necks as they take a shit. Or how they use the world to make it all about them. Or how and what they lie about. People lie. All of them do.

I would come up with a bunch of psychological analysis, some Freudian, others Jungian, because this is really about me and how smart I am. I am so smart, I don't have to lie. This is the lie I tell myself, because lying would make my life easier. I am just too damn arrogant to do so.

Girls like to play games. They want to feel special. All humans do. I find that to be primitive. Base. I believe we should evolve into higher beings.

It is not sad because I am not unhappy. I am content with my life. I know huge changes are coming, as they always do, and I am old enough not to get too excited at possibilities. Just because something can happen doesn't mean it will.

And if nothing happens, I will be as I am, which is fine. Writing something when you don't feel it is painful. Which is why I am going back to basics. I am going to write this. This thing I just wrote. I am going to put this into the story. About a man who do not and can not love.

But first, some corporate work. These days, I find more life in doing some of these things.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Furi Kuri


The greatest coming of age story is not The Body  by Stephen King (Stand By Me was the movie adaptation). It is FLCL or FuriKuri or Fooly Cooly.

Hahahaha! Thank you! I have an idea now.


Tales in the Sand

There are stories I have been writing in my head for the past 14 years.

The oldest is something I wish to turn into a comic book. It's a grand project of fantasy fiction, combining whatever South East Asian mythologies I like in a world of political intrigue and tactics. The stakes are always extremely high for each of the characters.

This is the most complex story I have ever developed and it is still not written yet - not fully. I have shared the details with numerous people and while I trust them not to plagiarise my ideas, my only consolation is I am the only person who can write it the way it should be written.

It combines mythology, Heroes of Might and Magic, classic sword and sorcery conventions, obscure HK manhua, Islamic legends as well as Army of Darkness. All things I enjoyed growing up.

Another is a take on space opera and mecha anime. Yet another is a superhero pastiche. Right now, though, there is something more human, more Ghibli and Gainax I am trying to crack, while doing some work for an anthology I am editing.

Need to do this right. At 4.33am, I can't think neither straight nor gay. So I'm rambling and rambling and tomorrow I need to buy a phone. And yeah, there's that quotation I need to send.

Oh well. I'm riding on this energy that will carry these things forward. I just need to figure out the formula for that one. The one I'm doing. The one where I had a story, but think I can do better.

Back to basics. Keep it simple. Come on.

I sleep first la.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Back to Basics

My father often asks about what people in KL eat, because to him, human existence revolves around very basic needs - food, clothing, shelter.

For a long time, I thought this was backwards thinking. Surely, a maturing civilisation and the march of progress means humans - Malaysians as well, even though some are monkeys - can focus on more elaborate and sophisticated constructs and themes. Democracy, for example, or spiritual enlightenment, economic progress, luxury and value-added living.

I believe that I have come full circle by acknowledging the fact that if we, as humans and Malaysians, can go back to basics, we can finally and fully attain all these complex things.

For example, Bunohan is widely regarded as one of the best films from Malaysia in the past 30 years, if not THE best. For me, that accolade of being the best Malaysian film is Kami, the one with Sudirman in the '80s. Some people like Yasmin Ahmad movies, others KL Gangster, Ombak Rindu, Kil, Sembilu, Perempuan, Isteri dan Jalang, etc.

What these great movies have in common is  respect for the basics. Bunohan is just - to me - pure flawless textbook execution of theme, character, story and shots. Ombak Rindu played on the base instincts of the audience, while Sembilu was groundbreaking in its simple concept and cross-medium offering.

Kil's appeal to me is the earnestness and love for filmmaking the makers displayed through their craft. Yasmin Ahmad's films and Kami were a masterclass in the basic premise of appealing to your base emotions, and the thought that underneath everything, humans are good people.

In the SlamDunk manga, Anzai always harped on the importance of basic skills and basic training. Journalists always fall back on basic techniques when writing. Those who try to break the rules without knowing what rules are in place and why they are there, would usually fail miserably. Or flounder in bewilderment as to why things turn out in certain ways.

Anzai had a promising student who moved to the States, thinking, "If I breathed the air there, I would jump higher." No such thing, and he floundered because despite the amazing potential, he recklessly disregarded core basic skills.

I believe that in the race for gimmicky innovation and 'making an impact', many creative people and creative projects suffered with their basics. This makes some creative projects hollow, because the basics are the core of anything. Remove the core, and you have something that makes a loud sound but really has no substance.

I believe that lots of Malaysian films are being rejected by the Malaysian audience (on average) simply because the films are no longer well-made due to the disregard to the basics. We are all perhaps valuing ourselves much too highly to be bothered by the basics, and pride would always come before the fall.

When I first started writing, I had only one dream - to do comics properly. That was my one and only drive. I love the two great styles of storytelling in comics - Western and Japanese. I want to go back to my roots and enjoy myself - because that is my core. I'm a wanker.

Woke Up In The Morning, Grabbed Myself a Gun

I woke up to take my meds. I hope I'll wake up again tomorrow for yet another meeting, and that I won't wake up to more bullshit in this country.

A friend last night pointed out Syahredzan Johar's piece about 'Entitled Malay Muslims'. Read it here.

He's saying that Malay Muslims should not be offended by non-Muslims eating and drinking in front of them during Ramadan and that Malay Muslims are essentially tyrants shitting on the fundamental rights of everyone.

I was about to write a long retort, but then I had a massive fart and realised I'm much too busy for this shit. Let's just laugh at Alvin and Vivian, the affable Team Jongang of lore.

While they are Chinese, I do not believe all Chinese are as stupid as Team Jongang and think themselves way smarter than the buck-toothed capybaras they are.

Alvivi Sex Tape

I do not believe in grand sweeping statements about any group of people. I tend to hate lots of gaggles of girl groups, but I'd fuck at least one member any time.

Likewise the grand sweeping statements on entitled Malay Muslims by a Malay Muslim apologist. I agree with most of what is said by Syahredzan - there are instances of persecution and discrimination based on Islam in this country. Revathi's case comes to mind - a case not a single fucking shithead politician on any divide, NGO of any pretentious posturing or any apologist apologising for anything has ever cared to champion. My problem is only with the grand sweeping statements made.

I am not fasting for five days due to health issues. Just today, I drank and smoked in front of no less than six Internet celebrities - all of them Malay Muslims - and they didn't give a fuck.

I don't have a car so I don't park everywhere. I tend to leave that to my Hindu neighbours who plonk their vehicles in a massive orgy outside my apartment building, next to a temple for the God Siva - the God of Destruction. They're most welcome to, cause I don't care.

My apologies for being unapologetic. I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. So take your approval-seeking populist apology, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it up your hairy ass.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Team Jongang: Sakit Gigi dan Isu Alvivi

Aku tak puasa hari ni, jadi aku nak maki orang bodoh.

Selepas tiga hari sakit gigi, aku baru jumpa dentist hari ni. Doktor gigi aku cakap aku punya pre-molar belah kiri aku mungkin baru nak kena jangkitan, sebab tampalan kat situ dalam sangat.

Dia bagi dua pilihan rawatan:

1. Ambik antibiotik selama lima hari

ATAU

2. Buat root canal kat gigi tu.

Dia syorkan aku ambik antibiotik dulu, mana tau kalau-kalau jangkitan tu boleh dicegah dan dipulihkan dengan hanya antibiotik yang agak hebat (mahal). Kelemahan cara ni ialah aku tak boleh puasa selama lima hari.

Whatever la, bro. Aku sekarang ada sebab kukuh untuk tak berpuasa - aku tengah makan antibiotik. Dan aku bersyukur, gigi aku masih agak sempurna, kalau dibandingkan dengan gigi Vivian daripada kumpulan pelawak kurang ajar Alvin dan Vivian, juga dikenali sebagai Alvivi. Aku panggil diorang Team Jongang.

Team Jongang dulu menggemparkan dunia orang yang tak pernah tengok porn dengan buat sex-tape sendiri. Aku dah tengok video lucah tersebut dan aku hanya ada komen ini: industri perfileman Malaysia masih di takuk lama.

Kemudian, selepas menerangkan yang mereka mahu 'famous' macam Kim Kardashian, Team Jongang masih tak famous lagi. Aku syak ini pasal gigi jongang, tapi mungkin jugak sebab orang Malaysia masih lain daripada orang US, dan Team Jongang, seperti biasa, tidaklah sepandai yang mereka berangankan.

Aku tak pernah endahkan Team Jongang, sebab aku faham apa yang mereka mahu lakukan - mendapatkan perhatian dan dengan itu menjana wang. Kalau akaun YouTube, Twitter dan Facebook mereka mendapat beratus ribu subscriber, mereka boleh dapat RATUSAN ringgit! Pakcik (Jongang) Kayooo!

Aku juga mahu mempertahankan hak bersuara mereka dalam negara yang kadang-kadang ada kebebasan bersuara ini. Ini, walaupun aku tak bersetuju dengan apa yang mereka suarakan - sebuah video lucah berkualiti rendah oleh dua ekor yang sangka mereka pencetus revolusi, penggempar industri! Huh! Daru 9-2! Eh, sorry, tersasul.

Jadi, reaksi aku pada masa itu sama dengan ramai warga Malaysia yang lain - pergilah mampus. Ko nak tayang puki dan konek tak seberapa dengan teknik kelamin picisan itu, silakan. AKu takkan bazirkan bandwidth kurniaan Kerajaan (Ooooo, terima kasih, Kerajaan!) pada aku dengan memuatturun satu produk yang jauh tidak berkualiti kalau dibandingkan karya lucah Roman-Nikkatsu di Jepun dan gelombang Category III di HK.

Gagal menarik minat masyarakat Malaysia dengan video lucah jongang,  tidak dicalonkan dalam Anugerah Bintang Popular, Festival Filem Malaysia, mahupun menjadi artis Mentor, Team Jongang dalam keadaan seperti telur (puyuh) di hujung tanduk (kambing).

Mereka buat satu posting di Facebook, tunjuk diorang tengah makan Bak Kut Teh (sup babi), dan mengucapkan Selamat Berbuka Puasa kepada semua Umat Islam, dan cuba 'mempromosi' Bak Kut Teh kepada orang Islam Malaysia.

Bila orang mula marah, aku bagitau kat semua yang sanggup mendengar leteran aku - "Diorang ni cuma nakkan perhatian, jadi jangan bagi perhatian. Biar dia mampus takleh join AF musim baru."

Juga, atas dasar kebebasan bersuara, aku fikir Team Jongang wajar diberikan ruang untuk menjeritkan mesej mereka yang cuba mengapikan sentimen keagamaan. Di bulan Puasa.

Biar je. Aku fikir reaksi pandai untuk Team Jongang hanya ada dua:

1. Biar je dia nak buat statement-statement macam tu. Rekod, buat poster besar-besar, jaja kat setiap pelusuk Malaysia. Ko nak famous, kan, Team Jongang? Kami boleh buat kau famous nak mampus. Biarlah Team Jongang menjadi simbol kekurangajaran sesetengah rakyat Malaysia. Moga mereka hidup selamanya sebagai peringatan kepada semua. Patut buat tugu untuk Team Jongang. Patut masuk muzium. Atau zoo.

ATAU

2. Ambil tindakan sekeras-kerasnya dengan semua undang-undang yang ada. Kalau tak cukup, letak dua kilo heroin dalam spender atau belakang gigi Team Jongang. Hukuman gantung mandatori. Nak buat, buat betul-betul.

Malang tidak berbulu, orang Malaysia mengambil jalan tengah. Diorang buat laporan polis. Je. Team Jongang patut jumpa MCMC pagi tadi, tapi mengekalkan tema kurang ajar, datang lewat 45 minit.

Haih.

Kau nak buat apa, MCMC? Huh? PDRM? Takde senario yang aku fikir akan menguntungkan ko.

Malaysia terlepas peluang mengabadikan Team Jongang sebagai simbol pemodenan negara. Dan tindakan Team Jongang merosakkan perjuangan kebebasan bersuara apabila pihak konservatif akan menggunakan mereka sebagai senjata melawan pihak liberal (yang betul, bukan yang main-main penipu macam bebudak URBAN sekarang).

Tengok macam aku. Bila gigi sakit, aku tak mengambil jalan tengah, sebaliknya memilih antara dua langkah yang logik. Sebab apa? Sebab aku pandai. Ya, bila aku cakap aku pandai, maknanya aku cakap ko bodoh.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Shell



This is the intro to the first Ghost in the Shell movie. This is a cartoon from my youth.

It's a story about a world that has embraced highly-advanced cybernetic technology. The protagonist is Makoto Kusanagi, a law-enforcement/military officer who has implanted her brain to a full android body, making her a cyborg.

Oh, by the way:

android = a robot that looks human.
cyborg = a combination of human and robot.

Ghost in the Shell asks this philosophical question - what defines us as humans? With Makoto, she retains her brain and consciousness as a human, but functions totally with her robotic body. Is she still human? On what basis? Is it merely our consciousness that defines us as human?

What if something other than human attains self-awareness?

In the first movie, Makoto tracks down a singularity - a computer programme that has gained sentience. The self-aware programme jumps from one host to the other, just like Makoto replaces one body with the next, should she need to. GiTS is, indeed, very deeply philosophical and the manga extends the exploration of humanity with the ego and image in a world where none of this matters that much.

You can have avatars in communication so someone who is taking a crap can make it seem as if they are in full office garb or old people can seem to be three cool guys with a naked cat-woman/sphinx at their feet.

In GiTS: Stand Alone Complex, GiTS goes mass psychology - something I am very interested in.

'Stand Alone Complex' is just a term they came up with to refer to a phenomenon where non-related, yet  similar actions of unconnected individuals create the illusion of a concerted effort. I encounter this in mass campaigns or even in the habit of watching movies, how word of mouth travels or even pop culture, politics and media/communication.

I don't think or study these things so I can manipulate people on a mass scale, but simply as an intrigued observer. I believe using anything from that is unethical.

Here I copy from Wikipedia:

The main antagonist of the series, Goda, attempts to spark a revolution by what he terms "data manipulation" in other words, fulfilling pre-requisite conditions of a Stand Alone Complex. By manipulating the fear and frustration of the repressed Chinese refugees in Japanese society, as well as creating false information which is then "leaked" to the police and Public Security Section 9, a terrorist organization calling itself "The Individual Eleven" emerges. However with each terrorist incident, including an attempted assassination on the Prime Minister, it becomes clear that nothing connects the incidents together besides a logo, which had been "leaked" by Goda. In other words, "The Individual Eleven" is an organization constructed by a Stand Alone Complex - a group of self-interested individuals with no connection or ties to each other but unconsciously and collectively act towards the common purpose of revolution. Goda notes that there is a tendency within a Stand Alone Complex for the masses to unconsciously project their inadequacies and common desires onto a leader. In the first Stand Alone Complex this was the Laughing Man and in Ghost in the Shell: S.A.C. 2nd GIG this figure is unconsciously realized in the form of Hideo Kuze.

A similar existential question is also asked by Serial Experiment: Lain. In SEL, it is suggested that reality exists simply because of multiple perceptions of people believe it so. For example, Jay-Z exists simple because a number of people believes and perceives he exists.

Going by that, a self-aware computer tries to hack into the minds of several people - a family and a few girls - and make them perceive a girl called Lain. It was an experiment by the artificial intelligence that has gained sentience to send an ambassador into the human world.

SEL also referenced real-world experiments to store data - information - in the atmosphere, just as Tesla thought it was possible to do away with wires and simply broadcast electricity. Since the computer's binary language is just ones and zeroes and all computer circuitry is just  either in an off or on state to simulate the values one and zero, the theory was to realign charges in the atmosphere as positive (ones) and negative (zeroes) in such a way that computers can access it.

Using the same concept, it is theoretically possible to programme the human brain. Of course, this is sci-fi, so anything that could happen, happens. And we see a girl who doesn't exist, wearing bear pyjamas and using an old Apple computer - the Navi.

So what does this mean for people who want to write? Or are writing? I dunno. I don't bother myself with messages or construct something with such deep underlying philosophy. Whenever I do, nobody gets it because I understand each human experience is unique and nobody shares the same perception of anything.

Oh well. I hit my word target tonight. Time to sleep. Hope I can wake up to a naked cyborg beside me.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

We The People

What constantly amuses me is the fact that most people are pissed off that there are so many differing views on something or even anything.

They are consistently surprised when they meet or read views that are different than theirs. I find their shock to be funny.

For instance, the so-called 'liberals' in KL are often shocked when some people don't share their 'liberal' views. And some 'pro-democratic' supporters just can't take it when there are people who value other forms.

We can see this in movies and music. Most people are mortified with the Justin Bieber phenomenon, or the huge interest with Twilight the past few years. Perhaps as horrified as their parents were when they started listening to Queen or Nirvana or watched porn.

What IS shocking, really? The very foundation of democracy and capitalism is to allow and even promote differing views, settling it with a vote either through a political election or the daily market election where consumers vote with their money.

Let's look at age of consent. In the US, the age of consent is 18. Meaning you can have sex at 18 and get married at that age (though you can be convicted for a murder as an adult, at 14. Go figure.). UK has it at 16. In Thailand, it is legal for you to work in a bar at 18, but illegal for you to consume alcohol or even frequent a bar until you are 21.

In the old days, you can marry at 9 years of age, perhaps younger. In some parts of the world, this is still true, though most modern civilisations peg the marrying age at the legal 18. Or 16.

Who determines all these things? Why, we do. Laws are set by the people. This IS our social contract, bound in a legal manner. Borders are merely imaginary lines we set so one set of rules apply on some parts of the earth and another in other parts.

Democratic concepts push for a variety of views, and even have safeguards to protect the minority views and groups. Even in business, minority shareholders still have some protection. So owning 51% of a company - say, Wayne Enterprises or Stark Industries - does not mean you can do as you like and fund your cave-spelunking, BASE-diving, bridge-jumping hobby using experimental products your company is developing in R&D.

In fact, rules and laws can be exploited so much by minorities that South Africa was under minority rule - Apartheid - for quite a number of years. It took a whole bunch of revolutionaries and Mandela to make it majority rule once more.

A similar situation exists in Israel. The Palestinian numbers are growing faster than the Israelis. Israel would have two options - recognise Palestine or allow every Palestinian the right to vote. Being the majority, we could see a Palestinian head of state for Israel. There is a third option - kill them all or leave them out for the zombies to eat. Highly unlikely.

My point is - differences in opinions and views should not be the basis of despair and distraught. It should be celebrated. The difference in opinion drove the Edison-Tesla rivalry, the Jobs-Gates business feud, Galileo versus the Catholic church, Freud vs Jung, the list goes on.

What humanity needs to evolve out of is emotion. Our politics usually degrade into hate-filled catchphrases, charged with racist and bigoted agenda.

"Buy Chinese last". "Melayu malas". "India mabuk". Hmph. Primitives.

Monday, July 8, 2013

The New Adventures of Boron (World's Most Boring Man)

I am finally back from a 10pm meeting and I am fucking tired.

Today started with attending the launch of Roman - a publishing house by my friend Nizam Bakeri. After hitting it big with Pecah under Buku Fixi, Nizam is now off to set his own thing.

Then, I hitched a ride with eternally cool poetry publisher Sufian Abas to TTDI where I was the earliest guy for Anas Zubedy's pitch for the campaign #SaySomethingNice. #SaySomethingNice is a wonderful idea - between August 31 - Sept 16, Malaysians should say something nice to each other. Like, "Nice ass" or "Nice tits", or "Even though I believe that Anwar Ibrahim - like any other politician - is an unscrupulous, self-centered liar, I also believe he is necessary to keep the other unscrupulous, self-centered liars in BN in check." Or "I think Mimi Morticia is a smart girl, besides her beauty. And nice ass."

I was already tired, so I shared with everyone my hatred for politicians - which is totally the wrong energy for this kind of thing.

Anyway, I met Saw Teong Hin - the guy who directed PGL and Horee Horee, as well as some cool dudes and dudettes.

All this while, I was doing some copywriting using my Blackberry, and sending it to a friend waiting for it.

After Anas Zubedy's thing, I went home and did more copywriting before being whisked away back to TTDI for a 10pm meeting with a comics artist.

We hatched new plans and schemes and kept ourselves updated with the gossip in the creative industry.

Then I went home, where I did some stuff for some family members - while being hounded for another quotation for another project - and am now tired beyond ghastly belief, but sated and satisfied somehow.

It's been a while since I worked this hard. I hope there will be no meetings tomorrow so I can sleep in, and maybe finish my novel and start on a new comics script.

I once intimated to a friend that sometimes I find it difficult to do anything, unless it is heroic in nature. Well, today was heroic. If only I can fuck a girl in the ass or something, then this day would be complete.


Thursday, July 4, 2013

Tok Sukaria: Parti Di Hujung Dunia

Aku percaya yang  filem memberi gambaran atau petunjuk untuk sesebuah masyarakat atau negara.

Contohnya, semasa penyebaran kuasa imperialis Amerika, kita ada filem-filem Rambo keluar dari sana, juga filem Rocky IV yang menunjukkan wish-fulfillment rakyat Amerika - orang mereka mebelasah hati keras Rusia (Rocky IV), pergi menang semula perang Vietnam untuk US (Rambo II, siri Missing in Action)menyekat kemaraan Rusia dan membantu pejuang berhemah di Afghanistan (Rambo III). Juga, Red Dawn yang menunjukkan sekumpulan pelajar sekolah menengah US menentang invasi Rusia. (Terima kasih Cracked.com!)

Filem-filem ini mengaut keuntungan di box office sebab berjaya meluahkan rasa hati rakyat Amerika.

Industri filem Malaysia yang bagi aku macam hidup segan mati tak mahu tahun ini, ialah satu petunjuk yang mengimbas realiti sosio-politik Malaysia.

Dibebankan oleh kesilapan-kesilapan lampau- membuat filem hanya untuk segelintir rakyat Malaysia, isu perkauman, penapisan tidak sekata, menganggap audience bodoh, tak bayar orang, bekerja sambil lewa, perasan bagus - semua dosa industri filem sekarang nampak sudah ada hasilnya.

Tahun lepas, 76 filem tempatan mencatatkan kerugian RM26 juta di pawagam. Tahun ini, 2013, nampaknya mungkin ada pola yang sama.

Aku - dan beberapa rakan lain - merasakan bahawa apocalypse atau kiamat industri perfileman tempatan ialah sesuatu yang akan terjadi, sama ada cepat atau lambat.

Tak perlu risau - ini semua pernah terjadi dulu. Di Indonesia, pada tahun '80an dan awal '90an, industri perfileman mereka ranap dan pada satu masa, hanya filem-filem soft-porn yang keluar. Aku masih ingat liputan ini di dalam akhbar Berita Harian, pasal CD filem Cewek Atas Cowok ialah salah satu atau satu-satunya filem hit tahun itu.

Malaysia juga, pada masa itu, hanya tinggal beberapa orang penggiat filem. Yang keluar panggung, aku ingat banyak filem-filem komedi. AR Badul (Hantu Siang, Pang5 Badul, Si Jantung Hati), Mat Sentul (Mat Tenggek, Mat Bond, Mat Spy), Os (Awang Spanar, OK)Keluarga Si Comat, Da Di Du.

Malah, pada tahun 1985, hanya lima (5) filem dihasilkan. Salah satunya, Ali Setan dan satu lagi, Bujang Selamat (sumber: Filemkita.com). Yang lain? Anak Niat, Kumpulan O dan Roda-Roda.

Aku tau dan pernah tengok filem-filem ni pun, pasal filem-filem ni keluar TV masa Raya. Aku tak tengok kat panggung. Malah, filem pertama aku tengok kat panggung ialah King Peacock - filem Hong Kong.

Pada masa ni, filem tempatan belum mati. Masih ada XX Ray (1992), Perempuan, Isteri Dan Jalang (1993), namun kejayaan komersil yang gah - filem tempatan blockbuster - belum tercapai. Malah, kalau tak silap aku, untuk beberapa lama, hanya filem Police Story lakonan Jackie Chan yang berjaya mengaut keuntungan lebih RM10 juta di pawagam. Ini berdasarkan iklan Police Story III di dada akhbar pada masa tu.

Kemudian, datang Yusof Haslam daripada kejayaannya di TV membuat siri Remang-Remang Kotaraya (macam Chips) dan Ops Belantara (macam Nam: Tour of Duty), dia buat Sembilu pada tahun 1994, Sembilu 2, tahun berikutnya. Sembilu mencatat kutipan RM4.2 juta, kalau tak silap aku. Lepas tu, Sembilu 2 dapat dalam RM6 juta.

Aku ingat ni pun, pasal Yusof Haslam pada masa itu digelar Four-Million Dollar Man dan kemudian Six Million Dollar Man, bukan pasal dia mirip cyborg, tapi pasal kutipan filemnya di panggung. Kalau salah fakta ni, sorry ya?

Aku rasa industri filem menghala ke arah zaman itu. Ada rakan aku yang membuat tilikan lebih teruk - "industri filem akan berkubur macam industri filem Indonesia satu masa dahulu, kemudian akan dibina semula hanya oleh mereka yang betul-betul mahu buat filem."

Aku fikir, bagus juga. Biarkan industri ini mati secara semulajadi, kemudian bina semula dengan kesungguhan dan niat yang baru. Aku nak pakai perkataan 'iltizam' tadi, tapi rasa cam Anwar Ibrahim pulak.

Bayangkan hanya Dain Said dan Nik Amir buat filem. Bagus! Dain Said tak perlukan duit dan Nik Amir tak kisah pasal duit. Duit bukan faktor utama dalam hidup mereka (aku rasalah). Jadi, kita akan dapat lagi banyak filem yang bagus.

Yang takde? Variety. Kepelbagaian. Dapatlah lima filem setahun, macam 1985. Pelakon, krew semua beralih ke TV. Jangan bimbang. Audience TV ramai, sebab free. AKu rasa Media Prima dengan Astro je dah catat lebih RM3 billion pendapatan setahun. Rasanyalah. Aku bukan junkie Bursa Malaysia nak baca diorang punya reports.

Tapi persoalan industri sekarang ada dua yang aku fikir takkan dapat diselesaikan tanpa menghancurkan industri ini terlebih dahulu:

1. Ketiadaan audience untuk menonton filem
2. Menjadikan industri ini berdikari, tanpa bantuan dan halangan kerajaan

Ketiadaan audience amat jelas. Aku anggarkan, hanya ada 500,000 orang rakyat Malaysia yang menonton filem tempatan secara aktif (box-office tertinggi: RM12 juta = 1.2 juta tiket ~ 500,000 penonton). Angka ini amat lemah jika dibandingkan dengan populasi 28 juta orang.

Untuk membina segmen pasaran baru, stigma filem tempatan ini hanya untuk Melayu dan mat rempit harus dihapuskan. Orang 'urban' semua bangga cakap, "Aku tak tengok filem Melayu". Setiap kali ada di antara mereka cakap macam tu dengan bangga, satu popcorn mati. Dan kita cuma ada 500,000 pop corn.

Ini bukan salah diorang. Industri filem tempatan gagal menarik minat audience yang baru, sekarang audience lama pun dah bosan, kalau ikut kutipan tahun lepas dan tahun ni, setakat ini. Tanpa ihsan mereka, tak guna belanjakan duit buat filem. Baik berniaga manusia, kata Usin Lempoyang.

Yang satu lagi - menjadikan industri filem tempatan berdikari takkan tercapai tanpa sokongan penonton dengan wang ringgit dan masa diorang. Nak jual merchandise - lagilah kena ada ramai orang suka. Upin dan Ipin menjual berjuta ringgit merchandise sebab orang suka. Kalau filem ko pun tak laku, ko ingat orang nak beli t-shirt ko?

Nak buat product placement? Audience marah. Ko tengok MySpy dengan product placement Celcom. Yang tak marah cuma Hantu Gangster, aku dengar cerita lah.

Kerajaan ada menyumbang dana untuk membuat filem, tetapi ini cuma suntikan palsu. Ujian litmus sebenar ialah penerimaan penonton. Sistem penapisan mereka pula mengehadkan jenis filem yang boleh dibuat dan apa yang boleh ditunjukkan. Aku tak suka penapisan di sini atau di mana-mana sebab bukan semua yang hendak diluahkan oleh masyarakat itu kena, selari dengan agenda dan dogma politik mereka yang memegang kuasa.

Selepas kemusnahan industri filem tempatan, kita boleh bina balik, kalau nak. Mungkin ambil masa 10-20 tahun, mungkin lebih. Nanti jadi cam Indonesia, which is not bad.

Atau, tiba-tiba ramai gila orang pergi tengok filem tempatan, which is fantastic.

Apa yang aku rasa paling teruk boleh terjadi, kalau semua benda kekal sama - setiap tahun, penggiat dan pengusaha filem habis duit berjuta-juta, buat filem yang orang taknak tengok. Bazir masa, bazir duit. Sebab itu mesti UBAH!

Jadi, sama ada ramai gila orang tengok filem tempatan dan beri suntikan baru pada industri ini, atau jahanamkan kesemuanya, bakar kesemuanya dan biar dia naik balik sendiri dari abu, macam burung cenderawasih, dengan audience baru dan semangat baru, kalau mampu.

Nah, ini senario industri filem tempatan. Bagaimana ini merujuk kepada keadaan cuaca sosio-politik Malaysia? Bincangkan tidak melebihi 500 harkat.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Tok Sukaria Melancarkan Jurus Hikmat Sukaria

Entah kenapa, sebaik saja aku meletakkan jawatan kat Media Prima pada bulan April, sampai sekarang tak kurang daripada tiga syarikat berbeza dan beberapa rakan yang bertanya kepada aku soalan ini:

"Bagaimana menembusi pasaran Melayu?"

Jawapan aku biasanya: "Kalau aku tahu, aku dah kaya dan dah bersara."

Industri kreatif di negara ini, contohnya, disokong hampir sepenuhnya oleh satu bahagian kecil orang Melayu.

Kita ambil muzik. Siapa beli album, download ringtone, pergi konsert artis tempatan, tak kira la bangsa artis tu apa?

Orang bandar yang mendabik dada intelektual dan pandai, bijak serba-serbi dan mahukan "sesuatu yang boleh 'dibanggakan'", pernahkah membeli mana-mana album artis tempatan?

Jualan album muzik jatuh merudum, kalau dibandingkan dua tiga dekad lepas. Dulu, kalau nak dapat piring emas, kena jual paling kurang 50,000 unit album. Lagi lama dulu, 100,000 unit. Sekarang? 20,000 unit terjual pun dah dikira berjaya nak mampus.

Aku bukan orang pertama cakap pasal benda ni. Ramai dah wartawan hiburan yang tulis.

Orang bandar? Orang bandar, dengan Unifinya, YES4G nya, aku fikir kebanyakannya lebih suka download secara haram. Duit ada, nak download halal ada, tapi buat apa nak bagi duit kat artis? Tak standard la, dengar muzik tempatan.

Jadi yang beli, orang kampung takde internet.

Filem Malaysia? Siapa pergi tengok? Siapa yang masih pergi tengok filem tempatan? Rempit, pondan, bebudak. Ko hantarlah print filem ke pawagam kat bandar-bandar - sapa nak belanjakan wang ringgit, habiskan masa sejam lebih tengok cerita kau?

Orang kampung jugak yang bersemangat. Orang bukan-KL. Masa Merong tayang kat pawagam dulu, aku follow dari jauh perkembangan kutipannya. Setiap minggu, Norman KRU buat video, macam nak announce puasa, pasal kat mana kutipan yang bagus.

Aku ingat lepas 2-3 minggu, Pahang, Johor, Kedah, Putrajaya dan kawasan yang dekat dengan Shah Alam (Klang) yang tak ada pawagam tapi ada 69% Melayu (terima kasih, GE13) yang banyak lagi orang tengok.

Masa Kil baru-baru ni, aku dengar kat Alamanda Putrajaya hampir penuh, tapi kat Cheras tiga orang je dalam panggung.

Kalau kita lihat KL Gangster - box office terbesar dalam sejarah filem tempatan - RM12 juta lebih kurang - kita dapat menelaah yang daripada 1.2 juta tiket terjual (lebih kurang), kita ada mungkin maksimum 500 ribu penonton filem tempatan (lebih kurang).

Daripada jumlah 28 juta penduduk, 500,000 orang ni lah ko nak harap datang tengok filem kau, dengar muzik kau, baca buku kau. Siapa 500,000 ni?

Aku percaya, 500,000 ni mereka yang masih sukakan hiburan tempatan. Mereka inilah yang membanjiri shopping mall bila ada Jelajah ABPBH, yang berpanas kat padang masa JomHeboh dan kempen Jelajah Janji Ditepati. Juga Marhaban Astro, Gempak Astro, Pesona Bersama Bintang dan lain-lain.

Aku sempat follow JJD dan ABPBH dalam masa dua tahun, dan aku nampak betapa bersemangatnya diorang ni. Diorang ni la yang rempuh pintu kaca PWTC pada tahun 2003/2004 masa reveal peserta Akademi Fantasia musim pertama kali pertama selepas show tu hit. Sampai pecah.

Aku suka tengok langkah pemasaran WWE - World Wrestling Entertainment (dulu WWF) - sebab aku amat menghormati langkah yang mereka ambil untuk memasarkan sesuatu yang dulunya hanya ada segelintir peminat tegar yang rata-rata datang daripada kelompok miskin US.

WWE sekarang bernilai US$1.7 billion. Ya. Billion. B. Sapa kata gusti tu bodoh? Ko? Ko ada US$1.7 billion? Kalau takde, ko lagi bodoh daripada gusti.

Empayar WWE merangkumi permainan video, filem-filem murahan (tapi berjaya buat duit macam siri Marine, 12 Rounds, etc) barangan seperti t-shirt, topi, sarung tangan buih plastik besar.

Asas WWE ialah roadshow diorang, sebab gusti ni mula popular sebagai sebahagian karnival atau pesta atas tanah yang rata-rata penuh penipuan.

Diorang dulu hanya bergantung pada kutipan tiket peminat-peminat fanatik yang begitu teruja bila penggusti datang ke tempat mereka. Dan WWE secara tak malunya mempromosi benda-benda sensational seperti pergaduhan suami isteri, krisis keluarga, dendam kesumat, berebut bekas abu dan pelbagai elemen bangang, tapi menjadi.

Hasilnya, WWE diterima di hampir setiap negara dia lawat. Orang ramai berpusu-pusu membeli tiket, melemparkan wang mereka untuk tengok orang dewasa lawan acah-acah sambil menari di dalam gelanggang.

Seperti kata-kata Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, Triple H (Paul Levesque) bila ditanya kenapa produknya diterima di semua tempat, "Kami menjual cerita, dan cerita kami amat  mudah difahami - dua lelaki, seorang baik dan seorang jahat, masuk ke gelanggang. Seorang keluar sebagai pemenang, seorang keluar sebagai orang kalah."

Aku rasa apa yang kita boleh ambil daripada WWE ialah mereka mencipta satu produk yang dapat diterima oleh semua lapisan masyarakat. Maaf, hampir semua lapisan masyarakat. Orang bandar kat Malaysia yang sungguh genius dan tak menonton gusti sebab hanya orang bodoh menonton gusti takkan terlibat dengan pengalaman WWE. Mereka sungguh genius sampai semua rata-rata ada duit melebihi US$1.7 billion dalam akaun bank mereka.

Ini ialah jawapan aku sendiri kepada industri kreatif yang aku minati - aku ingin membuat karya yang berfungsi pada lapisan yang banyak. Kalau rempit nak tengok, rempit happy. Kalau pondan tengok, pondan happy. Kalau intelektual tengok, golongan intelektual boleh pergi mampus sebab intelektual kat Malaysia ni sama taraf dengan bulu kat lubang jubur taik aku je.

Satu perkara lagi - perkauman. Selama 40 tahun lebih, industri filem Malaysia dah jadi industri filem Melayu. Dibuat oleh orang Melayu, untuk orang Melayu. Jadi aku tak pelik kalau orang bukan Melayu bolayan dengan filem Melayu. Apa ada dalam filem Melayu untuk mereka?

Soalan sama boleh ditanya untuk golongan orang bandar yang ada duit melebihi US$1.7 billion ni semua. What's in it for them? Ini wajar ditanya sekiranya ada penggiat karya kreatif yang mahu membuka segmen baru pasaran dengan menarik pelbagai audience baru yang dulunya tidak menonton filem Malaysia.

Kalau filem macam KL Gangster ialah wish-fulfilment untuk mat rempit dan watak-watak dalam tu ialah superhero bagi rempit, dan Ombak Rindu ialah wish-fulfilment untuk wanita Melayu punya rape fantasy dengan Maya Karin seorang superhero gadis bertudung yang sanggup menundukkan seorang perogol menjadi lelaki baik hanya dengan menjadi mangsa - apa karya kau boleh beri pada golongan yang tak tengok filem tempatan? Sesuatu yang The Avengers tak boleh bagi?

Daripada kau tanya aku, macamana nak tembusi pasaran Melayu, baik kita semua tanya diri sendiri - macamana nak tembusi pasaran Malaysia.

Apakah jawapannya? Kalau aku tahu, aku dah ada US$1.7 billion. Tapi, tak salah untuk mencuba, malah digalakkan dan dialu-alukan. Aku pun mahu melihat industri kreatif berkembang.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Sang Elektron: Best HK Comics Character

Translated comics from Hong Kong were a staple for me in my younger days because US comics were too expensive and not enough translators were available for Japanese comics at the time. So we had Jademan, Jade Dynastry (Tony Wong), Jonesky (Ma Wing Shing) and Ocean Creative (Wan Yat Leung), mostly, as our very own manhua Marvel and DC.

The best character to have ever graced the pages of manhua is Sang Elektron. I have no idea what his real name is, probably Tony Loy. Sang Elektron is the only name I know him by, horribly translated by the people who brought those comics here.

Sang Elektron was part of the Blue Dream Syndicate, a leader of tier-2 warriors serving Blue Dream and Orga, and the board of directors.

However, Sang Elektron rebelled because he found out he and most of the others were physically brainwashed from remembering they were trained and tortured as small children in order to establish the Blue Dream Syndicate.

He started off with around half of the Blue Dream Syndicate supporting him, but one by one, they all fell into the evil brainwashing cult that is the Blue Dream Syndicate.

Sang Elektron found himself on the plains of Africa, fighting his enemies and former friends - in fact, the ENTIRE Tiger Shark universe of characters, except for three people who were either late or were hiding somewhere like a bunch of pussies.

That meant one man versus a literal army of super-powered warriors. To put it into perspective, imagine if Kuririn (another favourite character) of Dragonball Z had to fight the entire DBZ roster of characters, including Goku, Vegeta, Buu, Freeza, Cell, etc.

And he fought with honour, intelligence and spirit. The result? He killed over half of the Blue Dream Syndicate and would have killed everyone if not for Orga's interference. Orga is a dumbass.

And when he died, Sang Elektron stayed dead. This was before Tiger Shark became too ridiculous and everyone died and were reborn and died and reborn again, but he just stayed dead, and as long as he is, he will forever be a legend.

So Sang Elektron:

1. He rebelled against injustice and stood for what he believed in.
2. He didn't give a fuck what his friends or enemies thought.
3. He fought everyone for the sake of his ideals.
4. He made full use of his limited abilities. Compare this to overpowered idiots like Orga who never achieved his full potential because he's stupid, and later wanted to fuck his sister.
5. He almost won, but just scored 50% because of cowardly tactics.
6. He went away and died before his character got boring. And he stayed dead.

Sang Elektron - best manhua character ever.